


Bonded | Kylo Ren x Reader |

by supremexrenx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Cheating, Dom!Kylo, Drug Use, Edging, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Force Choking (Star Wars), Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Innappropriate use of the Force, Kidnapping, Light Bondage, Makeup Sex, Manipulation, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Revenge Sex, Shower Sex, Slapping, Slavery, Slow Burn, Voyeurism, Whiplash of emotions, blindfolded sex, kylo ren needs to chill, sub!Reader, the mask stays on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:07:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 132,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29344074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremexrenx/pseuds/supremexrenx
Summary: Ever since Luke Skywalker took you to train at his Jedi Temple, you have become close to a particular young man by the name of Ben Solo. One night, tragedy strikes and you are thrown into an unknown world all alone. That is, until the Force bonds you to a masked stranger.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	1. ~Prologue~

**Author's Note:**

> I finally made an ao3 account so I'm still figuring out how to use it. It's kind of a pain for now but be patient with me. I'm going to continue posting most of my works on Wattpad (unless the rumors of them deleting smutty stories are true), but I'll try to update here as well. :)  
> I also realized that my writing got better at this book went along. While I was moving this book over here I was looking at the first half like wtf is this. I'm proud to say it definitely improved.

**  
**

**Thin** rays of light shine through the small cracks of your wooden hut. You shift slightly as you stir beneath the thin covers. As you sit up, the rickety cot creaks beneath your weight and you yawn, stretching out your aching muscles. No matter how long you remained on the island, you could never tire of living here. It was beautiful, especially in the early mornings. Although you were never much of a morning person before Jedi training began, it was something you needed to get accustomed to. You stand up and wander over to the trunk at the end of the cot, propping it open to dig around the mess for your training robes. Suddenly, you flinch as the ringing of a loud bell echoes over the island.

  


_Shit_ , you think with a small groan, _I'm already late_. 

  


Hurriedly, you tug off your night clothes and pull on your training robes. They were a wheat color and were cinched tightly at the waist by a leather utility belt. Although they could be rather uncomfortable at times, they were light and did the trick during a duel or battle. You brush your teeth as quickly as possible and practically kick open the door, rushing outside. 

  


A familiar gentle breeze greets you. The sky was a light grey and was streaked with thick clouds blocking out the warming kiss of the sun. It seemed as though it was going to rain later on and you certainly hoped so. The island was so at ease and so peaceful when it rained. The ocean waves pound against the rocky shore as the wind batters them back and forth. Along the edges of the island, the tall green grass sways steadily and rubs together. Your feet thud against the stone steps as you rush toward the main temple. You weave through the huts, hoping to get there faster, as you manage to tie your (h/c) hair into a loose braid. The silver hilt of your lightsaber collides rhythmically with your hip as you run. You had a tendency for tardiness and you knew that Master Luke would not be very pleased with you. One could get three strikes for being late and when those three strikes were up, one would have to scrub down the steps. How many strikes did you have? Twenty-six. Now it was going to be twenty-seven. 

  


You skid around the corner and come to a halt in front of the doors. As your chest and shoulders heave from the room, you approach a very displeased-looking Luke Skywalker. He always stood by the doors in the morning to make sure everyone was accounted for. You waltz up to him and give him a big smile. "Good morning, Master. Lovely weather we're having today, isn't it?" You attempt to slide past him, but he steps in front of you.

  


"Very nice weather indeed. However, it looks like it might rain. You might want to finish scrubbing the steps before it does." Luke gives you a wink and looks up when he hears the clatter of footsteps approaching. "Ah, and it looks like you're going to be having company. Late again?" 

  


You look up and blink in surprise at the boy standing next to you. Ben Solo.

  


"S-Sorry, Uncle-" he pants "-I mean Master! It won't happen again."

  


"Just go inside," Luke gestures to the doors.

  


You and Ben exchange looks. 

  


"What?" He scoffs softly. "Don't look at me like I just showed up with a Porg on my head." 

  


You chuckle. "Sorry, it's just... it's unlike you to be late. Especially three times and especially when the punishment is manual labor. Besides, if you keep being late then you'll be taking my job. We can't have that around here." 

  


Ben slings his strong arm around your neck. "(Y/N), you're always going to carry that honor in my book."

  


You grin as his face lights up with laughter. His smile itself could brighten up any room. His dimples were deep and his dark brown eyes always glittered. His lips were full and tinted pink. He had very pale skin that somehow managed to look as smooth as porcelain, and it was littered with freckles. Ben runs a hand through his messy black curls, clearly not having had enough time to get ready in the morning. Even as you both enter the training hall, he doesn't remove his arm from around you. Your heart flutters wildly at his touch. He was your best friend. He had been exactly that ever since you arrived on the island. Now you were nineteen and he was twenty-two. And yet... you couldn't fight away the strong feelings you kept for him. 

  


Master Skywalker would reprimand you if he found out about it. According to him and the many rules of being a Jedi, you weren't allowed to have any emotional bonds. Especially not romantic bonds. Still, you couldn't keep your mind from wandering. You wanted to be with him, but it simply wasn't going to happen. That wouldn't stop you from your little fantasies. Your master couldn't do anything to stop those. 

  


"All right!" Skywalker's voice booms around the hall. "Let's get started!" 

  


~

  


You flinch slightly as a metal bucket filled with water drops down beside you with a dull thunk. The sudsy water sloshes around and spills onto the steps as Ben tosses his sponge into it. He crosses his arms and sighs, gazing up at the many steps winding across the entire island. There were even more running up the small mountain. 

  


"Come on," you sigh as you get on your hands and knees. "We should get this done before it starts raining."

  


"Good thing I have a very experienced partner," Ben teases as he squats down to start scrubbing the step above you. 

  


You wrinkle your nose at him. "Shut up, I haven't done it that many times." 

  


"Sure. If you count nine as 'not that many.'" He wrings some of the water back into the bucket. "I'm sure you know the exact number of stairs."

  


"No," but you shift as he stares at you expectantly. Eventually you mutter, "eighty-five. Eight-five and a half if you count the broken one halfway through."

  


"(Y/N)..." Ben trails off. The joy from his tone suddenly disappears.

  


"Yeah?" You look up and furrow your brows. 

  


He bites his lower lip. "If... If I..." he sighs "...promise me you'll always be with me. No matter what happens."

  


"Of course," you nod, but you couldn't help but frown at his request.

  


"Good," Ben plants a smile on his face. "Because I need someone to scrub the steps with when we're older."


	2. ~Present Day~

Your fingers drum rhythmically on the red-felt surface of the table. The cards clutched in your other hand were facing secretively away from the other players sitting at the gambling table. Your eyes flicker over them one more time, before you look around at your competition. It was quite easy to read them; most men were. Just by the quick once-over, you were able to tell who was bluffing, confident, or nervous. You could also tell that they were trying to read the blank expression on your face, but you didn't give them anything to work with. Over the past few years, you had perfected your so-called poker face.

Klikklak was a game made just for gamblers. It was addicting and intoxicating. The constant reward of money was a beacon for greed. It was the perfect game to play at a place like Canto Bight. The casino was practically a trap for anyone who entered it. One's senses would become overwhelmed by the heat, the music, the noise, the alcohol, the temptations, and the sexual atmosphere. Canto Casino was just the place for low-lifes looking to make a few credits or the richest of the rich to come and gamble their savings away. They would bet on cruel races, drink their nights away, and end up in a hotel room with some sort of prostitute. There wasn't a man in the entire building who didn't have a woman by his side. This was extremely common and if anyone knew this, it was you.

Canto Bight hadn't only swept unsuspecting men and women through its doors. You were one of their many victims. Your cycle of grief had been held together by alcohol and gambling for a while, until you realized that you can benefit from it greatly. Now you were one of their regulars and many teased you by referring to you as the 'Queen of Cards.' It was a fitting title. There wasn't a single player who had challenged you that you hadn't beaten. Many tried and none succeeded.

You look up when you hear a groan of annoyance. Four men had been going back and forth for a while and they were _finally_ knocking each other out of the game. _Took them long enough,_ you think with a small scoff. The final player turns his body to face you and his eyes narrow at you over his cards. A crowd had begun gathering around the table. People and creatures were excited to see the so-called 'Queen' beat another egotistical gambler. They begin to mutter among each other as they pass bets around over who was going to win. Most of them were towards you, which was pleasing to say the least.

Your eyes glance over your cards one last time, before you closely inspect him. He was leaning forward and one arm against the table; the hand with his cards. His eyes were filled with emptiness and held glimmers of confidence. Then you spy something. His free hand was moving ever so slightly and he was rubbing the pad of his thumb against his forefinger. _Nervous_ , you realize.

"Nervous, are you?" You decide to make things more interesting for your audience.

He chuckles throatily. "You _wish_ , little girl. Today is the day a new king of the casino is crowned. You'll never be able to show your face again if you lose now."

"I'm willing to take that bet." You pass your cards into your other hand and decide quickly on his cards. "Higher."

"Higher," he echoes your words, eying you closely for any sign of a reaction.

"Higher or lower, which one will it be?" You were trying to confuse him and it was clearly working.

"That depends on if we're talking about you or me." The man chuckles coldly.

_Gotcha_ , you think gleefully. Everyone around you was beginning to realize it as well. It takes the man a few moments, before he begins to realize that he had slipped up. With a puff of frustration, he tosses his cards down, revealing that they were truly lower than yours. You spread your cards across the table and stand up with a big smirk.

"Good game," you stick your hand out for a shake.

The man scoffs and storms away, trying to ignore the mocking jeers coming from the crowds. They applaud for you as you pull the credits across the table to you. You put them in your bag and push through the group, starting toward one of the bars in the casino. Your black heels click softly on the ground as your red cocktail dress glides over your skin smoothly. As you sit down on one of the bar stools, you press your red lips together. _A well-earned victory,_ you think happily.

"Xian." You call out to the bartender.

Xian grins at you and he strolls over. His green eyes glitter with joy at the sight of you. There weren't many people whom you had gotten close to at the casino, but he was one of them. He was always there when you needed to talk and always seemed to have a corny joke or witty remark up his sleeve. As Xian leans in and lowers his voice, his brown hair flops in front of his eyes.

"I'm guessing you want a victory drink. How does a Merenzane Gold sound?" He reaches for a tall tube-like glass beneath the counter.

You nod and grin at him. Being able to afford such a drink made you overjoyed. Compared to what you had grown up with, this seemed like heaven. Xian slides the glass across the counter and you raise it to your lips. The amber liquid burns in your throat, but was smooth going down. That was the sign of pure quality, or so you had heard.

"My shift is over soon," Xian glances at the standard galactic clock above the shelf full of glasses. "That means we can go to the balcony tonight."

"Perfect," you smile.

The balconies in the casino offered the most beautiful views over Canto Bight. It was one of your favorite places and being there with Xian always made it so much better. After a few more minutes of chatter, he hangs up his black work apron and circles around the bar. Xian offers you his arm and you take it.

Together, the two of you walk through the hallway and up a flight of stairs. You and him had discovered the best balcony with the best views and no tourists knew about it. Xian pushes the glass door open and you step outside. A cool breeze kisses your skin and ripples through your velvet dress. Your (h/c) hair blows gently in the wind, causing a smile to tug on your lips as you both lean against the balcony railing. It was so peaceful and beautiful, that it made Canto Bight seem like a place that wasn't filled with corruption and greed. If only that could be true. From here, you could see the entire city sprawling below you with its gold and dim lights. The ocean waves were lapping at the dark shore in the distance; the moon and stars reflecting off of the calm water. Fireworks crackle and explode in the night sky, painting the inky darkness with bright colors as a roar of cheers could be heard from the near-by racing stadium.

"It's so beautiful," you sigh.

"So are you," Xian's hand settles on your waist. "(Y/N), you don't even _know_ how beautiful you are."

"How can you say that?" You laugh lightly. "Compared to the other girls at this casino... I'm nothing. You could have _anyone_ that you want from here. Why choose me?"

"Because those other girls pay to look the way they do. They sleep with everyone and they run off with their money. I could never trust anyone else here the way I trust you." Xian places his other hand on your waist and turns you to face him.

You plant your hands on his chest and lean in to kiss him. Your lips connect just as another round of fireworks go off in the distance. It made it seem like it was the perfect evening. Xian chuckles as he guides you from the balcony and into one of the elevators. You knew exactly where he was taking you. Sure enough, the doors slide open and you both step into the elegant hallway. He leads you to the door of his room, swiping his card and pushing the door open.

His hands begin to wander all over your torso as you begin to kiss him again. The kiss quickly deepens and Xian begins to pull you towards his bed. You feel his lips smirk against yours as he pries your mouth open and slips his tongue inside. You are forced to pull away for a second.

"I'll be right back. Let me take off some of my jewelry before it gets tangled up and spoils our fun." You wink. "Don't go anywhere."

"I won't," he chuckles as he sits down on the edge of the bed.

You step into the bathroom and close the door, looking into the mirror behind the sink. You wince at the sight of your lipstick smudged all over your mouth. Not wanting to make a bigger mess than you already knew you were going to make with him, you wipe it all off. Just as you begin to un-clip your earrings and reach for the clasp of your necklace, you freeze. You feel your heart begin to pick up speed as chills run all over your body.

"No," you whisper. "It can't be..."

It had been so long since you last felt it. There was no way it was still lingering inside of you and yet somehow... there is was. _The Force_. It was stirring beneath your skin and bubbling within your chest. You felt it clearly and there was no denying its existence. It was balancing itself out again. Your face pales. There had been an awakening.


	3. ~The Race~

You felt bad for what had happened the night before. Xian had been waiting patiently for you to leave the bathroom, but you couldn't bring yourself to do so. You had been in there for nearly fifteen minutes before he began to grow concerned. After his voice had called out for the fifth time, you leave the bathroom with a pale face and trembling hands. He had asked you what was wrong, but you couldn't find the words to explain. Besides, he wouldn't understand it. You weren't sure if you understood it either. He stood up from the bed in confusion as you had left his room without another word.

This morning, you were sure that he was going to be angry with you. As you put on your uniform and pull your hair back into a ponytail, you look into the mirror one last time. The Force had kept you up all night and it had gone silent very early in the morning, giving you a few hours of rest. You couldn't think about that now; it was time for work. When you weren't gambling your money and building your reputation on the casino floor, you worked there. No one was allowed inside before the afternoon, which meant it all had to be rearranged, wiped down, and cleaned up. That's where you came in. It wasn't an ideal job, but it paid for your room expenses and gave you the credits to gamble with. As the elevator slides open, you slip through the hallway and try to sneak past the bar that Xian worked at. You were unsuccessful.

"(Y/N)?" His voice calls after you. "Wait! Please... we need to talk."

You turn around slowly, wincing slightly at his pained expression. "I-I don't have much to say to you about last night."

"I just want to understand." Xian wipes his hands on a rag and gestures to a bar stool. As you slowly sit down, he walks around the bar and sits beside you, reaching out and gripping your hand tightly. "If there's something bothering you, you can tell me. I don't want there to be any secrets between us and you need to be comfortable speaking to me."

You shift slightly. "I know. It's just that this little... _problem_... isn't something I want to talk about. It's not something you would understand either."

"Try me," he crosses his arms.

"No, Xian. I'm sorry. I really am. I don't want to tell you anything until I know more about it. I _can't_. Not until then anyways." You say apologetically.

Xian sighs and closes his eyes momentarily. "All we do is sleep together, (Y/N). I want a real relationship with someone I love. And that's _you_. How about you and me go to the Fathier races this afternoon?"

You frown. "You know I _hate_ those races. The way they treat those animals is so cruel."

"It's just something I thought we could do together. There isn't much else to do in this city." Xian stands up and reaches for the rag. "Just forget it then."

"No, no," you say quickly, not wanting to upset him. "I'll go with you."

He smiles brilliantly. "Perfect! I'll meet you here at noon."

  
  


~

  
  


By the time noon rolls around, you were strangely nervous. It was a very odd feeling, considering how close you and Xian were. He had been your friend ever since you arrived on Canto Bight and it's not like this was a date or anything... _right_? No, if this was a date you were sure Xian would pick something more romantic. He was a softie in that way. Ever since the beginning, he only wanted what was best for you. Perhaps that was what drew you to him. He was so kind and caring, but he still joked around and had a cruel sense of humor sometimes. He was just so magnetic. Just like someone else you had known a while ago...

You shake the thought of Ben Solo from your mind. You hated thinking about him. It always brought tears to your eyes to think about his death on the island. It was a miracle you had survived and sometimes you wished he did instead. You had considered informing his mother, but instead you fled like a coward. You still blamed yourself for doing so to this day. It must have been terrible for Leia Organa to hear of her son's demise from her own brother.

"Canto Bight to (Y/N) (L/N), come in (Y/N)." A voice snaps you out of your train of thought.

"Sorry," you shake your head. "I'm ready to go if you are."

Xian nods and offers you his hand. There was a surprising moment of hesitation from you, but you finally take it. His hand felt so comforting around yours. It was like Ben all over again. _No,_ you think angrily, _no, don't you dare think about him right now. This is about Xian and nobody else. Ben Solo is in the past. He's not coming back_.

You look up when you hear the roaring of a crowd in the distance. You grimace at the thought of those innocent animals getting forced to race with electric whips and stun-staffs. It was cruel and inhumane. As you approach the grand arena, your heart begins to beat nervously. It wasn't exactly a place you preferred to go. The massive crowd of people and creatures of all different species, shapes, sizes, and colors were cheering as the first round of Fathiers are set free from their pens. Their hooves thunder against the sand as they run around the sand track with little riders on their backs.

Xian squeezes your hand comfortingly as you leads you through the loud, motley crowd to find your seats. You give him a small, fake smile when he looks at you gleefully. Xian claps and whoops as the animals are put back into their pens for another round. The crowd chants along with the count-down and the gates fly open, releasing them back onto the track. Suddenly, your head starting to spin and your palms become sweaty. The familiar sensation of the Force fills up your entire body, but it felt... different this time. It was as though someone was calling to you.

"I have to go to the bathroom," you shout to Xian over the noise.

"Alright!" He yells. "But don't disappear on me again!"

You nod and push your way back through the crowds. Quickly, you scurry off and exit the arena, feeling slightly guilty for lying to Xian. You make your way through the small gardens nearby, before finding a bench to plop down on. You try to close your eyes and concentrate on keeping the Force in balance within your system, but nothing seemed to be working. Your brow furrows as a sense of darkness and cold grip you all at once. It felt as though there was another presence watching you. Your eyes fly open and you gasp as you quickly stand up and stumble back in horror.

Indeed, there was a man standing before you. He was shrouded in a dark cloak and even darker robes. The man was absolutely massive; with a staggering height, broad shoulders, and a muscular body shifting beneath his robes. You couldn't see his face. It was covered in a black metal mask with thick silver lines around the eyes. Saying it was intimidating was an understatement. It was _terrifying_. He was just standing there and blankly staring. You could feel his eyes on you from beneath his mask, even though you couldn't see them through the blackened slits. It was as though he was there but... not really. His surroundings were entirely different from yours. The man was standing in a village. You could only see one house behind him and it was burned to the ground. Your eyes flicker to his side and your blood runs cold. A _lightsaber_.

"Who are you?" You demand rather nervously.

"I could ask you the same question," he snarls.

Chills run down your spine at the sound of his voice. There was obviously some kind of voice-modulator built into the mask. It made him sound breathy, robotic, and slightly muffled. It was a strange sound to hear.

"What is this?" You gesture towards him. "Why can I see you?"

"The Force is connecting us. Don't ask anymore questions or you'll just be wasting my time with your lack of intelligence. Surely you know who I am." He says coldly.

Your eyes widen. "Y-You're with the First Order! Kylo Ren is what they called you when they came. The _Jedi-Killer_."

"You're a Force-User." He says flatly. "Or rather... you used to be. It seems your strength has been diminishing over the years. Where are you?"

"Why should I tell you?" You say rather boldly.

He takes a step closer. " _Where are you_?"

"It's none of your business."

"I'll find you one day. You cannot hide from the might of the First Order. And when I do... you'll be dead before you can scream." The man disappears as though he was never there.

You fall back onto the bench, your face pale and ghostly. _What was going on?_

  
  



	4. ~Flyers~

You couldn't hide your nerves and confusion from anyone. So, that evening, you confined yourself to your room instead of going down to the casino as you usually did. Ever since the first run in with this masked stranger, you were unsure of what to do. It was a miracle you even knew who he was, considering you had been living on Canto Bight for so long. Word about the Resistance and the First Order never really spread. The only news that was welcome here was gossip that had been twisted and changed fifty times over. No one who lived here really _cared_ about those problems. They would rather continue living their lives thinking that everything was perfect. It was their own little world and sometimes it felt as though Canto was cut off from the rest of the galaxy. The only people who knew things were regulars and workers.

Canto Bight was _full_ of dark secrets and mysterious happenings. This wasn't surprising since it was constantly overflowing with new people. You had been around long enough to know things that many didn't. Meeting so many men and women because of your work was not uncommon and each person was different than the last. Many of them were dealers, spice-runners, or smugglers of some sort. Some only dealt with drugs, bounty-hunting, or credits. Others dealt with... heavier problems. Illegal weapons trading for the First Order, work for crime syndicates, trafficking, slavery, and other things that made your hair stand on end. Everything on this planet was just a facade for its dark past and present.

But this... this was a new level threat. If the _commander_ of the First Order found out where you lived, you were sure he would flatten the entire planet to get to you. He had a reputation for being a cold-blooded murderer. Kylo Ren hunted down all known Force-Users in order to ensure that no more Jedi could attempt to stop him. It felt strange knowing you were one of the last ones to ever exist. _No,_ you remind yourself silently, _I left that all behind the day Ben-_ you swallow _-died. And I left everything behind me. It's all gone now._

You remembered it all vividly. Master Skywalker had come to you the morning after the incident. He had explained everything in detail, including Ben's death. You remembered bursting into tears and taking a ship to get away from that island. You remembered ripping the kyber crystal from your lightsaber and crushing it to dust. The empty hilt was now lying somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. It was then that you realized you were better off abandoning all of your previous beliefs. It would be better to forget your training and move on. You vowed never to look back on the Jedi again. Yes, the Force still flowed through your body. You were always strong when it came down to using it, but you hadn't really given thought to it since you stopped drinking and wasting your tears on grief.

A shudder travels through your body as you think back to the sound of Kylo Ren's voice from inside of his helmet. You imagined the most vile, disgusting being to be underneath that black and silver mask. You could already picture the wispy grey hair and saggy facial features. Horrible scars twisting all over his body and sunken eyes that glowed with anger. He probably smelled of decay and blood beneath his robes. He must have been the most horrible, hideous creature in the galaxy. You fold your arms tightly over your chest and bite your lip. You didn't want to picture what he would do to you. If you didn't comply, he would kill everyone you cared for, before finally torturing you or frying your brain. Then his lightsaber would slice you in half or take your head clean off your shoulders. _At least it would be a quick death,_ you think miserably.

You jump when you hear a knock on your door. You slowly stand up from the edge of your bed, shaking your head at your foolishness.

"I don't think Kylo Ren would knock," you mutter to yourself.

Without an invitation, the door swings open and Xian dashes inside. He was clutching a fist full of colorful flyers in one hand and a glass of alcohol in the other.

"You really have to stop leaving me without saying anything." He chuckles, planting a kiss on your lips. He tasted of alcohol. "I won't ask about your problems this time, don't worry. I'm just here to show you how _ridiculous_ these flyers are getting. I found seven shoved under my door today. Seven! Three more in the bathrooms and a bunch scattered over the ground outside. They're _really_ desperate to advertise their little party, huh?"

You glance at your nightstand. Earlier you had scooped one off of your floor, but you hadn't really looked at it. You pick up the bright red flyer and stare at the massive words.

"What's so special about this party?" You frown. "They don't stop partying here. Ever."

"150th annual celebration! 150 years of this casino deserves to be celebrated, don't you think? It's tomorrow, which means we don't have to work. What do you say, (Y/N), go to the party with me?" Xian raises his eyebrows and staggers towards you, his drink sloshing in his glass.

"Alright, alright," you chuckle as you brace your palms on his chest to keep him at bay. You figured this would be a good distraction. "I'll go with you. Only if you sober up by the time it rolls around. Then you can get wasted again."

He grins. "Deal! Now, why don't we continue where we left off last night? When you left me here I was sporting a massive bon-"

You clasp your hand over his mouth. "I don't want to fuck you when you're drunk, Xian. That's not how I want this to be."

Xian sighs and pouts, but he drunkenly complies and staggers toward the door. "See you tomorrow, doll!"

You run a hand through your hair and sigh, sitting back down on the edge of your bed. Sometimes, you didn't know what to do with him. Your relationship was... strange, to say the least. All you did was sleep with each other and neither of you acted on it yet. There were no romantic dates or dinners. It was easy to think that he was just using you for sex, but you knew Xian wasn't the type of guy to do that. At least you would get to go to this party together and hopefully you could establish some things there. Besides, it would be a good distraction from Kylo Ren and the awakening in the Force. You just had to hope you didn't connect with him again.

~

Your hands tug at the hem of the short, black ruched dress you had decided on wearing. It was tight, but not too revealing. You didn't exactly want someone to think it was an invitation for them to put their slimy hands all over you. Unfortunately that was the way it went these days. As you bend down, you slip your feet into your tall heels. You didn't usually wear heels as high as these, but you figured it was appropriate for the occasion. They were going to hurt like hell by the end of the night. You had decided to make a statement with them, so instead of wearing matching heels, you just a glossy red color. At first you were concerned that it might have been the wrong decision, but you were reassured when you glance into the mirror.

A smile tugs at your painted lips. You looked absolutely stunning. Your (h/c) hair was curled neatly and was pinned half-up, half-down. The makeup look you had chosen consisted of a dark faded lid and a neutral lipstick. A golden bangle hung loosely on your wrist. If Xian didn't bed you the day before, he certainly would now. As long as he was sober when he did so or you were both drunk, you didn't mind it. After all, you were completely comfortable with your body in front of him. You had slept together enough to know each other's small flaws and insecurities. He was going to come bursting in at any second; he didn't exactly have a tendency to knock. The smile on your face flickers and fades as a familiar sensation fills your chest. Chills run down your spine when you feel a presence behind you. You scrunch your brows together and turn around, biting on your lower lip.

"Now isn't a good time, stranger." You say.

He stays unmoving. You desperately wanted him to take off his mask because of how chilling it was to stare into the empty, black abyss where his eyes should be. At the same time, you feared seeing his possibly terrifying and twisted features.

"You don't get to choose when I see you. Neither do I. The Force is connecting us... for some reason. I can make it all go away. You just need to tell me where you are." His deep, altered voice rumbles from within the helmet.

"I can't do that," you shake your head. "I know who you are. I know what you _do_."

Kylo Ren shifts closer to you. "Look at you. All dressed up and ready to go. Another useless planet filled with mind-numbing parties, perhaps? You _will_ tell me your location."

"I don't think so." You snap.

He moves to take another step. You flinch and both of you look up as your door flies open. You weren't sure if he could see Xian bursting inside. His hands were filled with more of the flyers. Clearly he couldn't see the giant man standing just before you.

"(Y/N)," he chitters with glee. "Look at this! It's the evening of the party and they're still passing out these ridiculous flyers."

Xian tosses them into the air with a flourish. You watch the brightly-colored papers flutter through the room, sinking slowly to the ground all over the place. A few land at your feet. When you look up again, Kylo Ren was gone. You sigh with relief. As long as you didn't say a word about your location, he wouldn't be able to find you.

"Look at _you_ ," Xian whistles appreciatively. "If we weren't going to a party, I would take you here and now."

The grin returns to your face. "We'll have time for that later."

He smirks and offers you his arm. You were pleased to see that he wasn't intoxicated. _Yet_. Together, the two of you take the elevator back down to the gambling floor. The entire room was more alive than ever. Loud music was playing from a live band in the corner and there was a steady hum of loud conversations. Everyone was dressed more risque than usual and it appeared as though the entire crowd was clutching glasses of alcohol. One thing was for sure... it was going to be a _long_ night. You expected to get drunk yourself, but you weren't very concerned.

"Come _on_ ," Xian gives you a small tug towards one of the bars.

He orders a drink for the two of you. Your glasses clink together and you raise them to your lips. The alcohol burns on your tongue and down your throat. It would be the first of many drinks, so you had better get used to it quickly. You giggle childishly as Xian pulls you onto the dance floor. You could feel the music and the heavy bass thumping through the air as the adrenaline pumps in your system. It wasn't long before a large crowd had made its way onto the dance floor as well, throwing the both of you into a constantly-moving heap of sweaty figures.

With the alcohol spreading through your body and making your head spin, combined with loud music and wild movement, you soon lost all sense of time and place. You were laughing loudly and dancing like nobody was watching. You squeal as Xian's hands wrap around you. He pulls your back tightly against his chest. You could feel _everything_ , but it didn't bother you in the slightest. One of his hands raises and he slides a finger across your jaw, turning your head slightly. His lips graze your ear.

"You look beautiful," he says huskily.

You turn your body to give him a kiss. It was a drunken, sloppy kiss but Xian couldn't care less. He always kissed you like there was no tomorrow. Perhaps it was just the alcohol that wasn't making you think straight, but when you pull apart the realization sets in. _This_ was the kind of man you could spend the rest of your life with. He truly was the one for you. Every time he looked at you, there was only love in his eyes. You wrap your arms around him tightly, closing your eyes. Xian pulls away after a few moments, pressing a sweeter kiss to your lips.

"Let's get out of this crowd before we get trampled," he murmurs.

Xian grasps your hand tightly. You couldn't stop grinning as he pulls you towards an empty table in the middle of the sea of people. You sit down hard on the tall stool, gripping the table as a wave of dizziness rushes over you.

"You always were a light-weight." Xian teases.

"Oh, shut up." You giggle.

He was right. You really couldn't take alcohol that well. One drink would make you tipsy and two would get you drunk. You couldn't even begin to imagine what three would do to you. Xian, on the other hand, could drink five before getting tipsy. You remembered when he did a drinking contest against a very large man. You had to drag his body out of there after all those drinks he had. The first thing he asked when he came to was "did I win?" and you had to tell him no.

You both look up as a waiter walks over to your table. He sets down two small glasses and pours a serving of clear alcohol into each. As he walks away, Xian raises his glass in a little toast. You do the same, before tipping the shot back into your mouth. You wince as it burns. _Really_ burns. You couldn't help but sputter a little at the taste. It shoots through your system immediately and Xian chuckles.

"You're going to have a rough morning, doll."

You sigh. "I know, but it's worth it. I love you... by the way."

Xian freezes, before a giant grin spreads across his face. "What?"

"I love you. Don't make me repeat myself." You look away as your cheeks heat up.

"I love you too." Xian squeezes your hand gently.

You look back at him and he smiles. Xian leans across the table and you copy his motion. You tilt your head as your lips connect in a romantic kiss. He lifts his hand and trails a finger down the side of your face. When he pulls away, you felt the joy filling your heart. You wanted the perfect moment to last forever. For just a brief moment in time, everything was at ease and your world was joyful. Your world came crashing back down in the next.

The first screams were the ones that would ring in your ears for the rest of your life. You shoot back as the crowd suddenly surges. The music cuts off immediately as the screaming roars over it. You could make out the faint clanking of boots and armor drawing nearer and nearer. Your faces pales at the sight of them. _Stormtroopers_. They were stalking into the crowd in their perfect lines, Blasters raised and shooting anyone that came too close. The man at the front of the group was even more terrifying.

There he was. Kylo Ren. He was like a haunting angel of death standing before them all. Only he was no angel. His leather fists were clenched at his sides as his cloak billows in the wind coming in from the shattered glass doors. The black and silver mask gleams as dangerously as a blade in the dim light. You could see the lightsaber hanging at his side. The lethal weapon looked harmless for now, but the moment that blade sprang free, it was anything but so. You could only watch, frozen in horror, as Kylo Ren turns around and begins to bark orders. You couldn't hear those orders over the blood-curdling screams, but you knew what they were as soon as the Stormtroopers break into a jog. They spill into the room, kicking over tables and chairs loudly. Gambling tables crumble to the ground, credits jangling as they slide onto the ground. Glass crashes noisily as drinks fly across the room and the bars are turned over.

"We need to leave _now_!" Xian grabs your hand tightly.

It was as though your feet were rooted to the floor. Your wide, fear-filled eyes were glued to the man now roaming around the room in search of you. He had found you. But _how?_ As though he heard your thoughts, Kylo Ren turns suddenly. You couldn't see his eyes, but you could feel them meeting yours from beneath the mask. Ren starts towards you purposefully. It was now, that your feet enabled you to run. You and Xian stumble through the moving crowd, getting battered back and forth by the terrified people. Then you feel it. The Force holding you in place.

"(Y/N)!" Xian shouts, whirling around when he feels you freeze.

He fights his way back to you through the crowd. He grabs your hand and tries to pull you away, looking at you in confusion and fright. The petrified look in your eyes was enough to make his knees weak. A shadow crosses Xian's face and he springs in front of you. Kylo Ren was standing there. He was a menacing mountain that could not be swayed. The aura of darkness that surrounded him made your blood run cold. Your hands begin to tremble as you stare into the black slits of his mask.

"Step aside," Ren orders.

Xian stiffly shakes his head. "I won't let you hurt her!"

"So be it." Kylo Ren releases you from the hold at the same time he reaches for his lightsaber.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. His weapon roars to life. The bright red glow illuminates the space around you. It raises and comes down in a loud rush, slashing right through Xian's chest.

"NO!" You scream in horror as Xian's lifeless body falls to the ground. "XIAN! NO! PLEASE NO! YOU MURDERER, YOU _MONSTER!"_

Kylo Ren seemed unphased by your harsh words. He merely grips your wrist tightly and yanks you forward. You stumble over your own feet as fear and tears blur your vision. They were pouring down your face in hot streams as the image of Xian's limp body replays over and over again in your mind. Cold air rushes to greet your exposed skin as you are dragged outside against your will. Your heart was pounding so loudly, you were sure the masked monster could hear it. You hadn't even realized where he was taking you until your heels hit the open ramp of a ship.

"Let me go!" You wail, striking him in the arm repeatedly to no avail.

Kylo Ren suddenly whirls around. The last thing you see before your vision goes black and you fall limp, is his gloved hand extending toward your forehead.


	5. ~The Interrogation Room~

You wake up with a sudden jolt. A small groan escapes your lips at the feeling of the dull pain in the back of your skull. In fact, your entire body was aching. Kylo Ren must have let you fall to the ground after putting you out cold. You shift slightly as you try to adjust your blurry vision. Panic begins to sink in when you realize that you couldn't move your arms or leg very much. You blink furiously and as your eyes adjust, you see that you had been strapped to some kind of metal plate set upright, which had clearly been adjusted to match your height. Your ankles and wrists were forced down tightly by metal restraint systems, the material cold against your exposed skin. There was no use tugging on them either, so you figured. Your (e/c) eyes flicker around the room as the fear begins to set in.

The room was round and extremely bare. There was a single set of blaster doors to your left, but no windows or vents. It became apparent to you that you were confined on a ship. Everything was made of a slick metal except for the floors, which were shiny and black. A few grates ran through the corners of the ceilings, providing dim white light. You manage to lean forward enough to look down. There was also a rounded grate beneath you that offered the same light, but you had to assume it was to collect the blood that came from the interrogation process.

A sudden chill running down your spine, followed by the feeling that you were being watched, tells you that you weren't alone. Your eyes run through the shadows of the room and your heart stops abruptly when you finally see a figure draped in black from head to toe. It was him. He takes a step forward, his mask gleaming in the light. Now you could really get an eye-full of him. He wore dark robes that were slightly ruched and covered in grooves. A thick leather utility band, that somewhat resembled an obi belt, held the hilt of his lightsaber at his hip. A cowl was draped neatly over his shoulders and the hood was pulled up over his helmet. As he shifts slightly closer, his gloved hands pull the hood back, but he didn't remove the mask. You could feel his eyes roaming all over you, as if waiting for you to react.

"Comfortable?" His mono-toned, roboticized voice drawls.

"What do you think?" You shoot back rather weakly.

A strange noise that sounded like a cold, muffled chuckle emits from behind the mask. He was _mocking_ you. Mocking you and your current situation. It was then that you realized how terrible you must look. You could feel that your lipstick had been smudged, your mascara was dripping down your face, your hair had come undone, and your dress was sitting uncomfortably high on your thighs. You could also feel the absence of the gold jewelry you had worn.

"What are you waiting for?" You demand hoarsely, annoyed with the fact that he was just _staring_ at you. "Go ahead. Torture me, kill me. You already took what I loved."

Kylo Ren shifts slightly. "I would kill you, but that would be such a waste of my time. No... your fate is going to be much different than you anticipated. I intend to make very good use of you and your talents."

"I left it all behind. I'm of no use to you." You say bitterly. "How did you even find me?"

"Those flyers your friend threw helped." You could just hear the slight amusement in his deep voice.

Your heart sinks at the thought of Xian. As much as this was his fault, you couldn't find it in you to shift the blame. You swallow the lump growing in your throat. "You might as well just put me back. I'm never going to help you or the First Order."

"I'll consider you a guest until you agree."

"Do you keep all of your guests in restraints?" You snap in reply.

Kylo Ren pauses for a moment. "You have a mouth on you, don't you? Yes. I can already tell how much you're going to _irritate_ me. Do yourself a favor and keep quiet until you are required to speak."

"Unlock these restraints and I might just play far," your eyes narrow challengingly. "Besides, you don't intimidate me. You're just a hideous, twisted old man under that mask. Take that bucket off your head."

He thrusts his hand out without warning. A sharp cry of pain escapes your lips when you feel the Force probing through your mind. It twists through your body, tensing your muscles and squeezing the life out of you. It felt as though your brain was about to explode at any moment. You grit your teeth, pressing your lips together in a weak attempt to suppress a scream. You moan in pain as his fingers curl. It releases just as quickly as it had begun.

"Let's try this again." Kylo Ren snarls. "You are going to be compliant in aiding the First Order. You will be trained as my apprentice. _Say it_. Say those words."

Your chest heaves as you catch your breath. "N-Never."

"Wrong answer." His fist curls at his side.

This time, the scream escapes your lungs as the pain ripples through your body. It was tearing you apart from the inside out and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Nothing except saying yes. But that wasn't an option for you. The last thing you wanted to do was return to the Force, the very thing that had brought you pain. Especially not to help a murderer, who had killed the man you admitted your love for just hours before. Hours? Days? How long had it been since then? Right now, you couldn't focus on that. Your nails dig into your palms as you shift between screams and groans of pain. You take a ragged breath when the pain cuts off abruptly. Kylo Ren lowers his hand once more and continues to stare.

"I..." anger fills your eyes, "will _not_ be intimidated by a monkey in a mask. You're a psychotic murderer. I mean really. How _ugly_ do you have to be to want to hide behind that piece of scrap metal? You-"

You are cut off by Kylo Ren thrusting two fingers into your mouth. He presses them against your tongue, pushing down your jaw until it softly clicks. You choke and gag at the taste of the leather in your mouth.

"I told you to keep your mouth _shut_." He says dangerously.

You did the only thing you could think of. You close your mouth forcefully, biting down as hard as you could on his fingers. He hisses in pain and rips his fingers free. With a sudden motion, his gloved hand goes flying across your face. You yelp at the sharp sting of the leather on your cheek. When you slowly look up at him, there were tears in your eyes and a red mark burning on your skin.

Kylo Ren points angrily at you. "I don't usually use physical force in this way, but I will not hesitate to do so again. Enjoy the night without dinner."

You couldn't argue back as he turns on his heel and storms out of the room. The door slides shut after him with a high-pitched hiss. As your head falls back against the metal plate, you feel your tears freely slide down your face. Terror grips you as you twist in the restraints. _What was he going to do to you?_


	6. ~The Ache of Hunger~

Your stomach growls with hunger. It had been far too long since you had eaten any food, since you didn't have a chance to do so at the party, nor were you served dinner here. At this point, you were willing to comply just a little bit for food. It wasn't going to be five-star dining like at Canto Casino, but you could eat _anything_ right about now. You shift in your uncomfortable restraints, longing to crack your aching bones and soothe your stiff muscles. By now it must have been morning. Hopefully Kylo Ren was planning on giving you at least a few portions for breakfast. But as the hours dragged by, you realized nobody was coming. Your mouth was beginning to dry up from lack of water and you _really_ needed to use the bathroom.

"Hello?" You call out hoarsely. You weren't expecting the guards to react, but it was worth a shot. If the room was sound-proof, you didn't know what you were going to do. "Is anyone there? Please..."

To your surprise and delight, the door slides open and one of the white-clad Stormtrooper enters. He had his Blaster held tightly to his chest.

"What do you want?" He snaps.

"I-I want to speak to Kylo Ren. It's urgent." You add.

The Stormtrooper scoffs. "He's not going to listen to some foolish prisoner. Whatever you have to say isn't important enough for his time. Look at you... you little whore."

The word stung. It was degrading and cruel. You wanted to tug your dress down, but you couldn't reach it because of the restraints. You are forced to push aside your anger in order to reason with the trooper.

"If what I have to say is important and your commander never gets to hear it, it's going to be your job on the line. Your _life_." You watch him go silent, clearly contemplating your words.

The Stormtrooper raises his transmitter to his helmet. "Call in the commander. The prisoner would like to have a word." As he lowers the transmitter once more, he looks you up and down. "If Commander Ren doesn't want to keep you, maybe he'll let me have a turn."

You felt sick to your stomach, but you couldn't tell if it was from hunger or from his words. The Stormtrooper scoffs again, before he turns on his heel and exits the cell. A few minutes later, the intimidating presence returns to the interrogation room. _Of course_ he was still wearing his mask. _Coward_ , you think.

"That won't get you very far with me," Kylo Ren tuts.

"Stay out of my head!" You exclaim. "I just... wanted some food, water, and a restroom. _"_ You quickly add the word 'please' to the end of it.

"Why would I do that? You're going to rot here until your compliant." He turns to leave and you call after him in desperation.

"Please! No! I-I'll listen to you. Even if it's just for a little while."

Kylo Ren pauses and with a strange-sounding sigh, he unlocks your restraints. This surprised and pleased you. You push yourself up and grab onto the plate as you wobble on your feet. Lack of food and water, mixed with not standing for so long made it difficult to balance. Especially in your ridiculously high heels.

"Try anything and you'll go without food for a week." He says threateningly.

"Fine." You snap with a small huff. "Just know that I'm not agreeing to join you. I'll listen to your offer and stay silent if you let me do what I requested."

Kylo Ren nods stiffly and storms out of the cell. You have to hurry to keep up with his quick pace and long steps. This was a difficult task to accomplish in those heels. You gasp as he stops very suddenly and you nearly run right into his back. He turns towards the Stormtrooper that had spoken to you and curls his hand into a fist. With a sickening crack, the trooper's neck snaps and he falls dead to the floor.

"What was that for?" You squeal in horror, wobbly leaping back.

"I saw his thoughts towards you. I heard what he said when I entered his mind." Kylo Ren snarls in response.

You blink in surprise. You didn't think he would care about that... or _you_ for that matter. As he strides down the corridors, you are given a deeper look into the massive ship. It was very plain and repetitive, yet somehow hauntingly beautiful in its own way. At the sight of Kylo Ren barreling down the halls, officers and Stormtroopers alike spring out of his path. It was impressive to see how much respect he was given. What seemed like another eternity of walking, he stops once more and points to a door.

"Bathroom. You have five minutes." He snaps.

You scamper inside and seal the door behind you. You look around for a way to lock it, but didn't expect to find one. Nobody was going to come in with that _monster_ outside the door, however it was unnerving nonetheless. You brace your hands on the slick counter and look into the mirror, grimacing at your reflection. Your makeup was smudged, there were mascara streaks on your cheeks, and your eyes were puffy from crying. You bend down and turn on the cool water. It was incredibly refreshing to splash on your face as you wipe the grime from your skin. You are forced to dry it with paper towels that scratch your skin, but they would have to do for now. You quickly use the bathroom and wash your hands, giving yourself another once-over in the mirror. Without warning, the door slides open and Kylo Ren steps inside.

"What the-" you exclaim in surprise. "What if I was still using the bathroom?"

"Five minutes is five minutes. Now _move_." Kylo Ren orders, his voice sending chills down your spine.

You are led down a few more corridors, before finally reaching one of the small cafeterias. It wasn't full yet since it wasn't lunch or breakfast time, but you expected it to be otherwise. Even the mere sight of the food was enough to make your mouth water. The commander points at a stack of metal trays, before silently sitting down at one of the tables. You greedily scurry down the 'lunch line,' filling up your tray with food. As you make your way back to the table, you now had a bruised Naboo fruit, some stale portion bread with butter, breakfast meat, scrambled eggs, and a glass of water. You practically throw the tray down and plop yourself in the seat across from Kylo Ren, wolfing down the food. Although his mask was on, you could feel his judging gaze lingering on you from beneath it.

"Are you going to stare or are you going to talk?" You say through a mouthful of bread.

He shifts. "Tell me about yourself.

You pause. Your glass of water hovers above your lips in surprise. _What_ did he just ask you? Whatever you were expecting, it wasn't that. "Um... well... I trained in a Jedi Academy when I was younger. It was Luke Skywalker's. I'm sure you've heard of him, what with how many Jedi you've killed."

"Watch it." He grumbles. "Why did you leave?"

This was a touchy subject for you. "I'm not going to talk about it."

Kylo Ren leans over and tugs the tray away from you. "Then you won't eat."

You glare at him and rip the tray out of his grasp. " _Fine_. If you must know, I left because the entire temple was destroyed. My... my best friend was killed in the fire." Your voice cracks with pain.

"Who was she?"

" _He_. His name was Ben Solo." You couldn't stop the tears dripping down your cheeks as you hang your head. "He's _gone_."

"I knew him." Kylo Ren says stiffly.

You look up in surprise and he shrugs.

"I killed Ben Solo."


	7. ~Yes, Commander~

"I killed Ben Solo."

The words were echoing through your mind over and over and over again. _I killed Ben Solo_. You feel anger blossoming through your chest. Before you could stop yourself, you throw your tray aside and lunge across the table, tackling Kylo Ren to the ground. With furious screams of anger and pain, you send your fists flying. You were trying to inflict as much pain upon him as he had on you. Your attempts weren't working very well. Although he was laying beneath your body, it was easy for him to get the upper-hand. He grasps onto your wrists and twists them, rolling you onto the floor so that he was the one now pinning you down.

"Are you finished?" He grumbles.

"You _murderer!_ You killed him! Y-You're a fucking killer!" You scream until your voice goes hoarse.

Hot tears run from your puffy eyes as your cheeks flush red with anger. You try to rip your arms away, but he had pinned them above your head. His entire body weight on top of you rendered your strength completely useless. _I killed Ben Solo._ Your best friend... the man you had true feelings for and _loved_... killed by the man who had kidnapped and imprisoned you. You wanted to rip that ridiculous mask from his face and just start beating him. If you couldn't hurt him emotionally, like the way he had hurt you, you would hurt him physically. Perhaps if you could get a hold of your tray, you could beat him with that.

"Go ahead. _Try_." Kylo Ren challenges, obviously having read your thoughts. "Use the Force to bring it to your hand."

You were so tempted to do so, but using the Force would give him what he wanted. Instead, you remain silent. Kylo Ren doesn't move and the two of you stay pathetically upon the floor.

"Sir?" Apparently Stormtroopers had heard your screams and were now surrounding their leader. "What are your orders?"

"Take her back to her cell. I'll be there shortly." Kylo Ren stands up with a small puff, pushing himself off of you.

You are yanked to your feet by the Stormtroopers and are forcibly dragged back to your cell. The sight of that damned metal plat was enough to make you gag. They clamp your restraints back on and tighten them a considerable amount, ignoring your small outbursts and cries of protest. Now _everything_ had gone wrong. Your body ached from being tossed around, your feet hurt from the heels, and your heart had just been smashed to pieces all over again. All because of some monstrous freak in a mask.

"Stop calling me that." His cold voice hisses from the door.

"Stay out of my head!" You yell, thrashing your body violently towards him.

Kylo Ren continues walking towards you, unphased as ever. He stops before you, the mask glistening as he looks you up and down. "You're going to need some new clothes. My men don't know how to control themselves, it seems."

"Why should you care? You're just some emotionless, twisted, shell of a person. You're so many things, Kylo Ren, but I wouldn't even know where to _start_." You spit poisonously.

You let out an involuntary gasp as he starts towards you and locks a gloved hand tightly around your throat. The leather rubs against your skin as he leans in, his mask just inches away from your petrified face.

"It's Commander to you." He snarls.

"I'll call you whatever I want." You snap.

Before he has the chance to pull away, you manage to pull together all of the saliva in your mouth. You lean forward a little and spit at him. To your surprise, he barely reacts. Kylo Ren slowly takes a step back, raising his hand to his helmet. He wipes the spit from the metal with two fingers and holds them out towards you. You furrow your brow in confusion.

" _Suck_." He says plainly.

"What?" You reply incredulously. "I don't know where that filthy mask has been. Or your fingers, for that matter. I'm not going to-"

"Do what I say or you'll go without food for a week." Kylo Ren steps closer. "Now take back your saliva."

You hesitantly part your lips. Without warning, his fingers slip inside your mouth. He was extremely calm and still, as though he was blind to your discomfort. You reluctantly and unwilling suck the spit back from his gloved finger. He pulls his hand out of your mouth with a soft pop.

"Hopefully now you'll be able to contain your bodily fluids." He wipes his hand on the front of his robes.

"Perv," you mutter under your breath.

This seems to anger him. "Don't be so degrading towards me. I'm not a ' _perv'_ like some of my men. Why do you think I'm getting you some clothes to protect your modesty?"

You decide to toy with him. "Oh please, you _love_ the sight of me in this dress, don't you?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

" _Excuse me_ -" you protest, offended by his words. "I'm-"

"Shut _up_!" He snaps. "I told you to watch your mouth, didn't I? That's going to be the thing that gets you killed. If you don't stay complying soon, things are going to get very _difficult_ for you very fast. Am I making myself clear?"

"No," you tease.

Kylo Ren grips your arm tightly and you yelp in pain at his remarkable strength. He leans in once more and if weren't wearing a mask, you were sure your noses would be touching. His two fingers were still wet, you could feel the cold against your skin.

"I said," he hisses, "am I making myself _clear_?"

"Y-Yes, Commander."


	8. ~Conflicted~

You should have known how much trouble you were going to be in the moment you spit on Kylo Ren. Sure, he had forced you to _suck_ your own spit right off of his fingers, but that hardly qualified as a punishment. You could barely sleep on that metal plate and the constant anxiety of him barging in to punish you made it even more difficult. You had heard about the interrogation methods that the empire used to use. They had little droids equipped with every possible torture tool imaginable. Everything from needles, to knives, to electric arms that sent out short bursts of electricity. Perhaps the First Order still used them.

The knowledge you had about the First Order was very limited. Canto Bight barely ever had news about the ongoing war between the Order and the Resistance, so most of your information came from drunken sellers that worked part-time for the Order. There weren't many interesting topics that were brought up. It was mostly political snafu that you couldn't care less about. Once in a while, someone would let slip plans for weapons or something about prisoners. It wasn't very memorable back then, although due to your current situation, you wished you had paid more attention.

Kylo Ren was going to come back at some point. There wasn't a single doubt in your mind about that. He was a powerful man who knew what he wanted and almost always got it. You knew people that weren't trained in the Force or weren't mentally strong would spew information the moment he started to probe their minds. You could only wonder if you were his toughest prisoner yet. You highly doubted that. He was the _commander_. He had made that painfully clear yesterday. Ren probably dealt with all sorts of men and women that were trained to withstand torture techniques. You shiver at the thought of all of the shifty low-life's that were once laying in the same room you were in now. The First Order appeared prestigious and well-kept enough, but you _knew_ that they worked with crime syndicates, bounty hunters, and smugglers all of the time. They probably had so many dirty secrets, it would make your head spin.

You flinch slightly as the door to your right slides open with its familiar, high-pitched hiss. You don't bother looking up at the sound of heavy footsteps and the gently rustle of a cloak. Kylo Ren appears in front of you and as per usual, he was dawning his mask. _Does he even have a_ _ **face**_ _under that thing?_ You think as you wrinkle your nose.

"I can assure you I do." His roboticized, monotone voice replies.

_Dammit_. He was in your thoughts again. Should you have even been surprised at this point? "What did I tell you about staying _out_ of my head?"

"You don't give me any orders. Potential ally or not, you're still a prisoner on this ship. This is _my_ ship." Kylo Ren says with a small huff.

You scoff. "You're just a commander! There are plenty of generals who outrank you. What makes you so special other than the Force?"

It was in that moment, that you realized he had brought you breakfast. Your mouth begins to water at the sight of it. You didn't care _what_ the slop was. Food was food and you didn't exactly have a choice. He was also carrying something else. There was a bundle of cloth that the breakfast tray was balancing on top of.

"I was going to feed and cloth you. But your little attitude problem made me change my mind," he says coldly, turning on his heel to leave.

"No, wait!" You call out desperately. "I'm sorry... _Commander_."

With a dull _thunk_ , the tray and the pile of clothes hit the floor. Kylo Ren raises his hand towards you and the restraints spring open. You stand up slowly, not wanting to make any sudden moves that he would find suspicious.

"I'll be back in five minutes. You'd better be fully clothed by then or I'll have a Stormtrooper rip your clothes off and do it himself." Ren points a threatening finger at you.

As soon as he disappears into the hall and the door slides shut, you kick your heels off. Your feet felt strange on the ground after being in those shoes for so long. You felt a little awkward pulling your dress off, even though you were sure nobody was watching. The clothes he had brought you were rather plain, but anything was better than what you were wearing now. The new outfit consisted of a pair of black leggings, a dark grey sweater, and boots that went about halfway up your shins. You toss your dress aside and seat yourself on the floor to start eating the breakfast he had brought you. It wasn't any different from the breakfast you had had the day before. It was strange though. The buffet, while tasting terrible, had dozens of options. What were the odds he chose the _exact_ same foods as you had? Unless he had paid attention to what you had gotten. That seemed like a ridiculous thought. Kylo Ren didn't need to please you or make you feel like he _cared_. He wasn't even capable of such a thing.

"You're finished dressing?" His voice rumbles as he re-enters the cell. " _Good_. Eat faster, girl. We have something to do."

"You could call me by my real name you know. I, unlike some people, don't have an ego that needs feeding." You smirk up at him.

Kylo Ren was tall. _Very_ tall. He must have been over six foot but from the floor he appeared even taller. You couldn't see his face, but you were sure it was twisted into a scowl at your words. "Don't you want to know my name?"

"No need to. I pulled it out of your head." For some reason, that answer didn't seem like the truth.

" _Okay_?" You frown.

"Get up, (Y/L/N)." Ren nudges the edge of your tray with the toe of his leather boot. "I have much more important things to attend to than a stubborn little girl."

You groan and stand as slowly as possible. With a scowl, you shift towards the metal plate so Ren could lock you up again. To your surprise, he lifts his hand slightly to stop you. "That won't be necessary. Hold still and _don't_ try anything."

"W-What are you doing?" You suddenly felt very nervous and vulnerable.

"Continuing our interrogation process. I should hope you won't spit on me this time." Without further warning, Kylo Ren extends his gloved hand towards your temple.

The pain hit you like a thousand knives. You knew he was making this hurt on purpose and it was even worse while you were standing. Your back slams against the wall as your nails scrabble for something, _anything_ to hold onto. The further you back away from him, the closer he draws. You had never met a more intimidating man in your life. His hulking black figure towers over you as his fingers tense up. The Force flows through you, pumping into your mind to extract any information that could be useful to him.

His slightly-muffled voice was calm from behind the mask. "Don't be afraid... I feel it too. The Force is connecting us, you and I, we're _one_. We're bonded by this energy. I can see everything, _feel_ everything."

You groan in pain. "P-Please. No more."

"When you left the temple you were beckoned by the Force. But it wasn't what you were trained with... it was darkness. The Dark Side was calling to you and it still does. You feel it in your veins and see it in your nightmares. It's going to continue manifesting within your body until you give in." Ren shifts.

"Stop!" Your voice cracks.

"When you have these nightmares, you picture a lake. I can see it. The blue water and the trees all around it. A small home on the edge of the water and two presences standing on the patio." He steps closer to you as you shrink back. "Don't deny your curiosity. You're desperate for answers and you seek them out in the Force, in your old master, in _me_. Skywalker can't give you any answers and he couldn't give them to me either. But I can. I can promise you the answers to all of your questions. I can make the nightmares go away." Kylo Ren lowers his hand and the pain fades away.

"No," you whisper as tears gather in your frightened eyes. "I won't join you."

"The Force won't let you rest until you and I become one with the Dark Side. We're a dyad. Connected. _Bonded_. I can feel your hesitation and your conflict. Your thirst and your curiosity outweigh those emotions. I know you want to take my hand. I can make the pain fade to nothing but a bad memory. _Join me_." His voice now sounded somewhat pleading and desperate.

Your hands tremble as the Force flowing through you burns. You had felt it begin to appear ever since you and Ren had connected and now it was back. The very thing you had pushed away for so long had come back to life. Because of _him_. A burst of anger breaks through the walls of sadness and fear. You grit your teeth and thrust your hand out. To your own and Kylo's surprise, his lightsaber comes flying from his side into your hand. You don't hesitate to ignite the blade. The power of it takes you by surprise. You had seen it before, but never like this. There were three blades in total; one main blade and two crossguards at the base of the main. It burned bright red like blood and vibrated in your hand. The hilt was heavy, clearly it was built to suit him and no one else. Your lightsaber had been calm and stable back in the day, but his crackled and felt as though it would explode at any second.

"Use your anger." Kylo snaps.

You ignore him. The weapon felt so unfamiliar in your hands after not using it for so long. As you go to swing it, you are thrown off-balance. Kylo merely has to lift one hand to stop the blade from connecting with the side of his neck. You are frozen in place with the hot saber just inches away from his skin.

"I must admit." He lowers his hand and uses the Force to rip the weapon back to his hand. "I prefer you spitting on me over you trying to kill me."

His fingertips connect with your temple and your world goes black.

  
  


  
  



	9. ~Ben's Darkness~

When you wake up, there was no cold metal against your back. No uncomfortably tight restraints rubbing on your skin. The only thing you could feel was silk encasing your body. As if someone had flipped a switch, you sit up suddenly and your brain catches up to you. You look around in confusion, not yet accustomed to your new surroundings. You were sitting on a comfortable king-sized bed with silk sheets, blankets, and pillows. The room would have been completely dark, had it not been for the strips of white light around the edges of the ceiling and floor. It was very simplistic, but elegant. The furniture was mostly black but sleek and sophisticated. You frown and toss the sheets back. Why were you here? You look down at yourself, suddenly panicking that someone might have done something to you while you were out. To your relief, you were still wearing the leggings and sweater.

You stand up slowly, your bare feet pressing against the cool slick ground. As far as you could tell, you were alone. You cautiously peer through the door on the other side of the room, but it was just a bathroom. The identical door beside it must have been a closet. To your left, stood the blaster doors. From your little adventure through the Finalizer, you knew they were motion activated. Unfortunately for you, the doors appeared to be sealed from the outside.

"Hello?" You call out. "Is anyone out there?" You doubted they could hear through the thick metal door.

You run a hand through your hair, unsure of what to do. As confused and stressed as you were about this new room, you couldn't complain. Anything was better than that little interrogation room. Your aching bones and dirty hair tell you it was time to take a shower. You were very hesitant about doing so, but something told you that you would be alone for a while. Your hand gropes around inside the bathroom beside the door for the light switch. There was no switch. You step into the bathroom and flinch as the lights spring on by themselves. _Motion activated_ , you think with a small groan. You shut the door behind you, but there wasn't a lock. With a small sigh of relief at the sight of a shower, you shed your clothing. You open the glass door and turn on the water. After a few moments, steam began to build up.

The hot water pours all over your tired, sore body. You close your eyes and let out an involuntary moan of relief and joy. You take your sweet time in the shower, never wanting it to end. Eventually you lather your hair with shampoo that smelled slightly of fruit. The body wash was smooth and gentle on your skin. You were disgusted by the dirt that ran into the drain, but you were happy to finally be clean. After another ten minutes of just standing and letting the water run over your body, you turn it off and step into the fogged-up bathroom. You wrap the fluffy black towel tightly around yourself and lean over the counter to wipe down the big mirror as best you could. You tousle and dry your hair, before stepping out of the bathroom. You didn't really want to change back into the same outfit Ren had supplied you with. You turn towards the closet and frown. Perhaps there were clothes inside? But why would they give you this much comfort? It didn't make much sense.

The closet light turns on when you step inside. A sharp gasp escapes your lips. Sure enough, there were piles of clothes on the shelves and hangers. You pull on another pair of leggings and exchange the musty sweater for a light t-shirt. The clothes were very simple, but you didn't want anything extravagant from the First Order. As far as you knew, you were still a prisoner to them.

"(Y/N)?" A deep, familiar voice rumbles from outside. You step out of the closet just as the doors shut behind Kylo Ren. His mask glistens as he turns his head to look at you. "I see that you've discovered the clothes."

You ignore his statement. "Why am I here?"

"Do you not find these quarters more accommodating than the cell?" He sounded a little offended.

"No, no, it's not that! It's just... why am I not in the cell? I haven't agreed to anything, Ren." You cross your arms. "I only remember trying to kill you."

"No. You never tried to kill me. I know that you're a _much_ better warrior than that weak, pitiful attempt. All you need to do is unlock your potential once more." Kylo Ren extends a gloved hand to you. "What else do I need to do for your acceptance?"

"Nothing. You won't get it." You say flatly. "I admit that I'm tempted but.... I need to go back."

"Go back to _what_? Your little boyfriend is dead. I killed him before your eyes. There's nothing there for you." Ren lowers his hand.

Tears string your eyes. "I'm aware. You're nothing more than a murderer. You've taken everyone I cared about. Xian and B-Ben." Your bottom lip begins to quiver at the mention of him. "D-Did Ben say anything about me?"

Kylo Ren stiffens up considerably. "Yes. He's the reason I know of your existence. I suppose our Force bond was luck on my part. You can blame _him_ for you being here."

"I can't blame Ben for anything. I never could. Not even when he made us both late to training. We scrubbed those steps twice that day," you crack a sad smile at the memory.

Ren makes an unintelligible noise from behind the mask. His shoulders tense up and he shifts his weight. "Ben Solo is _dead_. He's nothing but a bad memory now."

"Bad?" Your eyes narrow angrily. "Ben Solo was the only fond memories I have of Jedi training. He was everything to me. I-I loved him."

"Love is for the weak," the commander snaps. "Solo was weak and now you are. He died seeking out the darkness. Did Skywalker tell you that?" Your confusion made him chuckle darkly. "I suppose he didn't. Ben Solo was tempted by what the Dark Side had to offer. I killed him when he finally got what he wanted. The last thing he did was pledge his services to the First Order."

You could hardly believe what you were hearing. "Then why did you kill him?"

He hesitates. "He was holding back from his full potential. There was nothing left to be done except destroy him. Ben Solo is _dead_. He's gone. You can finish what he started."

"No," you whisper as your face pales. " _No_. You're lying! Ben was loyal to the Light Side. He was _meant_ to be a Jedi."

"People change." Ren spits. "Now follow me."

"Where are we going?" You frown, folding your arms tightly over your chest.

He doesn't reply.

Kylo Ren's cloak flutters behind him as he takes powerful strides through the corridors. You were trailing on his heels, trying hard to keep up with his wide steps. You were starting to get a little frustrated with him. He _still_ hadn't said a word about where you were going and now it was becoming obvious that he was blatantly ignoring you. You had given up with asking after the first six hallways and two elevator rides, knowing that this was the man who decided whether or not you stayed in your new quarters. You were still confused as to why you were even _given_ the quarters in the first place, but it would be best not to question him for a while.

Ren suddenly comes to a halt without warning. He whirls around and you slam right into his strong chest. He grips you tightly by your arms and you stare into the black visors of the mask. "I don't want to here a single sarcastic remark out of you while we're in there."

"I'll stay quiet if you tell me what we're doing." You smirk slightly.

He huffs in annoyance. " _Fine_. There's a meeting in this conference room that's going to start at any second and my presence is required. It's of upmost importance that you make yourself _seen and not heard."_

Your arms cross. _"_ Why am I even going to be there if I'm useless?"

"There are _many_ men and women in that room that think you should be killed because they think you're of no importance. They need to see that your loyalty lies with us now." Ren explains quickly.

A scoff escapes your lips. "I'm not loyal to you or anyone, for that matter."

"I know that. You know that. They don't know that. Let's keep it that way, shall we?" His grip on your arms was tightening as his anger grows. "Not a word. Is that clear?"

"Yes."

"Yes, _what_?"

_"_ Yes, _Commander_."

The commander releases you slowly. He turns on his heel and storms towards a set of blaster doors. They slide open immediately and you follow after him. Nerves begin to bubble in your chest at the sight of the people sitting in the conference room. The room was plain and black, like almost everything else on the ship, with a wide window giving a view into space on the opposite wall. A long table sat in the center of the room with about fifteen chairs, each but one was filled up with officers. They all looked so polished and important in their black and grey uniforms. They look up at the commander as he starts towards the table. At once, you could sense their fear of him. Ren takes his seat at the end of the table and when nobody was looking, he yanks you forward to stand at his side.

"Let's get on with it then," a pale man with slick red hair says huffily. "The progress on Star-Killer Base is exemplary. All further work on our ships should strive to achieve the same excellence."

You could practically smell the bullshit from where you were standing.

"Surely you're not that ignorant, General Hux." Kylo Ren's deep voice rumbles from the depths of his mask. "While the work itself has been exceptional, we still haven't tested the machine. The Supreme Leader expects the base to be fully operational so he can set his arrival. He wants to witness the destruction of the Resistance himself."

"Do not forget that we are yet to crush the Republic. As soon as the aiding planets are out of the way, the Resistance is a sitting target. It will be as easy as snapping a toothpick." Another man adds. "When will we be ready to begin testing, General?"

The man deemed as Hux shifts slightly and folds his hands on the table. "As soon as next week."

"Then it seems we have nothing to worry about. By some miracle your ignorance hasn't killed us all." Ren nods slightly.

At these words you let out a short, cold laugh. It fills the silence that had bathed the room, sending all eyes immediately snapping over to you. You cross your arms as a mocking grin spreads across your lips. Kylo Ren slowly looks up at you. You could feel the anger radiating off of him.

"What are you laughing about?" An officer demands.

You snort. "I'm sorry. It's hilarious to me how you don't see that he's clearly lying. Carrot-top over there-" you gesture towards Hux "-is lying straight to your faces and you're all too blind and content to see it."

Ren's anger nearly triples. "And how could _you_ possibly know that?" He sounded as though he was mocking you.

"Well," you huff. "He's avoiding eye contact with everyone in this room and he's shifting in his chair. Either he had a really bad breakfast or he's _lying_. My guess is the latter." Ren continues to stare at you. " _What?_ You pick up a few things as a gambler."

He turns to Hux expectantly. "Well? Is the girl telling the truth?"

Hux's face was bright red at this point. His mouth flaps like a fish as he desperately searches for words. This was enough for Ren to know that you were in fact telling the truth. He thrusts his gloved hand towards the man and you flinch as Hux begins to choke. His hands claw at his neck, as though invisible fingers had wrapped around his throat.

"How much longer?" Ren snarls.

"A-A month!" Hux manages to sputter. He gasps for air as the choke-hold is released from around his throat.

"Don't lie to me again." The commander gets to his feet immediately and you spring back as he brushes past you.

You see this as your cue to leave and follow him out of the stunned room, feeling the dirty look Hux was giving you behind your back. You were extremely proud of yourself for calling his bluff and you were happily waiting for Ren's approval. It never comes. You gasp in shock as he suddenly turns and grabs you by the throat, slamming you hard into the wall. Your vision swims and you were sure that you saw a few stars. He ignores your obvious struggle as his hand closes around your neck. His knee was pressing into your thigh. _Hard_.

"Don't _ever_ do that again." He snaps, the mask inches from your face. "Despite your intentions, you made me look like a fool. I told you not to speak, didn't I? I'm sure I made myself perfectly clear about keeping _quiet_. I'll have to punish you."

"B-But I _helped_ you." You sputter in disbelief, still trying to peel off his fingers from around your throat. "Y-Your master would have been angry with you if you gave him the wrong dates. Wouldn't he?"

Ren releases your throat at once and points a threatening finger at you. "Don't bring up my master. The Supreme Leader is wise. He would have seen right through Hux's lies."

"You mean like I did?" You rub your sore neck in disdain.

He scoffs softly. "I suppose. That doesn't change the fact that you made me look foolish. That will not go overlooked by me. You _will_ be punished, girl, don't argue with me. Until then, you need to start talking."

"Huh?" You frown.

"Your stupidity is baffling to me," Ren snaps. "You're going to have to start talking if I am to help further your training. Talking about _yourself_."

"You don't have to train me. I'm not agreeing to it."

"It's inevitable. I can see your choices clear as day and the Supreme Leader wants you. Our dyad is strong. You and I are bonded for life until the other dies. I would prefer you didn't die _yet_. I need answers first; about why we're connected in such a way." He replies curtly. "Come."

He takes the lead once more and you are forced to drag yourself all the way back to your quarters. When the both of you finally reach them, Ren sits down in one of the chairs and gestures to the one across from him. Slowly, you settle yourself in the uncomfortable chair and stare back at him. Kylo Ren leans forward slightly, resting his forearms on his knees. "Start talking."

"Where do I start?" You cross your arms.

He sighs in exasperation. "Must I do everything myself? How old are you? Surely you must be clever enough for that one."

His words made you scowl again. "I'm twenty-three."

"I would never have guessed. You behave like a child. When-"

"Wait!" You cut him off at once. "That's not how this works. I'm not going to answer anything unless you answer my questions as well. It's only fair. How old are _you_?"

Kylo Ren pauses for a moment, staring at you through his mask in contemplation. Finally, he answers. "Twenty-six. Why did you leave the temple?"

"I thought I already told you. When my old master told me that Ben died when the temple was destroyed, I left. The Force brought me too much pain and not enough answers. There were so many restrictions and I felt caged." You admit.

"That wasn't the Force's doing. That was the Light Side. The Jedi say they're pure, but their ideals trap a person. They force morals and training onto their padawans and deny them their pleasures. It's maddening." He spits. If you weren't mistaken, he sounded resentful, as though someone had caused him great pain on the Light Side.

This mad you a little angry. "What would you know about pain? You took away the person I loved."

Kylo Ren suddenly lunges out of his seat. You lean back in shock as he grips the armrests of your chair and gets close to your face. "I of all people know about pain. There are things you don't know about me that would make your skin crawl." You flinch as he trails his leather finger across your jaw. "You, Butterfly, don't know anything about pain."

Your face falls and your blood runs cold. "How-How did you know?"

"What?" He snaps as he steps back.

"Ben used to call me Butterfly. They had blue butterflies on Chandrila, where he was born, and we would catch them. How did you know?" You demand as you fly angrily to your feet. "Answer me!" Your voice cracks with pain.

Ren's shoulders begin to heave as his anger reaches the tipping point. He storms towards you and grips onto the front of your shirt. "The last thing Ben Solo mentioned before he died at my feet... was you."


	10. ~An Agreement~

_You, Butterfly, don't know anything about pain._ Kylo Ren's words echo through your mind over and over again, just like when he had told you what he did to Ben. The moment he had called you that, it was as though your brain had momentarily shut down. It had taken you a second to catch up to what had happened. _Butterfly._ Ben's smile flashes before your eyes like a ghost. What were the odds that Ben had even mentioned you before his death? And _why_? The only reason he would do such a thing is if Ren had mentioned you in a previous conversation. There was no way he would know you even existed back then. Your lips curve into a small frown. And the commander seemed to stunned when you questioned him, as though you had taken him off-guard for a moment. There were so many questions that you wanted answers to.

"Why won't you listen to me?" You demand, following Ren as he storms towards the door. "I just want answers from you!"

"I've given you several chances for that." He snaps as he whirls around. "If you agree to join me, I can give you whatever you want. I can tell you what you want to know. Show you what you want to see."

You throw your hands in the air dramatically. "I need _time_. These sort of decisions don't happen overnight. What you're trying to give me is what I ran from in the first place! I don't want anymore pain in my life."

Ren gives you a small push backwards. Apparently you were invading his personal bubble despite you being far enough back. "You're going to be in pain forever! I can put an end to your pain. The Dark Side of the Force is offering you a way out and you're blind to it. I can feel the conflict in you... you want to turn now more than ever."

You bite your lip as he turns on his heel and heads for the door once more. You needed to say something now. Now was your chance to make him listen. Now was your chance to get him to stay. In a panic you blurt, "if you answer my questions, I'll join you. I-I promise."

Kylo Ren freezes. He turns around slowly. Although you couldn't see his face, you could tell he was thinking. After a few moments of silence, "what do you want to know?"

You put on a brave front. "Why did you kill Ben Solo?"

His sigh sounded strange from within the helmet. "I already told you. His loyalty was questionable and he was holding back. He needed to unlock his potential and he was hesitant about doing so. His death were his final steps into doing so."

"How did you know him?"

"I sensed his conflict with the Force. Much like I sense yours now." He replies coldly. "I hunted him down like I did with the rest. His death was quick, if you must now. He didn't... he didn't suffer..."

This wasn't as comforting as you would have hoped. You bite your lip to keep back your tears. "Why did Ben mention me before he died?"

Ren shifts and pauses for a second. "I felt your presence as well. I demanded to know your location and he refused. That was one of the many reasons for his death. Solo wasn't as innocent as you think, (Y/N). His temptations toward the darkness came from an even darker part of him. Is that all you want to know?"

You figured this was a good a time as any to question anything and everything. Now he would be forced to with your loyalty on the line. You hadn't even thought about your words and you were starting to panic a little. You didn't really expect him to agree to your terms, but now it seemed as though you would be a part of the Order after all. You had no reason to fight it anymore. "Why do you wear that ridiculous mask? Now that I know you're not old and shriveled, I'm curious to see how deformed you are."

"You're testing my patience," he snarls. "I wear the mask for personal reasons. Reasons you don't need to know of." He brushes past you and your hand shoots out, bravely catching him by the wrist. "Let go of me."

"That's not an answer, Ren." You lift your free hand toward the bottom edge of his mask.

Ren's other hand grabs your wrist tightly, the leather from his gloves burning on your skin. "I told you to call me _Commander_. And don't _ever_ try to remove my mask again." He leans in, his mask hovering millimeters from your ear. "Or I'll have to punish you."

Shivers roll down your spine. Your breath catches in your throat and for some unknown reason, heat settles between your legs. You shift slightly, trying to calm your slight arousal down. Ren's hand slowly releases your wrist, his fingers brushing the top of your hand almost purposefully. His deep voice rumbles, "is that all?"

You nod stiffly. You were at a sudden loss for words as your curiosity towards the man beneath the mask spikes. There was also confusion towards yourself as to why you had suddenly been so turned on by him.

"If that is all you want to know... we have a lot of work to do. I'll be taking you in as my own apprentice. You are to answer to me and only to me, is that clear?"

"Yes, Commander." Your voice comes out in a whisper.

Ren leaves your quarters without another word. He disappears down the corridor just as the doors slide closed with a soft hiss. You run a hand through your hair and stumble towards your bed, flopping down on mattress in defeat. You run your bottom lip through your teeth as the thought of him. His words sent shivers down your spine once more. Thoughts begin to invade your mind and your eyes widen when you recognize what you were feeling. _Lust_.

  
  


~

  
  


Kylo Ren storms down the hallway. His clenched fists swing at his sides as he takes his wide, intimidating steps. Beneath his mask, he was sweating. He could feel the sweat dripping down his forehead and drenching his back. He wanted nothing more than to return to his quarters and rip his clothes off. Rip _her_ clothes off. Ren takes a deep, ragged breath at the sudden thought. He had felt her arousal at his words, but he never thought it would have an effect on him. Sure, the girl was a pretty thing, but he had cut himself off from personal desire and pleasure. As a familiar set of double doors comes into view, he silences his thoughts immediately, not wanting his master to hear them.

He pushes the doors open and enters the dark room. His heavy footsteps and flutter of his cloak echo through the massive hall, filling the cold silence. As he approaches a short raised platform, Ren drops to one knee and bows his head. A flickering blue light fills the darkness as a hologram appears on the platform. It was at least fifty feet tall and depicted a man sitting upon a massive throne. _Supreme Leader Snoke._ Snoke was certainly a frightening sight to see. His skin was pale, wrinkled, and bore twisted battle scars. His face itself was uneven, as though someone had hastily tried to put it back together, and there was a deep divot dragging across the top of his head.

Snoke's voice was rough, cold, and husky as he spoke. "The mighty Kylo Ren. My worthy apprentice. What news do you bring for me this time?"

"The girl has agreed to join the First Order," Ren rises to his feet at once. "With your approval, she will begin her training tomorrow under me."

"Do you think you are prepared to take on this task? You are still an apprentice yourself." His words were said almost mockingly.

He shifts. "Yes, Master. She will be easy to shape and bend. Years of pain and running have made her weak in the Force. Her training will be built from the ground up. We can control her however we want to."

"Then you will begin at once." Snoke narrows his pale eyes at the boy before him. "What is it that I sense in you?"

"Master?" Kylo Ren tenses.

"There is something stirring within you. Emotions. Towards the girl. What is it that I can sense, my apprentice? I sense... _lust_." He raises an accusing finger.

He explodes immediately. "No! Master, there is nothing you need to be concerned about. It was a simple misunderstanding. I have it all under control, Supreme Leader, you must put your faith in me. I-"

"Silence!" Snoke's voice rumbles. "This is most opportune for us, boy. You may oblige your _desires_ just once and then you will abandon these reckless thoughts. You cannot afford to lose such a valuable ally. Another Force-User might just aid us in seeing the downfall of the Resistance. Remember, Kylo Ren. _Just once_." Snoke's hologram flickers and disappears.

Ren tries to control his breathing as his master's words repeat in his mind. _You may oblige your desires just once._ He clenches his jaw at the thought of it. After the events of this evening, he was sure she wouldn't be hesitant about fulfilling his desires, considering her arousal. As he makes his way back to his own quarters, he chuckles softly, _my little Butterfly._


	11. ~Desires~

You are woken up by a fist hammering on your door. With a small groan, you groggily sit up and run a hand through your messy morning hair. A scowl crosses your face when the loud knocking continues. It wouldn't have been Ren; he didn't exactly have a preference for knocking and would have stormed right in. It must have been an officer or a Stormtrooper. You toss your blanket aside and drag yourself toward the door, pressing the button on the touch-screen panel to open it up. Sure enough, a Stormtrooper was standing right outside. You feel his judging eyes looking you up and down beneath his white helmet. You fight back the urge to knock the bucket right off his head for checking you out like that.

"The commander requires your presence in the training room. His orders are for you to arrive in the next fifteen minutes or he will drag you there himself." The Stormtrooper doesn't wait for your response. He turns on his heel and stands beside the door. Apparently he was going to escort you there.

The door slides shut and you rub your tired eyes. Surely it was much too early for training. What were you even supposed to wear? Your choices were very limited since more than half of your clothes were exact copies of one another. You settle on another black t-shirt, leggings, and cloth boots. It was bland, but you didn't have to impress anyone with your fashion choices. Not yet anyways. You brush your teeth quickly and run a hairbrush through your tangles, now in deep thought about the events of yesterday. The lust and arousal you had felt made you annoyed. You were mostly annoyed with your body for responding in such a way, especially around a man who could read your thoughts and feel your emotions. As you shake the thought away, you glance at the clock that showed galactic standard time. Although you couldn't read that version very well, you knew your fifteen minutes was nearly over. You curse under your breath and rush out the door, turning expectantly to the Stormtrooper.

As the two of you walk down the corridors, you begin to overthink _everything_. Panic begins to fill you. You would have to learn all of these hallways and sections sooner rather than later. And what if Ren expected you to start fighting today? What if he sensed your emotions last night and he was disgusted? _Why am I so worried,_ you think angrily. _I shouldn't care what he thinks of me. It's not like it's my fault that my body responded that way._ You scold yourself silently for your lack of self-control. As you turn the corner, your heart begins to race. There was a single set of blaster doors at the end of the hall. That must have been it. The Stormtrooper stops by the door and gestures for you to enter. You take a deep breath as it slides open for you.

Your breath catches in your throat at the sight of it. It was _massive_. You had pictured a small room with equipment and mats and low ceilings, but _this_? You never expected this. The ceiling must have been at least twenty or thirty feet above your head. Everything was sleek and black, with red lighting around the ceiling. One wall held tall shelves filled with weaponry, weights, and other things you couldn't even identify. The wall furthest from you had a massive window that gave a beautiful view into the empty vastness of space. Most of the floor was the sleek black material like the rest of the ship, but a black sprung floor had been placed in the middle. You guessed it was for combat training so nobody seriously injured themselves with a fall. To your surprise, you weren't alone with Ren. There were six other men along with him. They wore intimidating black armor, but no masks. Their masks had been placed on a long bench alongside towels and water bottles. It was no surprise that Ren was still wearing his.

You approach the commander quickly, eying the men rather nervously. "I didn't mean to be late. Who are they?"

"My Knights of Ren." He replies flatly. "Don't let it happen again."

You glance at the Knights. "Am I going to be training with them?"

Ren scoffs softly. "Don't be ridiculous. You aren't doing anything today. You need to get accustomed to what training is going to look like. Today, you will sit and watch beside me."

A massive weight lifts from your shoulders as you sigh with relief. You sit down on the bench with your chin resting in your hands as the commander approaches the men. He speaks with them for a little while, before they move onto the springy floor and begin to warm up for combat practice. Ren returns to your side, but he doesn't sit down.

"You could at least tell me their names." You look up at him.

As he names them, he points to each one individually. "Vicrul, Cardo, Kuruk, Ushar, Trudgen, and Ap'lek." He stops speaking immediately after. It seemed you wouldn't be getting more information on them any time soon.

Instead, you use your observational skills. Those skills had been given to you during your years at the Jedi temple, but they had heightened when you started gambling. You watch each one of them closely and halfway through their combat training, you had almost figured them out. Vicrul carried a sort of modified scythe as a weapon and seemed to gain strength every time he managed to knock someone down or best them. Cardo didn't strike with precision, but rather used his heavily-modified weapon to bring destruction onto his opponent. His weapon had been changed so many times, that it was difficult to put a name to it. Trudgen and Kuruk didn't train with the others until it was time for hand-to-hand, since they fought with Blaster-rifles. The two seemed to have a closer bond because of this and heavily relied upon each other. Ushar fought with a reaver cleaver and seemed to have a rather twisted mind. He brought his opponent to pain and made them beg before releasing them. You were sure he would do the same in battle, but kill instead of release. And finally there was Ap'lek. He was very strategic and calculated every single one of his moves. He wielded vibro-axe and you could sense that he had the most potential to be trained in the Force. They were all interesting individuals that would be incredibly lethal on the battle field.

Before you knew it, their training was over. You stand at once and move aside as they drag themselves over to the bench you had been sitting on. They wipe the sweat from their faces and drink their water dry. As you go to speak with their master, you could feel their gazes lingering on you. They were assessing you just like you had with them.

"What did you think?" Kylo Ren looks down at you as he cleans the hilt of his lightsaber.

"They're impressive. So are you." You admit. "Am I right to assume I'll start my training tomorrow? With you?"

He nods. "With me and only me. From now on, you and the Knights are going to train apart almost every day. Your training will be scheduled for every other day at the same time you were woken up this morning. When I see that you are capable enough, you will fight _them_." He lowers his hilt and gestures toward the men. "I'll see you here tomorrow."

You nod stiffly, glancing over at the Knights one last time. Your eyes lock with Cardo for just a moment, but was enough to make heat rise to your cheeks. You turn on your heel and hurry out of the training hall. Just before the door seals behind you, you hear their voices for a split second. Your heart sinks. They were talking about you. That wasn't something you wanted to focus on at the moment. You had other things to think about. Like _food_. Training had taken up most of the day and you hadn't even eaten your breakfast or lunch. You scowl at one of the clocks as you pass by it. They wouldn't even be serving lunch anymore and dinner was two hours away. The silence is filled by your stomach growling as you force yourself to return to your quarters. You figured you might as well take a shower to pass some of the time.

By the time dinner rolled around, you felt as though you were on the verge of starvation. It was a little over-dramatic, but you didn't care. You storm to one of the nearest mess halls, determined to be the first in line. Just before you can even make it out the door of your quarters, you slam right into a Stormtrooper. He takes a surprised step back.

"Be careful." His voice didn't sound very angry, which was a pleasant surprise. "There's people here that you _really_ don't want to bump into. Your new master is one of them."

"You know about that?" You look at him incredulously.

"Word travels fast around her. Unfortunately so do rumors. Where were you even going in such a hurry?" He questions.

You sigh. "The mess hall. I haven't eaten anything all day."

The man chuckles, but not in a mocking way. "As an apprentice to the commander, your meals are delivered to your quarters daily. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That's why I was here." He holds out the tray of food to you and your stomach growls in response. "I can see I wasn't a moment too soon. I'll be on my way now, but I hope to see you again."

"Wait-" you say quickly before he has a chance to leave "-what's your name?"

"KS-7683" the Stormtrooper replies with another chuckle.

"Ah. Well, I'm going to call you Kess." You raises your eyebrows and he nods.

Pleased with yourself for finally meeting someone nice, you return to your room with the tray of food. It already looked _much_ better than the slop they had fed you while you were still a prisoner. You couldn't imagine how good the food they served Kylo Ren or the Supreme Leader must have been. You cut greedily into the Canron meat and sigh contently as the flavor explodes in your mouth. As you continue to eat, you let your mind run free. You had been thinking about Ren--what a surprise--during training. Now that you had seen his Knights with their masks off, you wanted to see _him_ without his mask. You knew he was young now and you couldn't help but wonder if your previous assumptions about him being hideous were wrong as well. What if he was attractive? Your curiosity begins to get the better of you and soon you were itching to see him again.

Then you decide to do something extremely stupid. If you wanted to see him without his mask on, all you had to do was sneak into his quarters. Even if you only got a small peek of it, it was worth it. _Right?_ He would only punish you if you got caught. You slip the tray from your lap and stand up, sneaking out of your quarters with ease. Surely he would still be awake at this hour and if he wasn't, it would be even better for you. You could vaguely remember passing his quarters at some point and eventually, you find yourself standing right in front of them. You stare down at the panel, wincing softly. _The code_. An idea suddenly pops into your head. Hoping that nobody would come by anytime soon, you squat down in front of the touch-screen panel and lean forward so that the light was catching on it. It took a little bit of adjusting, but soon you could see the fingerprints on the screen in the lighting. You smirk, proud of your quick thinking. Your fingers fly across the numbers, completely confident in your abilities. To your delight, the panel flashes green.

  
  


~

  
  


Inside of his quarters, Kylo Ren was in deep thought. He hardly ever meditated since it was something from his Jedi training, but he found it useless to sort through his emotions and ideas. As he takes a deep breath in, his bare chest expands and shimmers in the dim lighting. His closes his brown eyes and slowly releases the air in his lungs. He grits his teeth in annoyance. The thought of you hadn't left his mind all day. _Oblige your desires._ Snoke had told him to and he was still hesitant. He desperately wanted to, but he _couldn't_. Seeing you enter the training room that morning made his heart skip a beat. His palms had been sweating on his gloves and his nerves were intensified the closer you had gotten. If his Knights hadn't been present, he would have ripped your clothes off then and there. His eyes open when he senses your presence in the Force. You were close. In fact, you were right outside his door. He stands up immediately when he hears the panel softly beep from the outside. Ren thrusts his hand out, his mask flying towards him. Just as he yanks it over his head, the door slides open and you appear.

You step inside. Your face falls and goes pale. He was standing just a few feet away from you, staring directly at you. _Shit,_ you think in horror. _That didn't go as I planned._ Your eyes start to roam over his bare, muscular chest and your face heats up, turning bright pink. He was so chiselled and perfect. It was strange seeing him shirtless but with the mask on. And his _hands_. His hands looked even bigger without the gloves. Your mind screams at you to stop lusting, but it was too late for that.

"Are you lost?" His deep voice rumbles from the depths of the helmet.

You were at a loss for words. "I-I didn't mean to. I mean I did but... I'm sorry! I didn't think you were going to be right there. I'll just b-be on my way now."

"No." His voice sends chills down your spine. "Come here."

Slowly, you turn around and walk over to him. You hear the door lock with a loud _thunk_. Could he even do that with the Force? Your nails dig into the palm of your hands as you breathe erratically. He was standing before you closer than ever now, with his chest bare and his hands loose at his sides.

Ren doesn't move. "I thought I told you that you wouldn't be seeing me without my mask. Didn't I make myself clear?"

"Y-Yes, you did." You stammer.

"No... no, I don't think I made myself clear enough. I intend to do so now. I hope you understand that I'm going to have to punish you." He moves even closer, his eyes on you from behind the black abyss of the mask.

"Please, I wasn't thinking!" You gasp in horror.

"Oh but you _were_. I can hear your thoughts. They're awfully loud, Butterfly." Ren reaches out and tips your chin up. "I can feel your _lust_."

You wince slightly. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

"You _do_. You can't avoid punishment. Let's make this easy for both of us. Take off your clothes."

"What?" You couldn't believe your ears. Had he really just said that or was your mind playing tricks on you?

"You heard me." Ren purrs.

Your fingers tremble as you reach for the hem of your shirt. You tug it up over your head and let it fall to the ground, suddenly self-conscious in his presence. You look up at him, begging him to let you stop, but he didn't move. You swallow and remove your boots, followed by your leggings. Kylo Ren's breathing becomes ragged beneath his mask as he moves closer to you. He trails his finger across your jaw.

"The mask," you whisper.

"It stays on." Ren says flatly.

"Yes." You nod in defeat. You gasp as he whirls you around and slams you against the wall face first. His hand twists around you and grips onto the front of your throat.

He leans in, his face hovering beside your ear. "You will address me as Commander, pet."

"I don't belong to anyone," you snap, the cold wall pressing against your chest and stomach.

"You belong to me and only me." Kylo Ren's hand slides down your neck and trails toward the band of your panties.

Your breath catches in your throat and you let out an involuntary whine at the feeling of his fingers getting closer. His chuckle resonates in his throat, "look at you. Already wet for me and I haven't even gotten there yet. Tell me, Butterfly, did Xian touch you like this?"

You gasp as his fingers slip into your panties. He begins to tease your entrance and you moan softly, trying to wiggle down onto his hand. You arch your back and press into him, feeling that he was hard against your ass. A soft groan from him sets you over the edge.

"Stop teasing," you huff as your palms slap the wall weakly.

Your head falls back against his shoulder as he slips two fingers in. He pumps in and out rhythmically, pleasuring you like you had never been pleasured before. A wanton moan escapes your lips and your breath hitches as you roll forward on your toes. His free hand grips onto your shoulder and pushes down. You cry out as his fingers sink knuckle deep. You knew you were getting close to your peak. And so did he. You whine and shudder as he pulls his fingers back.

"N-No!" You gasp, whirling around desperately to face him. "Please!"

"Beg for it." Kylo Ren snarls as your juices drip from his fingers.

"Please, Commander. Fuck me," you look at him longingly.

He brings his wet fingers to your lips and echoes his previous words to you. " _Suck_."

You don't protest. Your lips part and he slides his fingers into your mouth. You had never tasted yourself before and it was a new, strange experience. Wanting to please him, you moan softly.

"Good girl," Ren slides his fingers out of your mouth with a soft _pop._

He grips you by the wrist and drags you over to his bed. You fall onto your hands and knees on his black silk sheets. Your fists close around the material, gripping it tightly. Kylo Ren moves behind you and reaches down, placing a hand on your back. You gasp as he presses against your back, causing it to arch toward the bed and putting your ass in the air for him. Air kisses your skin as he tugs down your panties. You scrunch your eyes together, more self-conscious than ever.

" _Beautiful,"_ he rumbles as though he knew.

Your eyes fly open. _What did he just call you?_ You hear him unzip the front of his pants. You wanted to turn around and see what his cock looked like, but he would surely slap you for trying. Without warning, he grips your hips and slides into you. You moan loudly and grip the sheets tightly. It was _big_. You could feel yourself stretching to accommodate his size.

"You're so tight," he hisses. "So wet."

Ren moans as he thrusts in and out of you at an uneven pace. He was pounding deeper and deeper into you until you were sure he was hitting your core. You let out the loudest, unapologetic moan as he does. You gasp as his fingers dig into your scalp and he yanks back your head with your hair. You were getting close to your orgasm, but so was he.

"F-Fuck." He groans. "I'm gonna-"

You whine breathlessly as he comes into you. He pulls himself out of you, but doesn't let you move. He smirks beneath his mask as he watches the cum drip from your pussy and down your legs. After what seemed like forever to you, he allows you to move. You hear him stuff his cock back into his pants in disappointment. You were sitting on his back in a tangled, sweaty, sticky mess with red cheeks and messy hair. Ren moves toward you and caresses your cheek with his hand.

"Don't get your hopes up, my pet. The Supreme Leader allowed me to give in to my desires this once. It won't happen again." He says softly.

Your face falls. "You didn't even let me come."

"I decide when you do. And _if_ you do." Hardness returns to his voice. "You can return to your quarters."

You stare at him, but he doesn't look at you. With a scoff, you stand up and dress angrily. You storm out of his quarters for a walk of shame. You couldn't believe him! How cruel could one person be? Your legs were aching from what he had done to you. The last time you had felt this way was with Ben. You push back your tears, angry and sad that you were having yet another thing ripped away from you.

  
  



	12. ~Day One~

With sweaty palms and your lips pressed into a thin line, you start the quick walk up to the training hall. You had been thinking about your first day ever since Ren had kicked you out of his quarters. It was going to be painstakingly awkward between the two of you and something told you he wouldn't take it easy. Along with the nerves, there was still anger coursing through your veins. Anger towards him for tossing you out for a one night stand. And anger towards yourself for allowing yourself to get used in such a way. He had seduced you and you had fallen right into his trap. You just fucked the man who had killed your best friend and the love of your life. Or rather, he fucked _you_. It was enjoyable, you couldn't deny that, and it was unlike anything you had ever experienced before. Xian never did any of those things the way Kylo Ren had. You had only slept with Ben once and you hardly remembered it. The entire night was a massive blur.

As the training room doors come into sight, you close your eyes and try your best to calm your nerves. Your heart was beating so loudly, that you were sure anyone who passed by you could hear it. The door slides open and you step inside of the impressive room. You were going to tire of the sight eventually, but until then it would take your breath away. To your dismay, Kylo Ren was already inside. There was a big chance he was going to scold you for being even one minute late. _Especially_ with the mood he was going to be in.

Sure enough, his voice rumbles across the room. "You're _late_. Don't let it happen again or-"

"You'll punish me, yeah, yeah." You mutter under your breath.

You could feel his cold glare following your movements as you approach the springy center mat. As you step up, the bounciness of the floor takes you by surprise. Perhaps this wasn't going to hurt as much as you thought it would. _Hopefully_. You place your hands on your hips and give him the coldest look you could muster.

"Don't look at me like that," Ren snaps. "You are to forget about the events of yesterday. It's never going to happen again. It's a miracle the Supreme Leader allowed it just once. Do not forget your place, _apprentice._ Although you can expect to move up ranks in the future, you are still my inferior and I am your master as well as your commander."

You give him a sarcastic smile, _"yes, Commander."_

He desperately wanted to teach you a lesson just for your sarcasm, but he knew there was more where that came from. You had a mouth on you and Ren wouldn't admit it, but he loved and hated it. The commander points toward a rack of mock lightsabers that had plastic blades instead of real ones. "Bring one to you with the Force."

_Getting right into it, huh._ You think with a small sigh. You turn towards the rack and extend your hand, concentrating on one of the sabers. All of your past training was rushing back to you at once, telling you to relax and take a deep breath. A grin breaks out onto your face as the saber comes flying towards you. Your grin fades when your master thrusts his hand out and snatches it in midair.

"No." Ren snaps. "You're relying on the light rather than the dark. Instead of focusing on patience and feeling peace, you need to use your hatred, anger, and sadness to draw the Force in. Try again."

You roll your (e/c) eyes at him and turn back towards the rack. Once again, your hand extends towards the sabers and your other hand curls into a fist at your side. You grit your teeth and begin to think about everything that had happened. Ben's death, Xian's death, your kidnapping, Ren using you. One of your eyes twitches slightly and you bite on your lip so hard, that you could taste coppery blood. It was as though hundreds of voices were echoing through your head. Cold screams ring in your ears. Your heart beats quicker and quicker. The entire rack of sabers begins to rattle and shake violently.

"(Y/N)." Kylo Ren hisses in a warning tone. "Stop. _Now_."

You couldn't. In fact, you didn't even hear his words. Your senses were overwhelmed by the voices and the screams. Tears prick your eyes and blur your vision. Out of all of the voices, one was drowning them all out.

' _Butterfly_.'

It was Ben's voice. No... it was Kylo Ren's. But it didn't _sound_ like him. It was as though he had removed his helmet and his voice was no longer effected by the modifying vocoder. You shudder and gasp, your hands flying to your ears and clamping down over them in a feeble attempt to shut out the voices. A scream leaves your lips and you hear a loud thud, before everything goes black and your body hits the floor.

"(Y/N)."

_Ben._ You groan softly, shifting on the floor. You hear your name leave his lips again. "Ben," you groan, "I thought you were dead."

"(Y/N)."

Your eyes open. It wasn't him. Instead, Kylo Ren was kneeling beside you on the ground, his gloved hand gripping your shoulder. You grab onto his sleeve in an attempt to steady yourself. _What just happened?_ You remembered the voices, your overwhelmed senses, a loud crashing sound, and your body going limp. You furrow your brow with realization; you had passed out. And on your first day of training too. At least your training hours weren't shared with the Knights of Ren. They would have seen you as weak or useless. But who were those voices? And what was the crashing sound?

"You threw me across the room." Ren answers for you. "Your body is used to working with the Light Side of the Force. A transition as fast as this one is bound to have harmful effects." He rises and offers a hand to you.

Then you remembered who he was. You swat his hand aside. "I don't need _your_ help. Don't touch me."

He scowls behind his mask as you shakily rise to your feet and bring a hand to your throbbing temple. Whatever you were expecting from your first day, this sure wasn't it. Ren crosses his muscular arms. "You're still angry with me. Well, you're going to be angry for a while. Don't mope and complain about my disinterest in your body."

"Oh _please,"_ you scoff as you plop yourself down onto the bench. "We both know you just can't handle emotions like this. You've been devoid of physical affection for so long, that you can't take it. You couldn't even make me cum." Now you were just poking a stick at a sleeping dragon.

Your master lunges at you, completely ignoring your recent fainting spell. His hand locks around your throat tightly as your back is slammed against the wall. He leans in closely, his voice rumbling in his throat. "I wasn't trying. I know you thought I was all the way in, pet, but I wasn't even close. You're so needy... so desperate for me to touch you. You have _no idea_ what else I can do to you."

You squirm in his grip. "You want to do things to me so badly, but you can't. Because you're just a dog on a leash doing whatever your master tells you to do."

He goes silent for a moment, before pushing you against the wall one last time and releasing your throat. Ren turns on his heel and storms towards the rack of fallen sabers. You stand and hurry out of the room, boldly assuming that training was over. _Who cares what he think,_ you huff. _He's just following orders. He acts all high and mighty, but he's beneath some powerful people._ You round the corner, so deep in your thoughts that you don't see a Stormtrooper coming your way. You gasp as you slam into him.

"Woah, easy there." A familiar voice laughs. "We have to stop meeting like this."

"Kess?" You furrow your brow.

"In the flesh." Kess nods.

He glances over his shoulder to see if anyone was around, before reaching up and removing his helmet. You couldn't deny how attractive he was. He had sandy blonde hair that was leaning towards brown and deep, amber eyes. His skin was a light tan that wasn't overpowering or underwhelming. Best of all, he seemed to be around your age.

"I'm sorry," you shake your head, snapping out your daze.

He gives you a crooked grin. "It's alright. Are you okay? You look a little... spooked."

"Training with Ren didn't go so great. We're, uh, working through some personal issues at the moment and I'm getting sick of him. Let's just say I don't like getting used." You tuck some hair behind your ear.

Kess's armor clanks together as he shifts his weight. "I understand that. I ran into the commander _once_ and he nearly had me floated into deep space. I guess I ran into him on a bad day." He puts his hand on your shoulder. "He can be tough but, you're strong from what I've seen. I was going to say it's going to be nice to have a friend but I don't even know your name yet."

So you tell him your name. "Does this make us friends?"

He nods thoughtfully. "Yes. Yes, I think it does."

"How am I supposed to know it's you? All you bucket heads look the same to me." You tease.

Kess bites his lip and looks down at his shoulder plate. "I'm going to get in trouble for this." He reaches behind his back and pulls a small dagger from his utility belt. With a quick move, he creates a nick in the white armor that could be seen in the light. "Now you'll know. We'll come up with something more creative another time. I need to get going for my shift and you should go back to your room before they bring your lunch."

"I'll see you around, Kess." You smile and turn on your heel.

Then you stop in your tracks. A thought had entered your mind. It was a devious thought that you never expected to come from your own mind. It made you feel a little bit guilty to do to Kess what Ren was doing to you, but you figured you deserved it more or less. You turn and rush towards the Stormtrooper, grabbing him and forcefully turning him around. You pull him down to your height smash your lips against his. To your delight, Kess returns it. He chuckles against your lips as you drag him back to your quarters. If Kylo Ren was going to play this game with you, it was time you played dirty.


	13. ~Disobey~

After your night with Kess, you knew there were going to be consequences. It was only a matter of time before Ren found out. If he got angry, you knew that you had been right all along. That he still wanted you. If he didn't react then he was true to his word. This wasn't a fun little game you played to test his obedience to his master. This was a dirty game you played to test Ren's nerves. You came to realize that you _wanted_ him to punish you. You wanted him to mess up your body again. Deep down you hoped it would become a regular thing.

You also didn't want to mess with poor Kess's feelings. Immediately after you two had slept together, you came to a mutual agreement that you would be friends. It would be damaging to your future image in the First Order to have an affair with a Stormtrooper and Kess had already missed two shifts in a row because of you. You were very fortunate that you had found someone so understanding and you had already grown fond of each other. As close as you two had already grown, you didn't want to tell him about you and Ren just yet. Especially since he had told you how quickly rumors spread on the Finalizer. It wasn't that you didn't trust Kess not to tell anyone, but you couldn't risk anything. Ren would beat your ass if he ever found out you had said something. All you had to do now... was wait.

  
  


~

  
  


Kylo Ren was _fuming_. He already knew exactly what had happened between you and another man. Your connection in the Force made that possible. Sometime last night, he had felt your Force energy branching out to him, allowing him to feel your emotions. All he felt was _pleasure_. You had purposely reached out to him while you were having sex with another man. At first, Ren was fighting against his own emotions. He desperately wanted to move on and not give a shit about who you slept with. It shouldn't have been any of his concern. But the thought of another man inside of you was enough to make him want to destroy the entire ship. He had barely slept that night just because of you. And now he was cooped up.

He was stuck in a boring meeting with a bunch of boring people talking about boring subjects. Politics weren't exactly his cup of tea, but most of the time he was able to sit through it attentively. Now he could hardly sit still at all. You were on his mind, haunting him like a ghost. No. You were buzzing around his head like a noisy little fly. Only this fly was also toying with his emotions. Ren had to constantly remind himself that he swore an oath to the Supreme Leader, to his _master_. He was only to give in to his desires, or rather you, _once_. This was a one time thing which meant it shouldn't have been bothering him. Right? _Wrong._ He knew his master was going to be furious if he ever found out that his apprentice had run back to you. _Well then,_ Ren thinks huffily, _I'm just going to have to keep Snoke from finding out. One more time wouldn't hurt anybody._

"Ren?" A cold voice interrupts his thoughts.

The voice belonged to a man that Kylo Ren despised with every bone in his body. _General Hux._ Just the sight of the man was enough to make him want to throw himself into deep space. Hux had a face that was just... _punchable_. He had pale, cold skin and his face was always twisted into a sneer or smug smirk of some kind. His red hair was slicked back perfectly without a single hair out of place and his robes were always pristine. _What a kiss-up,_ Ren thinks with a scowl.

"What are your thoughts on the matter?" Hux's pale blue-green eyes dig into him.

Kylo Ren's teeth grit together. He didn't want to talk about _this_! He just wanted to storm into your room and deal you his 'punishment.' "Star Killer Base is none of my concern at the moment."

"It was your concern a few days ago when you nearly killed me over it." Hux sneers. "Or is your apprentice's training a more pressing matter than the success of this

organization?"

"Her life is more valuable than yours, General. I do not recommend testing my nerves. Just get the damned machine up and running so the Supreme Leader can have his test. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something else to take care of." Ren pushes his seat back loudly before anyone has a chance to protest. He was coming for you.

  
  


~

  
  


You sigh and stare up at your ceiling in boredom. On the days you weren't training, you found that boredom was a common feeling. There wasn't much to do on this ship unless Kess was around and you didn't have the guts to explore quite yet. All you wanted was Kylo Ren to burst in so you could give him a smug little smile and an 'I told you so.' You had even changed into a rather seductive lacy bra and panty set that you were now wearing beneath your daily clothes. You knew exactly where you wanted it to go and you were now realizing how desperate you must have looked. Suddenly, your door opens with a loud hiss and you scramble upright.

Kylo Ren looks at you from the door and you could sense his rage boiling. He curls his finger inwards, gesturing for you to join him. "Come."

Without another word, he turns on his heel and storms off. You scramble out of your room and hurry down the corridors to keep up with him. Why he couldn't have just done it all in your quarters, you didn't know. But you weren't complaining either. You were a little taken back by your sudden eagerness and you were trying to convince yourself that it was to taunt him. Unfortunately, your excitement was betraying you.

The door to Ren's chambers locks as you two step inside. You both move further into the room until you were nearly at the bed, but not quite there. He suddenly whirls around, his fists curling so tightly that you were surprised his gloves were still holding up.

"I don't like being betrayed, pet." He snarls.

"I never betrayed you. I'm free to sleep with whoever I want. I thought you didn't want me anymore." You blink up at him innocently. "Don't worry. Desire is normal."

His muscles twitch beneath his robes. "You deserve punishment, Butterfly. I'm going to _break you_. By the end of tonight, you're going to know exactly who you belong to. You think I can't make you cum? Just _wait_ , my little pet." He takes a step back. "Now strip."

You don't hesitate this time. As you slowly pull your shirt over your head, you hear him suck in his breath at the sight of your new bra. You make sure to move even slower in removing your pants, teasing him rather seductively. He takes the sight of you in with a small smirk beneath his mask. Ren moves toward a wardrobe and tugs open the top drawer, removing a long piece of black silk fabric. Your breath hitches in your throat as he steps behind you and places the fabric over your eyes, tying it tightly to make sure you didn't peek.

"You don't deserve to see anything this time, pet." He growls into your ear.

He tugs his gloves off, but doesn't remove any other articles of clothing. You could already tell where this was going. His bare hand settles on your lower back as he leads you over to his bed. You fall onto your back on the smooth sheets. Goosebumps erupt all over your skin as Ren's fingers hook into your lace panties, pulling them down over your legs and ankles before tossing them aside.

"Spread your legs for me." Kylo Ren grumbles.

You slowly part your thighs, giving him a view of your already glistening cunt. Your desperation peaks when you hear the squeal of the airlock of his helmet. You couldn't believe this. He was unmasked just in front of you and you weren't allowed to see his face. You gasp as his lips connect with your collarbone. You were finally feeling his lips and you could tell they were full by the way he kissed your skin. He trails kisses in between your breasts and down your stomach, skimming the inside of your thighs. Your back arches longingly as you feel his nose grazing your core.

"P-Please-" you pant, gripping onto the sheets in anticipation.

His lips connect with your cunt and a high-pitched moan leaves your throat. You shudder when you feel him slide two fingers over your folds. His hands settle on your hips as they buck upwards. He drags a flat tongue across your clit, swirling over it expertly.

"Oh..." your mouth falls into the shape of an 'o' as you tip your head back and your eyes roll into your head. You wished you could see him and his work. "Oh! F-Fuck! Commander-" you moan loudly "- _oh!_ _Fuck_!"

Ren continues to torture you as he watches your body rock. He could tell how needy you were as you try to close the space between your hips and his face. He continues his work as he slides two fingers inside of you. A grunt leaves his throat when he feels your walls tighten around his hand. He pushes in knuckle deep and tests your limits as he manages to push further than that. Your body convulses in response, arching and tipping into him as a scream of pleasure escapes your lips. He slips in a third finger and smirks at the noises you were making. All he wanted to do was make you come so he could release his rock-hard member.

"Come for me, pet." He finally growls.

Your body explodes in pure ecstasy as you ride out your high. Your hands grip the sheets tightly as your back arches. You could feel the hot liquid from your cunt drip down your thigh. Ren's tongue slides over your thigh, collecting the juices in his mouth. What he does next takes you by surprise. His full lips crash against yours. You were _kissing_ you couldn't see a thing. The taste of him mixed with your own juices makes you moan into his mouth.

He reaches down and unzips his pants, tugging down his underwear just enough. His aching member springs free, the tip dripping with precum already. He grips your thighs tightly and brings them up, wrapping them around his waist. You were unprepared for him to sink into you. This time you knew it went all the way. Pain and pleasure explodes in your mid-section as he thrusts his shaft into you. You could feel his hips colliding with your inner-thighs as he pushes in and out at a quick pace. Without the mask, you could hear all of his grunts and moans of pleasure. You had never experienced so much pain from sex before as your walls clench onto him. The pain melts into pure pleasure as you slowly grow accustomed to his size.

"Who do you belong to?" He groans loudly, his fingers digging into your thighs.

"You!" You scream. "I belong to Kylo Ren! _Oh! OH!"_

Kylo Ren's massive hands land on your waist and he pushes you against his body to try to get even deeper inside of you. You moan and gasp like never before, releasing noises that were inhuman.

"F-Fuck, you feel so _good_ -" Ren grunts. "I'm gonna... _oh_... _fuck_." He releases his orgasm into you like last time and you moan as you feel his cum filling you up. It drips out of your cunt and down your legs as he pulls himself out of you. You feel the mattress dip as he leans over you, his hand squeezing your left breast. "You, my pet, can call me Kylo unless I say otherwise."

To your disappoint, you hear him place his mask back over his head. You blink into the light as the blind fold is removed from before your eyes. You sit up and Kylo tosses a towel over to you so you could clean yourself up. You watch curiously as he stuffs your panties into his pocket.

"You belong to _me_. If you sleep with him again, I'll kill you both." He snaps.

"What about the Supreme Leader?" You stand up and tug your pants back over your sore legs.

Kylo pauses. "What he doesn't know won't kill him. You're _mine_ as far as he's concerned. Who did you sleep with yesterday?"

"I can't tell you that," you push your messy hair out of your face. "I-I'm sorry."

"It's... fine." He sighs. "Get out of here, Butterfly."

You give him a small smile, before disappearing out of his room. Kylo sits down at the edge of his bed with a small huff. He tugs the mask off and sets it down on the floor with a solid _thunk_. He closes his eyes and runs a hand through his black hair. If only you knew...


	14. ~Tardiness Is Not Tolerated~

Over the next three weeks, you made progress with Kylo. It wasn't much and it was very slow paced, but you weren't expecting to make a big change so soon, considering how closed-off his was. The most progress you saw was a tighter bond during training and him allowing you to call him by his first name. That was something you only did when the two of you were alone. You were slowly but surely getting to know your new master, along with getting accustomed to life in the First Order itself. You familiarized yourself with the Finalizer you were living on and with the daily schedules of the people who effected your life.

Although you were making progress, you knew deep down that Kylo was one of the greatest mysteries you had come across. He sheltered his emotions most of the time and hardly ever talked about his past. It was clearly something that was off-limits in a conversation. He was also peculiar when it came to his desires. Every time he was done pounding further into his bed, he would say it was the last time. It never was. He always came back for more, whether it be hate-fucking you or just fulfilling his 'needs.' In all the times he had stripped you bare, you still hadn't seen his face. You curiosity was at its peak and you knew that one day, it was going to be impossible to ignore. His body was certainly in perfect condition, but you couldn't help but wonder if his face was the same.

There was something else about him... something that just seemed off about Kylo Ren. You knew it was ridiculous, but it felt as though you had known him before. You had been scoffing at the thought for a while now, but your curiosity truly was getting the better of you. It sounded strange, but when he had kissed you for the first time, his lips felt so familiar. That was odd considering you had only had two serious relationships so far and both of those men were dead. The rest of the men you had kissed before were mostly meaningless and you couldn't even remember more than half of them. You usually liked having a bond with men you dated and kisses like the one you and Kylo had shared were never that passionate unless you were in a relationship. You could _try_ slipping into his quarters now that you knew the passcode, but you knew where that would end up. Spoilers: with you getting pounded into the mattress. You hoped that one day the day came when you would see his face, but until then you would just have to keep imagining.

You run your fingers through your hair, swiftly braiding it as you scurry towards the training room. _Late again,_ you think with a groan, _old habits die hard I suppose._ At least Kylo wouldn't have you scrubbing any steps. Manual labor wasn't his style as far as punishments went. With a loud huff, you burst into the room and throw your stuff onto the bench haphazardly. You make it onto the springy mat just as you finish tying back your hair.

Kylo crosses his muscular arms over his chest and looks down at you. You could practically feel the annoyance seeping through his mask. "You're late. _Again._ That's the third time this week."

"I'm sorry," you sigh. "I keep missing my alarm."

He uncrosses his arms. "If this doesn't change, I'll have a Stormtrooper drag you out of bed by your hair every morning." As you nod reluctantly, you notice his little change in attire. He was still wearing his mask, but there was no cloak and no padded armor. Instead, it had been replaced by a black wife-beater and his usual leather pants and boots. He notices your confusion. "I'm going to be training with you today. It's going to become a regular thing, so get used to it."

"I'm going to fight _you_?" You echo incredulously.

"Do you not think you've been making excellent progress?" Kylo scoffs. "Or has my training been lacking?"

"No, no! Of course not." You shake your head, watching as he pulls on his leather gloves. You extend your hand toward the weapons rack and a training saber flies into your palm. This was one of the abilities you had mastered in the short time with Kylo, which was rather impressive, considering how long you hadn't been training for.

He nods stiffly and pulls his own saber to him, taking a moment to inspect the thick plastic blade. Without warning, the saber comes flying at your midsection, sending you sprawling flat on your back.

"W-What the hell?" You sputter as you rise to your feet.

"Never let your guard down," he sounded like he was smirking. "Strike me."

You do exactly that. With a small grunt of determination, you step and take a swing toward his knees in an attempt to knock him down. Kylo deflects the hit with ease and pushes your blade aside. He twirls his saber impressively and manages to get yet another hit on her shoulder this time.

"Your thoughts are too loud!" He snaps. "I can hear your every intent. Stay focused and try to lock me out of your mind and-"

You don't wait for him to finish. You cut him off by jabbing the plastic blade into his chest. He knocks it aside and pivots swiftly on his feet. His elbow connects with your ribs and you wince. You take a swing, but it is immediately halted when he thrusts his hand out and uses the Force to hold it in place. Managing to rip it free, your weapon barely misses the side of his head. He strikes you. He hits your thigh a second time. A third. A fourth. A _fifth._ Now you were pissed.

Gritting your teeth harshly, you hit him with all of your might, satisfied when he snatches his hand back as your blade connects with it. At first, you were giddy about being able to hurt him. Then you realized you had fucked up. He goes on the offensive with three times more aggression than before. With a man of his size and his years of training coming at you in such a way, you didn't stand a chance. _Yet_. You gasp in pain as his elbow connects with your mouth. The coppery taste of blood touches your tongue as you hit the floor. Hard. This time, you couldn't find the strength to get back up. He had busted your lip open badly and it was now dripping blood onto your chin. Your ankle was throbbing from the way you had come down on it. It might have been sprained, twisted, or jammed. You couldn't tell.

"Get up!" Kylo orders angrily. "Get up _now_."

"No." You give him the dirtiest look you could muster. "You could have killed me if I hadn't taken that hit."

"That's the idea." He spits. Kylo kneels by your side, leaning in with his mask nearly touching your face. "I don't tolerate tardiness, pet. Believe me when I tell you that if it happens again, you won't be able to walk or sit for a week."

You manage to scoff, "you don't intimidate me." You ignore the rapid beating of your heart rattling in your chest. He must have heard it. Correction. He most _definitely_ heard it. "You're nothing but a coward in a mask."

Big mistake. Kylo's hand shoots out and grips your jaw tightly. "I could break this pretty jaw so you wouldn't be able to talk anymore, but I would much rather hear you suffer. You don't want to test me."

"Is that a threat or a promise?" You purr, wanting to see his reaction. "Look at you. The big bad Kylo Ren around my little finger." You drag your tongue across your lower lip, spreading some of the blood.

Underneath his helmet, Kylo Ren's eye was twitching. His fingers tighten on your jaw. "Careful now, pet. One wouldn't want to think you're actually enjoying what I do to you. Someone might think you're a whore."

" _Excuse me_?!" You exclaim furiously. "You motherfu-"

He clamps your mouth shut forcefully. "Such a naughty mouth on such a pretty thing. I'll have to teach it a lesson next time. Come to my quarters tomorrow night."

"And if I don't?" You were walking on thin ice at this point.

"Then you are going to have a very rough month, my pet." Kylo releases your mouth and stands up.

_Asshole,_ you think grouchily.

~

Truthfully, you were completely mortified for what Kylo had planned for you. The day couldn't have gone by any slower, spiking her nerves and making your palms sweat. Sure, what he did to you was usually rough but from what he had told you yesterday, this was going to be something else. Although you usually didn't mind it, sometimes you found it unsettling how calm you were with getting fucked by a man whose face you had never seen. Although you two had grown more used to one another, it was still strange. All you really wanted was to find out what he looked like and why he refused to show you. Something about the entire situation just seemed so... odd. Something wasn't lining up, but you couldn't for the life of you place a finger on it.

By the time nightfall arrives, your anticipation was shooting through the roof. You weren't sure if your anticipation was joyous or terrified. From what he had told you, it wasn't going to end well for you. As you sit on your bed, you stare at the small clock on your bedside table. He had merely said 'come to my quarters tonight.' He didn't exactly specify _when_. You take a deep breath and stand up, figuring this would be a good a time as ever. You slip through the corridors, knowing Kylo would be even angrier if you were late. He would find something else to take out on you.

"(Y/N)?" A voice calls out from behind.

You turn around at once, the surprise on your face turning into a smile when you see Kess. He lifts his hands up to the sides of his head and removes his Stormtrooper helmet with a small huff, running a hand through his tousled hair. He gives you a crooked grin, "what are you doing out here so late?"

You shift your weight. "I... well... I was going to see the Commander. I suppose he has something he wants to discuss with me before training tomorrow."

Kess's smile falls into a frown as he furrows his brow. "The Commander left the ship two hours ago. They say he went off for a mission somewhere in the Outer Rim. It's odd that he wouldn't take you along with him." He laughs and says, "you would think a mission is a good learning opportunity for an apprentice. If I were him, I'd take you everywhere." He gives you a playful wink.

For some reason, this small and teasing gesture makes your stomach soar. You bite your lip, another smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. Although you and Kess had made the agreement a while ago, he was still someone you absolutely adored. The relationship you had developed with Kylo was more... physical. But _Kess_? You and him had bonded on another level. You always jokingly flirted with one another, but lately he had appeared more _tempting_ to you. Perhaps it was the lack of emotional connection you had with Kylo. Sometimes it felt as though he was just using you. It was obvious Kylo didn't want a relationship with you so what was the harm in having one with Kess?

"If I'm being honest here... the Force gives me visions sometimes. _Nightmares_. I usually go to the Commander for help because he has them too. It's... it's nice to talk to someone about it." You murmur as you lie straight through your teeth.

Kess scratches his head. "Well, I'm afraid I don't know much about the Force or whatever that is. But I'm still here for you if you need anything."

"Can I stay with you?" You look up, your eyes pleading with him.

He chuckles. "I think we would better off in your quarters, if you're comfortable there. I sleep in the barracks with the other Stormtroopers. Only higher-ups, officers, and superiors get their own quarters."

You nod and the both of you walk back to your quarters. You were now glad you had tidied up this afternoon. Kess sets his helmet down on the table and looks up at you as you sit on the edge of your bed. "Do you mind if I take some of this armor off? It's not comfortable for either of us."

"Go ahead," you laugh lightly.

Kess strips off the bulky white armor piece by piece, until he is left in the black underclothes they were required to wear. He tugs off his gloves and sets them down on the pile of armor, before joining you on the bed. To your delight, he leans back against the pillows by the headrest and pats the place beside him. You curl up at his side, feeling instantly more protected and loved. His fingers graze your jaw as he tips your chin up to look at him.

"I thought we agreed this was a one-time thing." He whispers, his pretty eyes searching your face. "That we would keep things professional as a friendship."

"Fuck being professional," you tilt your head slightly as your faces slowly get closer and closer together. "I-I care about you."

Kess grabs onto the side of your face and kisses you passionately. He tasted of the honeycombs that had been offered for dessert that evening. Your lips curve against his as he rests his hands on your hips, pulling you onto his lap in a straddle. His lips part as he tongue slides into your mouth, your teeth nearly crashing together at the ferocity of the kiss. Although his lips weren't quite as full or as soft as Kylo's, his kiss was fulfilling and loving. Your fingers slide beneath his shirt, trailing up his smooth chest. Kess doesn't break the kiss as he reaches down and rips your shirt up over your head. You do the same with him, revealing his muscular torso. It was nice actually seeing the body and the face of the man you were kissing.

Kess's hands slide up and down your back, before his fingers find the strap of your bra. He unhooks the clips and tosses it aside. His lips travel away from yours as he kisses your jaw, neck, and collarbone. He places a kiss in between your breasts. Goosebumps explode over your skin as his tongue flickers out momentarily over your hardened nipples, a soft moan escaping your parted lips. Kess runs a hand through your hair, gently tugging at the ends.

"You're beautiful," he murmurs against your lips.

Your heart explodes and you couldn't help but giggle. You arch your back, planting your hands on his chest as you scoot closer to him. He groans as your inner thigh grazes his hardened length within his pants. You reach down for his zipper and pull it open swiftly, slipping your hand into his pants to tug down his underwear. Kess bites his lip and tips his head back as you pull out his member. It was dripping with pre-cum and curved in toward his navel. It wasn't as impressive as Kylo's, but it was damn sure close. His fingers dig into your hips as you slowly run your hand up and down his shaft, jerking him off. You sit forward on your knees as you do so, allowing him to move up the silk nightgown you were already wearing.

"Please-" Kess moans, catching you by the wrist.

You smirk and press a kiss to his lips. His hands slips down your thigh and his fingers pull aside your panties as much as possible. You move forward and sink down onto his length, pleasure exploding in your core as you scrunch your eyes shut and moan. Kess's hands settle on your ass as you rock your hips in circular motions. He pushes you down as much as possible, shoving his member further into you as your inner walls clench onto him.

" _F-Fuck_." Kess hisses as you moan loudly. "You're so _perfect_."

You were reaching your peak faster than you would have wanted. A moan rocks your body and your legs shake as you orgasm. You come onto his member still inside of you an Kess moans softly. He lifts you up off of him and gives you a weak smile. "That was incredible."

Your brow furrows in confusion. "Don't you want more?" After getting so used to Kylo, you weren't accustomed to someone not doing anything afterwards. Instead, Kess had stopped _respectfully_ to give you a breather.

"I'm not going to force you." He plants a kiss on your forehead. "I'm happy if you are."

"That's not fair," you scrunch your nose teasingly. "You have to have _some_ flaws, Kess. You can't be _this_ perfect."

He laughs and wraps his arms around you, pulling you to his chest tightly. It was at this perfect moment in time, you didn't care where the hell Kylo Ren was. You didn't care what he would say or think about it. This just felt _right_.

  
  


  
  



	15. ~Return~

Your routine with Kess continued for the next week. Every night when he was off from his shifts, he would come into your quarters. When you slept with him, it was unlike anything Kylo Ren had put you through. It was sweet and pure. Sure, it got rough and passionate as sex often did, but you could _feel_ the love Kess had for you. You stopped worrying about where the commander had run off to or why he hadn't come back yet. You didn't care that he was going to lose his temper if he ever found out what happened between you and the Stormtrooper. All you cared about was your time with a man who really, truly cared for you and made you feel loved. That was all that mattered.

Even though you couldn't see Kess very often during the day, you started carrying your lunch from your room back to the cafeteria he normally ate in. This became one of your new routines and it was enjoyable for the both of you. Although a lot of people gave you odd looks, you ignored them. You knew there was going to be talk, especially since Kess told you how quickly rumors spread, but you couldn't care less. Rumors could be shut down. The only people who knew the truth were you and Kess.

About three days after the first week without Kylo went by, you carry your lunch into the cafeteria as always. You spy Kess sitting at your usual table and make your way over to him. He gives you a familiar grin, filling your stomach with butterflies and lifting your spirits. Something about him was just so magnetic.

"What have you got today?"He looks down at your tray as you set it down.

"A sandwich that we can split." You wink. "Because I know you have a bigger appetite than anyone in this room. Some blue milk and a Naboo fruit."

Kess grabs the other half of your sandwich and takes a bite out of it, humming happily to himself. You laugh and reach across the table, giving him a small push. "You're _so_ weird." He grasps your hand and smirks, but you quickly pull away, lowering your voice to a soft hiss. "Kess, you can't just grab my hand. No one is supposed to know about this. About _us_."

"Let 'em look." He shrugs. "As far as they're concerned, we're just friends. A regular couple of besties."

You laugh once more. " _Ew_! Don't ever say that again."

Kess's big grin leaves his face. Your sandwich falls out of his hand as his entire expression twists. He slams a fist on the table, suddenly growing very red. The veins in his neck and forehead begin to protrude against his skin.

"Kess?" You fly to your feet at once. " _Oh Stars_ , what's wrong?"

He obviously wasn't choking on any food, there was none in his mouth. It was as though he was just... suffocating. Like something was choking him. Your brows furrow in confusion. You didn't know how to help him if it seemed like an invisible hand was wrapping around his throat. _An invisible hand._ The Force. Your face goes pale and you whirl around. Just as you expected, Kylo Ren was standing there with his hand extended toward Kess, his broad shoulders heaving.

"Stop it!" You scream, flying over toward your master in less than a second. "Commander, please! You're going to kill him." By now, the entire cafeteria was staring at the scene unfolding before them. You grab onto Kylo's strong arm and put your entire body weight on it, trying to rip it down. " _Kylo!"_

He lowers his hand and looks down at you. You could feel his piercing glare behind his mask. Kess falls onto the table with a loud bang, choking and sputtering as he pulls oxygen desperately into his lungs. Kylo turns and storms out of the noisy room, his black cloak fluttering at his ankles. You give Kess an apologetic look, before rushing out to catch up to your master. He doesn't acknowledge your pleading voice until you both make it back to his quarters. Kylo whirls around, taking you off guard. You back away quickly, until you slam into a wall and stare fearfully into the black slits of his mask.

"I leave for a week and three days and you're already fucking someone else?" He snaps.

"How did you-"

Kylo scoffs, his fists curling so tightly that you were sure his gloves would tear at the seams. "We're a dyad, (Y/N). And I'm not a fool. I saw him take your hand in there and I now I know he was the one you were with when you reached out to me."

"Please don't hurt him," you beg with a small sob. "I'm begging you! He didn't do anything wrong! He doesn't know about us! I swear!"

"No one has the rights to your body except for _me_. I made it perfectly clear that you belong to me." He snarls menacingly.

At this, your fear turns into anger. "I don't like being _used_ by you. The only reason I slept with Kess is because he gave me something you never could and never will! You can't just use my body however you want and then run off to who-knows-where for some silly mission without even telling me! The only person in the wrong here is _you_."

Ren twitches slightly at your cold words. "I don't have to explain myself to you, _Butterfly_."

"Stop it!" Your voice raises as tears prick your eyes. "You have no right to call me that. You _murdered_ the only person who is allowed to call me by that name."

"I did what I had to do." Kylo hisses icily. "You're my inferior. You don't get to tell me what or what not to call you."

"I'm not going to call you 'Commander.'" You spit. "You're a monster!"

You gasp as Kylo's gloved hand shoots out and locks tightly around your throat. He leans in, the plate of his mask hovering over your face. In a voice as low and cold as ice he replies, "yes I am."

You glare at him as he places his leather thumb on your tongue, pulling your mouth open and your lip down. You couldn't help but choke as he thrusts two fingers down your throat, your eyes widening as drool drips down from your lips.

"Let's put this mouth to work, shall we?" Kylo growls. He chuckles as you squeak in response. "On your knees, pet."

You sink to your knees as slowly as possible, not once breaking eye contact with the black visor in front of his eyes. Kylo grabs a fistful of your hair roughly and pulls it out of your face, before reaching down with his free hand and unzipping his pants. He reaches into his pants and tugs down his underwear far enough to free his already hard cock. You nearly moan at the sight of it. Its massive size, protruding veins, curving shaft, and head dripping with pre-cum was enough to make you wet.

"Get on with it!" Kylo orders.

Your lips curve mischievously when you hear the desperation in his voice. It was difficult to make out with his vocoder, but it was there. You grasp the end of his shaft and lean in, your lips grazing the head as he pulls in a sharp breath. His fingers dig into your skull. "Don't be such a tease. Get-"

He is interrupted by your mouth sliding over his member. The size fills up your mouth almost immediately as you skillfully swirl your tongue along the underside of his shaft. Kylo's head tips back to the ceiling as a low groan escapes his lips, followed by erotic gasps. Saliva drips down from your mouth as you move your head back and forth steadily. Kylo's hand pushes against the back of your head and you gag as his member hits the back of your throat. You moan lowly and he tenses up when he feels the vibrations of it against his cock.

" _Fuck_ ," he hisses.

Your throat and jaw was beginning to get sore. You must have been sucking him off for about ten more minutes, before he finally releases without warning. His hot, salty seed slides down your throat and fills your mouth. He pulls himself out of your mouth, looking down at you with a smirk behind his mask. His cum was dripping down from your lower lip. He wipes the liquid slowly and slides his thumb into your mouth. As you suck the mixture of spit and cum from his finger without an order, Kylo praises you with a "good girl."

You rise to your feet. You had gotten so used to having sex with Kess, that you had totally forgotten what Kylo always did. The memory of it all comes rushing back when he grabs you and yanks you towards the bed, throwing you down on the edge. You gasp as he quite literally rips your shirt from your body, followed by your pants. Kylo yanks down your panties, smirking once more at the sight of the soaked cloth. His arm wraps around you and his hand forces your mouth open as he stuffs your panties inside. You arch your back for him, putting your ass and your dripping cunt on display. You gasp as his leather hand comes down across your skin. _Hard_.

"You like that, don't you?" Kylo grabs you by the throat once more and pulls your head up. "Filthy thing."

He drops you back on the bed and grabs hold of your hips, positioning himself over your entrance. Kylo thrusts his cock into your folds without warning, furiously thrusting in and out of you until he was balls deep. A moan rocks through your body, vibrating into the panties that had been stuffed in your mouth. Your walls clench onto him as a natural response, your back arching even further as you press into him. His hips slam into you repeatedly as deep grunts emit from his mask. You moan once more as he releases your hips and yanks off his gloves, dragging his short nails across your back, creating long red marks. As he pumps in and out of you, his hand lowers and toys with your over-stimulated clit.

Tears prick your eyes from the pressure of it all. You manage to spit out the panties using your tongue. "P-Please-"

"Who do you belong to?" Kylo snarls.

"Y-You!" You gasp, gripping tighter onto the sheets as his thrusts become uneven and sloppy. His fingers move over your clit at a faster pace to match it, coaxing an animalistic moan from you.

" _Scream it_! I want everyone on this damned ship to hear who's fucking you!" He drives his fingers into you and you scream.

" _KYLO! FUCK!"_ You moan so loudly, you were sure everyone knew now. "COMMANDER! Let me cum! Please!"

Kylo pulls himself out of you and you sob, falling onto the bed in defeat. "You don't deserve to. You cum when I say you can."

He flips you onto your back and extends his hand toward the nightstand. The drawer flies open and out flies the familiar silk blindfold. You tremble as he ties it tightly over your eyes and removes his helmet, setting it down with a dull _thunk_. His hands grip onto the back of your knees and he pulls your legs over his shoulders, leaning down to grip your thighs. You moan and buck your hips upward as his mouth attacks your cunt. His tongue swirls around your aching nub and your clit, drawing short gasps from your one after another. Your nails scrabble over the silk blankets in desperation. You wanted to cum and above all, you wanted to see his face. In your desperation, you lift your hand and rip your blindfold down. You cry out as he pulls away from in between your legs to clasp his hand over your eyes.

Chills erupt all over your body as he leans in, his lips grazing your ear as he growls, "naughty pet. You see my face when I let you see my face."

With his free hand, he kneads your breasts as his velvety lips skim over your stomach. He manages to keep your eyes shut enough to tie the blindfold back over your eyes. You gasp as your wrists suddenly collide together, held in place by the Force. _Asshole,_ you think angrily.

"Such a dirty mouth for such a fragile little Butterfly." He tuts softly.

The sound of your nickname on his lips makes you sob shortly. It sounded so close to the way Ben had said it. You were furious for your mind for making you think in such a way. As Kylo's tongue drags across your skin, you accidentally whimper, " _Ben_."

He freezes, his tongue lifting off of your body as his fingers dig painfully into your flesh. He was still for so long, that you would have thought he had left if he wasn't holding onto you. You cry out in pain when you feel the back of his hand connect with your face.

"What did you just say?" He snarls.

"I'm sorry!" Tears soak through the fabric of the blindfold as a red splotch appears on your cheek. "I didn't mean to! P-Please!"

Kylo plunges not two, but three fingers into you without warning, causing you to scream in pain. He leans in once more as his fingers pump in and out of you at a rapid pace. "I told you that I don't want to hit you. _Never_ say that name again."

"It was an accident." You whimper, tears spilling down your face.

Kylo's free hand cups your cheek, his thumb sliding over your skin to wipe your tears away. He pulls his other hand out of you and presses his lip to yours. The kiss was... surprising. It was passionate and fiery, but soft and gentle. Your lips move together rythmically and as the Force releases you, your hand runs through his hair. Even though you couldn't see, you could feel that it was thick and wavy. Kylo continues to kiss you until your lips were red and you were breathless. He gets up from the bed and tucks himself a way. You don't move until you hear the familiar hiss of the airlock sealing. You slowly sit up and pull down the blindfold, revealing your tear-filled eyes. Kylo watches you dress carefully, taking notice of your shaking legs and frightened expression. You begin to walk silently towards the door.

"(Y/N)," Kylo's voice rumbles. "Come here." You bite your lip and walk back over to his side. He looks down at you. "You are no longer allowed to see that Stormtrooper, am I clear?"

"Y-Yes, Sir." You murmur, lowering your eye.

Kylo tips your chin back up and grips the side of your face gentle. His thumb brushes along your cheek. "That's my girl."

  
  



	16. ~Hux's Secret~

Your legs felt like they had turned to jelly beneath you as you stand up the next morning. Perhaps Kylo had done his job a little too well. The feeling of being with him was indescribable somehow. He made you feel alive. Every time you saw him it was as though a rush of adrenaline was pumping through your veins, especially during intimate moments like the ones of the night before. But with those moments, came your desperation. Your desperation to see him without a mask. What he had allowed you to do last night managed to give you another little push. Your hands in his thick hair. _At least I know he's not bald,_ you think with a sigh as you pull a shirt over your head.

And then there was the matter of the kiss. Kylo never failed to kiss you with passion but this? This kiss was something else. It was soft and meaningful. You had melted into him and he had melted into you. Your lips just seemed to fit together perfectly. There was nothing suggesting he wanted it to be taken further either. No tongue, no messy motions, just perfect motions. It felt so... sincere. It made you feel guilty to realize that even Kess's kiss hadn't compared to the one you had shared with Kylo.

_Kess._ That poor boy. What in the world were you going to tell him? Kylo had instructed you to stay away from him, but you two were so close now. You wanted to convince yourself that it was a brief infatuation, but it didn't _feel_ that way. Besides, you couldn't just start avoiding the man who had become a best friend to you. You were determined to keep your relationship with the Stormtrooper, even if it meant you couldn't sleep with him anymore. Perhaps you could make up some lame excuse about Kylo wanting you to 'focus on your training' and to steer away from any 'distractions.' You knew you had to try to keep your friendship with Kess under wraps for his own good. Kylo had nearly killed him in the cafeteria, you couldn't imagine what he would do if he found out you had disobeyed his direct orders.

That was something you would have to worry about later. You push your hand through your (h/c) hair with a sigh and make your way to the door. Training was your priority for now and you couldn't risk being late because of last week's fiasco. You had to admit you were surprised Ren hadn't kicked your ass for it yet. Surely he knew about your time scrubbing steps by probing around your head. Forcing you to do the same on the Finalizer just to spite you seemed like something your master had the audacity to do. Your door slides open and you are snapped out of your thoughts by a figure moving in front of your vision all of a sudden.

"Miss (L/N)," a tall officer with grey hair and dark eyes looks down at you. "Come with me."

"Umm..." You trail off uncertainly but you decide to obey him, curiously glancing down to the halls to see if this was another one of Kylo's little tricks.

Instead, the man leads you down a path you had never seen before. You notice that the steady trickle of Stormtroopers and other officers had picked up and the halls had become wider. This must have been an important sector of the massive ship if there was so much going on. As you gaze around in wonder, the officer accompanying you gestures to an elevator. The ride is bathed in silence as the white and black little box shoots upwards for a few seconds. When it stops and the doors roll open, you are spat out right into the center of the command deck. You stare as your draw drops at the dozens of blinking monitors, sleek catwalks, and massive windows giving you a view into the vast star-speckled galaxy. Standing in the center of it all was none other than Kylo Ren. Another man was at his side; a man you recognized because you had accused him of being a liar. _Oops._ You hadn't known he was this important at the time.

As Kylo turns to face you, the man follows suit. He was wearing the same grey uniform as the other men and women, only his right breast was adorned with badges on a patch representing his high status. His pale face twists as he sneers at you, his pale eyes glittering malevolently. Obviously he was still angry with you for calling him out in such a way.

"Sleep well?" Kylo's voice interrupts your thoughts.

You look at him, a small smirk tugging at your lips. _That bastard_ , you think. Kylo's voice echoes through your mind ' _watch your tongue, pet.'_ The nickname was enough to nearly make you shudder. You shift and straighten out when you notice the suspicion on General Hux's pointed face.

Your master places his hands behind his back. "Unfortunately you aren't going to be training for a while. You and I are going to Starkiller Base for about a week."

"What for?" You furrow your brow, looking between the two men.

Hux decides to answer for Kylo, much to his displeasure. "The First Order has powerful allies that are going to fly in to see the might of Starkiller. If they are pleased with its abilities, a new treaty will be signed. That means _you_ are going to have to be able to keep your mouth _shut_ until their visit is over."

Kylo glares at Hux from beneath his mask. "Do not speak to my apprentice that way, General. Despite this man's arrogance, he is correct. We're going to be attending a dinner on the day of their arrival. There is much preparation ahead of us. Return to your room at once to pack your things."

He turns away from you before you have the chance to reply. You shake your head and hurry out of the command deck, silently hoping that you would be able to find your way back to your quarters. Once you are gone, Hux raises his eyebrows at Kylo. "Surprisingly quiet today, wasn't she? What ever did you do to fix her mindless mouth?"

Kylo scoffs. "She was only quiet because I didn't give her a chance to mouth off. She hasn't changed much."

"Then I suggest take matters into your own hands. Enforcing punishments every time she runs her mouth is a good place to start." Hux says rather smugly. "It's a shame such a pretty thing has such a dirty mouth on her. I would set her straight if she were mine."

" _Yours_?" Kylo snarls dangerously. "She doesn't belong to anyone except for _me_. You'll do well to keep your greasy hands off of her. That girl can take care of herself but it isn't just her you should be afraid of."

Hux's lips curve into a sinister grin. _"Careful, Ren._ It sounds to me as though you're jealous. Now why would that be?" He smirks. "Could it be because I heard you fucking her senseless last night?"

Ren's gloved hand shoots out and locks tightly around Hux's throat. The officers working on the command deck all turn when they hear the commotion. They quickly look away in panic, knowing that they did _not_ want to get caught up in the drama when their commander was involved.

"I should kill you right now for that." Kylo hisses.

"Don't worry, Ren." Hux manages to sputter as his face turns red. "I don't intend on using it against you _. Yet._ For now, you're too valuable to the First Order's success. But if you even _try_ to harm me, I will broadcast what I know to the entire Order, including the Supreme Leader."

His hand loosens, dropping Hux back onto his feet. Kylo grits his teeth and turns on his heel, storming out of the command deck with his dark cloak swirling behind him. Hux watches him go with glittering eyes. As he turns to face the shining stars once more, a twisted smile spreads across his face.

  
  


~

  
  


  
  


Kylo didn't inform you about Starkiller Base very well. So when you showed up in one of the hangars in a simple t-shirt while everyone was heavily dressed, you were given a few odd looks. You scowl at your master, who was most definitely laughing at you from beneath that bucket on his head. You storm past him onto the Command Shuttle and plop yourself into one of the seats. He takes a seat beside you and leans in, lowering his voice as the hatch closes behind him.

"Looks like you're going to need a new wardrobe. Don't worry, pet, I have a few surprises for you when we arrive." He growls lowly.

The words send shivers down your spine. You gasp and grab tightly onto your restraints as the shuttle shudders and lifts off the ground. The landing gear groans beneath you as it retracts into the bottom of the ship. It picks up speed and soars out of the hangar mouth, shooting off into the emptiness of space. Kylo reaches over and pries your white-knuckled fingers from the restraints. "Calm down, Butterfly. Nothing's going to happen."

You still weren't very particular to _that_ nickname, but you didn't want to protest about it now. "I'm not used to flying," you admit quietly. "The Finalizer was never this rough when it moved."

Kylo removes his gloves and sets them in his lap. "Just wait until you feel how rough re-entry is."

You wince. "What _is_ Starkiller Base exactly?" From what you had heard, it was some sort of massive machine built into a planet.

"A super-weapon built into the core of the planet Ilum. It took years of excavation, but it's finally ready. The base drains the power of the sun to power its core. When it's fully charged it can wipe out an entire star system." He boasts proudly. "The Republic doesn't stand a chance. Once the Republic has fallen... the Resistance dies."

"Great," you sigh, leaning your head back against the hard headrest of the seat. "It sounds like an accident waiting to happen. And why exactly am I coming with you?"

Your master sighs in exasperation. "We have powerful allies, (Y/N). If we are to remain allies they need to see what we can provide. A handful of delegates are coming to the base to see what it is capable of. You and I are to attend a dinner soon, which means you _better_ be on your best behavior. These men are not the type to take insults lightly. It would be best to stay silent for as long as possible." Kylo tilts his head at you expectantly, but you were done asking questions. _For now_.

What must have been another hour and a half of Hyperspace travel in the swirling blue and white mass, the Command Shuttle finally makes the jump with a jolt. Your eyes widen at the sight of the base through the cockpit windshield. It was _huge._ The planet's surface was a deep blue that looked cold and icy. The weapon itself had been built into a large chunk of it and the core was glowing a deep, menacing red color. The upper-atmosphere of the planet was busy with Star Destroyers and ships flying to and fro for security purposes. Two TIE Fighters pull up to the sides of the shuttle, escorting it down toward Starkiller Base.

Your nails dig into the armrests of your seat as the entire ship rattles and jumps as the engines strain to push it into the atmosphere of Ilum. Kylo chuckles beside you. The sound was unnerving with his mask on. His laugh when it was off made him seem so much more... human to you. Granted, laughter wasn't something you heard often from him. He was so cautious about showing his true emotions. Sometimes you wished he would just tell you what he was really feeling. You were sure he would be an entirely different person if he did.

As the Command Shuttle breaks through the dense white and grey clouds, you immediately scowl at the sight of the surface. It was all covered in snow-capped mountains and dead forests. Thick white flurries of snow spatter against the sides of the ship as the wind howls. Now you were _really_ regretting your choice in clothing. The shuttle slows down and pulls around, before settling down on the pavement with a small bump. As soon as the hatch opens, the howling wind swirls inside. Goosebumps explode over your skin, making you cross your arms and shiver. For a sun-powered planet, it was surprisingly cold. Kylo rises to his feet and looks at you for a moment. He hums quietly and unpins his cloak, tossing the heavy thing into your arms. You blink at him in surprise, but he was already striding down the ramp. Not wanting to trail behind, you wrap his cloak tightly around your body. It smelled just like him and for some reason it was extremely comforting.

You gaze around in awe at the exterior of the base and at a few of the TIE Fighters, shuttles, and transports waiting to be repaired. Your breath comes out in puffs against the cold air as the snow crunches beneath your feet. As you glance down at Kylo's footprints, you realized just how big he really was. He made you feel like a small child looking up at their father in awe. The snow catches on his black robes and in his cloak wrapped around you. Flakes catch in your swirling hair and in your eyelashes. As the two of you step through a pair of blaster doors, you are immediately greeted by a relaxing blast of warm air. You decide to keep Kylo's cloak around you, not wanting to look like the fool who showed up in a t-shirt, although you must have looked ridiculous with the over-sized fabric.

Kylo pauses for a few moments to speak to some Stormtroopers, but you weren't listening. You were too busy marveling at the interior of the base. Everything was sleek and polished. It was as simplistic as the Finalizer, but there was so much beauty and grace behind the simplicity, that it was a reoccurring theme within the First Order's design. Their blood-orange banners were hanging proudly in every corridor and room inside, doing well to hide some of the exposed piping and blinking lights. The commander finishes his conversation and beckons you with two gloved fingers. Not wanting to get lost in this massive base, you follow him closely.

He guides you through the twisting maze of corridors and turns that you knew you were never going to be able to remember, before finally pausing in front of a sealed door. Kylo enters the code and gestures for you to enter the room. Obviously it was meant to be your own.

"I don't know how long we'll stay after the delegates leave," Kylo admits as you gaze around your new quarters. "My quarters are going to be just five doors to your right. I expect you to come when you're called. Luckily I won't be needing you for quite some time. Hopefully you won't have to make any appearances until the day of the dinner." He moves past you toward a little door near the bed. Kylo tugs the door open and you gasp with excitement.

You scurry into your new closet, rumaging through the rows of new clothes. Gone were the days of only wearing t-shirts and leggings. Now you had _real_ clothes that would belong to an apprentice. Sets of training robes, combat robes, and even formal robes (all black of course) made up your new wardrobe. There were even new nightgowns, dresses, and undergarments in the mix. Some of the drawers held leather and cloth armor similar to the ones Kylo wore beneath his robes. You hold up a leather holster and turn to Kylo.

"Is this what I think it is?" You whisper.

He nods stiffly. "Soon, you'll have a lightsaber of your own. I'll help you construct one when you're ready."

You couldn't contain your joy. "Thank you, Master."

Kylo nods once more and turns on his heel, leaving the room without even bothering to say another word or ask for his cloak back. You didn't care. For now, you were overjoyed with his new gifts to you. You exit the closet and flop down on the silk sheets of the bed, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Maybe this wasn't going to be quite as bad as you thought.

  
  


  
  


  
  



	17. ~The Dinner~

Ren was true to his word. He didn't call for you once until the day of the dinner rolled around. Truthfully you were a little nervous about saying something that would offend one of the delegates. Kylo had specifically said 'these men are not the type to take insults lightly.' You didn't want to offend one of the people that helped make the First Order so powerful. The last thing you wanted was to make enemies for the Order and your master would _never_ forgive you if you did. When you woke up that morning, that was all you could think about. Your breakfast arrives at the same time it always did. The food was a little different this time, but it was still the same high quality that you were now used to. You had to admit that you missed talking to Kess, but he probably didn't even know you were gone. You hadn't spoken in a little while and you were worried that he thought you were avoiding him.

As you finish up your food and shift your plate aside, a small piece of paper catches your attention. You pick it up, frowning, and flip it over. There was writing on the back of it, but you didn't recognize the handwriting. It was leaning to the side slightly and was obviously written in a rush. You were unsure of who it was from at first, but the first word told you exactly what you needed to know:

_Butterfly,_

_When you're finished eating your breakfast, go into the hall and instruct a trooper to take you to the seamstresses. They were instructed to create a variety of dresses for you to choose from. I don't care which one you choose. When you come back, there will be something waiting for you on your bed. I will retrieve you from your quarters in 0700 hours._

_~KR_

You sigh and place the note card back down on the tray. Rising from your bed and making your way to your door, you poke your head out into the hallway. Luckily for you, a Stormtrooper just happened to be passing by.

"Excuse me," you call out and he turns. "Can you take me to the seamstresses?"

"Find it yourself." He snaps and turns away from you with a small scoff.

This pissed you off. You grab him roughly by the shoulder and yank him back toward you. "The commander instructed me to have someone escort me to the seamstresses. You're going to take me there _now_ or I'll call him here myself."

"No need!" The trooper gasps, suddenly very much attentive. "F-Follow me."

You smile smugly as you follow him through the base. He waits for you outside of the large room while you go in and sift through the beautiful dresses. They were all stunning, but you knew that one in particular would drive Kylo Ren _crazy_. A mischievous smirk tugs at your lips as you pull the dress from the rack in its garment bag. The Stormtrooper takes you back to your room and you don't bother to thank him, knowing that was exactly what Kylo would have done. You set the dress down in its bag and blink at your bed. The tray of food was gone. It had been replaced with a simple black gift bag. You reach for the little tag attached to it. Once again, it was in Kylo's handwriting but this time it began with something else:

_Pet,_

_I want you to wear this underneath whatever dress you've chosen. If dinner goes well tonight, I'll make an exception just for you. Maybe I'll let you cum... if you're a good girl._

_"_ Motherfucker," you mutter as you reach into the bag. You gawk at the stunning black lingerie set Kylo had gotten for you. That little asshole knew just how to pull the strings.

You toss the lingerie set beside the dress and run a hand through your hair. Tonight was going to be more interesting than you thought.

~

The hours drag by, but eventually it was time for the dinner. You had spent the last two or three hours getting ready. It was all going to pay off if you managed to play your cards right. Playing your cards right had been your _job_ after all. If anything, this was what you were good at. You zip yourself into your dress and fasten the silver belt around your waist to cinch it properly. As your feet slip into the tall black heels, you look in the mirror and smirk at your reflection. Since your dress had a high slit in it, the sexy black garters of the lingerie could be seen. _Perfect._ Kylo was either going to want to kill you or kiss you. You hoped it was the latter.

A soft knock comes from your door right on the dot. You saunter over and calmly open it from the inside, gazing up at Kylo for his reaction. Oh how you _wished_ you could see his face right now. Although you couldn't see his expression change, you could see his body language changing. He had become very tense and rigid as his eyes ran over your body from beneath the helmet.

"What are you wearing, _pet_?" He snarls.

"What you bought for me, _Master_." You drawl with the same tone.

Kylo scoffs softly. He was thankful that he was wearing the mask or his obvious arousal would be all too obvious in his eyes. As you walk beside him, your heels click on the ground and your dress billows across the floor. You had to admit that you felt _powerful_. Every set of eyes that you passed was glued directly on you. You knew that this was torture for Kylo as well. As you arrive in front of what you presume to be the room dinner would be held in, Kylo turns and points a menacing leather finger at you.

"You're _lucky_ I'm letting you get away with this," he growls. "Keep your mouth _shut_ unless you're spoken to, is that clear?"

"Yes, Commander." You purr.

Kylo pauses for a moment before leaning in and gripping your thigh tightly, causing you to gasp. He was testing you. "You're going to pay for that one, pet."

You blink up at him innocently. " _Am I_? What are you going to do to me, Commander? Are you going to punish me?"

Kylo swallows when he feels his cock start to ache. He releases your thigh and offers you his arm, which you take smugly. As the two of you enter, the eight delegates rise from their chairs. Their grins falter at the sight of you as their eyes lower. You could feel Kylo getting tense when he notices this. He gestures for you to take a seat beside him at the very end of the table.

The table was covered in a long black tablecloth that hung to the floor. Its surface was decorated with expensive silverware, plates, and other exquisite items. There was already warm food sitting on the dishes. The scent made your mouth water.

"A toast." One of the delegates raises their glasses. "To the Supreme Leader and the successes of Starkiller Base."

The rest of them shout "hear, hear" and take long drinks. It isn't before long that they begin to chatter noisily, paying no mind to you. You have to hold back your laughter when you see Kylo staring longingly down at the plate of food set in front of him. You lean in, lowering your voice. "What's the matter, Commander?"

He scowls beneath his mask. "I'm not hungry."

You trail your finger over the rim of your glass. "But the food is to _die_ for. Have a bite, won't you? Of course that means... you would have to take off your mask." You reach for the underside of his mask.

Kylo catches you tightly by the hand. You grin as he forces your hand under the table so that the loud delegates couldn't see. He hisses, "you're getting on my last nerve, Butterfly." Kylo releases your wrist and directs his focus back on the conversing men. His head snaps back toward you when he feels your hand graze his upper-thigh.

You smirk. " _Oops._ I'm sorry, Master."

Kylo grits his teeth. He knew how proud you felt for getting to him like this. Then his scowl fades into a mischievous smile. He slowly curls his fingers together under the table, glancing at you to see your reaction. He chuckles when your face falls. You press your thighs together when you feel something pressing in between your legs. _The Force_. You suppress a moan as the Force puts pressure in between your folds, massaging your clit. Your lips press together into a thin line as your hand locks around the tablecloth. If Kylo got his way, he would make you cum here and now. Your eyes were glued to the delegates in horror, silently praying for them not to notice your struggle at the end of the table. You had to think of something and fast if you were going to get Kylo to stop.

_Enjoying this, pet?_ Kylo's voice echoes through your head. _I could make you cum all over your pretty dress._

_Actually,_ you think back as an idea pops up. _I could moan your name now and let all of these delegates now what was really going on between us._

Kylo freezes. _You wouldn't dare._

You make a show of rolling your eyes back into your head as your lips part. Kylo slams his hand over your mouth at once and the pressure from the Force is relieved. The two of you exchange silent insults back and forth until the dinner is over. Once the delegates are finished, they shake his hand in their drunken states and drag themselves out of the room. Kylo's hand locks around your forearm and you smirk at him as he yanks you all the way back to his quarters.

He practically throws you inside of his room and seals the doors behind him. Kylo glares at you. "What you pulled in there was foolish! Their eyes were all over you looking like _that_. Now I'm going to have to punish you, pet. _Strip."_

You pout teasingly. "What if I don't want to?"

"Then I'll do it for you." Kylo turns you around and trails his thumb in between your breasts. "The dress is beautiful on you... but it would look even better on the floor." He removes his hand and tugs down your zipper.

The black dress pools at your ankles as it falls to the floor. You bite your lip as you look up at Kylo. You could feel his eyes drinking you in from beneath that mask. His deep voice finally rumbles, "crawl to the bed."

You don't argue with him. You get to your hands and knees, slowly crawling to the bed with your back arched and your ass on display for him. Pulling yourself onto the silk sheets, you get on your knees and look at him expectantly.

"Did I say you could do that?" Kylo snarls. He storms over to you and grabs a fistful of your hair, yanking you onto the floor. You wince slightly as your knees hit the ground. "You're going to be good for your commander, aren't you?"

You nod wordlessly, as the heat between your legs grow. Kylo reaches down and unzips his pants, reaching inside to pull his erection free. His hard cock springs out in all of its glory, the pink head dripping with pre-cum. You reach for him, but he swats your hand away.

"You don't deserve my cock until I say so," he snaps. He reaches a gloved hand toward you. "Spit and keep your mouth open."

You follow his instructions, spitting into his leather palm and holding your jaw open expectantly. You watch longingly as Kylo begins to pump his hand over his cock, making it slick with a mixture of your saliva and his pre-cum. He groans softly, tipping his head back as he jerks himself off.

"You're going to be a good girl," he grunts. "You're going to do exactly what I say. Y-You don't deserve this after what you did tonight. Tell me what you want me to do to you."

"I want you to fuck me, Commander." You drawl.

Kylo groans as he comes all over you. His seed drips into your mouth, down your tongue, and spills from your chest onto your belly. He grabs you and practically throws you onto the bed on your back. You spread your legs for him as he rips your panties and the garters off, revealing your already dripping cunt to him.

"I haven't even touched you yet. Look at you. Already dripping wet for me." He growls as he pins you down. Your breath hitches in your throat as he slides the head of his length over your folds. Your pussy clenches in desperation. Kylo grunts as he thrusts himself into you. You arch your back and moan loudly in response to this. He leans down, the plate of his mask beside your ear. "Your little pussy was _made_ for me. F-Fuck you're so _tight_. So _perfect_."

Kylo pumps in and out of you at a steady pace. He grabs your leg and raises it over his shoulder, inserting himself deeper into you. You gasp and moan, your hands gripping the sheets as your eyes roll back into your head. The tip of his member slams into your cervix as your hips collide, filling the silence with lewd noises and your wanton moans.

" _Fuck_ , Commander-" you gasp. " _Oh!"_ He was fucking you so hard and fast that you were reaching your high faster than you wanted to. "I'm gonna-" You lift your head angrily as Kylo pulls himself out of you. " _No! Kylo!"_

"I told you. You deserve to _suffer_ because of that stunt." He grabs your hips and flips you over with ease. His hand forces you to arch your back into the mattress, putting your ass in the air as your knees spread. Kylo's cock slides right back into you, thrusting in and out at a rapid pace. His arm creeps around you as his finger collects the cum on your chest. He shoves his finger into your mouth and you begin to suck on it obediently, swallowing the salty seed. His finger slides back out with a wet pop and returns to your chest to scoop up more of his cum. He continues to do this until there was no more for him to grab. You suck on his leather finger as you whine and moan. You wanted more of him. You wanted every part of him.

"You want me?" Kylo snarls. "You don't deserve me." He adds as you nod.

You cry out as he removes his finger and his cock once more. "Kylo! Please!" Tears sting your eyes as you are deprived of your orgasm once more.

"If you come before I tell you to, I'm going to punish you." He grips you by the hair and yanks you back, pressing your back against his chest. "You're going to need my permission from now on."

His fingers trail down your stomach and tease your entrance as you moan, grinding your ass against his hard cock. He swirls his thumb around your nub while toying with your clit, swirling your juices around. You gasp and moan lewdly as his fingers plunge into you, pumping in and out of you repeatedly.

"Please!" You scream. " _Fuck_!" You wail as Kylo pushes you onto the bed and rolls you over.

He shakes his head, chuckling at your pain. "Touch yourself."

You don't hesitate to slide your fingers in between your folds, toying with yourself as you moan and arch into the sheets. Kylo silences you by pushing his wet fingers into your mouth. You suck on his fingers as you finger yourself, tasting your own juices on your tongue.

"Good girl," he praises. "You're so good for your commander. My pet, my little Butterfly."

He reaches down and pulls your fingers out of yourself. You whine and let out a sob as tears fall down your face. Kylo pushes his cock into you once more, fucking you steadily as you moan and cry out.

"Kylo!" You moan, your nails digging into his robes.

Kylo thrusts in and out of you and lifts his hand, kneading your breasts. He pulls the lacy bra down just enough to free your left breast. He clasps his hand over your eyes and reaches up with his free hand, removing his mask while he pounds you into his mattress. You moan loudly as his tongue glides across your skin and flicks across your hardened nipple. With his hand still covering your eyes, his full lips crash against yours. You moan into his mouth as he groans into yours. His lips graze yours as he hovers above you. "Come for me, Butterfly."

You scream and arch your back as you are finally able to come down from your high. You release all over his sheets and onto his cock. Your cum drips down all over your thighs and runs over your skin as you whine. Kylo moves down, gripping your thighs tightly. You were surprised he trusted you enough to keep your eyes shut. You moan his name as his tongue laps your cum up expertly, dragging across your cunt and thighs. He slides his tongue into your folds, sucking on your clit roughly. His hands slide up, squeezing your breasts as he eats you out. His tongue worked skillfully to pleasure you and you were being so loud, the entire base might as well have heard you.

Kylo pulls away and moves back up, passionately kissing you. His tongue slips into your mouth as his hand gently grips your throat. Your eyes were uncovered but still closed. You felt so fulfilled... so safe and so loved. He was just kissing you. All you had to do was open your eyes and you would see the face of the man you had been longing to see. But as his nose presses into your cheek and your lips move in perfect rhythm, you didn't open them. He peppers your face with kisses as you feel yourself drifting away. Your body fills with peace as his lips plant kisses all over you. The last kiss he presses is a final one to your lips. "My beautiful Butterfly," he says softly.

But all you heard was Ben's voice.

"My beautiful Butterfly."

  
  



	18. ~Vader~

When you wake up the next morning, you realize that you were still in Kylo's quarters. As you sit up groggily and rub the sleep out of your eyes, you gaze around the room curiously. Unfortunately your masked commander was nowhere to be found. You toss back the inky black blanket and sit up, rubbing your sore thighs as you wince. Then it hits you. Had he slept in the same bed as you? That seemed unlikely; the mask would be uncomfortable to sleep in and he wouldn't _dare_ risk showing you his face again. It was a bold move last night and now you were slightly regretting your previous choices.

Chills spread across your skin as you rise from the bed, pulling the blanket around your shoulders. It drags at your heels as you walk around the room. For whatever reason, you felt at home. Like it was comfortable and you were safe in the confines of his quarters. A sense of security did come with being the mighty Kylo Ren's apprentice. He wouldn't let anything happen to you because you were 'valuable' to the 'First Order.' Truthfully there were times when you wondered what he thought of you. If you were just some girl he could fuck or if you really _truly_ meant something to him. You didn't know why you were so desperate for validation from him. After all he killed Xian _and_ Ben, was keeping you from Kess, kidnapped you, and forced you to join the Order. The fact that you had warmed up to him so quickly was a little unsettling to you. The Force 'dyad' you two shared must have had something to do with it. You were familiarizing yourself with both him and the First Order faster than you had hoped, but perhaps this wasn't so bad. The Order promised you an outlet for your growing power and a place among them. A place where you mattered. A place where you could get all of your answers.

Your (e/c) eyes catch your reflection as you pass by a small mirror hanging on Kylo's wall. It was a little amusing to think about him looking in the mirror to make sure he looked alright, but he was human under all of that darkness. You wince softly at your reflection, seeing just how tussled and rough you appeared. Kylo had made a mess of both your body and your hair. Your digits gingerly graze the dark marks left by his lips on your jaw, neck, and collarbone. You tug on your night gown to inspect the rest of your body, groaning at the sight of the love bites on your hips and upper thighs. He certainly had done a number on you. A sigh escapes your slightly puffy lips and you push open a door you could only assume to be his bathroom. Letting the blanket fall carelessly at your feet, you turn on the water and lean down, splashing it on your face. Your gaze lowers to the sleek black drawers built into the counter beneath the sink. Normally you weren't one to poke through other people's belongings, but your curiosity was getting the better of you.

The drawer pops open smoothly as you press your cold fingers against it, revealing its messy contents. _Sheesh._ Turns out Kylo Ren wasn't very organized with his smaller belongings. It wouldn't hurt to clean it up a bit, would it? You bite your lip and begin to sift through the little bottles and nick-knacks, setting them upright and returning them to their little white baskets. You were making steady progress with the drawers and you were so focused, that you didn't hear the door to Ren's quarters opening with a hiss. It wasn't until he was at the bathroom door that it was too late.

"What are you doing?" His deep voice rumbles angrily, scaring the life out of you.

You practically leap away from the drawers. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be nosy. I was just washing my face and-"

Kylo leans in and yanks you out of the bathroom. He stares down at your widened eyes staring in horror into the slits of his mask. "You should know better. That was a foolish thing to do, pet. Fortunately for you, it's something to discuss for later. You're a part of the First Order now, which means it's only fitting for you to be present when the weapon sets its target on the Republic systems."

You furrow your brow. "I'm not sure if that's something I want to see-"

"You don't have a choice," he leans in with a low growl. "You need to show these people that you're one of them. One of _us_. Only then will you be able to earn their respect." He caresses your cheek with a leather thumb as your expression changes to worry. "Don't worry, Butterfly. You'll be _perfect_. My little pet." His finger slowly trails across your horrendously obvious love bites as he hums briefly in content, as if proud of his work on your skin. "Now everyone will know who you belong to. His hand locks around your throat and you squeak. " _Who do you belong to_?"

"You, Commander." You gasp. "And only _you_."

Kylo smirks beneath his mask. "That's my girl. We'll continue your training when we finish up. Get dressed."

"B-But-" you protest as he releases his hold around your neck. "-I don't have any clothes. You stepped all over the dress. People are going to notice if I'm wearing the same thing."

He sighs and reaches into his closet, pulling out a black t-shirt that was almost too simple to be a part of Kylo Ren's wardrobe. You discard your nightgown on the floor and his eyes immediately lock hungrily onto your body. As you tug the shirt over your head, it reaches just above your knees and hung loosely on your shoulders, practically engulfing you in fabric.

"That's all you deserve to wear for poking around in my belongings." You could hear the smirk behind his voice as you sigh and turn on your heel. Barefoot with no pants it is.

Your feet press against the cold ground as you scurry down the hall, leaving behind a trail of fading footprints. You could hear Kylo's heavy steps behind you and the deep rumble of his chuckle resonating in his throat. He leans against your doorway, eyes glued to you from beneath the mask as you scramble to change and run a brush through your hair. You weren't quite used to the new robes he had gotten you, so you had to figure the layers of light fabric out as you went along.

"Alright," you huff as you finally finish. "Let's go."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Kylo muses. "You nearly froze to death last time you went out there."

_Right_. You sigh and drag yourself back to the closet, tugging on a heavy cloak and pinning it around your shoulders. A pair of leather gloves catch your eye, which you struggle to pull onto your hands. Your cheeks burn knowing that Kylo was probably having the time of his life watching you getting flustered. He stares at you as you brush past him with your nose in the air like it didn't bother you. As the two of you walk down the twisting corridors, you feel Kylo's hand brushing your thigh. You arch an eyebrow and give him a teasing grin. "Careful, Commander. Someone might think it would be inappropriate for a master to be touching their apprentice in such a way."

Kylo scoffs. "I can do whatever I please just as long as the Supreme Leader doesn't discover us. I could ravage you in front of this entire base if I so pleased."

"Right," you roll your eyes. "You're too much of a coward for that."

He stops walking abruptly, gripping you by the front of your robes. "Watch that mouth of yours, Butterfly. I thought I taught you a lesson last night. Isn't that why you're struggling to walk?"

You glare at him. "Whatever."

Kylo chuckles once more and releases you. You cross your arms huffily over your chest as you two approach the end of the corridor. He steps into an elevator and gestures for you to join him, the doors shutting behind you. _'I could ravage you in front of this entire base if I so pleased.'_ His words made your cheeks heat up the more you thought about it. If he so _pleased_ , he could take you in this elevator here and now. Now that was a fun little thought. Kylo furiously pounding into you while some poor Stormtroopers were waiting for the elevator to come back. You couldn't imagine what you would do if someone walked in on you. Surely Kylo would continue fucking you while the other person stood awkwardly. Your eyes widen. _No, shut up! Shut up! He can hear your thoughts._

_"_ And they're especially loud, pet." Kylo growls teasingly. "Don't get too desperate and needy now, Butterfly. We'll have to save this elevator idea for another time. Perhaps I could take you in the training room first and have the Knights watch." You move to punch him in the arm, but he catches you by the wrist with ease. "I would advise against doing so. When we get to the top, we're going to stand to the side beside the officers on your right. Keep your head up and your eyes straight ahead. Show no fear. It's going to be an intimidating sight, I won't deny that."

You nod stiffly, your nerves now spiking. Kylo gently brushes your back in reassurance, before he straightens up and the doors slide open. As if a switch had been flipped, he grows rigid and takes powerful strides onto the massive platform. You were trying not to ogle as you step out behind him. The elevator had put you both on a towering concrete platform backed by fluttering First Order flags. Below you, hundreds upon thousands of Stormtroopers stood on the once-empty docking zone. Their pristine white armor shines in the rapidly dimming light through gentle flurries of snow. You place your trembling hands behind your back, glancing up to Kylo for some form of comfort. He didn't return your gaze. He was focused on the people gathered before him. Your gaze shifts when General Hux steps forward. When he speaks, his voice booms loudly and echoes through the frozen air.

"Today is the _end_ of the Republic. The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder. At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic _lies_ to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance! This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order! And remember this as the _last_ day of the Republic!"

In response to his powerful speech, the crowd raises their left fists simultaneously as a symbol of the Order. Voices of static come unintelligibly from Hux's earpiece. As he shouts his final word " _fire_ ," the Stormtroopers turn in unison to face the snowy banks. You suck in your breath as the ground upon which you stand begins to vibrate and hum. The only thing stopping you from reeling back in surprise as a fiery jet bursts through the sky, was Kylo's brief grasp on your wrist. The horrifying red beam shoots into the atmosphere, blasting heat into your face and causing your cloaks to rip back violently, nearly throwing you off balance from the sheer power. The red glow reflects on the silver rims of Kylo's mask. Just as quickly as it had begun, the beam dies down and disappears into the vastness of space. There was a moment of silence, before a female's voice echoes through the stillness.

" _All targets destroyed."_

A loud uproar of cheers and salutes explodes through the base. Kylo turns on his heel abruptly and storms back into the elevator. You couldn't move and it wasn't until the Force yanks you back that you were able to. The elevator ride back down was completely still and cold.

"Kylo..." you trail off uncertainly. "H-How many planets did that thing just destroy?"

"Five."

Five. _Five?!_ How was that even possible? It sends shivers down your spine and it was suddenly blatantly obvious how powerful the Order had become. Kylo hadn't even flinched. You pull your lower lip through your teeth. What had you gotten yourself into?

"Come back to my quarters with me." His deep voice snaps you out of your worrisome thoughts.

You shift slightly. You _really_ couldn't handle getting pounded into his mattress again. Not now anyways. Not with your body still sore and the thought of those planets getting destroyed fresh on your mind. Kylo scoffs softly, causing you to look up at him. "Don't flatter yourself, Butterfly. I'll give you a little time to rest. There's something I need to show you instead."

This was a relief to say the least. You follow him curiously back to his quarters, unsure of what it was he wanted you to see. When you were snooping around that morning, there was nothing out of the ordinary, at least nothing you had seen. He guides you to a door opposite of his bed. _How had you not seen that before?_ You shake your head, running a hand through your hair. The door slides open automatically as it senses their motion. Kylo gestures for you to go in first and you cautiously do so, peering inside as though you were expecting some kind of booby-trap. It was a little difficult to see, but you could make out two faint shapes in the middle of the small circular room. One looked like a chair and the other like a pedestal with something resting upon it. Kylo reaches for the switch near the door and turns up the brightness of the lights just a little bit, giving you enough light to really see what was in front of you.

You inhale sharply, your eyes widening at the sight of the object on the pedestal. At first it just looked like a hunk of molten black metal, but upon further inspection you discovered it to be a helmet. And not just any helmet.

You shakily point to it. "Is-is this-"

"Darth Vader's helmet." Kylo nods stiffly. He desperately wanted to say 'my grandfather's,' but he knew that would give everything away. So for now, he had to lie to you. "I managed to get my hands on it through the Supreme Leader."

"Can I-" you stop yourself just before your fingers meet it, looking back to Kylo for confirmation. Your fingertips graze the cool material when he nods. You were in pure awe. The entire _galaxy_ knew who Darth Vader was. He was a legend after all. "This is incredible." You furrow your brow when you feel it. _The Force_. It was flowing through you, almost humming and vibrating with life. It felt as though it was trying to connect with you, similar to the way you had felt when you and Kylo shared your Force bond.

Your master moves closer to you. "It's calling to you... I can sense it. The Dark Side is beckoning you. You were _made_ for it." Kylo reaches out, his gloved hand resting on top of the hand you had placed on the helmet.

The two of you simultaneously gasp as a surge of energy ripples between you. It was as though someone had plunged you into a dream. No. A _vision_. Hundreds of voices were echoing through your head at once, but you didn't recognize more than half of them. They were like strangers calling out. Only these strangers had connections with the Force. You could sense that.

' _You were the chosen one! You were meant to destroy the Sith, not join them. Bring balance to the Force not leave it in darkness!'_

_'I hate you!'_

_'You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!'_

_'BEN! I love you! P-Please come back to me. Please... I can't do this without you.'_

_'Promise you'll always be with me... no matter what happens.'_

_'Of course.'_

_'My beautiful Butterfly.'_

Just as quickly as you had been flung into the terrifying state, you were pulled back to reality. Kylo rips his hand away from yours, his chest heaving and his breathing erratic from within the mask. Your eyes were wide and there were tears stinging at them from the sound of Ben's voice. You were both confused and horrified with what you had just experienced. "W-What was that?"

"Our Force bond," Kylo murmurs, although he sounded just as confused and scared as you did. That was the first time you heard the smallest pang of fear in his voice. "I... don't know what the rest was." You reach toward him, but he swats your hand aside. "Don't _touch_ me." His voice was cold and angry all of a sudden. "Stay away from me... just... go back to your quarters."

"Kylo, I-"

"Did you hear me?" He suddenly yells, causing you to flinch. "GET OUT!"

His hand dives for his lightsaber and your legs carry you out of the room. The last thing you hear before you stumble out of his quarters, is the angry roar of a lightsaber cutting through metal.

  
  



	19. ~Bested~

_What did I do wrong this time?_ You think miserably as you drag yourself back to your quarters. Kylo had lashed out so suddenly that it had frightened you out of your skin. Whatever he had heard must have infuriated him enough to take it out on you. What _you_ had heard was also baffling. There were so many voices screaming in your head. Voices filled with pain, anguish, and sorrow. Voices you couldn't even recognize until it came to your own and Ben's. But the Force had singled out two other voices. Two voices that you hadn't a clue as to who they belonged to. Although you couldn't recognize them, you did remember a name that had come up. _Anakin._ Who was he? The name didn't ring any bells but the situation he was in sounded dire. Perhaps it was a memory, much like the voice you had heard from Ben.

You sigh as you lean into the shower to turn the water on, letting the steam rise as it heats up and you strip yourself of those heavy winter clothes. Everything around you was getting more and more peculiar by the second. So many questions were taking hold of your brain, you didn't even know where to start. Questions like what did Kylo's face look like? Who was Anakin? What did Kylo even see that made him as angry as he was? You tug the glass door to the shower open and step inside, letting the warm water roll down your skin. Running your fingers through your hair, you lather it with heavenly-smelling shampoo, before rubbing your body down with body wash that smelled of sweet milk and honey.

Your mind races as you desperately seek answers to those questions. They were going to nag you for the rest of your life if you didn't get what you needed soon. It seemed as though ever since you joined the First Order, your life had become nothing but puzzles and problems. And at the center of most of those problems? _Kylo Ren_. The man who killed Ben, Xian, and possibly thousands of other innocent people. The man who kidnapped you and somehow convinced you to join him because he promised answers to your questions. What did you have to show for it? More questions, little answers, and a rather rough relationship with the commander.

After another ten minutes of just standing in the shower with your thoughts running wild, you shut the water off and wrap a white towel tightly around your body. Your hair drips down your back, leaving a trail of water behind as you walk back into the main room to change. What you didn't see, was that someone was standing at your door. Not until he moves quickly towards you, that is. You gasp and leap back in horror.

"What the hell?" You demand angrily, glaring daggers at Kylo.

His only response is silence. Oh, and grabbing you by the wrist. He pulls your body towards him, his hands sliding up the towel with ease. To his surprise, you angrily plant your hands on his broad chest and shove him away.

You scowl at him. "If you think I'm going to just _submit_ to you after you nearly took my head off with your lightsaber, you're dead wrong. I didn't deserve your anger and you don't deserve _me_."

Kylo's fists tighten at his sides so much, that you were sure his gloves would pop at the seams. "I expect you to be in the training room in ten."

He turns on his heel, cloak fluttering at his ankles as he storms off. Without thinking about what you were wearing, you charge after him, your rage nearly bubbling over at this point. You manage to extend your hand and grab onto his cloak, foolishly yanking him back. Wrong choice. Kylo furiously slams you against the wall, his ever-tightening hand around your throat.

"What makes you think you can disrespect me? I'm your _commander_. Your master! You're nothing but an apprentice that I just so happen to be fucking." He spits.

"Good to know that's all I am to you." You snap as you try to peel his fingers off. "You know what? I don't even _care_. I don't care what you think of me and I don't care about what I am to you. You're an asshole in a mask who does what he pleases without any real consequences. I bet the Supreme Leader would just _love_ to hear about how you went behind his back and disobeyed his orders."

Kylo scoffs. "And what do you think he's going to do with _you_ when he hears how you've been influencing and distracting me, little Butterfly? Hm? I might get a few bruises but that's going to be _nothing_ compared to you. They'll have to send back your body in pieces."

"So what? You don't care about me anyways and you killed all of the people that would miss me! I don't have anyone left!" Tears spring to your eyes as you push Kylo away. "Just kill me now! Go on, get it over with!"

He laughs coldly. "You're not worth the effort it would take to kill you. Get changed to go to the training hall. Figure out the way yourself. If you don't show up... don't expect the same treatment you normally get from me."

"Is that supposed to be a threat?" You mutter and storm off, ignoring the strange looks that the Stormtroopers were giving you.

Despite wanting to disobey Kylo's orders _just_ to see what he would do, you reluctantly change into your training robes and try to make your way to the training hall. It took a lot of asking and wrong turns down dead-end corridors, before you finally find the massive hall. It was similar to the one on the Finalizer, but it lacked the massive window and replaced the space where it would have been with a giant rack of equipment. You gaze around the room momentarily, trying to get accustomed to the new settings, before your eyes fall onto the center mat. And your heart stops.

Kylo was there as always, but so were six other men. Men you knew all too well and stood with menacing glares and piercing gazes. Their weapons were slung lazily over their shoulders, which someone gave them an even _more_ terrifying appearance. You cross your arms, scowling at Kylo as you cross the room.

"What are _they_ doing here?" You gesture to them, speaking as though they weren't even in the room. "I thought you said it would only be you and me."

"I also said you would fight them eventually." Kylo crosses his muscular arms. "Perhaps not all at once today, but _one_ will be sufficient."

You don't take your eyes off of Kylo as you extend your hand and use the Force to pull one of the practice staffs into your hand. You could just tell that he was smirking at you from beneath that stupid mask. _Stupid hunk of metal,_ you think with a small huff. You couldn't care less if he had heard you. Kylo turns away from you rather stiffly and you grin. So he _had_ heard you. He looks the Knights of Ren up and down one by one, as if sizing them up. You were expecting him to choose the smallest so you at least had a chance, but you were horribly mistaken.

"Cardo," Kylo gestures from him to you. "Why don't you take a turn?"

Your face pales as the towering man takes a step forward. He was very nearly the same height as Kylo, but you could see his muscles rippling underneath his clothing every time he moved. You look angrily at your master, but he ignores you and steps back. He and Knights watch carefully as Cardo lumbers toward you. You nervously adjust your grip on the training saber, your eyebrows knitting together with concern. Without a warning, Cardo swings his weapon toward you. You manage to block it with your own saber just in the nick of time, grunting as you push his very heavy and very _real_ blade aside. His next move was quicker than lightning. His weapon twists in his hand and the flat side of the blade connects with your side, causing you to double over in pain and wince.

Kylo groans. "We don't have all day. Get it over with, Cardo. _Best her_."

Cardo nods at his master and pivots, his blade just barely missing your head as you leap out of the way. For whatever reason, Kylo's apparent lack of faith in your abilities seemed to fuel you. It made your blood boil and your hand tighten around your weapon. With a sudden burst of energy and aggression, you go flying at the large man. He reels back in surprise as you thrust and turn, managing to slip in little hits here and there when he wasn't able to block in time. You send your elbow crashing into his chest, before turning your body and sending a kick in between his shoulder blades. Cardo stumbles and whirls around, raising his weapon. What he didn't see was your hilt already flying towards his face. He spits blood onto the floor, baring his blood stained teeth at you. Now you had _really_ pissed him off. _Shit_.

You were on the floor before you could even react, wheezing and gasping for air. He had swung his leg out, sending you sprawling and your back slamming down so hard that it knocked the air out of you. Your weapon was now laying several feet away from you and you felt as though you couldn't move anymore. You gasp in pain as Cardo's foot connects with your rib cage. It wasn't hard enough to break your ribs, but it would most definitely leave bruises. You roll onto your stomach, bringing one knee up and bracing yourself on your forearms. All of your energy was gone. You couldn't even stand. Kylo hadn't even said a word when his Knight had kicked you, but you could feel his anger and disappointment. Towards _you_.

Cardo spits blood on the ground next to you and scoffs. " _Pathetic_."

"Dismissed." Kylo waves them away and they silently leave the room. He turns to you as you slowly get to your knees. "What the hell was that? After all you've learned, he still managed to win in less than five minutes."

"Did you expect me to win?" You demand breathlessly.

"No. I expected you to draw out the fight. To tire him and strike." He reaches down for his lightsaber and your eyes widen in fear.

"W-What are you doing?"

"Get up." Kylo says darkly. " _Now_."

"K-Kylo." Your voice comes out in an unwanted whimper. _Did he expect you to fight him?_ Your thick plastic blade wouldn't last two seconds.

"Don't be stupid," his words sting as he sets his saber down and pulls a training saber into his gloved hand. Kylo twirls the weapon impressively and with a single breath, launches himself towards you.

His strength was so surprising that you didn't stand a chance. Especially not after you had just gotten beaten down. His blade clashes against yours as it slams down repeatedly. You manage to block and put your weight forward. Unfortunately for you, he was much bigger and stronger. Kylo leans in, his blade pressing down and bending you backwards slowly. His knees press into your lower-thighs, forcing you backwards with the weight of his weapon. Then an idea pops into your head. You drop to the floor and roll to the side, sending Kylo stumbling forward at least a few steps. Your foot connects with the back of his knee and he falls to the ground. In a desperate attempt to get him down for good, you throw your weapon aside and decide to tackle him.

Kylo rolls over with ease, slamming your back against the ground once more and pinning your wrists over your head with just one hand. His other hand extends behind him and you scream as his lightsaber flies towards him, activating in his hand as he brings it down to your neck. The heat radiates on your skin as tears spill from your eyes.

"You're weak!" He roars. "Look at you crumbling beneath me. You were so eager to die but now that you look death in the face, you plead for your life. One stroke and you would be dead. _One_."

You try to rip your hands from his grasp, but it was no use. A sob escapes your lips as the crackling red blade nears your throat. "I-I'm sorry! I'll do better, I swear. I'll train harder! I'll do what you want me to do!"

Kylo's lightsaber turns off with a rushing sound and he sets it down. His leather hand grazes your face, wiping away your tears. "You're pledging your loyalty to the First Order and only to the First Order. To _me_. And you won't question me. You'll obey my commands and take your place beside me."

Your eyes roam over the mask hovering above your face. This would change your life for good. "Y-Yes."

He chuckles, his thumb sliding across your lower lip. "That's my girl. My Butterfly."

"P-Please," you whisper. "Don't call me that. It-It hurts."

"I'll call you what I please, little pet. Stop crying." His voice was gentle. It sounded... genuine. "Perhaps it's time for you to build a lightsaber."

Kylo rises and extends a hand towards you. You were hesitant at first, but slowly you reach up to take it. His hand grazes the small of your back as you walk past him. You swallow the lump in your throat, forcing back your tears and you hurry out of the training room. _My Butterfly._

  
  



	20. ~The Prisoner~

Kylo Ren was gone early the next morning. This time, you knew exactly what was going on. He had explained that he was searching for Luke Skywalker and the map to him was being carried by a BB-Unit Droid. At the sound of your old master's name, you couldn't help but shudder. The memories of the Jedi Temple weren't all bad, but it was difficult to think about without thinking of Ben. General Hux's men apparently failed to capture the droid and now they were chasing down a tip from Takodana. _How the hell did they lose a ball?_ You incredulously think as you get out of bed. Although droids were clever, there was no way it could evade them for so long without help from a living creature. You also weren't sure why Kylo didn't take you with him. He had been talking about getting you more experience in high-stress situations and in your opinion, this was the best way to go about it.

Was he going to take you with him when he retrieved the map? You weren't sure you could even face your old master if it came down to it. Or kill him, for that matter. There was resentment towards him from deep within you. A part of you blamed him for not being able to save Ben, but you knew you were just passing the blame down because you couldn't seem to accept it. In your mind, he would be there for you when you returned. Or so you wished. It was obvious Kylo had strong feelings for Skywalker as well. You could sense his anger through the Force every time the old man was brought up. You didn't _dare_ ask why he was so upset with him. Kylo seemed to hold grudges against many people for long periods of time. It was yet another question you were seeking an answer to. That was all you seemed to be doing these days... searching and questioning everything around you. Curiosity was a natural instinct, but it was starting to bother you.

You try not to think too much about it as you change from your nightwear into your black robes, adjusting the leather obi-belt holding the light fabric in place. You had slept in braids the night before, making your hair especially curly as you run your fingers through it. Your fingers graze the little band attached to your belt that would soon hold your weapon. _A lightsaber,_ you think happily. _I haven't held one since my training as a Jedi._ You wondered if it was going to be as unstable as Kylo's. You certainly hoped not. Every time that thing was ignited, it looked as though it was going to explode at random.

Just as you start towards your day, you stop abruptly. Something was... off. The Force was calling to you, flowing through your veins as it awakens once more. It felt the same way it did when you first connected with Ren. Then you sense a presence behind you and your eyes widen. You turn quickly, face to face with your master. Only, he wasn't _really_ there. He was standing in a small clearing in the middle of a forest. His hood was pulled up and the sun was gleaming on his mask.

"Commander?" Your brow furrows. "What's going on?"

His voice comes just as clearly as it would if he were standing right in front of you. Well, as clearly as it could be with the mask on. "It seems as though the Force thought it was a good time to connect us. Our bond is growing stronger... can you sense it?"

A beat.

"Yes."

Kylo shifts. "We've located the droid. It's here. But it had _help_. From a Stormtrooper defector and a lowly scavenger. I should be returning this evening if all goes as planned."

You bite your lip, hesitating slightly. "Be careful."

He moves closer to you and as though he really was there, you feel his body heat. Your eyes search the emptiness of his mask. He slowly extends a gloved hand towards you and you suck your breath in as it connects with your face. Kylo's thumb trails across your cheek. "Careful, (Y/N). For a moment it sounded like you cared for me."

You smile at him teasingly. "We wouldn't want that, would we?" Another brief moment of silence. You pause for a moment, debating whether or not to do something, before reaching up to the hand placed on your cheek and settling your own over his.

Kylo's head suddenly snaps up, looking past you as though he had heard something. His hand rips away from your face and the last thing you see before he disappears, is he lightsaber igniting in his other hand and a blur of motion. You stare fearfully at the place he was standing just moments before. You hoped he was alright. There was only so much loss you could take, after all.

To get your mind off of it, you were going to hit the training room. You were now anxious to please Kylo with your progress after yesterday's fiasco and you knew the Knights of Ren were probably talking about you. They must have been talking about how weak you were. Kylo must have been embarrassed and angry with _you_ for making _him_ look back as well as yourself. As his apprentice, you were representing him. If you failed, it made him appear as a bad teacher. That was something you couldn't risk. Especially not with Snoke entrusting _his_ apprentice to take on an apprentice. Part of you wanted to meet the illusive Supreme Leader but your other half was terrified of the man. From the way Kylo spoke of him, he wasn't the type of man to be meddled with. You knew your mouth would get you in some form of trouble eventually, but Snoke was the type to sew it shut. No. You were going to have to focus on bettering your skills before you faced the Supreme Leader. And that was exactly what you were determined to do.

  
  


~

  
  


You were out of the training room the moment a Stormtrooper informed you that Kylo Ren's ship had returned. Apparently he had brought a prisoner back with him. That was strange... a prisoner but no droid? There must have been something special about this person. Perhaps he or she had seen the map? You would find out later. As you hurry down towards the main hangar, you pass by a group of Stormtroopers carrying an unconscious girl. _Well there's my answer,_ you rip your eyes away and continue your search for your master. They hadn't told you if he had been injured or not. They hadn't even said anything about the mission. It could have gone completely awry and you wouldn't have known.

Then your heart leaps and you breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of Kylo storming towards you. He wasn't limping or coated in blood. So far so good.

"Did you get the-" you are cut off when he brushes past you, not even paying any attention to you. You scowl and storm after him. " _Excuse me._ "

"No." He snaps, not bothering to look back. "The girl was all we needed. She has seen the map."

You scoff. " _Seriously?_ Why did you just take the droid and-"

"You and I are going to interrogate her. I don't want a single word coming from you until I acknowledge you, is that clear?" Kylo orders.

"Fine," there was no point in arguing now. "I just don't understand why-"

He interrupts once more. "We'll discuss it later."

_Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,_ you roll your eyes. Kylo doesn't slow his pace until he reaches the interrogation room. Just the sight of it made you shiver and feel sick to your stomach. You had spent many nights hungry, cold, and in pain while you were in those metal restraints. It was strange being on the other side of it now. The same side as the man who had done all of those things to you. You stand beside Kylo as the girl begins to shift. You observe her face closely. Her skin had been kissed by the sun, leaving a few red splotches on her cheeks and nose. Her hair was brown and pulled back into three buns on the back of her head. The clothes she was wearing were dirty and tattered, like she had been wearing them for a long time. You didn't know why, but you took an immediate disliking to her. There was just something about her that was off. Her eyes open and she gazes around the room, staring at you in confusion. Her eyes snap to Kylo as he shifts slightly.

"Where am I?" She frowns.

His deep voice replies. "You're my guest." You try not to roll your eyes at this as you hold back a scoff. _So dramatic._

"Where are the others?" This time she sounded more concerned than confused. You couldn't help but think back to the first time you had woken up in that chair. You had annoyed him within two seconds of it. _Fun times_.

Kylo remains still. "You mean the murderers, traitors, and thieves you call friends? You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea." He tilts his head observantly. "You _still_ want to kill me."

"That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask." She snaps, her eyes flickering to you. "Who are _you_ supposed to be?"

"That's none of your concern," you reply icily, your eyes narrowing.

Your master rises to his feet and for a split second, you thought you had done something wrong. Apparently not. He moves closer to the prisoner. "Tell me about the droid."

She takes a breath. "He's a BB unit with a selenium drive and thermal hyper-scan indica-"

"It's carrying a section of a navigational chart and we have the rest. Recovered from the archives of the old empire, but we need the last piece and somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you. _You_. A scavenger. You know I can take whatever I want." Kylo extends his hand towards her temple and she flinches.

_That's not fair,_ you think as you cross your arms and smirk at the scene unfolding before you. _He shoved his fingers in my mouth when I tried to talk back. To each their own, I suppose._

"So lonely," Kylo's fingers twitch as he probes through her mind. "So afraid to leave. At night... desperate to sleep... you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo. You feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you-"

Your eyebrows furrow at this. _Han Solo?_ How did Kylo Ren know Han Solo? Han was Ben's father and you had met him just once. He was a strong case of like father like son. _Great,_ you think with a silenced groan, _more questions._

"-I know you've seen the map," Kylo moves away. "It's in there. And now you'll give it to me."

"I'm not giving you anything." The girl winces and shifts as the pain of the Force invading her mind intensifies.

Then you feel it. _The Force_. It was struggling to move in between her and Kylo, but it was sucking you in as well. You could feel it pulsing in between the three of you as the prisoner fights back. That was impossible unless... unless she was Force sensitive as well. That explained why Kylo wanted to get her instead of the droid. He sensed it to. You needed to put a stop to this before something went wrong. Just as you step forward, you feel the Force bursting back towards your master. Too late.

"You," the prisoner huffs. "You're afraid... that you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader!"

Kylo rips his hand back, pulling out of her mind. His shoulders heave as he stares her down. The girl's piercing gaze shifts from him to you. She was going to try to do the same with you if you didn't stop her. Without thinking, you grab Kylo and practically drag him from the room. To your surprise, he doesn't try to stop you. Instead he goes rather quiet and only looks down at you silently.

"What was that?" You demand angrily. "You can't just keep these things from me. You should have told me she was Force sensitive. I say we just kill her now and go after the droid. You're only going to run into more dead ends and create more problems if we keep her around."

"She could be useful." Kylo says gruffly. "Another ally in the Order wouldn't hurt. Three Force-Users would be unstoppable."

You scoff at him. "You're being stupid. Think about what you're saying here."

He scowls at you from beneath the mask. "Or we could be throwing away an opportunity."

" _Or_ we could be leading the Resistance right to us. I don't want to use this as an I-told-you-so moment in the future, but I will." You sigh and reach out, placing a hand on his broad chest. "Please just think about what I'm trying to say."

Kylo grips your wrist, but doesn't try to push your arm away. He was debating your words carefully, deep down knowing you were right. "We'll try again. If she doesn't comply I'll execute her by the end of the week."

"Deal." You remove your hand. "Are you... okay? You seemed shaken up."

His defensive front returns almost immediately. "I'm _fine_. I'm... sending you back to the Finalizer tomorrow."

" _What_?"

"It's for your own good. My Knights are going to accompany you there and see to your hand-to-hand training until I've returned. Don't argue with me. I'm not in the mood to argue." Kylo points a threatening finger at you as you scowl. "Good girl. Come to my quarters tonight before you leave. Think of it as a... going away present."

"I-" But before you could even finish, Kylo turns on his heel and stalks down the corridor with his cloak fluttering at his ankles.

_Asshole_.


	21. ~Your Present~

_Going-away present,_ you huff with your arms crossed as you stalk toward Kylo Ren's quarters. _Who does he think he is? All high and mighty telling me I won't be on Starkiller Base anymore. He probably won't even execute the prisoner like he promised._ As the door comes into view, your heart flutters with excitement. For the night's events of course, but also so you could give your master a piece of your mind. _That_ was going to put him in a grand mood, which wasn't such a bad thing in your case. There was a little something bothering you, however. The way he had said 'going-away present' sounded a little sinister. Granted, Kylo Ren could make a comment about the beauty of a sunset and it would still sound sinister and evil, but this was different. It was an odd way of putting it and it nearly sounded like the same voice he used to threaten you with punishments. You snicker under your breath, _kinky_.

You stop in front of Kylo's door, quickly putting in the entrance code. The door slides open for you and closes behind you with a soft hiss. Your (e/c) eyes fall upon Kylo, who was shirtless and sitting down low in a chair with his knees spread. His focus was upon the door leading to the little room holding Vader's molten mask. It shifts towards you as you take a step forward expectantly, suddenly forgetting what you wanted to say in the first place.

"You came," his modified voice comes.

This was baffling. "Yes... why wouldn't I?"

He shrugs rather stiffly before slowly rising out of his chair. Kylo approaches you at a leisurely pace, his pale skin glistening in the light as his muscles ripple with every move. "Do you know why I wanted you here tonight?"

"To give me your version of a going-away present," you quirk your brow and give him a crooked smirk. "Although I'd much rather stay here. With _you_." Your hand lightly skims over his wrist. _Bold moves. For now._

"I'm sure you would," he chuckles darkly. "Turn around." You don't hesitate. Shivers roll up and down your spine as Kylo's hands graze your sides. He slowly begins to pull off articles of clothing from your body while he continues to speak. "But that's not all, Butterfly. You require _correction._ Your focus during your training is _laughable_ -" your shirt falls to the floor "-and you treat my Knights like a throwaway joke. That needs to change." Now you were _really_ worried. Kylo's arms wrap around you, reaching for the band of your pants. "I've been too fair with you, my apprentice, and now it's time for a change. It's time for you to submit. To _fear_. To see my Knights in new light."

You step out of your pants as Kylo pulls them to your ankles. You turn to face him, now standing in a lace bra and panty set he had so _generously_ gifted you. There was confusion plastered all over your face. "Kylo? What are you talking ab-"

He cuts you off by grabbing your wrist tightly and yanking you towards him. "Tonight, you're going to refer to me as 'Commander.' Is that clear?"

Heat builds in between your legs and you subconsciously press your thighs together. "Y-Yes, Commander."

Kylo releases you to pick up the small transmitter laying on the table nearby. He presses down on the button until it clicks, before raising it up to the plate of his mask. "Send them in."

Your face pales with realization. "Kylo! I-I mean Commander. Please don't! I don't want them watching. I-I can't do this. I _won't_!"

"You don't have a choice." Kylo snaps.

You squeak and whirl around as the door opens and heavy footsteps enter. The Knights move silently, wordlessly, through their master's quarters. You felt so exposed and vulnerable with their menacing gazes on you from beneath their masks. Your cheeks burn with humiliation as the six men sit contently on the leather couches nearby. Kylo turns to face them, a smirk toying on his full lips.

"I've told you all that you're here so I can teach my little apprentice a lesson," he says coldly. "While that is the truth for most part, you're also here for another reason. All six of you are _guilty_. I've seen your minds. Read your thoughts. You should be ashamed of yourselves... lusting after your commander's apprentice. She belongs to _me_ and only me. Now you get to see it for yourselves. Pity yourselves as you watch but cannot touch what is mine."

A sharp gasp escapes your lips as Kylo grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks you backwards, your back slamming into his chest. You couldn't hold back a whimper as he trails his hand down the valley between your breasts. Your eyes shut, but another painful tug on your hair makes them fly back open.

"Eyes on _them_. Watch them writhe in their seats." Kylo hisses. He directs his focus to the Knights, but doesn't stop touching your tense body. "Isn't she a sight? Watch how her body reacts to my touch and _suffer_ knowing it will never react to _yours_."

Still standing behind you, Kylo reaches down and slips his fingers past the band of your panties. You were fighting back a soft moan from before, but now you couldn't hold it in any longer. At this sound, the Knights immediately begin to shift in arousal. Kylo's rough fingers glide over your wet folds, toying with them for a little while before his digit slip into you and play with your clit. You gasp as your head falls back onto his shoulder and your eyes roll back as your lips part. Kylo's other hand untangles itself from your hair, his fingers skimming your lips. His fingers slide into your mouth and you obediently close your lips around them, sucking steadily as moans resonate in your throat. You shift and sink down on his other hand as much as you can, grinding your hips against him needily. His hardened cock jumps at the contact of your ass against him and he looks up smugly at his Knights, who each had tents in between their legs showing off their arousal.

Kylo's fingers thrust in and out of you at a steady pace, but it wasn't enough for you. You wanted more. You wanted _him_. His fingers slide out of your mouth with a wet popping noise and you gasp pleadingly as his other hand does the same. His deep voice rumbles in his throat. "On your knees."

Your knees smack against the floor faster than the speed of light. Something told you Kylo wouldn't be too happy if you refused. As Kylo unzips his pants and pulls out his heavy erection, you glance at the Knights. They were leaning forward and though you couldn't see their eyes, you knew they were plastered on you like glue. _Might as well give them a show,_ a smirk tugs at your lips and you look back up to Kylo, giving him your wide innocent eyes.

Kylo grips the back of your head, his fingers digging into your scalp and tangling in your hair. He pushes your head forward, shoving your mouth onto him. Tears prick at your eyes as his length hits the back of your throat and the salty tang of pre-cum fills your mouth as Kylo face-fucks you. A loud groan from the couches catches your attention and your eyes widen at the sight of one of the Knights pleasuring himself.

"Just like that, baby." He moans, eyes glued onto you as his hand runs up and down his hard shaft.

You look up to Kylo, but he was too wrapped up in his own pleasure to bother. His head was tipped back and he was pulling his lower lip through his teeth from within his helmet as he stifles his deep groans. Heat builds between your legs as your sex aches. You needed this just as much as he did. Humming giddily, you swirl your tongue over the head of his cock, your nails digging into his hips and upper-thighs. You drag your tongue over the underside of his shaft as drool drips down from your chin. You couldn't take it anymore. The sound of Kylo's groans mixed with the ones coming from the Knights pushed you past your limits. Your hand slips down in between your legs, creeping in between your wet folds.

You whine as Kylo pulls himself out of your mouth and leans down to rip your hand away from in between your thighs. You look up at him pleadingly. "B-But-"

Kylo trails his thumb across your lips, gathering your saliva. "Lay down and spread your legs."

You were as obedient as a dog. Knowing Kylo would want to put on a show, you slowly lay back onto the soft bed and spread your knees apart. Your eyes train on Kylo as he leans down and ties the blindfold tightly over your eyes. The airlock of the mask opens with a familiar hissing sound, followed by a dull thunk as it hits the table. Kylo kneels down at the end of the bed and you whine as he grips your thighs tightly, pulling you toward him. He glances back at the Knights and reaches in between your legs, his fingers forming a v-shape as he pulls apart your folds to give them a perfect view of your glistening pink cunt already dripping for your master. His Knights lean forward and a few start to palm themselves through the fabric of their pants, unable to contain themselves at the erotic sight before them.

Kylo pushes his black hair out of his face before leaning in and licking a long stripe up your clit teasingly. You squirm and begin to softly moan as his tongue works expertly. The silence was filling with lewd noises of Kylo eating you out and the quiet grunts from the Knights on the couches. He was pleased with himself, this much you knew. You arch your back and buck your hips further into Kylo's face, whining as his nose presses into your cunt. He knew exactly where you liked it and how to get you to come with ease.

" _Fuck_!" You gasp, gripping onto the sheets. "C-Commander! Yes!" Beneath the silk blindfold, your eyes scrunch shut as your face twists with pleased, your lips forming into a small 'o.'

Kylo's tongue laps at you and he releases a small hum that vibrates through you. His cock was now rock hard, aching, and begging for release. He could hardly imagine what his men must have felt like. His fingers thrust into you and begin to pump in and out. A loud wanton moan escapes your lips. Kylo picks up the pace until he has you writhing and pulsing against him.

"I-I'm gonna-" you mewl and arch your back as you come onto his face.

Kylo pulls away and licks his lips, smirking at you. He brings his hands up to his own face and slides his tongue over his fingers, coating it in your juices. You squirm as he drags his tongue across your body. His lips suck at the curve of your breasts, his teeth nipping at your skin to leave love-bites behind. You feel the bed dip as he shifts. His hands settle on your hips and he pulls you up, forcing you onto your hands and knees as he situates himself behind you. With a small tug, the blindfold falls and you are given a clear view of the Knights. You weren't even embarrassed at this point. You hear Kylo fishing his heavy erection out of his pants. Your nails dig into the bed as his hand glides over your presented cunt, collecting your juices. He slides his hand up and down the length of his shaft, creating a mixture of your cum and his pre-cum.

You gasp as the head of his cock glides over your folds, teasing your glistening entrance. Before you can say anything, Kylo grips onto your hips and slams into you, his cock burying in your cunt. You moan and arch your back, pressing into him as his length stretches you out. Your walls pulse around his cock, fueling him on as he pounds into you roughly. The pain was intense as always, but the _pleasure_ always outweighed it.

"Yes, Commander!" You whine lewdly. "Fuck me!"

Your eyes train onto the Knights sitting just a little ways away. They were all hard and at the edge of their seats, their breathing heavy as they grunt and twitch. There was so much lust in the air. So much desperation coming from them. They _needed_ to touch you, but they couldn't.

"You like that, don't you?" Kylo growls. "You like them watching. Filthy thing." Your cheeks burn red as he scolds you. "My little pet. So needy-" he grunts "-for my cock to fill you. So desperate f-for me. _Shit_! You're so perfect! So tight and _wet_. Say it!"

You moan as your inner-walls grip onto his cock sliding in and out of you. "I need you! Stars! I need you!"

"You don't belong to them. Tell them who you belong to."

"You, C-Commander!"

" _Louder!"_

"YOU!" You scream.

Kylo grunts as he releases his load in you, filling your cunt with hot cum. He pulls himself out of your over-stimulated folds and turns you around so the Knights could watch his cum dripping from your pussy down your thighs. Kylo pulls his mask back over his head and turns to the Knights, pointing angrily to the door. " _Out_!"

They murmur "yes, Master" and scurry out, no doubt running to their quarters so they could free their aching erections. Your legs were shaking and there was adrenaline pumping through your veins. When you came for Kylo, you came _hard_. He had that effect on you. Your forehead was laced with sweat and your hair was clinging to your red cheeks. The room smelled of sex. Kylo disappears into his bathroom and you hear the water turn on. You shakily rise to your knees, rubbing your aching arms from supporting your weight. To your surprise, Kylo returns to the bed and scoops you up in his arms, carrying you bridal-style into the bathroom. He carefully sets you down into the bathtub and kneels beside it, his hand caressing your cheek.

"That's my girl." He praises. "You did good. I want you to get cleaned up, my little Butterfly. As quick as you can. There's someone you need to meet before you depart tomorrow and he can only see you tonight."

"Who?" You ask curiously, sinking further into the warm water as your body relaxes.

"You'll see." Kylo trails his thumb across your lips. He hesitates. "If I could kiss you now I would."

"Then do it." You sit back up, reaching out to touch his hand. "Don't hide behind the mask. I... I want to see you. _Kiss you_."

"All in due time." Kylo rises, his voice sounded rather defeated. "Hurry up." He leaves the bathroom quietly and your heart sinks.

About half an hour later, you had drained the bathtub and was now getting back into your own clothes. You dry your hair the best you can with a towel, before stepping out of the bathroom to meet Kylo. He had redressed himself as well and was waiting expectantly by the door. He beckons to you and you follow him out, taking yet another unfamiliar path through the busy base. Night was falling--well, the time for sleeping was approaching since there was no night in space--and most of the officers and Stormtroopers were turning in for the night or rotating shifts. A night shift was something you hoped to never have. Kess handled them sometimes and he was always tired afterwards.

"I thought I told you to stop thinking about that Stormtrooper." Kylo grumbles from beside you as you walk side by side.

"And I thought I told you to stay out of my head," you shoot back with a small huff. "Besides, I haven't seen him since you Force-choked him. He probably doesn't even _want_ to see me because of you."

"That's not my problem. Neither should it be yours. A relationship with an inferior is highly unprofessional." He scoffs.

You laugh. "You mean like what _you're_ doing with me?"

"I'm the commander. I can do as I please." Kylo glances at you. His light tone turns serious as you two round a corner and find yourselves face to face with a tall door. "You need to keep your mouth under control. _Please._ The Supreme Leader isn't very lenient, (Y/N), I'm serious."

Your blood runs cold and you were at a sudden loss for words. _The Supreme Leader?_ You looked like a mess and Kylo was taking you to see him _now_? You couldn't find anything to say so you decide to keep quiet as your master leads you into a dark room. There was nothing inside, which was highly unusual. Then a flicker and a burst of blue light causes you to retract. Kylo drops to his knee and yanks you down with him as a cold chuckle fills the room.

"Rise, my child." The Supreme Leader sneers down at you.

You obey but do so slowly and with fright. You gaze up at the twisted man sitting before you in hologram form. He was horribly disfigured and _hideous_. That was the face you were imagining when you pictured Kylo Ren. You had never seen a being this frightening in your entire life. Canto shielded you from that, but this was the real world. And in the real world not everything was cheery music and festivities.

His icy voice sends shivers through your body as he speaks. "I understand you are to be constructing a lightsaber soon."

"Y-Yes, Supreme Leader." You swallow, trying not to appear fearful. "The commander has been a good teacher to me. I've learned more from him than I ever have before." _That_ was a little lie.

"Excellent. I sense the makings of a powerful warrior within you. I should hope that one day you might even best the mighty Kylo Ren and take his place. In due time, we shall see if that vision will come to pass." He directs his attention to his own apprentice. "Ren. I will be arriving on Starkiller Base by the end of the week. I expect only good news from there on out. Will the machine be ready?"

Kylo stands. "Yes, Supreme Leader. The general's men have built a formidable weapon. We look forward to your long awaited arrival."

"Do not disappoint me, Ren, or the blame will be on _you_." Snoke points a grotesque finger as Kylo, before the hologram flickers and fades.

" _Sheesh_ ," you roll your eyes jokingly. "We should kill him and take the throne."

"The Supreme Leader is wise. We will do no such thing!" Kylo says angrily, causing you to take a step back. "Return to your quarters and pack your things. You will depart for the Command Finalizer first thing tomorrow morning."

  
  



	22. ~Head or Heart~

Just as Kylo had said, you were scheduled to leave early the next morning. Although you wouldn't be seeing him for just a week, it was strange being separated. He was one of the only people you knew in the Order. One of the only people you _trusted_. Six others were assholes, one was an arrogant general, and the last was a Stormtrooper you hadn't spoken to in a _long_ time. So naturally, you were a little nervous to be alone. You bade him farewell and good luck with the prisoner, but you also warned him to be cautious. Neither of you knew what the girl was capable of yet. It would be wise to keep a weary eye out. The goodbyes were quick but that was what you had preferred. You weren't going off to war but it wasn't going to be easy either. Kylo didn't even walk you to the transport. You boarded alone and departed alone with nothing but bags full of clothes.

You were a little relieved to see the familiar sights of the Finalizer when it came into view after a long flight of listening to Hux's yammering. You would have rather stayed on the base with someone you knew, but at least you knew your way around the massive ship... more or less. As the ship touches down, the Stormtroopers carry your bags up to your quarters, leaving you to do whatever you pleased. _Whatever you pleased._ Hm, you hadn't really thought about it that way. With Kylo back on Starkiller nobody could give you commands except for generals. Being the commander's apprentice had it perks. A smirk tugs at your lips as you stroll coolly through the halls in your new robes. Maybe this wouldn't be half bad. Maybe people would finally start giving you respect.

That respect quickly goes down the drain when you slam into someone coming around the corner. And it _hurt_. You went right into a chest of thick white armor. You take a step back immediately, your cheeks flushing red. Then the embarrassment fades when your eyes catch on the familiar nick in the Stormtrooper's armor.

" _Kess_?" You whisper.

He grabs your wrist and you gasp as he yanks you through the door beside you into a small storage room. Kess rips his helmet off, letting it fall to the floor. He grips the sides of your face, his lips crashing against yours. Kess's tongue skims your lower lip and you quickly pull away. He didn't seem to think much of it since his hands were still holding onto your face.

"Where did you go? Nobody told me anything! I hadn't seen you in days and then you just disappear." Kess's eyebrows knit together worriedly. "The commander didn't do anything to hurt you, did he?"

_Not really_. "No." You brace your hands on Kess's shiny chest plate that had collided with your chin just moments before. "Don't worry. I'm fine. Ren transferred me over to Starkiller Base for a week because of a delegate visit. Nothing serious, I promise."

Apparently this wasn't very convincing. "Why didn't you come see me before then? The last time I saw you was in the cafeteria. You know... when Kylo Ren nearly killed me."

How could you forget? You were so afraid for Kess's life. So convinced that Kylo was going to kill him then and there. How were you going to explain that your master was horribly jealous and forbade you from seeing him? There was no way you could tell Kess about your little 'affair' with Kylo Ren. It would break his sensitive heart. You couldn't do that to the man who had shown you more kindness than anyone else in the First Order. Even more than Kylo, but that wasn't very tough to beat. With all of this stress, you were beginning to grow flustered.

"I-I'm sorry," you stammer. "I was scared that he was going to hurt you again and-and I couldn't risk that. I-"

"Hey," Kess says softly, tipping your chin up. " _Shhh_ , it's okay. It's alright. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I know you're important now. Next time just tell me before you take off. You nearly scared me half to death."

Your heart melts. How could one man be this kind? This was the kind of person you pictured when you were younger. The kind of person you could spend your life with. You never really pictured a man whose face you hadn't seen before who fucked you and was nice once in a while. Kess was something else. He was so different. It was so refreshing to have someone like this after being with Kylo for so long.

Kess gives you a crooked grin. "I have a little bit of time before my next shift. I know this closet isn't very cozy but we could make it work." His hand slides onto your hip and he begins to lean in.

_Panic, panic, panic_. You didn't know what to do. Your head was screaming at you to push him away but your heart was telling you to let it happen. Head or heart, head or heart? Kess reaches down and slides his hand into your pants, his fingers toying with your heat. _Shit_. You grab him by the top of his chest plate, pulling him down to slam your lips against his. Kess tongue slides into your mouth, provoking a low moan from you. His other hand tugs your robes off and pulls your shirt over your head while his fingers slide into your cunt. You moan and sink down onto his digits, moving your hips as your eyes roll back. Kess tugs your pants and underwear off, and quickly discards most of his armor on the floor.

He unzips his pants and removes his hand from in between your legs. You whine and he chuckles as his hands lock around the back of your thighs, hoisting you up onto one of the shelves. Kess pulls you forward and separates your knees, giving him a view of your glistening pussy. He reaches down and pulls his hard cock out of his pants, yanking you forward. You moan as his length slides in between your folds. His hip snap rhythmically against yours as he grunts and pants. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling yourself further into him. Your inner-walls pulse around his cock and Kess's lips collide with yours.

"Fuck," he pants. "You're so _good_. You're beautiful. Stars, how did I get so lucky?" Kess grunts as his pace begins uneven. Your nails dig into his back as you rest your chin on his shoulder. " _Fuck_!" He moans as he comes into you. Kess pulls himself out and takes a deep breath, putting his cock back into his pants as his cum drips from your cunt.

" _No_ ," you breathe. "Don't go."

He chuckles at your eagerness. "Whatever you want, princess." Kess pulls your hips towards him and he bends down, placing his mouth on your dripping cunt.

Your fingers run through his hair and you inhale sharply as he sucks on your aching clit. His flat tongue slips into your folds, lapping up his cum and your juices as you arch your back and moan lewdly. Kess lifts your legs and hangs them over his shoulders as he expertly eats you out. Your face twists with pleasure. There was no regret in you now but you knew it would come later.

" _Oh_ ," you exclaim as your body convulses and comes onto Kess's face.

He licks his lips as he pulls away and kisses you passionately. "So beautiful," he murmurs against your lips. "Stars, you're amazing." Kess reaches for a stack of clean towels sitting on one of the work benches. He helps clean you up as your body slowly relaxes. The Stormtrooper helps you down and presses another kiss to your forehead. "I have to get to work but I'll see you tonight. Hopefully."

You nod and give him a weak smile as he fits all of his armor back onto his body. Kess winks at you and slips out of the storage room. You groan and run your hands through your hair. If Kylo ever found out he would kill Kess and you would never hear the end of it. _Great_. This was yet another mess you had gotten yourself into. You could never blame Kess for it. The poor boy had nothing to do with this, but that's not the way Kylo would see it. In his eyes, both parties were guilty. The only problem was that Kess would have to pay for your error with his life. You silently scold yourself as you wait a few more minutes, before slipping out of the room.

When you reach your empty quarters, you fight back the urge to flop onto your bed and wallow in your own self-pity. Instead, you drag your bags over to your closet and begin to fill it up with all of your new clothes. You continue to chide yourself quietly as you work. How _stupid_ could you be? All you had to do was push him away but something didn't allow you to. Secrets were never safe from Kylo. All it took was for him to look into your mind. _Stupid Force connection,_ you scowl. _This wouldn't even be happening if... if we weren't connected._ And he _still_ hadn't given you an explanation for the connection. You were starting to think Kylo didn't _want_ to tell you. You had done some reading on dyads in the Force in ancient texts, but they were very vague. As far as you could tell, dyads were either formed purposefully or created when two individuals had known each other before. Well, you didn't know Kylo before he swept you up so the only possible explanation was that he had done it himself. But _why?_

"Busy?" A cold voice startles you.

You fly to your feet and scowl at the man standing by your door. "What can I do for you, _General_?"

"Oh nothing," Hux drawls, lazily picking at his nails. "I just witnessed a very curious thing and I was hoping you might provide some answers."

You frowns, cocking a brow. "What do you want?"

He gives you a wicked grin. "Well I just so happened to be passing a storage room when I heard something peculiar inside. I thought to myself that voice sounds familiar. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Kylo Ren was fucking his apprentice inside that storage room. But then I remembered... Kylo Ren isn't _here_."

"You slimy little-" you lunge at him angrily.

"Ah!" Hux puts one finger up. "I would hate for your little secret to slip and for Kylo Ren to find out. That would be a shame, wouldn't it? Unless..." he raises his eyebrows.

"Unless _what_?" You spit.

The general sneers at you. "Unless we make a little deal. I don't tell Ren your little secret and you do a little something for me."

"What do you want?"

"I haven't decided yet." Hux looks you up and down. "I'm currently debating between keeping you as a slave, using your pretty body for my own pleasure, or keeping this to myself until I _really_ need a favor."

Your face falls. Hux gives you a sinister grin, before wriggling his fingers in a little wave and strolling from your room. You sit down at the edge of your bed, covering your mouth with your head. _Fuck._

  
  


~

  
  


Your week on the Finalizer was slow and rather boring. You lived in constant anxiety about Hux's threats. At any second he could spring his request upon you and you were in no position to refuse. Had it been anything else, you couldn't have cared less what Kylo thought. The only reason you agreed to the general's deal was to protect Kess. The moment Kylo knew about what had happened especially after his orders not to go near the Stormtrooper, Kess's life would be in danger. You couldn't let that happen. You had lost nearly everyone that was close to you. You couldn't lose him too.

When you weren't worrying, you were training. It had been awkward in the beginning of the week because of the Knights. They hadn't said a word about what they had witnessed, which meant Kylo most definitely threatened them to secrecy. Now it seemed they couldn't even made _eye-contact_ with you anymore, so much as to hold up a conversation. You wouldn't ever admit it to your master, but working with them helped you make a lot of progress when it came to combat. When you trained with them, their different fighting styles helped you adjust and modify your own. Now you were comfortable with a combination of forms four and five. You couldn't wait for Kylo to come back so you could show him what you had learned.

The week was drawing to a close and the last day was upon you. You were proud of yourself, more or less, for being able to handle it. The only thing that went wrong was Hux's blackmail attempt but other than that, it went swimmingly. Starkiller Base had been pretty silent for the most part. No reports had come in about Kylo getting viciously murdered by a scavenger, so that was swell. By now if she hadn't agreed, she would be dead. Or so Kylo had promised. You knew the girl was going to be completely useless from the moment she had arrived. It was clear she had no intent of joining the First Order. Nothing Kylo could say would be able to change that. In fact, you were _pleased_ that she wouldn't be joining. Deep down you were a little jealous of your master's desire to win her over. Good thing that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. You were happy that everything was going to be alright at least just for a little while. Just for one moment you had peace in your life.

Turns out peace was something valuable and valuable things tended to disappear at the worst of times. You were now running. Running with your hopes sinking and tears stinging at your eyes. Your heart was beating so fast, you were sure it would burst right out of your chest. Your nails were digging into your palms, leaving little crescent shapes behind and your eyes were wild and full of fear. _Please don't take him,_ a sob escapes your lips, _please don't take him too._ Just a few hours earlier, word came of a Resistance attack on Starkiller Base. With Kylo still on it.

All you could do was stand helplessly in the command deck while everyone was rushing around in panic. The hours dragged and the only thing that filled your ears were the pleas of help coming over every intercom. Those pleas went silent soon after. The silence was filled with rapidly beating hearts and terrified expressions. Starkiller Base had exploded from the inside-out and your master was still there. You had spent so much time screaming and pleading for someone to take you there, but nobody listened and your voice had gone hoarse. Your eyes turned puffy and red from all the tears you had shed over him. You didn't know if he was dead or alive until another hour later. A transmission came in saying most of the base had been evacuated, but not before hundreds lost their lives in the explosion that rocked the planet's core. One of the evacuees was Kylo... but he was hurt. Badly.

And now you were running. Running to the medical bay in hopes that you would see him alive. See his chest rising and falling and see his limbs all attached. Tears blur your vision as you burst through the doors, your breathing erratic and sharp as your chest heaves. Doctors and nurses were rushing left and right to aid bleeding officers and Stormtroopers that had gotten injured in the attack. The rest must have been divided among the rest of the fleet of Finalizers.

"Lay down, Commander! You'll tear your wounds even more."

You whirl around, your eyes falling upon a hospital bed with a curtain drawn around it. Most of the attention was focused on that bed. There were Stormtroopers standing guard around it while doctors attended to him. _Kylo_. He was alive. You hurry towards the bed, craning your neck to see your master, only to be stopped by the troopers. They grab you by the arms and push you back angrily.

"Let me through." You order. "I have a right to see him."

"No!" Kylo's hoarse voice meets your ears. "Don't let her through."

Your heart sinks. _What?_ Why wouldn't he let you see him? You needed to see him. There was no way you could just sit and wait. You lunge toward the Stormtroopers, but they grab you roughly. "No!" You scream. "Let me go! I have to see him! _Please_!" Hot tears stream down your face. "Please! Kylo! KYLO!"

They drag you out of the medical bay kicking and screaming. The soldiers don't stop until they reach your door and throw you in a heap onto the floor. You let out a sob as the door is shut and locked from the outside. You were so defeated you couldn't even find the strength to pull yourself up from the floor. As you lie there on the cold ground, your tears drip from your face and pool by your cheeks. Your heart hurt and your head was pounded. All you could feel was numbness as your eyes sink shut.

  
  


  
  



	23. ~The Supreme Leader~

You stir as you shift on the cold, hard ground of your quarters. Something had woken you up from your deep and uncomfortable sleep. It was your door sliding open. What time was it? You didn't know nor did you care. Your entire body ached and you couldn't be bothered to move. No. It was as though you had lost the ability to move; like you didn't care. Your eyelids open just enough to give you a blurry sliver of sight. Heavy black boots occupy your vision. The boots move closer but your brain couldn't catch up fast enough. You felt like you had just awoken from heavy surgery and nothing made sense. A strong pair of arms wrap around you, scooping your weak body off of the ground. They carry you to your bed and lay you gently down on the mattress. Your silk blanket is pulled up to your chin. Your lips part at the sight of a black and silver mask.

" _K-Kylo_?" You whisper hoarsely.

" _Shhh_ ," his gloved hand grazes your cheek. "Go to sleep." And you do.

Your eyes snap open a second time. You sit up quickly and hug the blanket closer to your chest. What time was it? And why was it so _cold_? Kylo liked to sleep in the cold but you needed it a little warmer than this. You rub your eyes and glance at the galactic standard clock; it was nearly noon. That was probably your fault. You had slept on the floor most of the night after all. Then you see it. _Him_. Kylo Ren sitting in the leather armchair with his masked head leaning over the back and a blanket sprawled over his lap. He was alive and he looked as though nothing had even happened to him.

You press your lips together hesitantly before whispering, "Commander?" He doesn't stir so you whisper again. Louder this time.

Kylo's head lifts and he rises to his feet almost immediately. You were first. Your bare feet press against the cool tile as you cross your arms tightly over your chest. Now that the shock had worn off, the anger was setting in.

"I thought you were dead." You say slowly. "I couldn't do anything until they sent the transmission. Are you hurt?"

"It's nothing." He says flatly.

_It's not about to be nothing_. Before he could react, you were shoving him back until his back hit the wall. You wanted to slap him desperately, but all you could do was pound your fists against his chest repeatedly. You wanted to _hurt_ him for hurting you. Not physically but emotionally. Kylo only stands there taking the beating until he slowly reaches up and gently captures your wrists in his big hands.

"You're an asshole!" You sob, trying your hardest to pull away. "Fuck you! Fuck you for kidnapping me. Fuck you for sending me back here. And _fuck you_ for not letting me see you! I didn't know what had happened! I was screaming at them because I needed to know you were okay! _Why_?" You shout hysterically. "Why should I even care about you? You're a monster! _I hate you!"_

You didn't know it, but those words stung for Kylo. They made him shift and swallow as his lips pressed into a thin line. He wanted to rip his mask off and kiss you. To show you what was really going on. To show you what you meant to him. You. His little Butterfly.

Kylo's fists tense at his sides. "I'm... I'm not the monster you think I am."

"You are!" Tears pour down your face as you stop fighting against his grip. "That scavenger was right. Y-You're just a creature in a mask."

His hands tighten around your wrists and the leather of his gloves rub against your skin, burning and twisting it as you wince. Kylo grits his teeth and releases you from his powerful grasp. "Are you finished?"

You wipe your tears from your face and look down at the ground. "Yes."

"Get yourself cleaned up and get dressed." He orders. His tone was a little gentler than when he used to give orders before. "The Supreme Leader wants to see us both."

As Kylo leaves your room, you storm into the bathroom and splash water onto your face, rubbing furiously at your tear-stained skin. He was probably mocking your sorrow from behind that stupid mask. How could one man be so vile? You had noticed him recoil at your hatred and your angry words, but that didn't bother you. You _wanted_ him to suffer in any way possible. Just like he had made you suffer. From what you had heard, Snoke was a terrible person. For now he couldn't even compare to what Kylo Ren had done to you. He had ruined your entire life. How could he not expect your hatred? Despite your acceptance of the situation, there would always be resentment towards him deep within you. You held onto that every day when you woke up, when you ate, even now as you were changing into your black robes. You glance in the mirror as you run a brush through your hair. _Look at me_ , you think miserably, _I used to wear gowns and gamble my life away. Now I'm getting trained to be a killer by a ruthless master._

You swallow the lump in your throat and turn on your heel, arms crossed over your chest as you leave behind your quarters. Kylo was waiting for you in the main hangar beside another command shuttle. Upon seeing you, he turns and disappears in the ship. Your jaw clenches as you follow him inside and take a seat as far away from him as humanly possible. The entire flight was bathed in cold, desolate silence. The only noise came from the steady hum of the engines and the occasional clicking of the control panel in the cockpit. Fortunately the flight was only around an hour or so. The ship rumbles as it makes the final jump from Hyperspace. You turn your head and glance out of the small port window, only to feel your jaw dropping at the sight of the massive Supremacy. It was so large you could have fit in at least a dozen Finalizers. It was the most impressive ship you had ever seen.

Now you were beginning to get nervous. There was no doubt in your mind your master could sense your nerves. A shadow crosses over the command shuttle as it approaches the Supremacy. Its tractor beams pull the tiny ship in toward one of the hangars. With a low rumble and a jolt, the shuttle touches down and the hatch springs open with a hiss and a cloud of steam. Kylo removes his restraints quickly and rises out of his seat. He doesn't bother waiting for you and you could tell he was tense. You follow him from the ship, gazing around your new settings as you step into an elevator at his side.

"Don't speak until you're spoken to. When we arrive in the throne room, get on your knees and bow. You will not rise, understand me?" Kylo says stiffly.

"Whatever." You mutter.

"This isn't a joke!" He suddenly shouts, causing you to flinch. He sighs. "This... isn't a joke. He's a dangerous man, (Y/N). You need to be cautious."

You nod stiffly as the elevator comes to a halt. The white lights in the black crisscrossed metal walls dims as the door peel apart. The sight before you proceeds to knock the air right out of your lungs. As you and Kylo walk forward, you crane your neck to see the endlessness of the throne room. The floors were sleek and shiny much like the rest of the Supremacy. They reflected the deep blood-orange color wrapping around the entire room. It was so deep that it made it look like an illusion that stretched on forever. Even the space beneath the narrow catwalk leading up to the throne room was that exact color. Your eyes fall upon the terrifying black throne perched in the center of the room. The man upon it was even more terrifying.

It was one thing seeing Snoke as a hologram. It was another thing seeing him in person. His pale, shriveled face was caving in and twisted. His pale blue eyes were wide-set and a little lopsided. Wisps of patchy grey were all that was left of his hair and his teeth were horribly yellow. The Supreme Leader wore a strange gold robe with a high collar and had fingers so long, they seemed unreal. It was hard to believe he even _was_ real. It isn't until Kylo drops to his knees beside you that you realize you were staring. Quickly, you drop beside him, your fear-filled eyes glued to the ground.

When Snoke speaks, his voice was deep and raspy, but cold nonetheless. "My faithful apprentice... how's your wound."

Again came the same answer Kylo had given you. "It's nothing." This time it was much more low. You sensed his fear, but you also sensed his desperation. Like he was pleading for something.

Snoke directs his attention to you. "And you. _Child_. You were not present during the time of the explosion?"

"No, Supreme Leader." You reply in a hushed voice, lifting your eyes. "My master had sent me back to the Finalizer a week before the incident."

Snoke rises to his feet and slowly makes his way down from the throne. " _Hm_. The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you, I saw what all masters live to see. _Raw_ , untamed power. And beyond that... something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new Vader." You furrow your brow at these words. _What?_ That didn't make any sense. Snoke glares down at his apprentice. "Now I fear I was mistaken."

Kylo slowly looks up. "I've given everything I have to you. To the _Dark Side_."

"Look at you. The deed you've done split your spirit to the bone. You're unbalanced! Bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber before! You _failed_!" Snoke roars.

Kylo grits his teeth and flies to his feet, his cloak flying off. You flinch as Snoke extends his hand and sends a static bolt of Force-lightning barreling into your master. Kylo flies off his feet and slides across the ground. The men garbed in red armor spring forward, their weapons crackling with red energy. You let out an involuntary whimper.

"Skywalker lives!" Snoke yells, his voice echoing through the massive room. "The seed of the Jedi Order _lives_. As long as it does, hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Unless you're no Vader... you're just a child... in a mask." He glances at you as Kylo rises to his feet slowly. "And you. I sense untamed strength within you. Strength that will only be unlocked when your master successfully snuffs out that light. That _hope_. Tell me, girl, have you constructed a lightsaber yet?"

You rise to your feet and wet your dry lips. "N-Not yet, Supreme Leader."

He narrows his eyes at you and chuckles darkly. "Let me tell you something, child. Kylo Ren fears _you_. He fears getting replaced by you. That is why my apprentice is so hesitant to help you complete your training. He hides his face to hide the truth." Snoke hisses coldly.

"I'm not hiding anything." Kylo snaps.

"You're pretending to be something you're _not_. Take that ridiculous thing off." The Supreme Leader orders, leaning in as a cold smile spreads across his face.

"S-Supreme Leader." Kylo glances at you and back to him. "I can't."

"Take. It. Off." Snoke slams his fist against the armrest of his throne. "Or I will take in your apprentice as my own and replace you."

Kylo's heart beats wildly. His fingers twitch as he slowly lifts his hands to the sides of his mask. His thumbs slip beneath it and the airlock squeaks as he pulls it up over his head. Kylo sets the mask down at his feet with a dull _thunk_. Your heart leaps. _This was it_. The first thing you see is a head of messy black hair and how tense he suddenly seemed. His shoulders were heaving and his fists were curling at his sides.

"Face her. Show her what you are!" Snoke yells victoriously.

Kylo Ren slowly turns around, his eyes lifting from the floor to meet yours. He watches your expression change. He watches your face fall and your eyes fill with sadness, confusion, and anger all at once. You take in his facial features. His painfully familiar features. From his full pink lips to his honey eyes and the new scar trailing down the right side of his face. Was this real? Was he real? With a heart-wrenching sob, you fall to your knees. Your legs had given out beneath you. This _had_ to be a dream. You were shaking, hurt, and confused as you take in his face. You wanted to shout and scream. You wanted to hit him or just run away. But you couldn't move; it was as though someone had glued you to the floor. Your galaxy was crumbling and crashing down all over again. Your master had a hurt look on his face. He knew what he had done. A faint whisper was all you could muster.

The only thing that could leave your lips was, " _Ben_?"

"I'm sorry." He extends his hand toward your temple. The last thing you hear before you crumple to the ground is Snoke's cold laugh.

  
  


  
  



	24. ~The Truth~

Everything was cold and uncomfortable when you woke up. It almost felt like... like you were chained up again in the interrogation room. Your brain catches up and your eyes snap open. You immediately look down and gasp at the sight of the metal restraints around your wrists and ankles. Why were you here? Why would Kylo do this to you again? _Kylo_. Your heart shatters into pieces and it felt as though your galaxy was momentarily slowing down. Everything he had told you was a lie. _Kylo Ren_ was a lie. It was just as Snoke had said; a child in a mask. He was Ben Solo. _Your_ Ben Solo. The boy everyone told you was dead. The boy who broke your heart and left you behind. How could he do this to you?

You flinch as the door to the interrogation room slides open. _There he was_. He was walking into the room without his mask on. The face of the boy you thought was dead stood out to you clearer than ever before. Every beauty mark on his peach skin was just where you remembered them. His full, pink lips looked just as soft as the last time you had seen him. There were only two differences now. The horrible black scar that ran down his face and the look in his eyes. Gone were the eyes of a curious, happy young man who ran his mouth too much and always seemed to have a joke. They were replaced by eyes filled with pain, hatred, and sorrow. They weren't the eyes you knew.

Kylo stops in front of you. _Ben_ stops in front of you. You didn't even know what to call him. Well, you could think of one thing. " _Monster_."

He flinches. "I deserve that."

His voice was nearly enough to make you melt at his feet. It was deep and smooth. You force yourself to stay strong. "You deserve everything that's coming to you. You're a liar. How could you do this to me? _Ben..."_

_"_ Don't call me that." Kylo snaps as he reaches for the button to unlock your restraints.

You slowly get down from the leaning metal plate, your eyes trained on him. "I thought you were dead. Everyone told me you were dead. _You_ told me you were dead. You left me." Your voice was beginning to grow louder. "You left me behind at the burning Temple. I thought you were killed in the accident."

He shifts. "I... I caused the accident. That was me. Didn't you ever stop to wonder why you were the only one that survived? I _spared_ you."

"How generous." You scoff. "You broke my heart. I abandoned everything I knew because of you. And now I find out that you're alive and you've been masquerading as some dark lord? You ripped me away from my life _twice_!"

"I did what I had to do."

A beat. Then everything explodes around you. You storm angrily towards him and before you can stop yourself, your hand goes flying. You deliver a sharp slap right across his face, sending him stumbling back and hitting the wall from the sheer force. Kylo's full lips part as he stares at you, his chest heaving. His leather digits graze the throbbing red mark you had left on his cheek.

"I hate you!" You scream as tears pour down your face. The pain brewing inside of you was unimaginable. "You're a liar! You're a _monster_! Fuck you! You tore everything I had away from me! I sacrificed _everything_ because _you_ made me believe you were dead! And you have the audacity to pluck me off Canto Bight all these years later to take me in as your apprentice? Are you kriffing kidding me?" You shove him hard, slamming him back against the wall. Kylo had gone completely silent. "Y-You slept with me! And you don't give a damn! You don't give a flying fuck about me or my life!"

This seemed to strike a nerve. Kylo catches you by the wrist. "Why do you think I got you back? The Force connected us and I stopped at _nothing_ to get you back! What I did was necessary!"

You rip free and slam your fist against his chest, looking furiously up into his honey-brown eyes. It was still hard to grasp onto the fact that he was really here. Ben was really here standing in front of you. The boy you loved was alive and now all you could do was hate him with every bone in your body. " _Necessary?_ What you did was cruel! I loved you, Ben!" Your voice cracks with emotion. "I loved you with all of my heart and you tore it out and stomped on it! I-I'm leaving. I'm going back to Canto Bight and I'm forgetting you! I _hate_ you!"

You gasp as Kylo grabs you painfully as you turn to leave. "You're not going anywhere! I can't lose you too!" He roars.

"Let go of me!" You struggle to break free, slamming your hand weakly against his strong chest. "Let me _go!_ I hate you! I hate you! Do you hear me? I wish you really _were_ dead!"

With a roar of anger, Kylo pushes you away from him. From the force of the push, you stumble and fall back, your head connecting with the edge of the metal plate. Pain explodes in the back of your head. You hug your knees to your chest and sob into your arms, overwhelmed by your emotions and the sudden pain he had caused you.

"(Y/N)..." his voice softens considerably as he squats beside you. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He wraps his muscular arms around you. "Forgive me. Butterfly?"

"GET OFF OF ME!" You scream, shoving him away with the strength you had left. "I don't want to see you again!"

Kylo could only watch from the ground as you rise to your feet and storm off, the sound of your uncontrollable sobbing fading away. His fists curl up and he gets up, his hand lowering to the place his lightsaber was hanging on his belt. Kylo's shoulders begin to heave and he angrily stalks around the circular room. With a furious yell, he ignites the crackling plasma blade and slashes it through the metallic walls, creating a flurry of sparks and hot gashes as the saber screeches. After relieving at least some of his stress, Kylo scoops up his mask and storms down the corridor. The Stormtroopers and officers spring to the sides to avoid his path of rage and destruction. Everyone knew that getting in the way of Kylo Ren while he was angry was a fatal decision.

He steps into the empty elevator and presses his lips together, swallowing hard. Kylo was trembling both from the anger and the pain. He was terrified of losing you and hurt by your words. He knew what he had done was wrong in so many ways, but in his eyes it was justifiable. Kylo slowly looks down at the mask in his hand. That horrible thing had caused him so much trouble. So much anguish over the years. 'Creature in a mask, 'child in a mask,' 'monster,' and so many more horrible words just for him. Kylo grits his teeth and with a grunt, he winds up and slams the helmet into the elevator wall with all of his might. He pauses for just a moment, before pulling back and repeatedly banging it into the wall until it crumbles beneath his grip and falls to the ground in a smoldering pile. Kylo turns on his heel as the door slides open and storms down the hallway towards your room. He quickly puts in the code upon reaching your door and finds you on the floor in tears, stuffing your clothes into your bags.

"What are you doing?" He grumbles.

"What's it look like?" You snap back, furiously wiping the tears from your face. "I'm _leaving_."

"I won't let you." Kylo starts over to you and hoists you up from the ground with ease. "Stay with me. I'm not going to hurt you again. I promise."

You shudder and sob into his chest. "Let go... please..."

"Never." He presses his full lips together, resting his head on your chin. He had to admit this affection was strange for him. Affection was something he had been lacking for quite a while now. "I'll never let you go again, Butterfly."

" _Ben_..."

Kylo's eye twitches and you feel him getting tense. "That's not my name anymore. Ben Solo is dead. I destroyed him... just like my father."

You pull away in disbelief. " _W-What_? Han Solo-"

"Is dead." Kylo finishes for you. He cups your face in his gloved hands, wiping the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. "It's just us now. Once Luke Skywalker is dead, you'll be free. Both of us will be free."

"How could you kill your father with no remorse? How could you lie to me without a single drop of guilt? How could you _fuck me_ and not feel _anything_? It was you the entire time-"

He scowls. "What, would it have been different had you known it was me? Would you regret those nights together?"

"It would be different," you argue. "Everything would be different, Ben-"

"Don't call me that!" Kylo snarls.

You push his hands away and throw your own in the air incredulously. How could one man be so stubborn? So _impossible_? Everything seemed to make sense now. The Force bond, why he didn't want to take off the mask, and why he never gave you the answers you deserved. He was _scared_. He was hiding from the truth because he _knew_ you would see him differently. What he did was wrong and he knew that. It was in that moment that it struck you. This man was not the same person you knew all those years ago. That reality hurt more than when you hit your head on those restraints.

The person you used to know was Ben Solo. Ben Solo was fearless and flawed. He was funny, charming, and was the only person who could make you laugh when you were feeling down. Ben Solo was aware of his emotions and he didn't bottle them up. He laughed with you and you remembered a night when he _cried_ with you. He was the person you scrubbed those damned steps with much too often. He teased you and made fun of you, but it was never mean. That Ben Solo was still deep down inside the man standing before you. Kylo Ren was just a cold shell he used to keep people out. He was a mask just like the one he wore. You could see the vulnerability in Kylo's eyes. It was hidden away, but it was there.

You hesitantly reach out to touch him, as if making sure he was really there. Kylo recoils from your touch for just a moment, before slowly accepting your hands on his face. With trembling fingers, you cup his warm face. He still felt the same. Strangely soft skin that couldn't seem to sprout stubble. Kylo meets your eyes and his lips part. He grabs the sides of your face without warning, slamming his lips against yours. You couldn't seem to pull away no matter how angry you were. Why was it so difficult to say no to this man? Kylo's tongue brushes against your lip and his hands begin to slide down from your face. He groans softly into your mouth as his hand dips into the waist of your pants. Now it was time to say no.

"B-" you catch yourself, stopping his hands from wandering further. "-Kylo. I-I can't do this right now. I need some time. Please just... give me some time."

He pulls away. He so desperately wanted to order you onto your knees just like he could before. But this wasn't one of those times anymore. Kylo didn't even know if things were going to be the same between you two. If you would even listen to those orders. He sighs. "Whatever you want. I'll be in my quarters."

Truthfully you didn't know how long it would take you to adjust to the fact that Ben was alive. You didn't know if anything was going to be the same anymore. Little did you know, Kylo shared the same concerns. As he returns to his quarters, his mind was racing. He wasn't expecting you to push him away, but he understood. It was a lot to take in. Kylo hoped you would eventually let him in, but he wasn't sure. One thing was for sure; he needed a drink.

  
  


~

What you weren't expecting was a visit from Kylo exactly two hours later. You were sitting on your bed, trying to escape your thoughts by reading, when who should come barging into your quarters? Kylo, of course. He was _angry_. Clearly the conversation you had had before wasn't sitting too well with him. Strangely, he couldn't really seem to walk in a straight line and his eyes weren't really focused. You rise from your bed immediately, meeting him halfway across the room as to not give him any ideas. Your arms cross tightly as you lean your weight onto one leg, looking up at him expectantly.

Kylo points a rather accusing gloved finger at you. "You know what _your_ problem is?"

"Do tell." You roll your eyes.

"You just have to have things _your_ way-" Kylo's words were slurring together and he couldn't seem to differentiate his thoughts "-wait no. You just can't let go of the past. Why-Why should it matter who I was to you back then, _hm_? You shouldn't care."

"No?" You raise your eyebrows, trying to contain your anger at least for the time being.

He hiccups. "No. You need to calm down because I'm doing this for you. For us, little Butterfly. You should just move on. Forgive and forget."

"Really?" You step closer to him, looking him dead in the eyes. "And you know what _your_ problem is?" He hums in response. " _You_ don't understand anything about feelings. How could you? You've been completely absent to your emotions for years now. You're just a cold shell of the person you were before. And now that you're faced with real issues, you run like a coward. You drink away your problems because you're too much of a _pussy_ to face them."

Drunk or not, Kylo understood your words. The only difference was his unintelligible grumble because his brain couldn't seem to make sense of anything. " _Pussy?_ Y-You don't mean that, pet. Come here." He takes a drunken step forward, reaching for you.

You swat his hand aside. "Don't _touch_ me, you drunk. Get out of here. You're pathetic? You hear me?"

His face falls and he scowls at you. "Whatever." Kylo turns his back to you and starts towards the door. He pauses at the frame, only to be shoved into the hallway full force by you, slamming into the opposite wall.

"And stay out!" You yell angrily before your door slides shut. _Drunken bastard._

  
  


~

  
  


Sleep was impossible that night. You were tossing and turning for hours, just hoping to get even a little wink of sleep, but no such luck. Your mind was keeping you awake and you were starting to realize the sweet freedom of a good night's rest would never come. It felt as though no position on your bed was good enough. Even your blanket, which was usually light and comforting, felt heavy and scratchy. Your eyes would close, only to snap back open in frustration when the familiar feeling of tiredness never arrived. A defeated groan of annoyance passes through your lips as you grab a fistful of your pillow to flip it over--as if that would help--practically slamming it down. With a small huff, you roll onto your back, blankly staring up through the shroud of darkness at your ceiling. It was deathly silent to a point where even that was uncomfortable. It was now that you noticed the faint, quiet hum coming from the Finalizer's engines. Were they always this noticeable? Surely not.

_That's it._ You sit up angrily and lean over, turning on the sleek lamp beside your bed. It pushes back the darkness with its rather dim light as you swing your legs over the edge of your bed. What was keeping you awake? That was an easy question: _him_. The very thought of him made your skin crawl. It was as though Ben Solo was back from the dead. The friend you knew in your heart was dead and gone for good was suddenly back in the form of Kylo Ren.

You had a right to be as angry as you were. You gave up _everything_ when you heard that Ben supposedly died. It broke your heart and your spirit. You could no longer find the strength to carry on your training because everything reminded you of him. And then when you were finally finding freedom and happiness, Kylo Ren came to you. He had done so many things to you, only to reveal who he really was. You couldn't believe _Ben_ would do those things. It seemed almost impossible. You cross your arms tightly over your chest, pulling your knees close at the thought of it. _Kylo Ren_ had been fucking you when he was really Ben the whole time. It was like he was a completely different person. Everything you knew was a lie. How could you trust him again? But there was something so magnetic about him. He was hard to get rid of. Perhaps it was just _him_ or maybe it was the Force dyad you shared.

The _Force_. That was the other thing keeping you wide awake. The Force was a feeling that was indescribable and it couldn't be explained with words. There was no particular sensation when it was pumping through your veins at a heightened rate. It was just... there. Usually when it was awakening in such a way, it had something to do with the dyad. Well Kylo Ren wasn't magically appearing in front of you and you were alright other than your sleeplessness. That could only mean something was going on with him. You were getting drawn to him. Unusual, but you felt as though this was something you had to indulge.

Hesitantly and uncertainly, you slip out of your quarters in your black nightgown--courtesy of Kylo Ren of course--and silently move down the corridor toward his room. Your bare feet press against the shiny black tiles, leaving behind footprints that slowly fade on the cool ground. The feeling was becoming more intense the closer and closer you got to his door. Your fingers hover over the panel to his room. If you went in now, there was no going back. With a heavy sigh, you enter the code to Kylo's room and step inside, wincing at the noise the door was making. Why did everything seem so much louder at night? To your surprise, there was hardly any light. The only source came from the lights built into the edges of the ceiling, but it was dim and didn't bother anyone trying to sleep. And there he was.

Kylo was in _deep_ sleep. A single glance at the table in his quarters told you enough; there was alcohol all over the surface. _Of course_ he had gotten himself drunk _again_. He was sprawled out on his stomach with the blanket pulled up to his hips. He slept shirtless, giving you a view of his beauty-mark spattered back. Your breath hitches at the sight of the small scar just beneath his shoulder blade. You remembered the day that had happened. He pissed a fellow Padawan off and the boy came after him with a knife. Ben had made such a fuss about the blood in his shirt. He had dramatized every second of it and was huffy when you were giggling throughout. You carefully move closer to the bed and your heart shatters at the sight of his face mashed against the pillow. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. It was at this moment, when there was no anger or sadness, that he looked like Ben again. The only difference was the black scar on his face. His dark hair was flopped in front of his closed eyes and one of his large hands had slid beneath the pillow. He looked content.

You frown; the Force was still calling to you. But why? Kylo was obviously asleep and nothing was wrong. What could be so urgent? You look back down at him and it hits you when his lips twitch slightly. He was dreaming. Could the Force be beckoning you for a dream? Whatever it was, it was worth a try. You slowly extend your hand toward his temple, your fingers just hovering over it. You take a deep breath and expand your Force energy towards him, focusing on the task you wanted to accomplish and the connection between you. Your eyes sink shut and your world goes dark.

_When your eyes re-open, you were standing in grass that went up to your knees. The smell of ocean-air invades your nostrils and you knew immediately where you were. You whirl around at the sound of familiar voices. Sure enough, the Jedi Temple stood behind you in all of its glory. Padawans duck out of their little huts, chattering happily as they make their way to their morning classes. This wasn't just a dream... this was a memory. Your heart stops at the sight of Ben exiting his hut. You hurry after him, but slow down once you notice that you weren't leaving any footprints behind. They weren't going to be able to see you. You weren't really there... at least not your current self. Not wanting to lose sight of Ben, you chase after him, knowing exactly where he was headed._

_He was grinning from ear to ear with that stupid cheeky smile you used to love and hate at the same time. His deep dimples were flashing and so were his pearly-whites. A small section of his black hair had been braided and hung longer than the rest; the mark of a Padawan. It was strange seeing him in lightly-colored robes instead of midnight blacks and greys. Strange yet somewhat refreshing. Ben's honey-brown eyes glitter mischievously as he approaches what was once your hut. He slows down and begins to tread lightly, careful not to step on any rocks or make any noise. You bite your lip, hiding a grin as he slips into your hut. You hear your own shriek coming from inside._

_"Ben!" Your younger-self scolds. "Get out of here before I throw you out by that rat-tail of a Padawan braid." You shove him outside._

_Ben pouts playfully and leans against the door. "What, you don't like my braid? Yours isn't much better, Butterfly."_

_"Of course it's better," you reply indignantly. "And_ stop _calling me that! If your uncle hears he's going to think... well..."_

_"What Luke doesn't know won't hurt him." Ben smirks and pokes his head through the doorway. You fling a towel at his face to scold him and he winks. "It's not like I haven't seen your body before, (Y/N). You've got nothing to hide from me."_

_"It was one time and we both know it was a mistake. You said it yourself; we're better off as friends." You say crisply as you pass by him, now fully clothed. "Besides, we didn't_ do _anything! You just happened to walk in on me."_

_Ben grabs you by the forearm and pulls you back towards him, pinning you against the wall of the outside of your hut. He leans in, his lips brushing your ear. "And if I liked what I saw?"_

_You push him away. "Then you wouldn't be able to do anything about it. You know the Jedi codes better than anyone. Besides, Master Skywalker is your uncle. He's going to be even stricter with you." When Ben grabs you again, you look up at him seriously. "I'm serious, Ben. We can't do this... I'm sorry..."_

_He releases you slowly, his smile faltering. "I-I understand. It's fine." Ben swallows and plants a fake smile on his face. "Come on, Butterfly, you're too damn slow for my liking."_

_Your face falls when you hear the bell marking the beginning of class ringing loudly. You punch Ben squarely in the shoulder for making you both late. With a laugh, you both take off running towards the Temple, knowing that this day was going to be filled with more step-scrubbing. Your heart pangs as you watch the younger version of yourself disappear into the Temple at Ben's side, your eyes glued to the place his hand was resting on your back as he ushers you inside._

_When you turn around, you gasp in surprise, nearly running straight into a wall. It seemed as though the entire memory had shifted. It was now nighttime and the rain was pouring down from the inky darkness of the sky. All of the torches that usually lit up the Temple had gone out, plunging the island into night. Fortunately, the rain didn't seem to be affecting you. Your hair, skin, clothes, all dry. A soft sniffling sound catches your attention. It was then that you realize whose hut you were standing outside of. Your own. You suck in your breath sharply at the memories of this night. You quickly duck into the hut, staring at your younger form crying on the bed._

_There were tears streaming down your face and your hands were trembling. You couldn't quite remember what it was you had been crying about that night, but you remembered the feeling of pain and the ache of sadness. You step aside when you hear heavy footsteps from right outside. Ben enters the hut cautiously, his gaze softening at the sight of you sobbing on the bed. He kneels down in front of you, taking your hands tightly in his._

_"I'm sorry, Butterfly." He says tenderly. "He was making you upset. I couldn't just stand back and watch that happen. Come on... you can't blame me for this."_

_"I don't blame you," you sniffle, wiping your tears with your sleeve. "That's not what this is about." Ben's brow furrows and you take a breath. "I... I can't stand myself sometimes. I hate my body and I... I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone." With a quieter tone you add, "for you."_

_Ben chuckles. "Is that all? You don't have anything to prove to anyone. If it makes you feel any better.... you're beautiful to me."_

_You look up and in a split-second, Ben's lips were attacking yours. He was on top of you in less time than that, but you didn't stop him. Ben tosses his robes onto the ground, his hands working to undo your own. He straddles you and pauses for a moment, looking down at your body in admiration and only utters one word. It was the word you would never forget the sound of as it left his lips._

_"Perfect."_

Your eyes snap open as you are thrown back into reality. Your shock melts into horror when you feel a large hand darting out to snatch up your wrist in a tight, unbreakable grasp. Kylo stares up at you furiously, his features twisted into a snarl of anger.

"You have no right being in those memories," he spits. "What the hell are you doing in here anyway? Don't you know it's wrong to sneak into someone's quarters when you're unwanted?"

"Don't _you_ know it's wrong to feed someone lies and manipulate them?" You shoot back. "You, Ben Solo, haven't learned much."

You gasp as he yanks you toward him, his face inches away from yours. His breath smelled of mint toothpaste, but also of whiskey. Kylo's grip tightens. "Don't call me that."

"Then you shouldn't have the right to call me Butterfly."

"I can call you whatever I want. Don't test me, pet."

This time you scoff in his face. "Oh _please_. Don't even go there! I'm not your little pet. I don't belong to you! I let it slip when I thought you were just Kylo Ren, but what you're expecting of me is impossible. I can't just pretend everything can go back to normal. It _won't_. You and I both know that."

His lips curve. "We'll see. You'll melt like putty in my hands."

"Get _off_ of me, you jerk!" You snap as you attempt to peel his fingers off. "Let go! P-Please..." your let out an involuntary whimper.

Kylo releases you at once. He sits up and closes his eyes, sighing as he runs a hand through his hair. "What am I supposed to do to make you understand? I know what I did was wrong. I get to live with that every day of my life. Just... accept this." He hesitates, his lips twitching. "Please."

The word sounded so foreign coming from him. You cross your arms, biting your lower lip. "I can't just move on that easily. What you did to me was... cruel. It's going to take some time."

"I don't want time!" He roars the last two words, making you flinch as he slams his fist against the mattress. "I want _you_! That's why you're here! _Dammit,_ (Y/N)!" Kylo covers his face with his hands. "I just... need this. I need... I need _you_."

Your breath catches in your throat at his words. With a low voice and your eyes on the ground, you reply. "If you needed me, you wouldn't have done something you knew would cause you to lose me."

Kylo's lips part as his hurt-filled eyes search your face. Your own eyes were pleading with him to say something. _Anything_. To make it all okay.

"What am I to you?" You whisper. "Because so far, all you've been doing is using me."

He looked so unsure of himself. His silence was enough of an answer to you. You nod stiffly, tears stinging your eyes. With your arms crossed tightly over your chest, you turn and hurry out of his quarters. Kylo could only sit and watch you leave with his heart pounding up in his throat. He had whispered your name, but you had ignored it. Your name leaves his lips one last time even when you were already long gone. Kylo falls back into his bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling. He knew you had fallen asleep. Now it was his turn to deal with the pains of a restless night.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  



	25. ~Conversations~

A week had passed and you felt empty. Although what Kylo had done to you was wrong in so many ways, it was strange barely speaking to him. The only times you two interacted was when you had training together. The closest thing to a laugh you shared was when you were constructing your lightsaber. It was something you were proud of for just a little while, but then reality came crashing back down. And reality was painful. Reality cut deeper than a thousand knives and burned hotter than Kylo's lightsaber. By the time the second week passed, you only felt guilt. Part of you wanted to forgive him but the other part of you was screaming no. He looked so hurt most of the time, but his pain reminded you of the pain he brought _you_.

You hated yourself for longing for his touch. Even if he wasn't always gentle or loving. You wanted to hear his voice and have a real conversation, even if that meant you would end up in tears and him in silence. Closure was something every human wanted and now you craved it. You craved _him_. There was a fire burning in your stomach that shouldn't have been there. No matter how many times you tried to put it out, the spark kept relighting itself. You understood wanting closure from any other person, but this was more. You had to blame yourself, but you also had to blame that ridiculous Force bond. That dyad that made you inseparable and drew you towards one another. You were like planets gravitating towards one another. Only these planets collided in a shower of pain and tears. Your longing was also accompanied by another feeling. _Desire_. _Lust_ , even. So much so, that you resorted to touching yourself at night while thinking about him. _Fantastic_.

By the beginning of the third week, you could take no more of it. Today was a training day between you and Kylo anyways. Unfortunately your constant sadness and anger made your fighting thrive beneath the Dark Side, but you had grown used to it now. You had greatly improved and you were sure Kylo would have told you so if you were on speaking terms. Your hand rests on the cool black hilt of your lightsaber as you walk into the training room. As per usual, your master was already standing on the springy center mat, pulling on his gloves and fiddling with his lightsaber.

Kylo looks up when he hears the door swinging shut behind you, followed by your light footsteps on the slick ground. "Good of you to finally join me." There was coldness in his tone. That wasn't exactly a surprise.

You sigh and look up at him as you step onto the mat. "I think we should talk." You plant your hands on your hips. "For real this time."

"What is there to talk about?" He says rather snidely. "You obviously don't want anything to do with me."

"And for a good reason too!" You close your eyes, taking a breath before you exploded. "I just... we can't stay mad forever. That's silly and petty. Even though what you did was shitty, you're still my master. I'm still expecting to learn from you because I got myself into this mess as well."

Kylo goes back to picking at the hilt of his weapon. "I'm glad to see you're finally coming to your senses."

Your eye twitches. "That's it? No apology from you, _Commander?_ I know you wanted to have this conversation just as much as I did. I could feel the conflict in you. We're connected, if you don't remember."

"How could I forget? You're always there. You're always nagging me in some part of my mind." He scoffs at you. "You're like a splinter I can't seem to get rid of. Ironic, considering I don't mind you hanging around." He lowers the saber and looks back up. "But that's only when you control that naughty mouth of yours."

Your stomach lurches, but you push the feeling down and exchange it for anger. "Are you _kidding me?_ You're an asshole, you know that?"

"Watch your mouth. I'm still your master and your commander." Kylo's eyes flicker over you momentarily. "To answer your question from that night... you're my apprentice. That's all you are to me. That's all you'll ever be."

This struck a nerve with you. His words _hurt_ and you hated the fact that they did. "I see."

"Can we get on with our training now?" He snaps, his fists curling at his sides.

" _Fuck you_." That was the only response you could give him.

You throw your weapon at his feet and turn on your heel, ignoring his angry shouts after you. The last thing you hear as the doors close, is his lightsaber activating and the hot blade screeching through the walls. You couldn't care less about Kylo Ren's little temper tantrums. You had had enough of them for a lifetime. You stomp down the halls, fully intending on sealing yourself in your quarters and never coming out. No. That would only give Ren satisfaction when you finally did come out. You were going to take a shower, pack your things, and leave. There was nothing your asshole-of-a-master could do about it.

"(Y/N)." A familiar voice makes you stop dead in your tracks. You turn, face to face with a mask-less Kess. "Where have you been? You've got to stop disappearing on me like that." He gives you a grin.

You run a hand through your hair. "I'm sorry. I just... this really isn't a good time. I've been caught up lately."

"Do you want to talk about it? I've got some time now between my shifts." Kess offers you his hand.

"I can't-" you swallow. "-I'm really sorry. Kess, I'll make it up to you, I swear. The commander is on edge and I would hate for anything to happen to you. You know how he is sometimes. Well... all the time, really. I'll talk to you later if I can." You slowly start to back away, feeling guilty when you see his handsome face falling.

"A-Alright." He gives you a fake little smile and turns away from you, tugging his helmet back over his head.

You couldn't think about Kess right now. He was the last thing you needed to have on your mind. If Kylo had made you feel guilty, you couldn't imagine how much it would hurt to do something to Kess. He had shown you so much kindness and compassion. It pained you just seeing the look on his face when you told him no. You brush the thought aside as you enter your quarters, sighing heavily as you gaze around the room. _Pack later, shower now._

As you take a deep breath, you step into your bathroom and lean into the shower to turn on the hot water. The steam builds slowly, giving you time to strip off your clothes and discard them on the bathroom floor. You hold your hand underneath the steady stream of water, testing the temperature. When it doesn't scald your skin, you step beneath the silver shower head. The warm water pours down your skin and soaks your hair, providing comfort to your tense and stressed body. As you stand beneath the water, your focus drifts away from Kylo and Kess. It became a small cloud in the back of your mind, shrinking until you didn't notice anymore. What you also didn't notice while you were washing the sweet shampoo out of your hair, was someone entering your quarters.

Well, you didn't notice until the figure was entering the bathroom. You gasp and leap backwards, your back hitting the wall in surprise. You relax a little bit when you see Kylo, but relaxation was quickly replaced by anger.

"What do you want?" You demand.

That was a rather stupid question, considering the fact that he was now shirtless. You couldn't keep your eyes from wandering over his muscular torso. You take in the sight of his deep scar and the circular wound on his shoulder, both from the same lightsaber. Kylo takes a step forward.

"I'm here to finish our conversation."

Your breath hitches when you see him slowly taking off his boots and unzipping his pants. You could only stand there, frozen, as the water runs and Kylo sheds his clothes until there was a pile of black fabric on the floor. He pulls the door to the shower open and steps inside, his eyes never once leaving yours. You inhale sharply as he moves toward you and leans forward, only to grab the bottle of body wash from the shower rack.

"Turn around. Talk to me." It sounded more like an order coming from Kylo.

You were completely frozen. It was as though you were in a trance from watching him pour some of the body wash into his hand. When your mind catches up, it was difficult to form words at first. Kylo takes you by the shoulders and turns you so your back was facing him.

"I think you're a monster."

"Oh yeah?" He starts hungrily towards you. "What else?"

"You're a jerk for what you did to me. I have every right to hate you with every bone in my body. What you did was unforgivable." Your voice comes out in a hushed whisper.

"And yet here we are." Kylo reaches towards you.

You suck in your breath and shudder when his hands touch your wet body. He begins to rub the body wash into your skin with his bare hands, his touches sensual and rather passionate. His hands rub your shoulders and move down to your breasts, giving each one a hard squeeze as he massages in the scented liquid.

"Look at you." He steps closer, leaning his head down so his lips graze your ear. "You're crumbling at my touch. I thought you were angry with me."

"I'm furious," you breathe.

"You're trembling." Kylo pulls your back into his chest.

You could feel every _inch_ of him pressing against you. Every painfully hard inch. He runs his hands beneath the water, letting the left-over scrub wash away down the drain at your feet. He moves his lips from your ear to your neck. He wasn't kissing you, but he was grazing your skin sensually. Heat pools in between your legs and you whimper, causing him to chuckle.

"Do you really think I don't know about you touching yourself at the thought of me?" His words make you weak in the knees. "Well guess what, little pet? I've been touching myself at the thought of _you_ as well."

That was enough to make you nearly collapse. Kylo's arm snakes around your body. You bite your lip as his fingers trail up your thigh, teasing the area around your sex. He growls into your ear, "tell me, pet, do you want me?"

_Say no_. "More than anything." _Dammit_.

You moan as Kylo's digits slide over the wet folds of your sex. He teases your entrance until you whine his name. His fingers toy with your needy clit as he rolls the nub in between his fingertips. You tip your head back, resting it against his shoulder as you arch your back.

" _Please_ ," you whisper.

Kylo obliges. You moan loudly as he slides two fingers into you, working skillfully. His other hand slides up in front of you and squeezes your right breast. His fingers begin to thrust in and out of you steadily, causing you to arch your back even further and grind your ass against his hard length. Kylo groans as he places his lips on your neck, sucking and nipping on the skin as he finger-fucks you. How he got you this close to your high with just his fingers, you had no idea, but you weren't complaining either. Your moan turns into a squeal as he sucks your skin hard enough to leave a mark. While one hand continues to twist and squeeze your breast, the other moves faster in pace, sliding in and out until he was knuckle deep and you were dripping onto his hand.

You needed him. _All_ of him. He grunts as you push further into him, showing him how much you needed to be filled up by his cock. You lower your hips even further into his hand, determined to go as far as you could. You moan and whimper. Between the steady thrusts of his hand, the kneading of your breast, and the bites on your neck, you were ready to explode.

"Cum for me," he hisses.

Pleasure explodes all around you. You moan loudly, your voice echoing off the shower tiles and foggy glass door. By now you couldn't tell if the doors were fogged up by the hot water or the sweat from the heated beginnings of sex. Your moan turns high pitched, but you are silenced by Kylo stuffing his fingers in your mouth. You didn't even need an order to know what he wanted. You suck obediently on his fingers, swirling your tongue around them and provoking a smirk from him.

You gasp as he pulls his fingers free and turns you around forcefully, your back slamming into the cold shower wall. Kylo's hands slide down the back of your thighs, scooping you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. He manages to let go for just a moment, reaching in between your bodies to grip his length.

"You're going to take every inch of me. _Say it_." He teases your entrance with the pink head of his cock. "Say you need me."

Your lips crash against his passionately. You take his lower lip in your teeth, pulling on it and releasing it with a soft _pop_. "I need you."

"You can do better than that." Kylo snarls, his hot breath fanning on your neck.

Your nails dig into his back. " _Fuck,_ I need you! Fuck me, Kylo. I want every inch of you."

His lips twitch and without further warning, his cock slams into you, giving you no time to accommodate to his length. You moan as his hips snap against yours and he thrusts in and out of your aching cunt. Your inner walls clench around him, causing him to grunt into your ear. The sound of the running water drowns out the lewd sounds of your wet skin snapping together rhythmically.

"Fuck-" Kylo groans "-I've missed you."

You whine as his fingers dig into the back of your thighs. Your head tips back against the wall as the head of his cock slams into your cervix over and over again. Your overstimulated clit cries out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. Kylo had you seeing stars every time. His breathing becomes erratic and turns into desperate pants as he draws closer and closer to his peak. With every snap of his hips against yours, his thrusts become uneven.

"Do you want me?" He growls into your ear, teeth grazing the lobe.

"N--Yes!" You throw your head back against the shower wall.

He grabs onto your face, ripping it back down, his fingers digging into your jaw. His lips were against yours in a matter of milliseconds. The kiss was sloppy and desperate, but passionate. His tongue forces your lips apart, allowing him to slide it in. Kylo moans into your mouth; he was so close to his peak, but so were you. In fact, you were dangerously close. You pull away, tilting your chin up, only for his lips to attack your neck.

"Kylo-" you moan lewdly, your eyes scrunching shut as your mouth falls into an 'o' shape "- _Oh!_ I'm gonna cum again! I-I can't-"

"Don't you dare." He snarls angrily. "You don't get to cum until I say so."

You couldn't hold it back. Your cunt clenches around his cock as you release onto him all over again. The liquid drips onto his cock and down your thighs onto the shower floor. You gasp as Kylo pulls away and curses angrily, his length still hard and now deprived because of you. A groan leaves your lips as your feet hit the floor, but you are cut off by Kylo's hand wrapping tightly around your throat and slamming you into the wall. Your world spins as the oxygen is cut off from your lungs.

He sneers at you. "What did I tell you? You needy little _slut_! On your knees for your commander. Now!" You sink to your knees, looking up at him innocently. Kylo sneers. "Open your mouth."

You smirk. "And if I don't?"

"Naughty thing." He spits as the water from the shower head rolls down his tense body. Kylo grips your jaw tightly. "I thought I taught you to obey your commander."

Kylo grabs a fistful of your sopping hair and forces your mouth around his cock. You choke and sputter, but he doesn't acknowledge your struggling. Hot tears spring into your eyes as the head of his cock hits the back of your throat. His fingers dig into your scalp, pushing you further down until your nose was grazing his lower stomach. Wanting to please him, you try to moan but it gets caught in your throat. Kylo tips his head back as you manage to swirl your tongue around his cock and drag it along the underside of his shaft. He grunts as you bob your head steadily and suck him off.

"Just like that," he groans, pulling his lower lip through his teeth as he closes his eyes, head tipped up towards the ceiling. " _Fuck_ , you're good."

You sigh with relief as he pulls his cock from your mouth. Kylo moans loudly as he releases his load all over you. You keep your mouth open for him, letting the hot string of his seed hit your tongue. It covers your face and chest as you stay on your knees on the shower floor. He braces his hand on the wall, looking down at you rather proudly.

"That's my girl." Kylo reaches down and pulls you to your shaking legs. " _Swallow_."

You close your mouth and do just that, his salty cum dripping down your throat. He pulls you to your feet by your hair and you moan softly.

He pushes you against the wall. "Little slut. You like that, don't you?"

"Yes, Commander." Your eyes roll back as his hand locks around your throat tightly.

Kylo's lips connect with yours as you both stand under the shower head together, the water cleaning off his sticky seed from your skin. He grabs onto your thigh, lifting your leg to wrap around his hip. Kylo's tongue pushes past your lips, exploring your mouth hungrily. He pulls away and smirks at you, his fingers grazing the red marks on your neck that would eventually bruise.

" _Mine_ ," he plants another kiss to your lips. "Nobody else deserves your little cunt except for me, isn't that right?"

"Yes, Commander." You purr.

Kylo hums in response. He gently touches your tender breasts and smirks once more, seeming very proud of his work. "We should have more of these little conversations, Butterfly."

You could only nod. Kylo steps out of the shower, but just before he closes the door, he looks you up and down. His lustful eyes take in every inch of your aching body. And there it was again. That one word that still haunted your mind. He had said it again.

_"Perfect."_

  
  


  
  



	26. ~Please~

Although you couldn't completely forgive Kylo Ren just yet, you had to admit that your relationship had improved a little bit over the past week. Training together and your Force bond seemed to help out with that process. It was connecting you more and more, especially during times you two would rather not be connected. You would turn around and Kylo would be standing behind you even though he was all the way across the ship. It never failed to scare the life out of you. That wasn't the only downside to your growth in power, however. The other downside came with Supreme Leader Snoke.

Kylo had told you that the Supreme Leader was growing intrigued with your progress. In fact, he had been asking about you. It was only a matter of time before you would have to face him again. Seeing that horrible man was something you didn't want to do more than once. His twisted features still haunted your mind and sent shivers down your spine every time you thought about him. Although being the Supreme Leader's apprentice would most definitely get you to a higher place of respect, you knew how horribly he treated Kylo. You didn't know if you could deal with the pressures of a physically and emotionally abusive master. Sure, Kylo was hard on you most of the time, but he never beat you the way Snoke beat him. Especially tonight.

Your master had flown out to the Supremacy around two hours ago and he was yet to return. He didn't tell you much, but you had seen the look on his face right before he left. Something was horribly wrong, that much you _did_ know. Kylo was hardly ever nervous, but when he got the hologram call, you could tell he was. Something also told you that this wasn't going to end well for him _or_ for you. The news must have been about the scavenger or the Resistance, otherwise Snoke wouldn't have called in so urgently. One thing was for sure; ever since Kylo had left, the small fleet of Finalizers had changed course. They were definitely targeting something.

You rise out of the bathtub, carefully stepping onto the mat before it to avoid slipping. The day of training had left your muscles sore and your body exhausted, but the bath had helped at least a little. Wrapping your body in a white towel, you lean over the edge of the tub and tug the drain up, allowing the water to begin swirling down. You dry your body and change into your nightgown, glancing at the clock in your room as your wet hair drips. Kylo should have been back by now, right? Unless he was already back and hadn't bothered to visit you. You sigh. He was so unpredictable that it was ridiculous at this point. Still, you didn't think he would change. Old habits die hard. There was something else bothering you as well. You couldn't comprehend how you had grown to forgive him so easily. Although there was still a part of you that despised him, the other half still cared. You knew why. Deep down, you knew there was still pieces of Ben Solo within him. You thought _you_ would be the one to retrieve those pieces and help him out of the hole he lived in. He was lost. You were convinced you could rescue him.

As if on cue, your door slides open with a familiar hiss and a black-garbed man enters the room. You look up at once, rising from the edge of your bed hopefully. Kylo doesn't make eye contact with you. In fact, he doesn't even show you his face. Instead he storms straight into your tiny kitchen (that really just consisted of a small fridge and a sink) and dumps ice lazily into a clean rag. Kylo raises the rag filled with ice and presses it to his right eye, leaning against the counter. You couldn't see the eye now, but you could very much see the rest of his features. His thick black hair was messy and small pieces were glued to his forehead. His pink lips looked swollen, as though someone had struck him in the mouth hard enough. There was normally no natural rogue on his face, but now his peach skin was splotchy and tinted.

You approach him cautiously, the water dripping from the ends of your hair leaving a trail on the floor. "Kylo?"

His eyes don't leave yours as you draw closer and closer. He doesn't flinch away or protest as your hand shakily lifts towards his. You gently lift the cold rag from his eye and gasp softly, taking a step back. He was now sporting a black eye. The eye itself didn't seem to be too damaged other than a little redness. But the area beneath it was shiny and turning purple.

Your hand gently grazes his face. "Did Snoke do this to you?"

Kylo nods stiffly. "It's nothing. He wants to see us tomorrow. See _you_ tomorrow."

"O-Okay." That was all you could really say, but your heart was pounding. If Snoke didn't like what he saw, would he do the same to you?

"Don't worry," Kylo says quietly. "I won't let him touch you."

It was now that you notice your faces had been slowing getting closer and closer. Kylo suddenly drops the rag, the ice clattering to the ground. His glove-less hand cups your face as his lips crash against your own. His body presses against you as he backs you toward the bed without breaking the kiss. His lips move violently against yours, practically devouring them with passion. You fall back onto the bed and he climbs on top of you, pinning your wrists on either side of your head. Kylo breaks the kiss momentarily, his lips hovering over yours.

"There's something I need to say to you." He says in a hushed voice.

"What is it?" Your brow furrows.

"I'm sorry. For everything I did to you."

Your eyes search his face for sincerity. Unfortunately you had grown so used to his lying, it was hard to tell when he was telling the truth. It was difficult to trust him. The look in his eyes put an end to your search. He meant it. You pull free and grab him by the front of his robes, pulling him down to re-connect the intimate kiss and hopefully grow it into something more.

  
  


The next morning when you wake up, Kylo was still laying beside you. He shifts and groggily sits up when he feels you moving beside him. A single glance at the clock sends him out of bed to pull on his boxers and change back into his robes. You drag yourself out of bed as the nerves and jitters set in. You were going to see Snoke today. Anything could happen and you felt extremely unprepared for it. As you change into the usual black robes you wore, Kylo looks up at you.

"Remember what I said. I won't let him touch you." Kylo says flatly.

It was meant to be comforting, but it came off as unnerving. Was Snoke _going_ to touch you? You swallow and clip your lightsaber to its place on your hip. The cold metal hilt bumps rhythmically against your upper thigh as you and Kylo walk through the Finalizer side by side. A transport was already waiting down in one of the hangars, flanked by a handful of Stormtroopers awaiting your arrival. The both of you stay silent as you enter the small ship and sit down, strapping yourselves in. The shuttle rumbles and shudders as it lifts off, causing your nails to dig into your palms. You had adjusted to flying a little bit, but sometimes it was still nerve-wracking. _Especially_ when it was taking you to see the Supreme Leader.

The flight couldn't have dragged by any slower. By the time the shuttle lands in one of the Supremacy's docking zones, your leg was bumping against the ground and your heart was beating out of your chest. You look to Kylo for reassurance as the ramp slides open, but he was giving you none. He was just as silent as you were and you could sense his unease. Something definitely wasn't right here. You had a _bad_ feeling about today. The nerves were bundling in your stomach, making you shift and squirm. As the two of you step into the elevator that would take you to the throne room, Kylo stares blankly ahead at the black and white wall.

"Kylo..." you start uncertainly.

"Stay quiet," he grumbles. "Just... stay quiet for now."

You nod stiffly. Your mouth felt drier than before and you were sure Kylo could hear your heart pounding against your rib cage. The elevator doors slide open, giving way into the horrifying throne room. The blood-orange color swarms your senses as you walk down the long black catwalk towards the main room. You tear your eyes from the red-clad Praetorian Guard and set your sights on the horrifying man on the throne. Once again, he was wearing his horrible golden robes and his bony fingers were drumming steadily against the armrest of his dark throne.

Snoke chuckles coldly as you and Kylo sink to your knees. " _Finally_. I sense that you have developed your powers, child. I see it in you... yes... I see the birth of something far greater than what your master first saw. I take it, you've constructed a weapon."

You shift and force your voice to stop shaking. "Yes, Supreme Leader."

He leans back in his throne, his piercing gaze not lifting from you. "Perhaps I will finally get to see what Kylo Ren so desperately wanted. _You._ His thirst for power was stifled when his search for you began. It was wise of me to bridge your minds."

You and Kylo both look up in shock at this. This was all _Snoke's_ doing. How could you have been so blind to it? It was all starting to fall into place before your eyes. What you weren't expecting was the look of anger on Snoke's hideous face.

"You've gone against my word, Ren." Snoke hisses. "I can see into your minds. _Feel_ your emotions running through you. I told you that you could oblige your desires _once_ and only once. Your connection is strong but now I fear you have moved past the simplicity of lust. You _crave_ this girl. You crave and desire your own apprentice! You're no longer using her for your sick pleasure."

Kylo's lips twitch. "I can assure you, Supreme Leader, I haven't lost sight of it. She means nothing to me in that way."

You wanted to get up and slap him. Your heart sinks and you swallow down the lump forming in your throat. All you wanted to do was tell yourself he was just saying that for your sake. And then you hear it. Kylo's voice echoing through your mind. ' _I won't let him.'_ Your lips part and you force yourself to keep your eyes on the ground.

" _Lies_ ," Snoke hisses, causing you to look up. "Nothing but petty lies. She is the reason you're holding back! _Love_ does not belong to the Dark Side of the Force! It holds you back and breaks your focus! Tearing it away from your anger."

You gasp as Snoke extends his hand towards you. Your lightsaber shoots from your side and flies to the throne, landing on the armrest. But he wasn't finished with you yet. Snoke's hand forms a claw and you are dragged across the room on your knees, landing right in front of Kylo. He looks down at you as he rises to his feet, sadness building in his brown eyes.

"Because of that... you must _die_." Snoke directs his attention to Kylo. "A great loss for the First Order, but it needs to be done. My worthy apprentice, Son of Darkness, heir apparent to Darth Vader. Where there was conflict I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, _strength_. Complete your training and fulfill your destiny. Strike now and you will leave these foolish emotions behind. You will take your rightful place in a lineage of greatness!"

Kylo looks into your eyes as he pulls his lightsaber free. "I know what I have to do."

Your lower lip trembles as you look up pleadingly. You wanted to say his name. His _real_ name. But something told you not to. Something told you the power behind not saying it. " _Kylo."_

Snoke laughs. "You foolish child! I cannot be betrayed! I cannot be beaten. I see his mind, his every intent! Yes... I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true-" Kylo lifts the saber, pointing the hilt at your heaving chest "-and now, foolish child, he ignites it and _kills_ his true enemy!"

You flinch when you hear the roar of the lightsaber activating. Your eyes scrunch shut as you wait for the painful release, followed by the sinking darkness. It never comes. Your eyes fly open when you hear a pained gasp and your knees hit the ground. Rolling onto your stomach, you stare at the throne in horror. Snoke's face was plastered with shock, the red glowing blade of your saber now slicing directly through his torso. Kylo closes his hand and the saber flies forward, cutting Snoke in half and shooting into your hand. You scramble to your feet, looking at Kylo for confirmation. Had he _really_ just slaughtered his master for you? He nods at you and you both whirl around, sabers poised towards the guards stalking forward.

You twirl the weapon through your fingertips, the red light reflecting on your sweat-laced skin. You push away as they attack you, sliding away from Kylo as he goes to take care of his own bunch. You duck as the one with the crackling spear starts forward, his weapon coming crashing down across your arm. You catch the handle with your elbow and forcing it down, taking the chance to grip your saber and drag it across his torso. It cuts through his armor and he crumples to the ground.

Another starts forward, this time wielding two ropes that were burning with bright electricity. It snares your leg and you cry out, feeling it scorch your skin and burn through your robes. You grab his wrist as he comes down with the other rope, gritting your teeth through the pain. Your saber hand comes down and slices his hand clean off. You kick him once in the chest with your free leg, sending him sprawling onto the ground.

The third grips a staff tightly. He and another man with a similar staff circle you closely, their gazes locked on you. They both charge at the same time. You duck and slide across the ground, the red blade of your lightsaber cutting into one's ankle. He falls to one knee and you grip his shoulder, yanking him up to his feet when his friend lunges forward. The man accidentally strikes him instead and he grunts from beneath the helmet, slumping to the ground. The other starts forward once more, even angrier this time. You deflect his first attack and feel him graze your arm the second time, drawing blood with the edge of his staff. You pull a risky move, grabbing the handle of his staff and wrenching it out of his hands. Your lightsaber tears through his neck and he falls dead. You notice the hand-less guard desperately trying to crawl away, before stabbing the saber through his back to finish him.

You are given a moment to rest, but you quickly whirl around when you hear the metallic sound of Kylo's saber clattering to the floor. He was getting pulled to a guard's chest, the man's blade sliding closer and closer to his neck. Kylo grunts, his eyes looking to you for help. Unsure of what else to do, you thrust your free hand out.

The guard howls in pain as his arm snaps, emitting a horrible cracking sound. The staff falls to the ground and he tumbles to his knees. You charge forward, leaping towards him with a newfound burst of power. Your blade sinks into his chest and he falls limp, his body crumbling down as you deactivate the weapon.

Kylo stares at you incredulously, his chest heaving and sweat shining on his forehead. You limp towards him, gritting your teeth as the wound on your leg stings and burns. That was going to leave a nice big scar. The two of you look at the throne, by which Snoke's severed body was lying. When you look back to Kylo, he holds his gloved hand out to you.

"Join me," he says boldly. "Together we can bring a new order to the galaxy. You and me, (Y/N). Things can go back to the way they used to be."

"Kylo..." you bite your lip uncertainly. "Your people aren't exactly thrilled with the idea of me being a part of the Order."

He looks pleadingly at you. "You're nothing to them. But not to me. I'll take my place as Supreme Leader and you as Commander and my Right Hand. Join me, (Y/N). I... I need you... I can't do this without you." A pause as Kylo's lower lip quivers. " _Please_."

Your lips part in disbelief as a tear drips down Kylo's face. It was in that moment that you realized he really _did_ need you. He couldn't bear to lose one of the only people he had left in his life. He was just as frightened and hesitant as you were. You were two halves of one piece and it wasn't just because of the dyad. What you had thought to be the ending was only just the beginning. Taking a deep breath, you reach out and take his hand.

  
  


  
  



	27. ~Late Night~

**|One Month Later|**

  
  


You were adjusting to your new life surprisingly well. The position of Commander as well as the Supreme Leader's Right Hand gave you more respect than you had ever seen before. People quickly became weary when they heard of your powers nearly matching Kylo Ren's. A few officers still liked to toe the line with you, but most of them were smart enough not to poke a sleeping beast. Along with a new variety of robes to wear, you had also taken a liking to dresses. Most of them were rather risque, but you felt confident wearing them and Kylo couldn't seem to take his eyes off of you when you wore them. It should have been bad to feel so powerful, but you enjoyed the feeling. Being feared and respected was at the same line as being adored at this point and you couldn't care less.

Along with your new rank, you were also happy to say you and Kylo had gotten closer. You weren't exactly to a point where you slept in the same bed, but perhaps you would eventually reach that point in your relationship. The only thing that really bothered you was what you were to him. He didn't want to slap labels on it and he couldn't even seem to decide for himself. You two had definitely moved past only using each other for sex, but it was hard to figure out what to call the relationship. Kylo _hated_ the title of 'dating' or 'girlfriend/boyfriend.' He found it immature and you had to agree. It didn't feel right for the Supreme Leader to have a girlfriend. At the same time, you didn't really want to ask him about it. You would rather stay bothered than be confused.

You had just gotten off from a long, hectic day up in the command deck. General Hux was bitching again (surprise, surprise) and the newer recruits needed some adjusting. They couldn't seem to get the hang of it for some reason. It was irritating, but it was part of the job. At least now you were free from the stress of it. You make your way down to the medical bay, in which one of the rooms Kylo was getting his scar fixed up. It had healed a lot thanks to the medical droids stitching it together and was now reduced to a thin line trailing across his face and disappearing beneath his robes. You knew that it was a _long_ scar that went past his collarbone and stopped on his pectoral, but it didn't bother him too much and you had grown used to it.

Your heels click on the shiny black tiles, the sound sending everyone in your path scrambling out of the way. Your lightsaber hung from the thin belt around your waist, which you managed to fit into the design of today's look. You weren't wearing a dress this time, but rather a bodysuit that showed just enough skin and hugged your waist nicely. The blaster doors to the little room in the med-bay slide open and you briskly walk inside.

Kylo was sitting in the leather chair with a little ball-shaped droid fixing up his scar. Its little metal arms worked so quickly, it was hard anything but a blur of silver. At the sound of your heels, he looks up and waves the droid aside. His eyes briefly flicker up and down your body before he leans against the metal armrest and looks up expectantly.

"Hux is a pain in the ass," you plant your hands on your hips. "Are you sure we can't just kill him now?"

"In due time. He's useful... for now." Kylo sighs. "Is that really all that's bothering you, Butterfly?"

You bite your red painted lip. "Not quite. I'm sick of being cooped up in this ship while you get to do all of the field work. I should be out there with you. Fighting the Resistance and tracking down Skywalker. That's what you trained me for, isn't it?"

He pauses, before gesturing to his lap. You obediently trudge over to him and sit down on his thigh, looking at him as you wait for an answer. Kylo's arm snakes around your waist, his hand resting on your upper thigh. "Your work here is important. It's pointless to have both of us out there."

"Right," you mutter with a roll of your eyes. "You just don't think I can handle it. I'm not a little girl, Kylo. You made me your Right Hand for a reason and now you're ignoring my existence in the Order altogether. All I do is work in that stuffy command room and boss around officers. Let me go on a mission with you."

"Soon, pet." Kylo murmurs. "I promise."

You scowl at him. "That's what you said the last five times I asked. Just admit it. You don't think I can handle the pressures of a mission. I'm _useless_."

He sighs, sounding exasperated. " _(Y/N),_ I-"

"Don't," you huff. "Everyone thinks I'm just your little toy. I know they do. They think you only keep me around for that reason. _Admit it_." Kylo's lips twitch and you scoff. "That's what I thought."

You move to pull away, but his grip only tightens. "We're cornering the Resistance. Once we do, we can retrieve the information that will lead us to Skywalker. The next time I go out, I _promise_ I'll take you with me." He lifts his other hand and trails his finger across your lips. "Such a mindless little mouth. You know what that mouth could do better?"

You swat his hand aside. "That's exactly what I'm talking about." You manage to twist out of his grasp and stand up. "That's not all I'm good for."

Kylo rises at once. "Of course it's not."

"Then stop treating me like it." You plant your hands on your hips. "I deserve just as much respect as you do. I'm not some little woman you can order around. It's not my fault you have a god complex." You roll your eyes and turn to walk away.

Kylo snatches you by the wrist, whirling you around and slamming you to his chest. He scowls at you. "A god complex? Do you want to take that back before it's too late, _pet_?"

"Nope-" you pull your wrist away "-it sounds like a _you_ problem now."

He lets out a throaty chuckle. "That mouth of yours what something I hoped would never change when I left." Kylo's fingers trail along your jaw. "I have some time before I need to do some work, Commander. Care to show me-"

You look at him incredulously and quickly cut him off. "That's exactly what I'm talking about! Did you hear a _word_ I just said? You have a horrible case of selective hearing, Kylo Ren. Why don't I help you with work? Come _on_ , I can see the look on your face. You don't trust me to do this kind of work and it's ridiculous! I'm just as capable as you. Let me prove it, if you don't believe me."

Kylo sighs. " _Fine_. But this isn't a three-strike game. One strike and you're _out_. If you prove yourself today, I'll take you with me on my next mission in a few weeks."

"Thank you!" You grin, patting his chest. "Lead the way, Supreme Leader."

He gives you a little push, cautious not to send you flying over your high heels. You walk by Kylo's side through the winding corridors. Besides working in the command deck or lingering around the throne room, Kylo also had an office. There wasn't much to it; it was just a desk, a few cabinets, and a couple of monitors. It was usually cluttered and he always left it a mess before retiring for the night, leaving quite a chore for his poor secretary.

The two of you reach the familiar set of blaster doors, which slide open automatically at the detection of motion. His secretary looks up from the stack of papers before her, nodding stiffly at both you and Kylo. She had her brown hair tied out of her face and her pretty face looked rather tired. Probably from cleaning up the Supreme Leader's messes. Every time he walked through those doors, she knew it meant another night of organizing. Kylo tugs his cloak from his shoulders and tosses it onto the chair in the corner of his office as he walks through the doorway. You put your hands behind your back and look at him expectantly as he sits down in the leather chair behind his desk.

"Why don't you spare Cora some work-" he gestures to the secretary bustling around the room in front of his office "-and help her sort through the new data files. I'd get on with it now. There are hundreds to go through and I expect them to be done before the night is over. If they're not, I suppose you won't be sleeping." You give him a look and he shrugs at you. "You wanted work and now you're getting it. Grab that holopad and get started, Butterfly."

You huff and turn on your heel, trudging into the little room Cora worked in. She looks up from her papers once more, giving you a noticeably dirty look. "You're helping out?"

"It would seem so." You cross your arms.

Cora pushes the holopad into your arms. "Get to it, then." She looks you up and down rather condescendingly before sitting back in her uncomfortable-looking chair.

That made you take an immediate disliking to her. You grit your teeth and plop yourself down in the chair in the corner of Kylo's office. He looks up at the sound of the fabric rustling and scowls at you, "you're going to ruin my cloak, (Y/N). You're already crinkling the fabric."

You roll your eyes and twist the cloak out from beneath your body, tossing it onto the floor. " _There_. Now it's not crinkled anymore."

Kylo stares at you but you ignore him. He lets out a small ' _hmph_ ' before getting back to work with the files. After only an hour of diligent work, you were already regretting demanding it. You would have rather been bored in your quarters than doing this. In fact, you would have rather been bossing around imbeciles in the command deck than this. It was so repetitive and tiresome. Locate, drag, put in order, repeat. One mistake sent you right back to the start of the newest file. You had been groaning and huffing for so long, you just knew Kylo had learned to tune you out. Either that or he was about to choke you to death for being irritating. You glance up at him once in a while but he was invested in his work.

The hours drag by and it was starting to take a toll on you. How did Cora and Kylo _do_ this? You couldn't imagine being a lower-level officer and having to do this all day and all night. Your body knew you should have been asleep a while ago. Soon your eyes begin to burn and your head felt too heavy on your shoulders. At this point both you and Kylo had downed five cups of caf to no avail. Every time you looked up, Kylo was yawning or stretching. He didn't look nearly as tired as you and something told you he would go all night if he could.

You were a little more than halfway done and there was _still_ no sign of an end. You weren't even close yet. The holopad screen was an endless blur in your hands. It became nothing more than meaningless numbers and letters before your tired eyes. You had gotten rid of your shiny black heels a while ago and they were now laying on top of Kylo's discarded cloak on the floor. Kylo's desk was covered in papers and it was clearly starting to frustrate in. He had to call in Cora every five minutes so she could sift through the stacks. He observed her closely every time, as though making sure she wasn't making any mistakes. She always came in with a small huff, tugging down her tight skirt and clomping in with her tall heels. That was the way Kylo knew you were awake without looking up. Every time she came in, you shifted to keep yourself awake and the chair would squeak a little. On what felt like Cora's thirtieth trip inside, you didn't move at all.

It had been quiet for too long now. Kylo yawns and looks up from his work, checking up on how you were holding up. He leans back, a small smirk tugging at his lips when he sees you passed out in the chair. The holopad was resting on your stomach and your chin was slumped down onto your chest. You were out cold. Kylo glances at the clock and winces at the time. It was much too late. He sighs in defeat and rises to his feet. As he approaches you, he quickly considers waking you or not. With another huff, Kylo scoops you up in his arms. He steps over his cloak and your heels, giving Cora a look as he leaves the office.

Kylo carries you all the back to his quarters instead of yours. He was mildly impressed with your heavy sleeping skills. You really were out for the count. Somehow Kylo manages to get you unzipped and out of the bodysuit. He sets your limp body down on the right side of the bed before changing out of his own clothes. Kylo tosses them onto the floor, too tired to deal with it now. He climbs into bed beside you, pulling up the blanket. He rolls over, silently observing your peaceful features. Hesitantly, he reaches out and gently grazes your soft cheek with his hand. His pretty little Butterfly. What was he going to do with you? Kylo presses his lips together, his eyebrows furrowing as the feeling of sadness envelopes his chest. This was just like old times. Peaceful. He presses his eyes shut, _no, no. I've moved on from this. It was the past._ When his eyes open, there were tears stinging them. He shudders and reaches for you, pulling your sleeping form towards him. Kylo pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you tightly. He was holding you like you were going to disappear.

  
  



	28. ~Exposed~

"Good morning."

Kylo hums in response, shifting in between the cold sheets. You had woken up on your stomach with his strong arm draped across your bare back. At first, you thought something had happened the night before but then you remembered those horrible hours spent working in his office. You roll onto your back, gripping his arm lovingly. Kylo lifts his head from his pillow, revealing his messy head of black hair and tired eyes. He drags your body closer to him with ease and you giggle, running a hand through his thick locks.

"Don't get too comfortable," you plant a kiss on the tip of his nose. "I have to report to the command deck."

"On who's orders?" Kylo grumbles in his husky morning voice.

You chuckle. " _Yours_ , Supreme Leader. I would _hate_ to be late and go against your own orders. Unless..."

He opens his eyes again. " _Mm,_ and don't get too comfortable with me, _Commander_. I'm still in charge after all. A few more minutes couldn't hurt."

Kylo's eyes close as you sink back into the pillow beside him. Within seconds, both of you are back asleep. Unfortunately those 'few' minutes quickly turn into a few hours. Your eyes flutter back open a second time and you sit up quickly, head snapping to look at the clock in Kylo's quarters.

"Shit!" You throw back the blanket, stumbling out of bed as you collect your clothes from the ground.

"What?" Kylo sits up groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm late, genius!" You fumble with the bodysuit, having to put it back on in order to get to your quarters to change. "I guess I'm lucky this isn't a scrubbing the steps kind of place." You hurry to the door, stealing one last look back at Kylo. "I'll see you soon."

He nods and the last thing you see is Kylo slowly getting out of bed before the doors close behind you. Your bare feet thud on the ground as you rush down the hall, not even bothering to question where your shoes had gone in the first place. You skid around the corner, nearly running over some unsuspecting Stormtroopers, before hurriedly putting in the code to your room and slipping inside. The bodysuit hits the floor in a matter of seconds as you shuffle towards the closet, struggling to get the last pant-leg from around your ankle. You grab blindly into the closet, yanking out a rather pretty black dress with a high slit that reached the very top of your thigh. You fish a pair of heels out and slide your feet into them, desperately running a brush through your wild morning hair. Chucking the brush back into the room, you rush from your quarters and into the elevator that would take you up to the deck.

As the doors close, you sigh with relief. You were never going to hear the end of it from that stuffy general who always liked to blame you for everything. Oh how you _desperately_ wanted to push your lightsaber through his thick skull. When the door re-open, you step out onto the command deck. If it weren't filled with insufferable people, it would be your favorite place on the ship because of the view it offered into the galaxy through its wide windows. The rest was filled with blinking monitors and officers rushing left and right. The hum of chatter was steady, yet soft, but it often went dead silent when Kylo Ren entered. You slow your pace, annoyance plastered over your face at the sight of the man who was filling the other general's shoes for the day. _General Hux_. Slimy bastard.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, General?" You say rather coldly.

Hux gives you a side-eye. "Running a tad late, aren't we, Commander? And on a progress check-up day too." He shakes his head, obnoxiously swiping through the holopad in his hands. "The Supreme Leader won't be pleased to hear this. It doesn't matter _who_ you're sleeping with. Someone always takes the blame."

You glare at him. "Might I remind you that _I_ am the Supreme Leader's Right Hand as well as the Commander? If anything were to happen, I'd have full command. Even over the likes of _you_."

"Careful, Commander." Hux hisses lowly, his pale eyes narrowed at you as his lips curve into a mischievous smirk. "If I were you, I would show me some respect. Or are you forgetting about that little secret of yours?"

You force an icy laugh. "Oh _please_. I'm not scared of you! Nothing you say now will have any power over me. Face it... you've lost. This little game you were playing is _over_. Sit down before you get hurt, little boy."

He chuckles. It wasn't the reaction you had been hoping for and it made you a bit uneasy. Hux's hand grazes the small of your back. "Oh, my dear, but I _haven't_ lost. You've just lost by opening that horrid little mouth of yours. And here comes the man of the hour himself. He'll be pleased to hear about this, won't he?"

You turn quickly, a horrified expression on your face as Kylo enters the command deck. Why _now_? You needed to say something to get him out of there before Hux opened his fat mouth and spilled all of your secrets. It was going to be too late for apologies. Too late to stop him.

"Ah, Supreme Leader." Hux says Kylo's title like it's poison. "It just so happens that your arrival is most opportune. Your little _toy_ and I have something we'd like to discuss with you, isn't that right?"

You swallow nervously, looking between the general and Kylo, who was both baffled and annoyed. He sighs, "I don't have time for your little games." _Yes!_

"Oh but, you simply _must_ hear about this!" Hux's eyes glitter.

"Make it quick." _NO!_

General Hux gestures to you. "I thought you would be happy to hear about your little pet's work. While you were off gallivanting around Starkiller Base during its time of operation, this perfect little _whore_ was fucking some lowly _Stormtrooper_ in a supply closet. I can only imagine how many times she had done it between then and the time of your return."

You watch Kylo's expression slowly change. His eyes snap angrily to you as his jaw locks so tightly, you could see the muscles shifting beneath his skin. Kylo's gloved hands curl into fists and for a split second, you were terrified that he was going to beat you for it. His full lips press together, trying to contain his anger while Hux stands between you two proudly.

"I see," Kylo's voice was icy and dripping with building rage. "If you'll excuse me... there are some things I need to take care of." He turns at once, his cloak fluttering at his heels.

You chase after him with tears stinging your eyes and your heart pounding. "No! Kylo! I can explain, I promise! Please-" you try to grab him "-just _listen_!"

He whirls around, sending your back slamming into the wall of the hallway. "You directly disobeyed me! I forbade you from ever seeing that worthless soldier again! Is it true?"

"W-What?"

"Is. It. _True_?" Kylo snarls.

You couldn't lie. "Y-Yes..."

He slams his fist into the wall, causing you to jump and shrink back. "Ironically we were just having a conversation about you being more than a walking _pussy_. I guess I was wrong."

"Kylo!" You try to grab him again, but he swats you away. "Just listen to me!" You were nearly sobbing at this point and your voice was filled with desperation.

"Did you even stop to _think_ about me before you got on his dick?" Kylo spits, eyes filled with rage.

"You and I weren't together when he and I fucked, I swear! I wouldn't do that to you!"

"We were already sleeping together!" He shouts angrily. "How would _you_ feel if _I_ slept with someone else?"

"We weren't together and I don't even know if we are now because _you_ refuse to acknowledge it. Besides, you made it _plenty_ clear that's all it was back then! I'm _sorry_ if I just wanted something real with another man who actually cared about my feelings! You couldn't understand that even if you tried. You wouldn't understand what a _real_ man is!"

Kylo stops walking abruptly. His shoulders were heaving and he wasn't even looking at you. You thought he was going to explode at any second and you would become a victim in his path of fatal destruction. Instead, Kylo's fists tense and he storms away from you.

You grit your teeth as you watch him disappear around the corner. _Whatever,_ you think angrily, _he's in the wrong here. Not me. We weren't together when Kess and I hooked up. I did nothing wrong._ Besides going against Kylo's direct orders, of course. Oops. Then it hit you... _Kess_. Your eyes widen at the thought of the poor boy you had dragged into this mess. Kylo was going to kill him if you didn't stop him. Your heartbeat begins to quicken as you hurry through the halls to the post you knew Kess was working today. Kylo already had a head start; what if it was too late by the time you got there? You didn't know if you could take the death of yet _another_ person you loved.

You skid around the corner, stumbling over your dress and your heels. They clack loudly against the floor, sending everyone in your path ducking out of your way. They knew better than to get in the way of a commander when it looked like an emergency. You bunch your dress in your hands, gnashing your teeth together in determination. You were willing to do whatever it took to defend Kess. The poor trooper didn't play any part in this. He didn't know you were involved with Ren and only thought he was getting lucky. The massive weight of anxiety lifts from your chest, getting replaced with the lightness of relief as Kess comes into view.

Hearing your heels coming to a stop, he turns his head and takes a curious step towards you. "...(Y/N)? Is everything alright?"

You place your hands on his shoulder, bowing your head thankfully. " _Stars,_ thank goodness you're okay. If I were you, I'd steer clear of Kylo Ren for a while."

"What's wrong?" Kess lowers the Blaster resting in his arms. "You look like you just saw a ghost. And what's going on with the Supreme Leader?"

Hesitating, you decide to tell him the truth. Well, part of the truth. "Ren knows about what we did in the supply closet. I thought he was going to hurt you because of it. He forbade us from seeing each other. I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have dragged you into this mess. This my fault."

He stiffens up. "What does this mean for us?"

"I can't keep seeing you, Kess." Your heart sinks. "It was a mistake. I'm... really sorry. This is for your own good, I swear. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you like this. You _know_ that, don't you?"

Kess nods slowly, but you knew it had hurt him. You couldn't blame him. It would hurt you too if someone had done the same. You sympathetically pat the breastplate of his armor as he adjusts his grip on his weapon. "I'll.... see you around...Commander."

You couldn't find anything else to say to him. Everything you had was just going to hurt him even more. Arms crossed over your chest, you start in the opposite direction of him. Now you had something else to take care of. _Someone_ else. Well, two people if Hux counted. You desperately wanted to kill the prick but you knew Kylo was going to stop you just to spite you. You had to make peace with him as soon as possible, otherwise you were never going to hear the end of it. This was going to hang over your head for the rest of your life no matter what you said to Ren, but it was worth a try. He just _had_ to listen to you because your point was just as valid as his. You never _technically_ cheated. The worst you had done was go against his orders.

Now it was just a matter of _finding_ Kylo. After a rather lengthy trip around most of the ship, you could deduce that he wasn't in the training room, throne room, or his quarters. That only left the command deck and his office. You figured he wouldn't go back to the deck on account of not being able to look Hux in his smug face. _Office it is._ With a heavy sigh, you turn around and start all the way back down to Kylo's office. If he wasn't there, you weren't about to search the entirety of the ship. You would just give up and let him come to you.

As you turn the corner and near the door to Kylo's office, you wince at the sight and sounds coming from inside. You could hear something faintly crashing to the floor. He was probably trashing the entire room and shredding everything to bits with his lightsaber. _Fantastic_. On the floor in front of the secretary's desk, sat a pair of black heels that had obviously been kicked aside. The heels you had left in his office just the night before. You roll your eyes at Kylo's pettiness. The man behaved like a child. You step into the doorway of the office and freeze suddenly. Your heart sinks and your stomach begins to do flips. What you saw was something that would torment you forever.

Most of the contents on Kylo's desk had been pushed to the floor. A lot of it was broken from the fall and the rest was scattered across the ground. And there they were. Cora was bent over Kylo's desk, braced up on her forearms with her face twisted in a mixture of pain and pleasure. The blouse she wore had been torn away, revealing her raunchy black bra. Her skirt was bunched up at her hips and Kylo stood behind her, gripping her tightly as he pounded into her from behind.

Cora's eyes fly open and she gasps upon seeing you, instinctively trying to pull away. Kylo stops her by tightening his grip, his hips continuing their motion as he stares at you with furious eyes. You couldn't stand to watch anymore. Your hand flies over your mouth, clasping it in disgust as you run down the hall towards your quarters. How could he do this to you?

Kylo pulls himself out of his secretary and stuffs his length back into his pants. Cora turns and hoists herself up onto the desk, spreading her legs for him eagerly. "Don't you want more of me, Supreme Leader?"

"Don't flatter yourself," Kylo snaps, pushing his messy black hair out of his face. "You're not that great."

Cora's cheeks flush as she snaps her legs back shut. He doesn't give her another glance as he storms out of the office, trudging all the way back to his quarters so he could spend a good while just thinking about what he had done.

  
  



	29. ~On Your Knees~

How _dare_ Kylo Ren do that to you? You pace back and forth in your quarters, your heels sharply clicking on the ground with every angry step. What you had witnessed was the last thing you had been expecting to walk in on. And with his own _secretary_. It was one thing when you had fucked Kess. _That_ was when you and Kylo weren't even 'together,' back before you had agreed that you wouldn't be seeing other people. What Kylo had done was purely out of anger and pettiness. He just wanted to spite you and it _worked_. It made your blood boil and drove your rage through the roof of the ship. You had a burning desire to make him pay. You craved seeing the look on his face when you confronted him. Something wicked was stirring inside of you. Something that made you wild.

You stop pacing abruptly. Who did he think he was? If you had done this instead of Kylo, he would already be here screaming and whining. And suddenly you weren't allowed to do the same? _No_. Your jaw clenches and you storm towards your door. You were going to give him a piece of your mind and he was going to regret every second of what he had done. If that bastard thought he could just cheat and get away with it, he was mistaken. His actions were just as consequential as yours. That man knew punishment from no one except for Snoke. He had spent too long riding around on his high horse. That time was over and Kylo's luck had run out. You weren't going to be something he could just walk all over.

The sleek black fabric of your dress drags at your feet as you storm down the hall. Your leg appears and disappears through the high slit with every step you took. The vibrant red color you had painted your lips with suddenly had the appearance of blood through your filter of crimson rage. Your long red nails click against the screen of the panel outside of Kylo's room as your fingers fly across the numbers. As the door slides open, you take long strides inside. Your angry eyes land on Kylo.

He looked worse than you thought. His head was in his hands and lowered to the floor. To your surprise, he looked _ashamed_ of what he had done. At the sound of the door closing, Kylo lifts his head. He quickly gets to his feet, his lips parting at the sight of you as he sucks in his breath sharply. The honey-brown eyes usually hard and cold were filled with guilt. It was then that you knew he was vulnerable. He _knew_ he had messed up.

"(Y/N)-" Kylo starts, taking a step towards you.

Your hand flies before you could stop yourself. It strikes Kylo sharply across the face, whipping his head to the side from the impact. He slowly looks back up, gingerly touching the red splotch on his cheek where you had struck him. Kylo swallows. "I deserved that..."

"You really did." You snap. "You deserve so much more. What you did was sick and twisted. You're pathetic, you know that? I should hit you again for that."

Kylo remains surprisingly silent. He was taking every word that fell from your tongue like a painful beating. He seemed so small in front of you all of a sudden; like he was a child getting scolded. The wicked thing stirring within you still wasn't satisfied. It drove the words from your mouth before you could blink.

"On your knees."

He looked surprised. To your own astonishment, he slowly sinks down onto his knees in front of you. If he was going to take this punishment, he would take it with none of his strength. Just like he deserved. He _deserved_ to be forced to worship you and the ground you walked on because he was blind to what he had right in front of him. You had given him everything and it wasn't enough. _This_ wasn't enough. You wanted to make him pay. It wasn't enough to sleep with someone else to get revenge. You needed to hit Kylo where it _hurt_. The thought of bringing him down made you giddy.

"Your _hands_ and knees." You sneer to hide your excitement.

This must have too threatening to his fragile masculinity, for he only glared up at you. He places his hands on his knees, but goes no further. You take a step towards him and he gasps as your knee lifts. Your leg slips out from the slit in the dress and your stiletto presses in between his shoulder blades, forcing him onto his hands and knees. You walk around him, shaking your head and chuckling cruelly. " _Look_ at you. _Pathetic_. You will never be satisfied. I need to fix that. Get up, you slob."

Kylo slowly rises to his feet, suddenly appearing very ashamed as he shifts in front of you. Then you saw why. A cold chuckle escapes your lips at the sight of Kylo's hardened length stretching against his pants.

"You're getting turned on by this?" You scoff judgmentally. "You're _sick_ , you know that? You don't deserve _me_. Tell me what you want and maybe I'll play nice if I feel like it."

"I want you," Kylo whispers.

"You can do better than that."

His devilish eyes meet yours. "I want you. I _need_ you."

"Take off your shirt. Get on the bed." You order.

He follows your first order, but doesn't comply with the second one. When Kylo doesn't budge, you press a hand to his chest and push him backwards. His bare back hits the mattress, causing the bed to shift. He looks hungrily at you as you slowly walk towards the bed, his eyes tracing your leg. You lift one leg up onto the bed, watching him squirm. You trail your hand up your leg seductively. "Do you want _me_?"

"Yes," he chokes.

You slip your feet out of your heels and reach into your dress through the high slit, hooking your thumb through the band of your panties. You tug them down and climb onto the bed, moving over him in a straddle. Your hands trail over his chiselled torso, scarlet nails digging into his skin and leaving red welts that slowly rise up. Kylo chokes back a groan, but you heard it.

"So desperate," you laugh at his desire. "Tell me, Ren, do you think you deserve my cunt around your cock?" When he doesn't reply, you dig your nails deeper into his chest. "Answer me!"

"No." Kylo gasps, his lustful eyes glued to yours.

You trail your hand down past his stomach, barely skimming the massive bulge in his pants. Kylo bucks his hips in response to your touch. Unable to contain himself, he reaches down and begins to palm himself through the fabric of his pants. You slap his hand aside. "Did I tell you to do that?"

"You don't give the orders around here." Kylo spits, his cheeks flushing red with frustration. He was aching for you and he couldn't do a thing about it. What a pitiful display. " _I'm_ the Supreme Leader."

"You're an embarrassment, that's what you are. I tell you what to do and when you get to do it. Is that clear?" You grip his face in your hand, nails digging into his cheeks. He manages to nod stiffly and you smirk. "Good boy."

You lean down and press your lips to his Kylo's neck, taking the skin between your teeth. You suck until he groans softly. When you pull away, it was slowly turning red. Your lips sloppily connect with his. Your tongue forces his lips apart, giving you access to explore his mouth. Kylo's hands rest on your hips, trying to force you down to meet his straining and needy erection. You push his hands away and sit up, observing the lipstick now smudged around his mouth. He looked so pathetic and used. But you were just getting started.

"That little whore's pussy doesn't compare to mine." You hiss as you reach down and unzip his pants, pulling his dick free. "She's nothing. _You're_ nothing. All you're good for is filling me up and nothing more. _Say it_."

"I'm nothing." Kylo's cock twitches towards your cunt as it hovers above him. "I'm good for nothing. She was nothing. _F-Fuck_."

You lower your hips just enough to skim his hard cock with the already-wet lips of your sex. Kylo's head snaps up, teeth grit with determination. He _needed_ this and _you_. You reach behind your back and grab hold of the zipper of your dress, managing to tug it down. You slip the dress from your arms and lift up one leg at a time to get out of it entirely. The dress hits the floor beside the bed and Kylo growls hungrily at the sight of your exposed breasts. Wanting to taunt him, you run your hands up and down your body, kneading both breasts tauntingly.

You pull your lip through your teeth, looking down at Kylo. "Do you want _this_?"

"More than anything." He shoots up to grab you by the shoulders, trying to force you down on his cock.

"You asshole!" You slap him sharply across the cheek and his head whips into the pillow, pulling a low moan from his lips. "You like that? Filthy little boy. I should leave for that-" you swing your leg over him.

Kylo catches you by the wrist, eyes wide and pleading. "No! Please!" He grunts as his head falls back. You wrap your hands tightly around his throat and his eyes roll back.

You scoff and reach down, taking his painfully hard cock in one hand. It throbs in your grasp and your heart leaps. You were lusting just as much as he was. The only difference was that now _you_ were in control of him. Kylo hisses sharply as you tease the head of his dick again, before sinking down. Your walls clench onto him as you sink further onto his length. You tip your head back, stifling a moan of both pleasure and pain.

"Please-" Kylo begs, desperate for motion and friction.

" _Beg_ for it." Your hand tightens around his throat.

His gaze digs into yours. "I need you to fuck me. _Please_."

"Perfect," you bite your lip.

Your hips moves in slow circles, grinding against his as he grunts beneath you. Here he was--the Supreme Leader--completely powerless and left at your mercy. He was so desperate and helpless that it was hard to imagine him as the same man. Your cunt stretches to accommodate his length. You slide up and down on his cock, pushing him further inside of you with every little move until his head was striking your cervix. You brace your palms on his stomach, leaning your weight forward while Kylo struggles beneath you. He wanted to push you down and roll on top of you, but you would never let him get the chance. He lets out a shameless groan as your nails dig into his abs.

"You feel so good," you hiss. "Did the little whore-of-a-secretary you fucked treat you like this?"

"N-No." Kylo's eyes roll further back into his head as he groans.

"That's right-" you pant as you bounce steadily on his dick "-because she didn't know what she was doing. She doesn't know you like I do." With every movement, he was getting closer to his peak and so were you. "You-- _fuck--_ ruined my entire life, Kylo. Do you know that? You don't deserve any of this. Say it, _goddammit_!"

"I-I don't deserve this." Kylo pants as his fingers dig into your thighs, nails scrabbling desperately into your skin.

You moan lewdly. "That's right. Now make me cum, Supreme Leader."

Kylo could only lie beneath you and watch as your head tips back in pure ecstasy. Your nails drag across his chest and he grips your wrists tightly as you come around his cock. You lift yourself from his length and he moans. "No! Please! I need to-"

"You don't get to cum." You grabs a fistful of his hair, ripping his head up to connect his lips with yours. "Not yet anyways."

You reach down, collecting the liquid dripping down from in between your legs. Your fingers, now coated and slick, slide past Kylo's lips. He groans as he sucks contently on your digits, his brown eyes burning with hunger. He was still aching and begging for the release that you weren't going to give him any time soon. You lean down and snatch his cock, causing him to cry out.

"You're so close and yet... you don't get to have the chance. Now you know what it's like to have something ripped away from you." You scoot down, sitting down on his knees.

Gripping his thighs tightly, you grip his cock in one hand and lean down. Your tongue slides along his slick shaft, wet with your cum and his own pre-cum. His cock was red, heavy, lined with veins, and pulsing. There was only his aching desire hanging in the air. You close your lips around his length, bobbing your head up and down.

"Yes!" Kylo gasps, eyes disappearing in the back of his head as he pushes his head into the pillow. "Just like that." He wails and lets out a sob as your hand closes tightly around the base.

You knew that he wouldn't be able to come as long as your hand was there. Kylo could only watch as his dick ached and drool spilled from your lips. Your tongue swirls around the head of his cock as you pull away and wipe your mouth, giving him a nasty grin. "Do you want to cum, Ren?"

"Yes," he sputters, cheeks tinted red.

"Yes, _what_?" You smirk.

His face falls in realization. "Yes, Commander."

"Where do you want to cum?" Your finger slides teasingly along the underside of his shaft.

"Inside of you, Commander." Kylo huffs in frustration, biting down on his lower lip. "Fuck! Please let me cum inside of you! L-Let me cum!"

You rise from the bed and stand back, arms crossed over your bare chest. "Do it yourself, _Supreme Leader_ and watch as your useless cum hits the bed."

Kylo looks at you pleadingly, but you don't budge. He greedily grabs his cock, sliding his fist up and down its length. He huffs and pants, his head falling back pathetically as he jerks himself off. You narrow your eyes, watching him get closer and closer to his peak. At the last second, you grab onto his wrist. Kylo's eyes snap open and widen.

"I've changed my mind." You watch his hope spike and fade. "You don't deserve to cum."

"No," he sobs. " _Please_."

You release his hand and pull him into a sitting position. You lean in, pressing your lips against his ear. " _No_. Touch yourself when I leave and you never get me again. Is that clear?"

Kylo swallows, his lips twitching. "Yes."

" _Liar_. Get up. Get yourself dressed." You order, pointing at the mound of his clothes on the floor.

As you step back into your dress and zip it up, you watch closely as Kylo rises and unwillingly puts his clothes back on. If you weren't mistaken, he looked like he was on the verge of tears. He practically shuffles into the bathroom, hands planted on the counter as he looks up at his reflection miserably. His lips were puffy and smudged with your lipstick. The black hair that usually sat so neatly was flying all over the place and his cheeks were still tinted bright red. His hard on was still painfully obvious within the confines of his pants and yet you couldn't pity him. You enter the bathroom behind him. Kylo wearily looks at you through the mirror as you wrap your arms around his waist, looking innocently back at him.

"Have anything to say for yourself?" You smirk.

Kylo grips the counter tightly. "That wasn't the first time I had something ripped away from me, you know." His voice was hoarse and deep. "You didn't just lose a friend when I left that night. I lost someone I loved."

You release him at once. You nod stiffly, meeting his eyes in the mirror. "You really won't be satisfied no matter what, huh? The only person you can blame for any of this is yourself. You don't deserve my forgiveness and yet I always give it to you. Why is that?" You shake your head, turning on her heel as you start toward his door.

Kylo quickly steps out of the bathroom. "Butterfly..."

You turn.

He hesitates. "Thank you."

"For what?"

He doesn't reply.


	30. ~Lights Out~

You were called from your quarters early the next morning to attend a small meeting up on the command deck. It was nothing much and you couldn't care less about the purpose of it. They were just discussing the future of the First Order's fire-power. After the downfall of Starkiller Base, it was a rather touchy subject. Especially for General Hux's fragile little ego. You didn't even know _why_ they were forcing you to attend it. Just because you were the commander didn't mean you actually _knew_ about these sorts of things. Kylo had made it clear enough your only purpose was to make sure people actually followed _his_ orders.

Still, you took your job seriously enough. You wanted them to respect you. That's why you rise out of bed that morning with the least amount of complaining you could muster and change into an elegant little number with your signature heels. You sweep your hair back with a black ribbon as you make your way up to the command deck. The ship was rather still for that time of morning. The usual patrols still passed once in a while, but it wasn't nearly as busy as it was in the day or nighttime. You suspected that nobody really _wanted_ to work a graveyard shift and no trooper in their right mind would volunteer for it. Even their steps appeared more sluggish than usual. You had to presume they were getting forced into it.

There was something so strange about spending your days and nights in the cold vastness of space. Although you never tired of seeing the endless stars sprawling before you in the inky blackness, you desired to see the sunrise and the sunset again. You wanted to watch the sun slowly creeping over the ridge and paint the sky orange, pink, and blue. Golden hands would push away the darkness of night. What you wouldn't give to smell the fresh morning dew on the grass and hear the planet awakening around you again. You were always fond of the sunrise. Sometimes, if you couldn't sleep, you would step out onto the balcony in the casino to watch it come up over the gleaming city.

Perhaps Kylo would take you someday. But who were you kidding? The man didn't seem to have a single good bone in his body. A smile tugs at your lips at the memories you shared with him before he transformed. Before he was Kylo Ren. Ben often pulled you from your hut after dinner so you could hike up the rocks together and sit side by side. His eyes were always glued on the water and the way it reflected the setting sun. As corny as it sounded, it was the place he kissed you for the first time. You would give everything to travel back to that moment.

You shake your head to snap yourself out of your daydream as the elevator doors pull apart. To your surprise, the command deck was completely empty except for the people attending the meeting. Kylo--of course, General Hux, and some other stuffy generals you didn't give two shits about and wouldn't bother learning their names either. You meet Kylo's eyes for a split-second, but he looks down at once. He seemed... distracted. He was biting on his lower lip and his eyes were glued to the ground they second they left yours. You fight back a smirk. Perhaps you had had a bigger effect on him than you originally thought.

"Good of you to _finally_ join us." Hux sneers.

You give him the coldest glare you could muster. "Forgive me for not being aware of this meeting until approximately fifteen minutes ago. Perhaps you could get better control of your men so they could inform me sooner."

"If I'm not mistaken, they're _your_ men as well. Unfortunately we-"

"Are you two done bickering?" One of the generals huffs. "We're here to discuss the Dreadnought construction, not listen to you squabble."

You put your hands up in submission and Hux shifts, pressing his lips together. And surprise, surprise; Kylo was still silent. It was unlike him not to get himself involved in an argument even if it was just to break it up or insult someone. As their conversations drone on, you find yourself spacing out. You didn't care if you had something to contribute or not. Most of the time you were just waiting for Kylo to speak up, but his silence was starting to make you uneasy. Surely his masculinity wasn't _this_ fragile... right? Obviously you had bruised his ego with the events of yesterday, but you didn't think it was going to hurt him this much. You didn't know if it was amusing or concerning. After a while you weren't the only one noticing.

"Supreme Leader...." one of the lieutenants shifts uneasily. "Is something bothering you, sir?"

Kylo barely looks up and hums in response. "No... nothing's wrong."

_Liar_. The man nods stiffly and returns his focus to the ongoing conversation. You begin to shift uncomfortably, your heels softly clicking on the ground with even the smallest of movements. Kylo seemed to react to the sound like it was nails on a chalkboard. He swallows, dark eyes flickering up momentarily to meet yours. If he wasn't going to show you what was wrong with him, you would figure it out yourself with that pesky Force bond. You concentrate on branching out your emotions to him, watching with hidden glee as Kylo tenses up.

He could sense you. All of his feelings invade yours. Was that _shame_? Conflict? Denial? Turns out he really was beaten up over this whole ordeal. You fight back a smirk. What had most definitely crushed his ego was boosting yours. The mighty Kylo Ren had bent under your thumb and now he was ashamed of it. And you didn't care. He deserved that for what he had done to you. He deserved every drop of embarrassment for fucking his whorish secretary on his desk.

After what seemed like a lifetime of boring conversation while you tried to figure out what was going on with Kylo, the officers finally shut up. They nod respectfully--all except Hux--and see themselves back to their stations before the rest of their men and women got up for work. Kylo looks up at you just long enough to beckon you to follow him with two leather fingers. You smugly trail him back down the elevator and through the corridor. You knew exactly where he was leading you after the fourth or fifth turn. His office. _That little asshole_. Perhaps he didn't even _intend_ for you to take it that way and he really did just want privacy, but that wasn't how it came across for you.

The doors seal behind you and Kylo turns abruptly. He storms towards you until your back hits the wall, but your smug smile doesn't leave your face. "What you did yesterday was unacceptable. Don't expect anything like it to happen again."

You pout teasingly. "What's the matter, Kylo? You can't handle a woman being in charge for once? Get your man-ego in check."

His lips twitch as he shifts even closer, his black clothing taking up your vision. "That has nothing to do with it, _pet_."

"As far as I'm concerned, I had every right to do what I did. Because what _you_ did was a shitty thing." You snap.

Kylo sighs. "And I regret that. You should know by now that I regret fucking her. I just... needed to get my revenge. Cora seemed like a good way of doing that."

"If you're trying to justify your actions, don't bother." You roll your eyes. "I don't want to hear anything from you. You're a piece of shit, you know that Ren?"

"So you've said. But I also know that under all of this rage and 'confidence' you use as a mask... there's jealousy brewing." His eyes dig into yours, as if challenging his own statement.

A scoff was your only reply. "Oh _please_. Jealous of what? Of that stupid secretary who gave me dirty looks? The one you bent over your desk and fucked just so you could get to me? Well, it didn't work."

His large hand settles on your waist, causing your breath to hitch. "Oh, but it _did_. Otherwise you wouldn't be all worked up over nothing. Tell me, _Commander_ , do you wish it would have been _you_ bent over my desk with my cock buried in that pretty cunt?" He leans forward, forearm braced against the wall and his face inches from yours. "What you did yesterday is going to come back to bite you."

"So will what you did with Cora." You try to control your breathing, but it was getting difficult. "Karma is a funny thing."

Kylo hums, smirking at you. "It truly is. You can say what you want, but at the end of the day you're always going to come crawling back to me. Why is that?" You couldn't tell him the truth, so you only shrug in response. Kylo's other hand creeps up to cup the side of your face as he observes your features. "Pretty thing. That little secretary doesn't compare to you, you know that?"

"Unfortunately you don't compare to that Stormtrooper." You taunt, squeaking as Kylo's hand locks around your throat tightly.

"Don't tease," he snarls. "You're lucky I've kept him alive this long. I'm sure you would hate knowing his fate was in your delicate hands. You belong to me. _Say it_."

"No."

Kylo leans closer. "You drive me fucking wild, you know that?"

"Yes."

His lips were on yours in a matter of seconds. They were moving together in a perfect dance of passion. His hands snare your waist and lower to your thighs, scooping you up with ease. You hit the desk, lips never once disconnecting. Kylo's tongue forces your mouth open just enough to grant him access to roam. He claws your back in search for the zipper of your dress, his desperation seeping through with every deep growl into your mouth.

"Sir."

Kylo breaks the kiss and looks up angrily. You sigh and turn your head, arms still wrapped around Kylo's neck. An embarrassed officer was standing at the door with a flustered expression and bright cheeks. He was fortunate to still be breathing for interrupting the Supreme Leader.

"I-I apologize," the man stammers. "But the commander's presence has been requested in the c-command deck again. They say she is to come at once."

"Leave us." Kylo snaps and the officer doesn't hesitate to flee the room. He moves to kiss you again, angered when you lift your hand to stop him. "But-"

Your fingers graze his plump lips. "We can continue this once I finish work. After all, something has to give you motivation to get through your day, right?"

Kylo slowly releases you, watching lustfully as you tug the ribbon out and let your hair tumble down. You smooth out the crinkles he had put in the fabric of your dress and glance back at him. He takes a rather hopeful step towards you, but your kiss was something he was going to have to wait for. A smile tugs at your lips as you start down the corridor back to the command deck. Sure, you were a little annoyed with being interrupted, but further teasing Kylo was half the fun. Whatever the reason you were getting called up for better be good. The command deck wasn't a place you wanted to spend most of your time.

Just as you round the last corner and the elevator comes into view, a hand shoots out from a small room to the left, snatching you by the wrist and yanking you in. You gasp, whirling around and sending your fists flying blindly in hopes of striking your attacker.

"Hey-" a familiar voice protests "-watch where you're hitting."

You slowly lower your fists, wrists still captured in Kess's hands. "S-Sorry. Don't do that to me again, you jerk!"

Kess chuckles, but his smile quickly fades. "I just had to see you one last time. All I really want is closure and then you can go back to your living your life. I know it's not ideal secretly sleeping with a Stormtrooper. Quite a scandal for a superior officer, actually, but I'd rather know the truth now."

"The truth?" You echo as your heart begins to quicken.

"Are... are you sleeping with the Supreme Leader?" Kess bites his lip.

"I-" you couldn't lie to him. How could you? He deserved to know the entire truth now. "-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you involved and it's a miracle you're still alive. I didn't want to say anything but-"

"You should have told me sooner." He interrupts with a sigh.

His sadness made your heart ache. "I _know_. I don't know what I was thinking. It was a silly thing to do. I just... needed someone to show me real affection. But then things changed with Ren and I was too scared of telling you because I was afraid to hurt you."

"You didn't let me finish." Something about his tone made your heart drop. "You should have told me sooner. I've been waiting a long time for this day."

Your brow furrows. "What are y-"

The motion comes too quickly and too suddenly for you to stop. A blur of black and white comes whizzing towards your head. Before you know it, the end of Kess's Blaster connects with your skull. Your vision swims and your entire world goes fuzzy. You tumble to the ground--unconscious and bleeding--as Kess bends down with a chuckle.

"You're too quick to trust, Commander." He chides. "This isn't going to be fun for you, I'm afraid."

Lights out.

Kylo had been laying awake for quite some time now, switching between staring at the door and the clock. You should have been off of work an hour ago. At first, he just suspected you had taken a shower and was going to waltz in at any second, but as the clock had ticked on he was starting to doubt that. He knew better than anyone you weren't the type of person to go against your word or break any promises. Once you started something, it was unusual for you not to commit to it.

He sits up with a huff, pulling a simple black shirt over his head as he rises from the bed. Now Kylo was suspecting you weren't showing up just to get a rise out of him. _Little tease_ , he thinks with a small scoff. _Thinking she could just stay away from me long enough._ He storms down the hallway towards your room, fully intending on barging in and teaching you a lesson there and then. His fingers fly across the panel, exhaling sharply when he gets the code wrong a few too many times. Your door slides open and Kylo's brisk pace slows. A smirk tugs at his lips when he notices how dim the lights in your quarters.

"Think you can hide from me, pet?" He reaches for the panel on the wall, sliding up the electronic lever to brighten up the room.

Kylo's smirk falters when he doesn't see you lying on your bed or casually lounging around. He pokes his head into the bathroom, only to find it completely empty. You normally got ready for bed around this time and the sink didn't have any traces of water. Everything was suspiciously in its place. Eyebrows furrowed, Kylo digs for the transmitter in his pocket. His heart skips a beat. Something wasn't right. You wouldn't just disappear like this.

He raises it to his lips, frowning all-the-while. "Does anyone have the location of the commander?"

A brief pause.

"She left the command deck earlier today and didn't report in for her duties, sir. We'll send troopers down to the training room." The officer sounded a bit concerned.

Kylo bites his lip. "Check the security footage of every hall on this ship."

"Yes, sir."

He begins to pace back and forth in your quarters, unsure of what to do. There was no way you could just disappear into thin air. Even if you had decided to flee, you would need assistance. It was nearly impossible to leave without being spotted. And why escape _now_? You weren't a prisoner. It all seemed unlikely. This entire situation seemed... off. Something wasn't right here and Kylo intended to find out.

"Dammit, (Y/N)," he curses quietly. "Where _are_ you?"

  
  


~  
  


  
  


"Wake _up_!"

You gasp, jolting awake as you are drenched in cold water. Your heart pounds wildly as you look around in confusion, your eyes widening by the second. The cold water that had been thrown over you soaks into your torn dress and drenches your hair, leaving you freezing and dripping wet on a rough stone floor. Were you in a... _cell?_ Your first instinct is to climb onto your feet, but you are immediately yanked back to the ground, wincing as something loud hits the stone. There were cold metal clasps around your wrists, chaining you to the wall just behind you. The most you could move was about three feet in all directions. A dark chuckle draws your attention.

"Well done," an unfamiliar man nods, eyes trained on you. "This is a good one." He wasn't addressing you, however. Rather, he was speaking to someone you _did_ recognize.

" _You!"_ You snarl at Kess, your eyes flitting into angry slits. "What did you do to me?"

Kess swallows and shifts. "I did what I had to do. You're going to raise me a grand amount of credits, _Commander_."

The man beside him laughs. "And a commander too? What _can't_ she do?"

"Not much," Kess glances at you. "If I were you, I'd keep a close eye on this one. She's trouble. Those Force-blockers on her wrist are only going to do so much."

You look down at the gold metal clasps and scowl. "What is this?"

"How rude of me," the man bows dramatically. "The name's Dorno Adel. Welcome to the Black Sun." He arches a brow at your confused expression. "Never heard of us? I'm offended but you'll have a pretty good idea by the time your little visit here comes to an end. I'm sure you'll figure out what you're here for sooner or later. You seem like a clever little thing. Pretty _and_ clever. She'll raise a fair price." Dorno turns to Kess and gestures loosely at you on the ground. "Take care of her clothes. I'll be back soon."

With that, Dorno turns and exits the little cell through the thick bars. He disappears down a hall that you couldn't see. You direct your attention onto Kess in disbelief. You felt horrified and betrayed by what he was doing to you. He had been so kind and it was all a lie? You couldn't wrap your head around it.

"Why are you doing this?" You whisper as Kess approaches you with a small box in his hands. "Who _are_ you?"

He kneels in front of you. "I'm the same man you knew before. The Stormtrooper program was fulfilling enough and the Black Sun offered me a release. They promised to get me as far away from the Order as possible. All I had to do was give them something worth their time." He grips your wrist tightly. "Then _you_ walked in. You were so desperate for someone to pay you the affection you were deprived of. You didn't _really_ know me, but you trusted me because I gave you a smile. Just like that."

Your heart sinks. "You're a slaver."

"No," he shrugs. "I _sell_ to slavers. I provide syndicates like the Black Sun with their... merchandise and they give me a quarter of their proceedings and more freedom than the Order could ever promise me. You just happened to fit the bill. Pretty, willing, fiery, and clever. Men who buy from the Black Sun like that kind. It's more fun to beat that kind of woman down and wear her spirit. You'll last a while but you'll crack eventually. They all do."

" _They_?" You echo as your stomach churns. You suddenly felt sick. "H-How many girls have you done this to?"

Kess pauses. The pause was too long for your liking. It was as though he was counting and trying to remember their faces. "You'll be the seventeenth."

_Seventeenth_. Your face pales. How could he do this to you? You had trusted him with so many things that you hadn't even told Kylo. Did Kess plant this friendly facade for all of those girls as well? All of those female Stormtroopers he could choose from. They were all so lonely and broken. Just like you were.

"Don't worry." Kess tilts your chin up with his finger. "You were my favorite."

You could have thrown up then and there. Kess suddenly moves towards the zipper of your dress and you quickly retract, sending your back crashing into the wall so he couldn't access it. "Don't touch me!"

"It's not like I haven't seen what's underneath. Come _on_ , don't make this harder than it has to be." He snaps.

"Get off!" You try to kick him away, but he was strong and _wasn't_ currently chained to a wall.

You scrunch your eyes shut when you hear the fabric of your dress tearing. A rush of cool air meets your skin. And just like that, the gentle person you had known and loved before was gone. Replaced by a twisted monster you didn't even know. His hands were on you and he was stripping you bare until you were completely exposed. Kess goes to dig around in the box but you still didn't open your eyes. You knew it held slave clothing. Sure enough, your skin explodes in goosebumps as cold metal and light cloth meets it. Piece after exposing piece. Kess lifted you and moved you however he pleased in order to get those disgusting clothes on your body. Finally, he steps back.

"Open your eyes, (Y/N)." The gentle voice was gone. He was just this new _thing_ you suddenly came to know. It was cold and condescending, with hints of lust that made you sick all over again.

You open your eyes slowly, as though when they were opened you would see that this was just a sick dream. It wasn't. You were now dressed in black silk taut over your skin. A small piece that resembled underwear was all that covered your womanhood. The only other thing covering your lower half was the gold 'jewelry' that closely resembled even more chains. The new top you wore just barely covered your breasts and was held together by thin golden clasps. The silk was so thin that your nipples peaked against it from the cold. You were ashamed and disgusted with this new appearance.

"You're going to make someone very happy." Kess moves close to you and reaches for your hair, pulling it out of the ribbon you had wrapped around it just before he had pulled you into that damned room. "I should just buy you myself."

" _Fuck you_ ," you spit at the ground by his feet.

"There she is," Kess moves away calmly. Something told you that was going to be one of the last times you saw a man calm. You knew how anger-prone slavers were.

A whistle comes from the door. You scowl at Dorno as he returns with a long golden chain in his hands. "Look at _you_. You're going to cause quite a stir, little whore." As he leans in to connect the chain to the ones around your throat, you spit in his face. " _Bitch_!" Dorno's hand comes flying down.

It strikes you sharply across the face, leaving a throbbing hot mark on your cheek as your head whips to the side. Tears sting your eyes from the pain of the impact. You keep your eyes down the entire time while Dorno attaches the chain to your neck.

"You'll learn obedience quickly." He snaps, releasing the chains around your wrists. To your dismay, he doesn't remove the Force-blockers. "Look at me." When you don't budge, Dorno rips you to your feet with the chain, causing you to gasp in pain. "I said look at me! When someone gives you an order, you comply. Is that clear?"

"Yes..." you whisper in shame.

Dorno turns to Kess, ripping you closer to him. "See? You just need to show them who's in charge and they'll listen. Women are so submissive, it's easy to do whatever you want to them. They love it. Don't you, little slut?" Silence. "Stupid girl. Maybe she's not as clever as I thought. I'll teach her a lesson or two."

Kess crosses his arms, eyes glued to you. "Take care of that one. My advice? Keep her around for yourself for a while and then get rid of her. Such a perfect little _whore_."

The word sounded so foreign from Kess's mouth. If someone had told you this is who he really was, you wouldn't have believed them. _Why?_ Why did it have to be you?

Dorno nods at Kess. "I'll take you up on that."

"And you," Kess points at you seriously. "Treat this man well. He runs this whole operation. _He_ decides when you eat, sleep, and bathe. I wish you luck, sir."

"Pleasure doing business with you, as always. You'll get the credits you're promised when someone buys her. I suspect it will be sooner rather than later." Dorno smirks.

You gasp sharply as the metal chain digs into your skin, pinching and pulling at it as Dorno drags you down the narrow hall. As he tugs you further and further into the compound, you felt more and more hopeless. If you didn't even know where you were, how could Kylo? Or anyone for that matter? By now they had to know you were missing. The flickering torches begin to disappear as he pulls you deeper into the base. How _big_ was this place? Then, a small ray of hope in form of a small window. You slow down considerably and suddenly grab onto the chain, ripping it back in hopes of making it to that window. You cry out when your hands meet thick bars covering it. The only view you were given was of another building. Your hands quickly release the bars when Dorno sends the back of his hand flying at your cheek.

"Never try anything like that again. You'll catch on quickly." He hisses, giving another strong pull on the chain.

The further you travel into the massive compound, the more people you start to notice. It was a motley mix of guards, slavers, and Black Sun affiliates alike. Every Blaster-wielding guard you saw made your determination waver. Even if you could break free, you were going to be caught before you could get anywhere. You cross your arms tightly over your chest when you see the looks the men were giving you. _Hungry._ They looked like predators stalking down their prey. You felt like a show dog on a leash.

Dorno comes to a sudden halt in front of rusty, brown metal door. He forces you to turn around as he enters in a code on the old panel. The door slowly slides open, the gears creaking and groaning. You keep furious eye contact with the slimy bastard as he removes the chain from around your neck. He gives you a rough push inside of the room, sending you toppling to the ground. Dorno chuckles coldly as the door slides back shut. You hear the heavy system locking with a low _thunk_.

"Another one?" A feminine voice sighs from behind you.

You scramble to your feet, dusting off the dirt that had gotten on your skimpy clothes. Your heart sinks at the sight of the five other woman in the room with you. They were all staring observantly at you now, but there was no judgement among them. The room was incredibly bare with only a few rickety beds and raggedy curtains. The only source of light came from another narrow on the opposite wall. To your dismay, it was also barred up. You look up as the woman who had spoken rises from her bed.

She was around your age and very pretty, much like the rest of a woman. She wasn't exactly human, but rather a blue-skinned Twi'lek. Her clothes were different than yours, but they still served the same horrific purpose. She puts your hands on her hips, looking you up and down before nodding.

"You're going to cause him a lot of trouble, aren't you? I've seen Dorno be rough, but he's never thrown a girl into this room on their first day." She raises an eyebrow.

You cross your arms. "I don't intend on showing that scumbag any kindness."

The girl smirks. "Give him hell for us. I'm Do'lona-" she grabs your hand and pulls you towards an empty bed "-you can sleep here. The girl who slept in it before you isn't around anymore."

You sit down slowly. "Sold off?"

Do'lona stiffens up. "Yes and no. Some of the men here like to buy girls not just to fulfill their twisted sexual desires. You can use your imagination if you want, but it's not pretty. Let me introduce you to the rest of the girls."

The name Vami went to the blue Rodian who mostly kept to herself and couldn't speak because someone cut her tongue out. There were two human, twin girls that went by Myri and Krina. They shared the same jet black hair, dulled brown eyes, and pale skin spattered with freckles. They had even been _dressed_ the same way. You could only assume buyers like to have them both at the same time. The only thing you could use to tell them apart were the scars on Krina's throat. Clearly she had resisted a little more than Dorno wanted. The fifth girl was sitting on her bed with her back turned to you and her head down. She had short red hair cut in a rather boyish style, but that was all you could see.

"That's Lani," Do'lona whispers, pointing to the silent girl. "She hasn't said anything since she got here and we think she's mute. It's been a month. Silence. Anyways, I should probably explain how things are going to go around here before we start handing out our life stories. Every morning when that door opens, we get up and put on a show for whoever wants it. If you're ready, someone buys you. I've been here for a while. Dorno keeps holding onto me. Twenty-eight offers and he hasn't accepted a single one. Bastard. What about you? What's your story?"

"My story?" You run a hand through your damp hair. _That would take a while to explain._ "Well... I suppose I was tricked and kidnapped. There's not much more to it."

Krina rolls her eyes. "You can't trust anyone anymore. It's ridiculous. But come on, you've got to have some epic origin story or something. Everyone else here is _boring_." Her sister pinches her.

You chuckle weakly. "My life is anything _but_ boring, believe me. I'm a Force-user. A _commander_ , actually. I've got this Force-bond with a whiny, temperamental man that apparently was the best friend I thought was dead. One moment I'm getting dragged into a closet and the next thing I know, I wake up here. Great, isn't it?"

Do'lona laughs. "Alright, stop teasing. Tell the truth."

"I'm not lying."

Her smile falters when she realizes you really were being truthful. "Really? A commander _and_ a Force-User? Do you work for the Resistance?"

You shake your head. "I'm with the First Order."

" _The First Order_?" A quiet voice echoes.

Everyone in the room falls silent. They slowly look up at Lani, who was staring at you with wide eyes and a quivering lower lip. All of the girls around you were gawking at her as though she had just set off a bomb.

Do'lona looks at you incredulously. "Stars, you cured her. I didn't know you could speak, Lani. You've been holding out on us?"

Lani ignores her and rises from her bed. She had an athletic build and long limbs. A scar trailed across her face, but it didn't look like it was from her time as a slave girl. If you didn't know any better, that scar came from a military-grade weapon. _War_? What was an ex-officer doing _here_?

"The First Order?" Lani repeats in disbelief. "You're with the First Order?"

You nod slowly. "Who are you?"

She bites her lip. "LN-7895."

You were on your feet before anyone else could blink. They were all incredibly confused, but you knew what was going on. "You were a Stormtrooper." Then realization strikes. "Who... who brought you here?"

"Someone I thought I could trust."

"K-Kess. That's what I called him anyways. But his Stormtrooper code was KS-7683."

Lani's face pales. "You too?" Then her eyes widen and she points at you in awe. "You're Kylo Ren's apprentice, aren't you?"

" _Who_?" The other girls chorus.

Lani's lips slowly curve into a smile. She looks at the other girls, still pointing at you. "She's going to get us out of here. If anyone can, it's her. I've seen it. I've seen what she can do."

"There's only so much I _can_ do. Without a weapon, it's useless against all of those guards. They would surround us faster than we could blink." You sigh. "I can only hope the Supreme Leader finds me. Until then, I just... can't get myself sold."

Do'lona scoffs softly. "Easier said than done. There's always going to be one man you'll appeal to. Try not to draw attention to yourself for as long as possible. Now we should get to bed. If we're up past lights out, Dorno is going to throw a fit. There's an ugly little nightgown under that pancake-of-a-pillow."

You nod and push your hair out of your face. You had now idea how long you were going to be here. Was Kylo already searching? Did they already know who had taken you? Surely there were security cameras on the way down to the hangars. If Kess had even taken a shuttle. You had been knocked out cold the entire way here. He could have taken an escape pod, which seemed more likely because there were rarely any inspections on those. The command deck was notified every time they were in use, but there was only such much they could do. You finish changing and flop back onto the paper-thin mattress. You scrunch your eyes shut. This was just a nightmare. You would wake up any second and be back on the Supremacy safe and sound with Kylo beside you. _Kylo._ You couldn't even reach out to him if you wanted to with those pesky Force-blockers on your wrists. You had never even _heard_ of Force-blockers before now, but you suspected they were black market items. As the room falls silent, you roll onto your stomach, burying your face in the musty pillow. _Where are you, Kylo?_

  
  


  
  



	31. ~Part of the Trade~

  
  


"Wake up, whores!"

Your eyes flutter open at the sound of Dorno's voice echoing through the stone room. It wasn't an ideal way to be woken up, but this entire situation wasn't exactly ideal either. As you rise from the bed, you notice the other girls stripping themselves of their nightgowns even with Dorno still leaning on the doorway and watching closely. It seemed as though they didn't exactly have a choice. You sigh and pull the ugly thing over your head, discarding it on the rumpled thin sheets of your rickety bed. You could feel Dorno's eyes trained on your nude body as you change back into the black and gold slave clothes.

The girls fall into a line in front of the door, stepping forward one by one so that they could be fitted with their collars. The collars made it easier and quicker to clasp a chain to a slave in case of something going wrong. You grimace as the uncomfortable, heavy collar is snapped around your neck. You give Dorno the coldest glare you could muster, but he only smirks and chuckles. As you follow the girls down yet another corridor, you keep your eyes down and your arms crossed self-consciously over your chest. All you wanted to do was go home. Tears sting your eyes at the thought of Kylo. You wanted him to burst in and pull you away in his strong arms. You could only hope he was starting to piece everything together.

You gasp as you slam right into Do'lona, not having seen that she had stopped walking. She doesn't say a word about it and you could tell that she was nervous. Her dark eyes were trained on Dorno as he places his hands behind his back. You rock forward on your toes, leaning to see another man stepping through the rusty door. He and Dorno speak silently for a while.

"What's going on?" You whisper to Do'lona.

She shifts and lowers her voice. "That man speaking to Dorno is the House Keeper. He chooses the type of girls that work in the cantina today. Whoever doesn't make it in gets put through another cycle. If you make that one, you dance. If you don't, you go to the Slave Master for work. It's mostly cleaning. Every seven rotations, all of the girls go to the Slave Master for auctioning. _Everyone_. Unless Dorno wants to keep them around."

"Shut up!" One of the guards barks, slamming his spear against the ground.

Do'lona flinches and falls silent. Your eyes lift when you see the House Keeper nod to Dorno. He disappears back through the room as Dorno walks down the line, looking each girl up and down. He stops and pulls Lani out of line, but passes by the rest with no interest. Dorno stops when he gets to you and you suck your breath in. He grips you tightly by the wrist, yanking you out of line to join Lani. The girls look up in confusion when they see that you had been pulled. Do'lona gives you one last look before she and the rest of the girls are ushered back down the opposite way. Dorno beckons to you and Lani with one finger and you unwillingly follow after him. You tag after for a little while before he points silently to a single door. Lani goes first, but before you have a chance to follow, Dorno snatches you by the wrist.

"Be good today, little flower." He sneers. "Or don't. I usually pick the ones that get on my nerves."

You furrow your brow, but he gives no further explanation. Dorno shoves you through the door after Lani and it closes in your face. When you turn, you are surprised to find yourself in a little dressing room with about twenty other girls you had never seen before. They pay no mind to you, but that didn't stop you from staring. You slowly take a seat in the chair beside Lani.

"What is this?" You whisper in confusion.

Lani picks at her dirty nails. "We got chosen for the cantina. It's the luckiest job you can get. All you have to do is follow around the sleazebags who come visit and look pretty. They might try to touch you, but they can't do anything else to you unless they buy you. I never get chosen for cantina unless my regular shows up."

You bite your lip. "Why did the other girls look at me like that when I got chosen?"

"Well," she swallows. "It's an odd case. The new girls _never_ get chosen for the cantina. They usually work with the Slave Master for a few weeks. Most of them get sold before they ever see the inside of the cantina. You're the first I've seen to get chosen so soon."

You still had two more questions. "Who are all of these girls?"

Lani gives you a look and you put your hands up defensively. She sighs. "Did you really think it was only the six of us? There are hundreds of poor souls who go through the same thing. The only reason they're not looking at you funny is because they don't know who you are. Try not to talk to them. The girls don't usually like talking to people they don't know outside of their rooms. _Anything else_?"

"Dorno pulled me aside. He said he usually picks the ones that get on his nerves. What does that-"

She freezes, eyes widening. "Don't. Whatever you do, be on your best behavior today. Don't talk to anyone."

"Wh-"

"Dorno is sick, alright? You've probably seen how twisted he is by now. He likes the girls that put up a fight and they usually last longer around here because of it. Dorno owns this place. Of course he would pick a few girls to pleasure him. That sicko likes them feisty so he can crack their spirits and beat them until they're silent." Lani winces softly. "I knew this one girl... she was only fifteen. Dorno... did what he always does and then when she fought back again he had her killed. I know because he forced me to clean her blood off of his floor. I watched them drag her naked body out. She had so many bruises..." her voice breaks.

You didn't know what to say. Unable to respond, you look up into the cracked and dirtied vanity mirror. Although you were still _you_ , you couldn't even recognize the person in your reflection. You shakily reach for the brush laying before you--among other things--and begin to run it through your matted hair. Every time it left your head and came down again for more knots, more tears fill your eyes. Was this really going to be your life? Would you suffer the same fate as that little girl? If Kylo couldn't find you, this is what you were going to be doomed for. A horrible place that sold off girls no matter their age so more men could do horrific things to them. There was no way of escaping this place, that much you knew. Even if you had a lightsaber, there was only so much you could do. There were guards crawling everywhere you looked.

As you try to fix yourself up as much as possible, your mind begins to wander towards the other girls. The girls that suffered the same fate as you only ten times worse. That little girl was only fifteen when Dorno took her into his bed and slaughtered her in cold blood. You couldn't imagine what some of these other men were capable of. How could they endure this kind of life? And poor Lani that had been taken in by the same man that took you. If the Order never found out it was Kess, there was nothing stopping him from going back and bringing more.

"Lani," you say softly, setting down the mangled brush. "If I get taken out of here... I'll take you with me. Back to the Order if that's what you want."

Lani shakes her head. "I'm done with doing someone else's bidding. If I ever get out of here, I'm going to live a normal life. I've always wanted to live on Coruscant. That's where I'd go." Her little daydream is interrupted by another man you recognized at the House Keeper, bursting into the room.

He clasps his hands together and rubs them greedily. "Alright, ladies, it's showtime." As the girls rise and move to the door, he tells them one by one who they would be serving for the evening. Your heart leaps as his hand shoots out to grab your wrist. "You're coming with me."

Lani, who was standing behind you, gives you a look of confusion and worry as you are dragged away from the rest of the girls. Your wide, frightened eyes take in the cantina in all of its scumbag-filled-glory. Nearly everything was made of dark red velvet. Thick curtains with golden tassels adorned the walls, hanging in between the dim lights. Tables and booths were spread out around the entire room, each made of fine leather and dark wood. A bar stood in the corner with a Rodian polishing glasses behind it. An empty stage was sat between the two flights of stairs leading the guests into the cantina. You assumed it would later be filled with singing and dancing slave girls. Men had already begun filling the room up with smoke as they puff on cigars, hookas, and anything imaginable. Each one had a glass of some sort of alcohol in one hand and was meeting the arriving slaves.

"Where are you taking me?" You furrow your brow.

"Silence." The House Keeper hisses. "You're going to be keeping the company of a _very_ powerful man the Black Sun is doing business with. You will not speak unless you acknowledges you. You will do everything that is asked of you."

You press your lips together, now quite nervous about meeting this man. The House Keeper pushes open a door, leading you into a private room. There were several men gathered around a large, circular booth. They had their own private bar and a slave girl dancing for them. The man guiding you opens his arms joyfully towards the man sitting in the center of the booth.

"Gido Corr," he chuckles. "Pleasure having you back here, as always. You'll be especially pleased with this one." He gives you a push towards the booth. "She's the closest we have to what you want."

Gido looks you up and down with a malicious gaze. It was in that moment when you realized you knew exactly who he was. Gido Corr ran Crimson Dawn. They were one of the largest crime syndicates in the galaxy, with allies dating all the way back to the old empire. You knew Kylo had done some business with him a while back. This man was dangerous and cold and a _murderer_. If he was doing business with the Black Sun, this couldn't mean anything good.

"Take a seat, sweetheart." Gido gestures to the place beside him.

"She's a pretty little whore, Gido. Let me have a turn later." One of the men smirks. His hand slides up your thigh and you push it away quickly. Before you could react, his hand strikes you across the face. The men around the table laugh coldly.

Gido chuckles. "Don't mark her up too much. Poor little thing." His eyes stay glued on you.

The men rise from the booth to let you pass by, eyes trained on you as you slip past. You felt extremely uncomfortable and self-conscious. Especially in those horrible clothes you were getting forced to wear. You pull your legs under you as you take a seat beside Gido. He wraps an arm around you, but pays no further mind. The men take their seats once more and the House Keeper bows out respectfully.

"There he is! The man of the hour himself!" Dorno rubs his hands together and grins at Gido as he ducks through the door. "Pleasure doing business with you, old friend."

"The pleasure's all mine." Gido says smoothly.

His voice sent shivers down your spine. You couldn't help but inspect his face as the conversations between the men begin. Granted, you had never actually _seen_ him in person until now but you had heard about him from Kylo. And they weren't exactly good things. Gido seemed like the type of person who remembered a face no matter how many people he had seen or worked with. Perhaps it was a good thing you never worked with him. His tanned face was pointed and his features were sharp. The dark, close-set eyes he had were often narrowed and assessing. Those were the eyes of a man you knew well. A man who liked to gamble, trade, and buy. You knew this because you had the same eyes. You had the exact same talent for seeing right through a person that he had. Because of this, you knew exactly how dangerous he really was.

You weren't paying attention to their dull conversation and found yourself spacing in and out every so often. The only things that snapped you back into reality were the little touches from Gido that you were sure happened on purpose. Goosebumps rush down your skin as he grazes your thigh and the side of your breast, his fingers lingering a little bit too long on your most intimate areas. Had it been in any other situation, you would have screamed. You would have fought, kicked, and clawed your way out. This was different. There was no room for error here. It was just part of the trade. Then something else catches your attention, but you weren't sure you had heard it right.

"And what of the First Order?" There it was again. Now you were fully attentive and sitting up straighter.

"What _about_ the First Order?" Gido raises his eyebrows, scoffing softly.

Dorno shifts under the man's piercing gaze. "Although _you_ might partake in business with them every now and then, the Black Sun and the Order are _not_ affiliates. We are anything but friendly with each other. There have been numerous issues I've encountered, especially with that new Supreme Leader. _Kylo Ren._ He's an imbecile, that's what he is. He wouldn't know a good deal if it struck him between the eyes."

At the mention of Kylo, you tense up. Gido's fingers trail along the side of your arm, but his eyes don't leave Dorno. "Why should I care what your allies are up to? I don't give a damn about any of your other transactions unless it concerns or effects _me_. I will remain an ally to the First Order and that's final. Do you have a problem with that, Dorno? Or does the Order need to be informed of the Black Sun's plotting."

"Not at all, sir." Dorno swallows. "I apologize sincerely. I would be honored to have you as an ally."

You gaze at Dorno, watching his actions closely. The slight shifting of his eyes and the way he was carrying himself told you he was nervous. _Ah,_ you think as you narrow your eyes, _it seems even slave-masters have masters of their own to obey._

"A toast." Gido raises his glass of amber liquid. "To our new alliance. Don't fuck this one up, Dorno. It will be your _last_ mistake."

"Ch-Cheers to that." Dorno nods stiffly and takes a sip. He rises from the booth. "Enjoy the rest of your time here, gentlemen." With that done and over with, he leaves the room behind.

Your heart drops at Gido's next words to his men. "Leave us."

You were going to be left _alone_ with this monster? Lani had told you customers were allowed to touch you, but they could never go further. What about men like Gido? Surely Dorno and the guards here would let it slip if he did. Your mouth dries open when Gido looks down to you. His eyes take you in and you knew he could see right through you.

"So, little raven." His fingers graze the black fabric of your slave clothes. "I hear you're new here. Don't you find it odd that a new girl gets put into the cantina?"

"Yes, sir." You says softly.

Gido cocks a brow. "I agree. I have friends in very high places, _whore_. I've traveled the galaxy and met everyone there is to meet. I know someone out of place when I see them. And you... you don't belong here, do you?"

You don't reply. You gasp sharply as Gido's hand suddenly locks around your throat. His grip was tight, but not tight enough to make you dizzy. He leans in, his nose inches away from yours. Gido lets out a low, cold chuckle. He was mocking your fear.

"I know you were with the First Order. I felt you tense up. There was no interest within you until he mentioned them. Don't lie to me." His fingers dig into your neck and you wince. "So what are you? Stormtrooper? Officer? _Force-user?"_ He chuckles once more when your eyes widen. "Force-user. That's what these unattractive restraints are for. Interesting. Trained under the mighty Kylo Ren, no doubt. Won't he be surprised to find you here. Are you _frightened_ , little raven? You should be. There's no escaping this place."

Gido's hand moves from your throat to your jaw, pulling a squeak from you. His fingers dig painfully into your skin as he pulls your face even closer. Now your breaths were mingling and moving your eyelashes. His other hand glides down your torso, resting on the curve of your thigh and causing you to shudder.

"You're a pretty thing. I'll be back in about a week... maybe less. I think I'll buy you from Dorno. My slaves are getting boring and you'll do nicely. If you're lucky, I'll let you bear my children and continue my legacy." His words make your stomach churn. "I'm going to instruct Dorno not to lay a finger on you. I know how he is. _I_ want to be the one that gets you first. Tell me... are you a virgin?"

Tears burn at your eyes. _Kylo. Please help me._ A whimper falls past your parted lips. "N-No."

"What a shame. Those are the fun ones to break." Gido releases you and you gasp as he pushes you roughly aside. "Get out of my sight. I'll come to collect you soon."

You scramble out of the booth, hand clasped over your mouth as you rush back through the cantina. The guards don't even try to stop you as you burst back into the small room full of vanities. Practically falling into a chair, you grip the table before you tightly. Tears begin to stream down your face. This couldn't be how this ended. This wasn't right. You press your lips together, trying with every last drop of strength you could muster to reach out to him. Your fingers twitch as the Force runs through you. It felt as though it was stuck in place and could go no further. Every last drop was draining from you faster and faster. You were drawing power from the place you knew it came from. The dyad.

"Be with me," you whisper, tears dripping down your face. "Kylo... please..."

His eyes flash in your mind and your own fly open. In an act of desperation, you grit your teeth and grip onto the Force-blockers. You wail as they dig into your skin, not budging once. You slam your fist onto the table, causing the contents atop it to jump. Defeated, you bury your head in your arms and begin to sob. _Please... help me..._

Onboard the Supremacy, Kylo Ren sits up in his sleep, drenched in sweat and heart racing.

  
  


  
  



	32. ~The Highest Bidder~

  
  


The days dragged by and there was no sign of hope for you. Your spirits were completely diminished and you couldn't seem to find the light in the situation. It felt as though there was nothing left for you in the galaxy. Only fear and pain existed within you now. The other girls tried their best to cheer you up, but it was nearly impossible when they too were stuck in the same place as you. As your week slowly winds to a close, you were being put through the works. You only got the cantina position one more time, before the doors were shut in your face. The next few days consisted of you scrubbing the greasy kitchen floors with Krina and Vami. Fortunately it gave you more time to talk and you would rather be cleaning than offering your body to cruel strangers.

The slave trade had always bothered you when you heard stories growing up, but this experience had opened your eyes wider than before. Everything these girls went through was some form of torture. Krina let you see her scars from her days of rebellion against the guards. They had whipped her back raw and now she was seen as undesirable to many customers. Her sister cried for days straight when she couldn't see the one person she had left in the world. Do'lona was the one to comfort her. Lani showed you the horrible welt on her ankle from where she had been prodded with a glowing hot metal rod. Even if they weren't physically punished, they were forced to endure countless hours of sexual assault. All you wanted to do was escape with them and burn the Black Sun to the ground.

Finally it came. It was the day just before the one you had been dreading during your time here. Tomorrow was auction day. If you were sold off to Gido, the chances of your rescue became even slimmer. You were sure that Dorno wouldn't sell you to anyone except for that sleazebag. He held too much power to be denied of something he wanted. You weren't sure if staying here or being sold off was worse. From what you had seen of Gido, you expected it to be the ladder. He could do anything he wanted to you and nobody could stop him. Hopefully he would only use you as a servant, but you highly doubted it. He was the type of man to have too many servants to count. The moment you were useless to him, Gido would kill you. That was something you did not doubt in the slightest.

"Hey," a soft voice halts your train of thought on its tracks. "You've been scrubbing that same tile for the last five minutes."

You slowly rock back on your heels, staring down at the spot on the grimy tiles that was much shinier than anywhere else. All you could say was "oh," before you dunk the sponge into the sudsy bucket and move to the next tile. You and Do'lona had been working in that damned kitchen all morning. It wasn't too bad and you had it clean within the first hour, but the cook proceeded to throw a massive fit and mess everything up again. Your hands and arms were aching from scrubbing the floor for so long and your back hurt from being bent over.

"What were you thinking about? I know that look." Do'lona looks up at you as she dries off the tile she had just finished with a clean rag.

You sigh softly. "Auction day is tomorrow. Gido is going to buy me and then all of this is going to be over. I'd... rather stay than be with that horrible man. _Stars_ , how did I get here?"

The Twi'lek scoffs and wipes the sweat from her pale blue skin. "Bad luck. Just like the rest of us."

"I never asked you how you ended up here." You set the sponge down and sit down contently, as if telling her you were ready to listen.

Do'lona lowers her sponge and bites her lip. "My parents passed away when I was young. I practically raised my little sister. We lived on Corellia. I was finally making us some real credits because of this singing gig I took at a local cantina. I took a short cut home from work one night... I wanted to surprise my sister with dinner. A real dinner. None of that mushy slop she had been forced to eat for so long. That's when they grabbed me and it was all over." Her voice breaks. "I still think about my sister. She must have been so scared just sitting at home and waiting for me. I have no idea how long she waited before she called for help. I don't even know if anyone would help her. She was only twelve at the time."

You tuck your messy hair behind your ear. "I'm sorry... I really am. You don't deserve this. _Nobody_ deserves this. Just once I want to give those bastards a taste of their own medicine. How would _they_ like it if they were chained up all day? I'm so sick of this place and I've only been here for about a week. I can't imagine-" you catch yourself.

"It's alright. I'm used to it." Do'lona says miserably, hanging her head. She chuckles weakly. "I had this fantasy of getting married to the bartender at that cantina. He was always so kind. He always defended me." She lifts her eyes. "What about you? Did you have anyone?"

The way she said it made it sound like you were going to die. That you were already dead. You might as well be. You smile softly. "Yes. I hated him with every fiber in my body, but I couldn't help myself. We were connected by the Force. We used to train together before my master told me he was killed. He survived and... and recaptured me." You pause, checking for her reaction. "I sound insane, don't I?"

She laughs. "A little bit, yes." Do'lona picks at her nails, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "Love is weird."

_Love._ Is that what it was with Kylo? That's what it had been with Ben. You had never really thought about it again. Everything just came so naturally with Kylo now. Now that you were on the cusp of never seeing him again or death, everything was getting put into perspective. Did he love you? Did you love him? You didn't know if you did, but that didn't stop you from wishing you had said it at least once before you ended up here. What were you supposed to do now? You would spend your last few days, weeks, or months thinking about him. You craved his touch, but not in the way you would expect. You just wanted him to hold you and tell you that he was coming for you. You wanted to turn around and see him standing there through your Force connection. It always jump-scared you, but now you missed it. You missed him. His voice, his eyes, his arms, and the warmth of his body.

Tears spring to your eyes and you cover your mouth with the back of your hand, unable to push them away this time. A soft sob escapes your lips and Do'lona looks up. Her gaze softens at the sight of your struggle. She shifts towards you and leans in, tightly wrapping her arms around you. You could feel her own body trembling in your grasp and you knew she was on the verge of tears as well.

"I promise you," you whisper, eyes scrunched shut and face slick with tears. "If the Order comes for me I'll help you. No matter what."

Do'lona pulls away and wipes at her tears, laughing weakly. "I'll take you up on that promise."

You pick up the sponge and scrub at the floor through your blur of tears. Do'lona needed to take a moment, so she sits back and takes a few deep breaths.

"Hey!" A voice barks sharply.

You both wince and look up as a guard storms inside, his whip already in hand. You had a feeling this was going to end badly for either one of you.

"You're not here to chat!" The guard snaps, but he was only looking at Do'lona. "Turn around, you little slave bitch."

She whimpers. "I-I didn't-"

"NOW!"

Do'lona sobs and slowly turns her back to face him. She falls forward onto her hands and knee, preparing herself for the harsh impact of the leather whip.

"Stop!" You gasp. "It wasn't her fault. I swear it wasn't her-"

The guard glares at you. "Shut up! You stay out of this!" He adjusts his grip on the whip and angles his wrist above her back, pulling back to deliver the first blow.

Unable to sit and watch, you fly to your feet and rush forward, grabbing him tightly by the wrist. Do'lona scrambles away as the bucket is knocked over in the struggle, the sudsy water spilling over the floor. She stares at you in horror and in shock. The guard hisses in surprise but quickly gains his footing. He sends his fist flying towards your face, striking you right in the cheekbone. You stumble and he grabs a fistful of your hair, ripping you back up to look at him.

"I'll teach you for interfering with a guard!" He snarls.

The guard shoves you down onto the ground. You wail as his whip comes down onto your back swiftly. The sharp sting and the loud cracking noise made you nearly collapse. You sob as another strike comes. The another and another. You could feel your back already turning red and springing up welts where he was striking you.

"Stop it! Stop it! Please!" Do'lona stumbles over and tries to grab his forearm in a weak attempt to wrestle the whip away.

You helplessly fall to the ground and crawl away, looking back in horror through a visor of pain and fear. The guard shoves Do'lona with all of his might and she slams into the metal counter head first with a sickening crack. Her limp body slides to the ground as the guard releases you from his iron grip.

"No!" You gasp, trying to crawl back towards her. Your stomach churns when you realize she wasn't moving anymore.

The guard shoves his foot in between your shoulder blades, forcing you flat down on the ground with your cheek pressing against the wet tiles. You were sobbing, in pain, and utterly horrified. You manage to look up, your hair sticking to your cheek from the soap water and the tears on your face. Another heartbroken wail wracks your body when you see Do'lona's body sprawled on the ground. There was blood seeping from the side of her head, painting the water a vicious crimson color.

"You idiot!" A furious voice bellows. Dorno bursts into the kitchen with a Blaster in hand, apparently having heard the struggle. He looks down at you sobbing on the floor beside Do'lona's body. "You've marked the slave I was supposed to sell to Gido! And you've killed _this_ one!" He nudges her body with the toe of his boot.

"They were interfering! They fought back!" The guard argues. "Her death was unintentional."

Dorno pinches the bridge of his nose with two fingers. He sighs. " _Alright_. I just... why would you do this? You know how much this is going to fucking cost me? You know what-" he raises the Blaster "-fuck you." He pulls the trigger and the guard yelps, falling to the floor and clutching his injured foot.

The only sound overpowering the guard's moans of pain was you still crying on the kitchen floor. Your back was bright red, welted, and stinging from the impact of the whip. You were sure the punch he landed on your cheekbone was going to leave a nasty bruise.

Dorno pushes a hand through his hair and slams his fist against the counter. "Dammit! You really messed up this time, slave. Look at her! Look what you did!" He bends down and rips your head up by your hair, forcing you to look at Do'lona's dead body and pulling another horrible wail from your lungs at the sight of it. "Look at it!"

"I'm sorry!" You scream. "I didn't do it! I didn't do it! I swear! Please!"

"I'm supposed to sell you today, you know." Dorno pulls you to your feet. "Gido was supposed to come tomorrow but we have another buyer. Slaves go to the highest bidder. They're going to have their fun with you, but they're going to be furious when they see the mess you've made of yourself. You won't last a day."

You sob as Dorno drags you down the hallway. You felt nauseous and your heart was rapidly beating in your chest. You must have looked a mess. Sopping wet, eyes puffy with tears, marked face, beaten back, and blood on your hands from the water Do'lona was lying in. And now you were going to be sold to a group you had never met or seen. It was over. Everything was over. You would never see Kylo or the light of day again. Your crying goes silent as your body goes weak and accepts its fate. The hot tears streaming down your cheeks didn't seem to stop. Not even Dorno was scolding you for your appearance. He was quietly muttering under his breath, but it was not directed towards you. It was about how mad Gido was going to be when he found out his slave was sold off just the day he was supposed to come.

Dorno yanks you into a room off to the side, practically slamming his fist against the panel to get the door open. He throws you onto the ground at the buyer's feet and crosses his arm, standing just behind you. You couldn't even be bothered to look up at the man before you. You never wanted to see or feel anything ever again. You could feel his eyes on you, taking in your wounds and your heartbroken, crying state. There were other men around him and you felt their disgust. _Please don't take me,_ you think with a whimper.

"I understand if you want another." Dorno spits coldly. "Look at her. She's made a mess of things. One of my slaves is dead because _she_ just _had_ to interfere. Little brat. I'd be glad to get rid of her, but if you-"

"No." The man's deep voice replies. "I'll take it."

You didn't even react to him calling you 'it.' You were nothing anymore. To Dorno, you were just profit. To them you were just a little girl they could use however they pleased. There was only one person you knew you truly meant something to and he wasn't here. The chances of him ever finding you were slim to none. If by some miracle he could, what would be left of you? You felt defeated. Your spirits were broken and your hopes were shattered. There was nothing left within you. No fight to put up and no emotions left to waste. You remain sprawled on the ground in a pool of your own nonstop tears of self-pity.

"Are you sure?" Dorno raises his eyebrows in surprise. "We have plenty of girls here who are in _much_ better condition than this one. She won't be much fun to you anymore now that her spirit is broken." He nudges you with the toe of his boot and you flinch. "Just look at her."

A pause. The man speaks again. "I have better things to do than argue. I'll take it."

"Alright then, I don't want any trouble. Will that be all?"

The man moves forward, stepping over you. "No. I have you to deal with now."

Then you hear it. The vicious roar of a lightsaber and heat filling the room. Dorno's muffled, pained cry and the hiss of the blade cutting through skin. You let out a sob as the weapon deactivates. He kneels beside you, pulling you into his strong arms.

" _Shh,"_ he whispers. "I'm here."

You grip onto the front of Kylo's robes tightly, never wanting to let go. Was this a dream? Was this real? It couldn't be. You open your puffy eyes and meet his honey-brown ones. Kylo lifts his free hand and gently grazes your paled face with his rough thumb. You were an absolute blubbering, broken mess in his arms. He deactivates his saber and brings his other hand up to your face, lightly touching the bruises.

"What have they done to you?" He furrows his brow. "It's alright. I'm right here... it's over... I found you. Can you stand?" Kylo doesn't wait for your answer.

He scoops you into his arms, carrying you carefully through the Black Sun compound, ignoring the curious looks he was receiving. From in the position you were being held, you could see the blurry figures of the black-clad Knights of Ren following closely behind with their weapons poised readily. The passing slaves and guards spring out of the way, pressing their backs against the walls. The _slaves_.

"The others..." you manage to breathe when you remember the girls.

"Not now. Now now, (Y/N)." His deep voice sends vibrations through his broad chest. "You've been through enough. Let go."

And you do. You let go of the last precious drops of your strength and fall limp in his arms, inviting the dark comfort of rest. You knew you were safe again in his grip. Kylo looks down at your beaten figure, a lump forming in his throat as it swells. He swallows and keeps his eyes trained on the shuttle up ahead.

"It's going to be alright," he whispers although he knew you were out cold. "I'm here..."

  
  


  
  



	33. ~It's Only Torture~

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

You stir beneath stiff, scratchy sheets. Your eyes slowly flutter open and you squint at the bright fluorescent light above your head. The smell of cleaning solution reaches your nose and you realize that you are lying in the hospital wing. Instead of being forced to take a bed with a mere curtain around it, you had been treated to a private room given to superior officers. The sterile room was filled with equipment, half of which you couldn't even recognize.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

That was the sound of the heart monitor attached to your finger. You move and wince at the small sting in your left wrist as the needle from the IV shifts against your skin. The black room was scrupulously spotless and completely unoccupied except for you of course. It was well-equipped and larger than any hospital room you had seen before. As you slowly sit up, you notice thick white bandages wrapped tightly around your torso. Your back felt numb and you realized they had slathered it in an agent to stop the pain from the welts. How long had you even been asleep for?

"I just want to see her." A muffled voice behind the heavy blaster doors catches your attention.

"Sir, she could still be asleep. She needs-"

"I don't _care_!" The voice says angrily. "Let me through immediately."

A pause. The door slides open the next second and your eyes widen as Kylo steps into the room. His eyes lock with yours and he starts towards you. You couldn't help yourself. You break down and begin to sob as he storms to your bedside. The past week had worn you down and torn you apart more than you thought. All of the pent-up emotions were now breaking free at the sight of the man you had been desperate for.

"I thought you wouldn't be able to find me," you sob, clinging tightly to the front of his robes. "I would never see you again. They'd kill me or-or worse-" you were unable to finish your thoughts as you bury your face in Kylo's chest.

His arms slowly snake around you, pulling you even closer as he sits down on the edge of the thick mattress. He swallows as his throat swells. Your body trembles in his grasp, your shoulders heaving as you sob and hiccup.

"I'm here..." he says quietly. "You're safe again."

Kylo tries to pull away, but you don't let him. Your arms wrap tightly around his neck, your tears soaking into his shoulder. You feel his tenseness slowly fade away as he grows more comfortable with the embrace. A hug was something you figured he had been deprived of for a long time. Affection in general was a concept he wasn't quite used to. Kylo closes his eyes, his face burying in your neck. His next words surprise you.

"I thought I lost you."

You pull away and cup his face gently, your thumb grazing his full lips. With a short breath, you lean in and press your lips against his. Kylo returns the kiss, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist to pull you in closer than before. When you pull apart for air, he cups your face in his large hands, wiping the tears from your skin with his rough thumbs.

"I need you to calm down for me," he whispers. "We need to talk. I need you to be able to tell me about what happened. As much as you can." Kylo releases your face, placing his hands on your thighs and practically engulfing them with his grasp. You wipe away the remainder of your tears with your wrist and nod, sniffing. He nods at you. "Good girl. I need you to tell me exactly who took you."

_That was easy enough_. "K-Kess." You reply softly.

Kylo clenches his jaw and his eyes flash with anger. "That's what I suspected. We already have him in a holding cell. The bastard kept trying to convince me he was innocent. Did he take you straight to the Black Sun?" When you nod, Kylo continues. "And they turned you into a slave?" Another stiff nod. "What did they make you do?"

Your heart skips a beat at the recent memory of it. "Not much. Just... a lot of cleaning and two days in the cantina."

"The cantina? Did they _touch_ you?" Kylo's eyebrows raise.

You wince. "A little bit. Some of them groped me."

He tenses up, his grip on your thighs tightening protectively. "Did..." he hesitates. "The doctors weren't sure if something happened and they couldn't run tests until you woke up. I wanted to be the one to ask. Did they..." another deep breath "...rape you?"

The word makes you shudder. You couldn't imagine what you would do if it actually happened. "No. Nobody did." This seems to relieve him a little bit. "But I don't know what Gido would have done if he bought me. He knew I was with the Order and-"

Kylo does a double-take. "Gido? Gido _Corr_?" When you nod Kylo scowls, his grip tightening even more. "That son of a bitch! I'll kill him for that. I'm cutting all ties with the Crimson Dawn and strangling him with my bare hands."

" _Ow_ -" you wince "-Kylo, you're hurting me."

He releases his grip at once. " _Sorry_." Kylo's gaze softens and he lifts his hand, gingerly grazing the bruise on your cheekbone. "What else did they do to you?"

"I don't know." You admit.

And you really didn't so much had happened to you that you didn't know which wounds were still visible. Obviously the doctors hadn't given Kylo a clear report on all of your injuries. You didn't really _want_ to let him see. You felt ashamed for some twisted reason. But the look on his face made you change your mind. He needed to know what they did.

"You can look." You whisper, lowering your eyes.

Kylo leaps at the opportunity. He takes your face in his hands and carefully observes it. Every small cut or makings of a bruise was inspected. His hands run down your shoulders and arms, pausing at the sight of your wrists. They were red and had been rubbed raw from those Force-blockers. Kylo looks over your legs and fortunately finds nothing. He takes you gently by the shoulders and turns you so your back was facing him. He pauses as his fingers meet the edge of the bandages.

"Can I-" he asks carefully.

You nod and hang your head, staring down at the pillow as you feel the bandage slowly unravel. Your skin meets cold air and you cross your arms tightly over your exposed chest, covering your breasts as much as possible. You feel Kylo's eyes glued to your back. "Is it... bad?"

"Yes." Kylo says truthfully. "It's nothing time can't heal." His hand gingerly slides across your back, fingers grazing the angry red welts. "They whipped you."

"Y-Yes." Your voice breaks. "After I watched a guard kill one of the only people that showed me kindness. I don't know what Dorno would have done if you hadn't shown up. H-How did you find me?"

"We traced the ship out to the Outer Rim before he turned off the tracker. After a few days, the officers slowed the search because they told me it was highly possible you were dead. Then I felt it. I felt _you_. I don't know how you managed to do it with those blockers on but... you did. As soon as I found out where you were, I offered enough credits to win that sleazebag over." He grits his teeth. "He tried to convince me to look at the other girls."

Then it hit you. _The girls_. You had promised them a way out. "Kylo." You turn quickly, pulling the blanket up to cover your chest. "The girls. I made a promise. I _swore_ that I would get them out. Please go back for them. Please just-"

Kylo silences you quickly. "I can't just take the Black Sun's slaves. That's not my business."

"Are you kidding?" Your brow furrows. "Kylo, they're going through the exact same thing I did. Some of them have it worse. You can't just do nothing! Those girls have people that care about them too. One of them--Lani--she was a Stormtrooper. Kess did the same with her that he did to me. He got seventeen girls, Kylo, _seventeen._ "

"The slave industry does not concern me, (Y/N). What the Black Sun does is none of my business unless it effects the Order. I won't risk starting trouble with an entire syndicate and their allies just to free some girls you happened to befriend." He says flatly.

"I promised-"

"Sometimes you have to break your promises." Kylo snaps.

"You seem to know a lot about that." You reply coldly.

He freezes, his voice low and cold like death. "What's that supposed to mean?"

You scoff. "I'm talking about the promises we made to each other. That we would never leave each other. The promise that _you_ made me keep. The one that _you_ broke."

"That's not the same thing."

"Isn't it?" A cold laugh escapes your lips. "They're both promises about abandoning people, aren't they?"

"I didn't abandon you." For some reason, the words seem to choke Kylo up. "I would _never_ abandon you. And I'm not going to argue about this now."

"That _was_ abandoning me. You made me think you were dead!"

"I've done worse." He scoffs.

Your fury was at a boiling point now. "You mean like murdering Xian? Killing hundreds of innocent people? Slaughtering the Jedi at the Temple? Kidnapping and tricking me? And don't think I don't know about you killing your father."

Kylo's eyes flash with anger. "Do _not_ talk about my father!"

"Why? Do you regret what you did to him? Do you regret murdering him in cold blood because you were too afraid to face what you had done? You're a coward, that's all. You-"

You are cut off by Kylo's hand wrapping tightly around your throat. His anger had leaped from a spark into a flame just by the mere mention of Han Solo. It blinded him and put you right in his path. The feeling of his hand around your throat might not have bothered you before, but now that you knew it was followed by pain from your short time as a slave, it frightened you.

"Kylo-" you choke out. "-stop. Please."

He slowly releases you. "I'm sorry," he breathes, eyes glazing over. "I-I'm sorry." Kylo rises from the bed and backs away. "I'll leave you be."

You rub your sore neck. "Kylo... if there's something you want to say to me, do it now. I can tell when something is on your mind."

"I-" he hesitates "-I'm glad you're alright." Kylo turns on his heel, storming out of the room before you could get a chance to say something else.

You sigh and lean back against the plastic headboard of the hospital bed. You knew that what he had said wasn't what he wanted to say. Kylo was too stubborn to give in _that_ easily. Whatever was on his mind, it would take him a long time to own up to it. He had been like that back when he was Ben as well. He always had a hard time admitting to something. Even if he was wrong, he would argue until you were on the verge of pommeling him.

Kylo's shoulders heave as he storms down the corridor. He wanted to put as much distance between him and the hospital wing as possible. He tugs his gloves back on, his fingers rolling into fists. His hands were clenched so tightly that the leather was squeaking. Kylo swallows, his bottom lip quivering. The door to his quarters slides shut behind him as he rushes inside. Not letting up his quick pace, he doesn't stop until he reaches his bathroom.

Kylo braces his hands on the counter, gripping it tightly. He looks up at his reflection in the mirror, scowling at his reflection. He wouldn't admit it, but he was frightened. He was terrified of telling you what he really wanted to. Kylo's breathing begins to pick up as he stares intensely. With a yell of anger, he slams both fists into the mirror. It shatters into dozens of pieces, spraying over the counter and the floor. The glass crunches as he sinks to his knees, tears pricking at his eyes. _No,_ he thinks angrily. _I'm stronger than this. I'm not weak._ Kylo sinks to the floor, his back sliding down the wall. _Then why am I so scared?_

_**~** _ ****

  
  


You were released from the hospital ward exactly two days later. The wounds you had acquired didn't require extreme medical attention and would heal over time with the help of a special ointment. Despite the small argument between you and your master, there was no bad blood between you two. Kylo took good care of you the moment you got out of that bed. In fact, he was more insistent about the medicine for your back than the doctors. Truthfully you didn't know if it was because he cared about you or because the faster you healed, the faster your training could resume. Kylo was also very stubborn about where you slept. he insisted on you sleeping in his bed so he could keep a close eye on you. There was still a risk of infection from the wounds and that could lead to an unpleasant fever.

On the morning of the third day, came the conversation that you had been dreading ever since your return. You knew you weren't going to like it the second Kylo walked into the room with that look on his face. You sit up slowly in his bed, eyebrows furrowed at the expression he wore.

"What's the matter?" You ask hesitantly.

Kylo sighs. "I can only keep prisoners in holding cells for so long without interrogation. This confrontation of that Stormtrooper needs to happen today. The longer we wait, the more difficult this is going to be."

You swallow dryly. "I-I'll get ready then."

You could tell Kylo was surprised by your reaction. He had been expecting you to argue with him, but truthfully you wanted closure just as much as he did. If not more. You had so many questions for Kess that you didn't even know where to start. It was strange that you were avoiding this confrontation, but it was very necessary. You knew Kylo was itching to get his hands on Kess. To make him pay for everything he had done. This was partly just an excuse for him to get the vengeance he desired.

As you rummage through your closet, you decide to pick a dress that wasn't too over-the-top this time. It was black--obviously--and hugged your figure nicely up to your hips. From there on, it hung loosely around your legs. The top had long, tight sleeves and a low cut back. You wanted Kess to see what he had brought upon you. Not wanting the Stormtroopers and other officers to notice too much of it, you keep your hair down.

"Are you ready?" Kylo asks as you finally take a step towards him.

You nod stiffly and Kylo takes his place beside you as the two of you walk down the corridor. His hand settles protectively on your lower back. It could have been a gesture of comfort or to keep passer-by's from staring at you. _Everyone_ within the First Order knew what had happened to their Supreme Leader's apprentice. Word traveled quickly, like hot gossip through a school. The further you both walk through the Supremacy, the more your heart begins to pound. Could you really face him? He was the man who had brought such a horrible fate upon you. And not _just_ you. You were number seventeen of all the girls he had brought in. You _had_ to face him and it wasn't just to get the weight off of your own shoulders. It was to bring justice to all of the girls he had harmed before. To all of the girls who didn't matter enough to the First Order to have search parties sent after them and had fates worse than yours. They deserved this.

Just as you arrive in front of the thick door leading into Kess's holding cell, Kylo stops you. He removes his hand from your back. "If anything goes wrong, I'm here."

You bite your lip and force yourself to nod. It was by your own request that Kylo would remain standing outside. You could tell it bothered him, but he was in no place to refuse. Taking a deep breath, the door slides open and you step inside. The sight of the holding cell makes you shudder. It was dimly lit and the only lights were around the prisoner on the wall. This cell was very different from the one you had experienced in the very beginning of your time with the Order. This one made the one you had seem almost _cozy._

Kess was strung up on the wall between two tall metal poles. Thick chains were latched onto his wrists, pulling his arms apart spread-eagle. His legs were held together by restraints and his entire body was slumped forward. The sandy blonde hair you had found so attractive was now covering his face and greasy from not being washed. It was clear either the troopers or Kylo had done a number on him. He would have appeared dead, had it not been for the steady rising and falling of his chest. You slowly approach him, certain that he was asleep.

"I was beginning to wonder when you would visit." His hoarse voice startles you and you take a step back. Kess lifts his head and gives you a weak smile. "You've still kept that wild fire in your eyes that I love so much."

This sparks anger within you and your confidence begins to rise. "You don't get to love anything about me. Not after what you did to me."

Kess chuckles weakly. "Don't take it personal, Commander. You were just another pawn in my game of chess with the Black Sun. You understand, don't you?"

"As a matter of fact, I don't." You retort calmly. "What would drive you to manipulate innocent girls and sell them into slavery?"

"The First Order isn't exactly a luxury job." He scoffs. "But I get the feeling you're not just talking about yourself here."

Your nails dig into the palms of your hands, leaving red crescents behind. "I'm _not_. Seventeen. That's the number of girls you gave me. Seventeen girls that had their whole lives ripped away from them because of _your_ greed and selfishness. You're sick, you know that?"

Kess scoffs once more, driving even more anger through your veins. How could he be so careless and lack so much empathy? "I _saved_ those girls, if anything. The First Order is no place to live. I gave them a chance at a better life."

"Is that really what you think? You think getting sold off, beaten, and sexually abused is a ' _better way of life'?"_ You echo incredulously.

"Don't be so dramatic."

You stare at him, lips parted in shock and eyes filling with sadness. Slowly, you turn around and move your hair, revealing the rest of the marks from the lashes you had been given. Kess goes silent at the sight of them. You turn back to him, "that's what I thought."

"They only beat the bad ones." He snarls coldly.

You wanted to beat him within an inch of his life. You wanted him to suffer and feel the same pain you had felt every single day. But you couldn't. The only way to make him _really_ writhe and scream was to use someone who knew exactly how to inflict pain. If Kylo was going to be the last face Kess saw, then you would make sure he would _fear_ that face. Wordlessly, you turn on your heel and storm out of the room. As the door slides open, Kylo straightens up and reaches for you.

You grip his wrist tightly and look him dead in the eyes. "Make him pay."

Kylo doesn't give you a response but you had seen the hunger and malice in his eyes. He brushes past you and seals the door behind him to ensure he would not be interrupted. Kess lifts his eyes, his gaze instantly hardening at the sight of Kylo. The Supreme Leader's cold glare fixates on his prisoner, the rage pumping through him nearly tripling. He slowly tugs off his gloves and sets them down, approaching Kess with a look of determination.

"Well, well, if it isn't the Supreme Leader gracing me with his presence." Kess rolls his eyes. "You don't intimidate me, _Ren_. I don't fear you."

Kylo moves closer, his eyes flashing. " _We'll see_. Do you know what you did?"

"Yes." Kess replies flatly. "Don't try to make me feel guilty. I didn't feel pity toward those other girls and especially not towards that little _pet_ of yours."

Kylo's lips twitch. "I don't think you understand. Do you know what you _did_?" He doesn't wait for Kess's response. His hand shoots out, locking tightly around the man's throat as he sputters. Kylo leans in. "You almost took _everything_ away from me. I don't take that lightly."

He manages to scoff. "D-Don't tell me you actually _care_ about her." Kess's eyes flash when he notices the smallest reaction from Kylo. "Oh how _precious_! The almighty Supreme Leader falling heads over heels for that little whore. The same little whore that fucked _me_."

Kylo's hand grips onto Kess's jaw tightly. "I don't give a damn about you. You mock me and throw empty threats as though someone would actually find out about how I feel. You're not leaving this room alive. Tell me. Do you regret what you did to her? To the girl that showed you kindness and defended you?"

Kess scowls. " _No._ That was her mistake."

He releases the man's jaw, turning around as his shoulders heave. Kess snickers coldly and Kylo whirls around, his fist flying. It connects with Kess's face, sending his head snapping violently to the side. Blood flies from his mouth, splattering onto the floor. He looks up slowly, giving Kylo a devilish smirk. When Kylo's fist moves again, it buries deep in Kess's stomach. He groans at the furious pain ripping through his abdomen.

"I want you to feel her pain. Feel what you did to her." Kylo spits. He extends his hand towards the groaning man's temple.

A small pause of silence. Then Kess's vicious scream of pain rips through the room. It causes Kylo's ears to ring, but he doesn't stop. His fingers twitch and the Force ripples, digging deeper into the crevices of Kess's mind and pulling forward every ounce of pain he had ever known. It tears through his entire body. He writhes and thrashes against the chains holding him in place. The Force hurt more than anything Kess had witnessed. It felt as though it was tearing him apart limb from limb, melting his insides, and stabbing at his mind.

It stops just for a moment. Kess's entire head snaps back as Kylo strikes him dead center in his face. His nose cracks sickeningly, the bridge instantly turning yellow and purple upon the impact. Blood gushes from his nostrils, but it is lost in the flow coming from his mouth. Kess spits on the ground beside Kylo's feet. Kylo stares down at the pool of spit and blood by his boot. He felt sick pleasure upon seeing two teeth in that same puddle.

"Just kill me already." Kess demands, thrashing against his restraints.

Kylo shakes his head. "Not yet. Your death will come eventually and it will be as gruesome, merciless, and painful as the one you could have given her."

"Bastard!" Kess roars. "Kill me, you coward! Why the hell should you care about her? She's nothing!"

Kylo takes a fistful of Kess's hair, ripping his head up ferociously. "She is all I have left. And you nearly took her from me. But you wouldn't know how that feels. How could you? All you know is deception."

"You're not so different. I know all about you, _Ben Solo_." He snarls, a twisted smile tugging at his crimson lips.

With a swift movement, Kylo slams his fist against the button to release Kess's restraints. The man comes crashing to the floor in a groaning heap. He couldn't pull together the strength to rise. Another scream tears past his lips as the heel of Kylo's boot connects with his hand. It crunches as the bones in his knuckles and fingers shatter. Kess sobs and rolls onto his side, cradling his broken hand. Taking the opportunity of an exposed prey, Kylo sends a kick into Kess's ribs. When he doesn't hear the crack of bones snapping, he delivers three more. Blood and tears drip from Kess's face as he wails, dragging himself helplessly across the floor.

"It hurts to be taken advantage of, doesn't it?" Kylo snarls. He taunts Kess by slowly following him. "Now you know how she felt. Get up! Get up and face me!"

When Kess doesn't comply, Kylo grips him by the shirt and rips him to his feet. He slams him against the wall. Kess's eyes fill with desperation and relief when he sees Kylo's right hand lowering for the saber in his belt. Unfortunately for him, Kylo was not going to give him the sweet release of death just yet. His hand wraps tightly around the heavy metal hilt. He winds up and sends it crashing across Kess's face. The sharp edges from the cross-guard creates a large gash on his cheek.

"Apologize." Kylo orders. "APOLOGIZE!"

"I'm sorry!" Kess blubbers.

"TO HER!" He roars, pointing toward the door he knew you were standing behind.

"I'M SORRY!" The pitiful man wails.

Kylo releases him and he slides down to the floor, sobbing and in horrible pain. Kylo turns away from him, his chest heaving and his throat swelling. Tears prick in his eyes at the thought of your suffering. You must have been so alone. So afraid. When he whirls around again, the tears break free and one slips down his face.

"Do you know what you did? DO YOU?" Kylo roars. "You could have taken everything away from me! Everything that I care about! You deserve worse! You don't deserve a damn thing! Not even a _second_ of life without pain."

He sends another blow across Kess's face. The horribly wounded man falls onto his hands and knees. The blood gushing down his pale face made him almost unrecognizable. Some of his teeth were missing, his eye was swollen shut, his nose was broken, and fingers shattered. His breathing comes out shrill from the broken rib pressing against his lung. He shudders and heaves, wheezing for air.

Kylo looks down at the hilt of the lightsaber in his hand. The dark metal was speckled with the crimson liquid. Even his own knuckles were bruised from hitting him so hard. He slowly lowers his thumb and the crackling blades spring free. They were unstable and angry, just like him. A horrifying red glow fills the room as Kylo starts towards Kess. The man, still on his hands and knees, looks up at the man who would bring him his death. They lock eyes for a split-second, before the saber twirls through Kylo's hand. He plunges it straight through Kess's back. It sizzles from the contact of skin and hisses as it sinks through the metal of the floor. Kylo rips his weapon free and looks in disgust down at the body he had mutilated. He spits on the ground beside Kess and returns his saber to its place at his side.

"Is it done?" You look up as Kylo steps through the door, but you already knew the answer.

Kylo nods. He gingerly tilts your chin up with his finger. "You have nothing to worry about anymore. You're safe again."

"Kylo-" you stop him from leaving by tightly gripping his shoulder.

He turns and you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down to press your lips against his. His arms snake around your waist tightly. When the kiss breaks, you keep Kylo in your grasp. He had to lean to match your height, but he didn't mind it. Kylo rests his chin on your shoulder, silently praying that you couldn't feel him trembling. He fights back his tears and pulls away, eyes scanning your face one last time.

"I'm never letting you go again." He says quietly, lips twitching.

Your lips part and you move to say something, but Kylo quickly turns on his heel and storms down the hallway, his fists balled at his sides. You slowly bring your hand up to your chin, wiping at it. When you look down, you see blood glistening on your skin. You knew exactly whose blood it was.

  
  


  
  



	34. ~Whatever You Want~

"Are you sure you want to come?"

You place your hands on your hips, looking up at Kylo in exasperation. He had been asking you that same question all morning and your answer was the same every time. _Yes_. Kylo wanted to adjust you back to your normal life as quickly as possible ever since he executed Kess. He put you through a tougher training regiment and made sure everything ran smoothly with your recovery. His efforts did not go unappreciated by you. You were glad to be getting your mind off of what had happened, but now you were getting bored. When Kylo had brought up his mission to Coruscant again, you jumped at the opportunity to get off of the ship.

So far, you were doing well. The welts on your back were beginning to fade away, but the deep ones would leave small pink scars. It was hard getting your body used to fighting and training again after a week of torment, but you managed to pull through. Then there was the matter of your trauma. It was a touchy subject and proved to be more difficult than you imagined.

Every time someone touched you, your first instinct was to recoil. It had gotten better, but sometimes it was rather startling. Kylo was smart about being intimate with you. He never overstepped and you two hadn't done anything overly sexual since the incident. You were grateful for that. Your emotional scars would take a longer time to heal than the physical ones. His kindness was extremely surprising, in fact. It was something you never expected from him. It made you view him as Ben sometimes.

"Alright," Kylo sighs, rising from the bed. "I'll have the Stormtrooper carry our bags to the shuttle." He offers you his arm and you take it. "Have you ever been to Coruscant?"

"No." You reply.

Truthfully, you didn't even know what the mission on Coruscant was _for_. It was a last minute decision for you and nobody had filled you in on the purpose of the mission. You figured they would go over it once you arrived. All you knew is that you would be staying for two or three days, depending on how successful it was. Although you hadn't been to that planet before, you had heard plenty of stories of its unconventional beauty.

As you and Kylo board the command shuttle that would take you down to the surface of the planet, you begin to come up with theories about what the objective was. The Supremacy had relocated over night so it could stand watch over the entire planet and ensure nothing suspicious left the atmosphere. This was also convenient for the mission since it would result in an incredibly short flight. Given your little dislike of flying, you were happy.

The Stormtroopers rush into the shuttle after you both strap into your seats. They seat the bags down and make sure they are secure, before hurrying back out of the ship. The ramp slides back in and the door slides shut with a soft hiss. Everything rumbles and shudders as the ship's engines spring to life. The landing gear groans as it retracts into the bottom and the shuttle lifts off. Another small transport follows closely behind. It carried the Stormtroopers and the Knights of Ren accompanying you both on the mission for extra security.

As the shuttle gets farther and farther away from the Supremacy, the planet of Coruscant comes into view. You lean to the side, peering straight ahead through the cockpit to see it getting closer. As far as you could tell, there was not a single speck of green in sight. The entire planet was an ecumenopolis, which meant it was covered by sprawling cities. You knew that it had a population in the high billions or even trillions. It was a miracle the planet recovered after the Fall of Coruscant back in the time of the New Republic. Now it was thriving and better than ever. That wasn't to say it didn't have its issues. It was difficult controlling waste, feeding, and providing breathable air to such a massive amount of people. Coruscant's technology was far more impressive than anything you had ever witnessed when it came to sustainability.

Clouds break as the ship pushes past the upper-atmosphere of the planet. You suck in your breath at the sights you are introduced to. Kylo stares at you, smirking at your reaction to the glorious view of the cities. The skyscrapers were taller than any you had ever seen. They dwarfed the small houses that belonged to the less-wealthy below. In fact they were so high up, that the city on the ground didn't have natural light. Streams of ships and transports fly in designated airways through the towering buildings. The mid-section of the city was covered with holograms, advertisement, and beautiful neon lights. Concrete pathways suspended high over the ground provided pedestrians ways to move around without having to travel down to the city floor. It was a perfect example of how terrible the class system could be. Still, it was breathtaking.

"We'll be staying at the top, of course." Kylo says flatly, as though he could read your mind. In fact, he probably was at that moment. "But our mission location is, unfortunately, in the lower sections."

You nod, not ripping your gaze from the passing buildings. The shuttle pulls around one of the glistening skyscrapers and slowly sets down on the landing pad. As always, the door slides open and the ramp lowers. Since you were so high up, you are greeted by a blast of cold air. You rise from your seat and shiver, crossing your arms to preserve heat. Kylo leads the way across the platform, not paying any mind to the Stormtroopers and the Knights of Ren spilling out from their transport. He steps into an elevator and the doors close behind you as you step inside. The ride up to the penthouse is silent but once those doors reopen, your breath is knocked out of you. It was the most luxurious thing you had ever seen. And that was saying a lot considering the fact that you had lived on Canto Bight.

Everything was sleek, polished, and modern. The colors were bold but not in a way that they were tacky or overbearing. The furniture was made from expensive woods, silks, leather, and glass. It made you wish you lived this way back on the Supremacy. The ship was stunning of course, but it was nothing compared to this. You knew Kylo's grandparents spent a lot of their time in a penthouse just like this and if you weren't mistaken, there was a Jedi Temple somewhere nearby.

"Come." Kylo beckons you, snapping you out of your state of awe. He leads you down a short hallway and points to a door at the end. "Your room. Get your things unpacked and change into the clothes they left in the red bag. When you're finished you can join us back in the dining room."

You nod and step into your room. The door slides shut behind you and you make sure to lock it. No surprise, your bedroom was just as beautiful as the rest of the penthouse. Your bags were sitting on the dark blue, silk bed-sheets. The red bag Kylo had mentioned didn't belong to you, but you were intrigued to find out what it contained. Upon opening it, you discover a dress and a matching pair of heels. What kind of mission required _this_ kind of look? You sigh and dig through your bag, pulling out the small travel bag you kept your makeup in.

Not knowing how long Kylo expected it to take you, you try to get ready as quickly as possible. You choose a lightly dusted eye-shadow look and rogue your cheeks. Not wanting the lipstick to clash with the dress, you decide on a more nude color. You go through your hair with a curling iron and a shit-ton of hairspray before moving onto your dress. It rather risque, but elegant and classy. The color suited your skin tone nicely and hugged your body in all of the right places. You slip your feet into silver, glittering heels, gripping onto the dresser for balance. Taking a big step back, you gaze at your reflection and crack a smile. You looked _stunning_.

You take a deep breath and unlock the door to your room, stepping into the hallway. Your heels click softly against the sleek ground, drowned out by the noises of loud conversation coming from the dining room. Kylo and several men were standing around an expensive-looking wooden table. Data pads and papers were spread out everywhere and they were currently discussing locations on a projected map.

"Go over it again. And get me the captain." Kylo orders, stepping back to stare thoughtfully at the map.

His focus is cut off by you. Kylo's eyes flicker up and he stops cold in his tracks, freezing at the sight of you. His lips part as he looks you up and down observantly. The entire room falls silent and your cheeks heat up as the men all turn to gaze at you. Obviously this doesn't sit well with Kylo because he snaps at them the next second.

"Continue."

They tear their eyes away from you and clear their throats, trying to get back on track. Kylo swallows as you approach him, shifting his weight rather suspiciously. You smirk at him and he gives you a look.

"Is someone going to explain to me why I'm wearing this?" You gesture to the dress.

"Right." Kylo coughs. "We've gotten word of someone selling First Order parts to the Resistance. Apparently there's another meeting going on in a little cantina tonight. Unfortunately we can't just storm the city and threaten everyone. The goal is to be as inconspicuous as possible. Find out what we can. To do that, we need someone on the inside." He shoots a glare at one of the officers. "You were the one they decided on. We're going to fit you with a transmitter and send you in."

"You're not coming?" You furrow your brow.

Kylo shakes his head. "I'll be listening to everything, don't worry, and I'll be right outside. Nothing is going to happen." He lowers his voice. "I won't let it."

You fight back the urge to throw your arms around him. One of the officers hands Kylo a small transmitter implanted into a wide silver cuff bracelet. He takes you by the wrist and manages to slide your hand through it.

"When are we leaving?" You bite your lip.

Kylo releases your hand upon realizing he had been holding it for too long. "Now."

  
  


It was a shock to go from the clean and classy regions of Coruscant's upper-sectors, to suddenly arriving in the lower ones. You pitied the people who were forced to live in these conditions. You weren't even in the lowest sections on Coruscant and it was already terrible. The dark walkways were uneven and littered with water-filled potholes. It wasn't quite as dark as it would be below, but it already looked like nighttime when the sun was only just now going down. Most of the buildings were boarded up and were squished together, overshadowed by the glorious glittering skyscrapers. Exposed piping ran all over this part of the city. The holograms and neon advertisements were reduced to flickering, broken lights. Everything was just as dark and gloomy as expected. You figured it was parts like these that never fully recovered after the siege.

The people and creatures that passed by all kept to themselves. They all wore dark cloaks and hoods pulled down over their faces. You passed by the occasional prostitute or two, but you couldn't judge. Times were hard down here and work was work. Everyone you passed would stare at you. You didn't exactly look like you belonged.

"Why exactly am I wearing this?" You mutter to Kylo. "I thought the point was to blend in."

He was walking beside you with a hood pulled over his head. "The men and women who come down here purposely are all rich. They all come willingly because they're up to something. The man we're trying to hunt down knows you're coming. He thinks you're looking to buy."

You nearly stop walking at this. "Kylo, I don't know _anything_ about weapons and machinery. What am I supposed to say to keep him distracted?"

"You know enough about the First Order." He replies flatly. "That will be enough. Just do what you do best."

"And what's that?" You chuckle lightly.

"Talk his ear off." Kylo gives you a smirk.

You give him a small push, but laugh softly and shake your head. Kylo stops you rather abruptly as the entire party halts. Your heartbeat begins to quicken at the sight of the cantina just ahead. Just like the rest of the area, it looked beaten down and suspicious. You force yourself to take a deep breath, before turning to Kylo for reassurance.

"We'll be out here." He gestures to the Knights of Ren. Kylo reaches for your wrist and presses down firmly on the small transmitter built into the cuff. "We'll be listening to everything. Don't worry too much." Kylo presses his lips together. "If you think something's wrong then get out of there."

Vicrul steps forward. "I can go in with her if you feel it would be best, Sir."

Kylo shakes his head stiffly. "She goes alone. Good luck."

You nod and slowly approach the door to the cantina as Kylo and the Knights cram themselves into the alley just beside it. The door slides open for you and you step inside, gazing around the room. It certainly wasn't the same level of luxury as on Canto Bight or even with the Black Sun. A heavy layer of smoke hung over the room and it smelled strongly of alcohol and sweat. The lights were terribly dim and some were shattered. There were people sitting at a long bar on rickety chairs with their heads down and grimy glasses of alcohol in their hands. A few tables were scattered around the room, but they were mostly empty. The back walls were lined with booths. The seats were made of ripped red leather and the tables were mostly stained. Everyone inside looked incredibly suspicious.

Your hand brushes against the deep pocket on the inside of your cloak for comfort. It was the place you had stashed your lightsaber. At once, all eyes are drawn to you. It was clear you didn't belong there, but you appeared to be rich and they knew better than to mess with the wealthy and powerful. One man in particular was staring at you intensely. You knew at once that it was the one you were here for. You glance at him, making sure to lock eyes at least once, before taking a seat at the far corner of the bar away from the others. The bartender asks you for your order and you wearily give it to him. When he returns with a glass, you notice that it was cleaner than the others. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch the man rising from the booth and slowly making his way over to you. He sits down on the bar-stool beside you, but doesn't make eye-contact.

"I assume you're here for me, doll." His voice was raspy and his words were all drawn out.

"That depends on who I'm talking to." You reply smoothly, trailing your finger over the rim of your glass as you try to force down your nerves.

He chuckles darkly. "For a pretty thing like you, how could I refuse?" You could practically feel Kylo's rage through the walls of the cantina. The man takes a long drink from his glass. "I don't give anyone my real name, sweetheart, surely you can understand. My clients call me Pierce. That's all you get. Now it's your turn."

You give him the most disgusted look you could manage. "I don't give my name out either, especially to the likes of _you_."

To your surprise, Pierce chuckles once more. "What can I say? It's a rough galaxy to live in. I do what I can to survive. Surely _you_ could understand. I know girls like you don't just get to the top playing fair. That's why you're here, isn't it?"

"Observant, aren't you?" Your eyes flash. "Very well. I'd rather get down to business now then to stay in this pigsty for much longer."

Pierce cocks a brow. "And here I thought you enjoyed the presence of my company. Say... don't I know you from somewhere?"

"You might. I've done my share of business around the galaxy before. I meet a lot of people." You play it off coolly.

He was right. There was something horribly familiar about Pierce, but you couldn't quite place a finger on it. It was a face you had seen before, but nothing was ringing a bell just yet. The memory of it was blurry, distorted, and rushed. That was odd.

Pierce hums. "Then let's not stall for much longer. Did you bring what you owe me?"

"Only if you brought your end of the bargain." You raise your eyebrows expectantly.

He chuckles and reaches deep into his pocket. When his hand re-appears, it is clutching something in the shape of a small disc. What could that have possibly been? With a furrow of your brow, you reach into the pocket of your cloak and remove the small bag of credits. It falls onto the countertop with a dull _thunk_ and Pierce's eyes light up with greed. He reaches for it giddily, but you quickly cover it.

"Not so fast. I'd like to know where you got this. I don't want to be dealing with any syndicates or First Order officers coming to snoop around because of this disc. The Order has caused plenty of trouble for me in the past." Your grip on the credits tighten.

Piece smirks. "I guess you'll just have to trust me. That's the beauty of the trade, dollface. It's all about trust. Don't you agree?" He leans in, his breath hot and reeking of alcohol.

You slowly release the credits, knowing deep down that he was being truthful. Pierce scoops the bag up and immediately begins to sift through it. As you reach for the disc, his face falls and he quickly grabs you by the wrist. His fingers dig into your skin, causing you to wince loudly enough for the transmitter on your wrist to pick up.

"Let go of me." You order angrily.

"You're one credit short! A deal's a deal, princess!" Pierce snaps. "Give me back that disc so I can sell it to a client who actually pays."

You needed to think _fast_. Even if Pierce was lying about the credits falling short, there was no way you could pass this up. This was your only chance to retrieve this disc _and_ get Pierce caught for selling First Order parts.

"I could pay you in another way." You say quickly before Pierce has a chance to pull away.

A devious smirk spreads over his face. "Really? What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing of that sort," you huff. "But I can provide something else." You lean in to whisper, lips brushing his ear. " _Secrets_."

"Keep talking."

You rest your hand on his thigh. "That's right. _First Order_ secrets. I've had my fair share of sellers and buyers who are willing to tell me what I want to hear. A few of them were Order defectors and they've given me some interesting little bits of information."

"Anything that would be of interest to me?" Pierce narrows his eyes at you.

You nod smugly. "They have a storage facility in a nearby system. It's where they keep everything you could possibly imagine. Weapons, explosives, precious metals. I've heard rumors that _kyber crystals_ were kept there."

"Why would the First Order keep kyber crystals?" Pierce scoffs, rolling his eyes. Despite his dismissal, you could tell he was getting excited.

"They have two Force-Users." You smirk. "I'd say that's a plenty good reason, wouldn't you?"

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"You said it yourself. That's the beauty of the trade. It's all about trust, _dollface_." As you take another drink from your glass, Pierce pushes the disc back over to you.

He raises his glass to you and takes a drink. "It's surprising to me that a girl like _you_ is dealing in such a... dirty industry." His eyes flicker down to the short hem of your pretty little dress. "Then again, I'd say maybe not. How about you stay a little longer? I'll buy you a drink and after that..."

Your mind immediately shifts to Kylo, who you knew was listening from the alley. He was probably gritting his teeth so hard that they were about to crack. And you were right.

Kylo's grip on the small transmitter tightens, his gloves squeaking around his skin. He scowls down at it as he carefully listens to the conversation continue. If this man took it any further, he wouldn't hesitate to run in and give Pierce the beating of his life.

"I'd rather not. I have someone back home." Your voice replies.

Kylo swallows. His gaze flickering up to the Knights. They were listening just as intently as he was, but now they were glancing up at him. He shifts uncomfortably and returns his gaze to the blinking transmitter.

"I see," Pierce sounded a little disappointed, but he didn't seem to want to give in. "You must be wealthy... if you're wearing jewelry like this. I won't question your business, but one of these little bracelets costs more than what my life is worth to these scumbags."

"Don't touch that." There was panic in your voice and then a brief moment of silence.

"What the hell is that?" Pierce's voice was angry. Kylo flinches when he hears you gasp in pain. "That's a transmitter! You're wired! You little _bitch_!"

"Get in there." Kylo orders, ripping his lightsaber free as the transmission cuts off. "NOW!"

The Knights turn on their heels, sprinting towards the front of the cantina. They pull their weapons into their hands as they charge inside. Kylo's heart begins to pound as he follows closely on their tails. If Pierce had a knife or a Blaster on him, you could be dead already. He ignites his saber with a deadly roar. The people in the cantina look up in alarm as the door blows open. Surprisingly, they were already huddled against one side of the building in fear. Kylo comes to a screeching halt at the sight of you. You had Pierce pinned down on the ground with one stiletto in between his shoulder blades and his arm twisted behind him. He yells in pain, screaming a string of slurs.

"Watch them. Secure the door. No one comes in or out." Kylo spits.

His Knights obey without hesitation. Four of them spread out around the room to watch the crowd cowering back. The other two stand guard by the door with their weapons clutched tightly in their hands. Kylo storms over to where you are and nods at you. You slowly release Pierce and he flies to his feet, hand plunging into his coat. He rips a dagger free and whirls around, aiming right towards your jugular. You merely lift your hand and his eyes widen as the Force holds him in place, the blade centimeters from your skin. Kylo grabs onto Pierce's wrist and breaks it swiftly, causing the man to scream and fall to the ground. The blade clatters to the floor and you kick it aside.

"Who the hell are you?" Pierce demands, staring at you.

"Commander (L/N) of the First Order. Apprentice and Right Hand to the Supreme Leader." You unpin your cloak from your shoulders and pull your lightsaber free, letting the cloak fall limply to the ground at your silver heels.

Kylo tears his gaze away from you and looks down at Pierce. "Where did you get the disc?"

"Someone sold it to me, I swear!" Pierce yelps as Kylo lowers his saber, the heat searing his clothes. "I don't get any of the parts directly from the Order!"

"Who's your supplier?" Kylo demands angrily.

"The Black Sun! P-Please-" he sobs.

Your face falls when you realize exactly who this man was. The guard that killed Do'lona. Your hand curls into a tight fist, leaving red marks on your palm. You begin to grip your lightsaber hilt so tightly that your hand trembles. This man had taken the life of an innocent girl that you had recognized as a friend. He hadn't even felt any remorse for what he had done to her.

"Recognize him?" Kylo looks to you in surprise.

You nod stiffly, your lip curling back. "Remember me, _Pierce_? Or does Do'lona not serve as a daily reminder for you?"

His brow furrows for a moment, but it quickly fades away with realization. " _You!_ " Pierce gasps. "You're that little slave whore!"

"I never was!" You spit. "They tore me away from my life. _You_ played a part in that when you killed her." You look up to Kylo. "Do we need him?"

Kylo stares at Pierce. _Yes_. He looks back up at you. One look at the expression on your face and the angry glare in your eyes told him enough. You needed this and he wasn't going to be the one to take that away from you. "No."

With a swift motion, you activate your lightsaber. The hot, red blade swirls around you, before coming down across Pierce's shoulders and taking his head off before he could even gasp. His head rolls across the floor and lands at Kylo's feet. He looks down at it in disgust and nudges it aside with the toe of his boot.

"Come," he says to you as he hands the disc over to one of his Knights. "We're going back to the penthouse."

  
  


~

"Out." Kylo orders as the two of you reach the penthouse.

His Knights obey without question. They cram themselves back into the elevator, the doors shutting in their faces and taking them back down their own rooms. Kylo takes you by the wrist and begins to pull you back to his bedroom, his eyes dark with lust and hunger. The walk back up here had felt like eternity for him and now he couldn't wait any longer. He was so tempted to just rip that dress off of you in that elevator, even in front of the Knights of Ren. They would have enjoyed the show but Kylo couldn't have that. They had seen you once and once was enough.

Kylo turns around abruptly when his door slides shut. He takes you by both wrists and pins you against the wall, looking down at you hungrily. "You drive me crazy in this dress, you know that?" He slams his lips against yours.

You couldn't respond. Your heart felt like it was going to leap out of your chest and instead of kissing him back like you normally would have, you felt nauseous. Kylo senses this and pulls away, his lips hovering over yours in confusion. You take a deep breath and pull out of his grasp, crossing your arms over your chest as you turn away from him.

"What's wrong?" It sounded more like a demand than a genuine question coming from concern.

"I just..." you hesitate. "The last time someone treated me like this, I was a slave. It's stupid, I know, but I-"

Kylo cuts you off with a sigh. "It's not. Come here." You slowly walk back over to him and he gently tips your chin up. "We'll take it slow. If you want."

You nod stiffly and Kylo scoops you up in his arms. He had such a comforting grasp that you wished he held you more often. Affection like this was uncommon and it was a bit strange to see him so gentle with you. Especially when you were being intimate. Kylo sets you down in front of the bed and carefully turns you around. He slowly pulls down the zipper of your dress, greeting your skin with cold air. The dress falls to your ankles and you carefully step out of it.

He sits you down on the edge of the bed and kneels in front of you, reaching down for your feet. He fiddles with the clasp of your heel for a while, before managing to unbuckle it and slip the shoes off. Kylo presses a kiss to your shin. You watch--face burning red--as he sends a trail of kisses up your leg, his hands holding tightly onto your hips as he works his way up. Kylo presses his lips to your inner thigh, causing you to squirm under his grasp. He moves closer, still on his knees, and presses another kiss on your stomach, trailing them up and in between the valley of your breasts. You grip the sides of his face when he looks up at you, leaning down to gently kiss him.

Kylo returns the kiss eagerly, but he doesn't over-step the boundaries. Your lips moved with his in a slow, passionate dance. You had never felt anything like it before. It made your heart want to burst out of your chest. Kylo gently pushes you onto your back, his hands trailing down your curves to worship every inch of you. He was taking advantage of the fact that you couldn't wear a bra with that dress. His large hands cover your breasts, giving each one a tender squeeze and eliciting a soft moan from you. His hands slip down to your hips, from which he slowly tugs the lace panties you had worn. Kylo was nearly drooling at the sight of you fully exposed. You knew how eager and desperate he must have been, but he was doing an excellent job of controlling it.

"Hold onto something." He murmurs as he spreads your knees apart and places either of them on his shoulders.

You obey silently, tightly gripping onto the thick comforter. Fireworks explodes around you as pleasure shoots through your body. Sure, Kylo had done this before but never in this way. You arch your back away from the bed, whining as he licks a broad strip up your dripping cunt. His tongue circles your clit before his lips close around it, sucking contently. He hums to himself, sending vibrates through your lower belly and drawing another moan from you. Kylo's hands slide up your body to rest on your breasts once more. He kneads them tenderly as he works in between your legs.

"K-Kylo." You whine, tipping your head back.

" _Shh_ ," he murmurs against you. "Relax." Kylo reattaches his lips, his nose pressing against you as he skillfully works.

Your fingers dig into the comforter beneath you as your eyes roll back and your mouth falls into a small 'o.' You were getting closer and closer every time his tongue brushed over your cunt. How he managed to get you this close to your peak so fast, you had no clue. He was _perfect_.

You couldn't hold it back for much longer. "I'm close. _Oh_." Your jaw goes slack. " _Kylo."_

"Cum for me, Butterfly." He gives your breasts another squeeze.

You gasp and moan as you come onto Kylo's face. He pulls away, licking his lips as he crawls up to you. He braces himself on his forearm and on one hand above you, leaning down to kiss you. His lips tasted of yourself but also the way he did. You never got sick of the way he tasted and you hoped you never would. Kylo reaches down while he kisses you and you feel him free his hardened length. He pulls away and grunts softly as he runs his hand up and down his shaft, spreading his pre-cum down from the head of his cock.

"Ready?"

The word sounded almost foreign coming from him. You couldn't remember a single time when he had asked you if you were ready for him. The answer was yes, of course, but it still came as a surprise. A _pleasant_ surprise. There was no slapping, spitting, or degradation towards you. You didn't usually mind it but it made for a nice change at least once in a while. You wondered what would happen once you could be comfortable again. Surely this little 'gentle' phase wouldn't last very long.

Kylo lowers himself down. He slides the head of his cock over your folds, causing you to twitch. Eyes nearly black with lust, Kylo slips inside of you. His hips didn't slam against yours as they normally did. Instead, he only slides slowly in and out of you. Each thrust made him hiss as your walls clench around him. You slide your hands up under his arms, nails digging across his back as you moan.

"You did so-" he grunts "-good today. And you're doing so _good_ now." Kylo lowers his head, watching himself sliding in and out of your aching cunt. " _Fuck_. You're such a good girl."

You furrow your brow, pulling your bottom lip through your teeth. You bring one knee up and wrap your leg around him, trying to close the space between you two as your hips work rhythmically together.

" _Shit_. That secretary-" your heart sinks "-is _nothing_ compared to you. She just wanted to sleep with the-" another grunt "-Supreme Leader. You'll always be mine _. Say it."_

"I'll always be yours." You whisper, breathing hitching.

"This reminds me-" Kylo groans, biting down on his lip. "-of our first time. At the Temple." Kylo hisses, fighting back the urge to pick up the pace.

You tip your head back into the pillows. "You remember?"

"How could I forget?" He grunts as he hits your cervix. " _Fuck_. I'm gonna-"

You moan as he comes deeply into you--thank the maker for birth control implants--and lowers his head. Kylo kisses you passionately, continuing to thrust into you while he rides out his high. He curses and pulls himself out of you, stuffing his now soft cock back into his pants. You could tell he was disappointed that it was over so quickly, but he didn't complain. Kylo rises from the bed and disappears momentarily in the bathroom, returning with a soft towel in his hands. He carefully cleans his seed from in between your legs, being careful to avoid your aching cunt. Kylo tosses the towel aside and helps you up, collecting your dress from the floor. He tips your chin up once more and presses his lips to your forehead.

"Go get changed."

You practically skip back to your room with a smile on your face. Although your legs were a little sore, it was half as bad as it normally was when you and Kylo were finished. Upon reaching your room, you change into the short silk nightgown you had brought with you. Truthfully, you were going to be a little disappointed leaving Coruscant to go back to the Supremacy. It was so beautiful here and there were so many places in the galaxy that you wanted to visit. As you finish brushing your teeth and going through your messy hair, you decide to step onto the balcony for some fresh air. On the way there, a little grey box catches your attention. It was a radio of some sorts. How long had it been since you had heard music? With a small smile, you turn it on and lower the volume. A slow tune happened to be playing, filling the silence of your room with soft music.

The balcony was attached to your room, thankfully. You push open the double doors and step out onto the slick surface. It gave you a perfect view over the sprawling city. The sun was long gone, giving way to the perfect darkness of night. Hundreds of stars litter the night sky, like sequins on black fabric. Below you, ships and speeders fly back and forth through their lanes. Colorful advertisements and lights in windows fill the darkness with life. The sound of ship engines whizzing by and the distant hum of conversation is softened by the sound of the quiet music playing in your room. It was perfect.

You were so lost in the beauty of the endless city, that you didn't notice Kylo entering your room until he was right behind you. He wraps his arms around you to press a kiss to the top of your head, before releasing you and joining you on the balcony. Kylo leans against the thick railing, gazing out at the view.

"Do we have to go back?" You sigh softly.

Kylo glances at you. "We have responsibilities now. As much as I'd like to stay... we can't."

You pout. "Oh, what's a few more days going to hurt?"

"I admire your eagerness, but plenty could go wrong in a few days. Especially with those imbeciles you and I are forced to work with. _Hux_ for example. If anything went wrong, he would use it against me." Kylo scoffs softly. "Can I confide in you?"

"Go for it." You chuckle.

"Sometimes I wish I never took this position. I could be spending my days away from the wars. Flying ships and living in places like this." He sighs.

"Why don't you?" You say excitedly. "We could leave the First Order behind. Leave the _Force_ behind. You could be free." You smile to yourself, sliding your hand over the railing. "When we were at the Temple, you used to talk about taking your father's ship and traveling through the galaxy together. You were so set on visiting Naboo because of your grandparents. I-"

"People change." Kylo says rather coldly. "Plans change. You should know that better than anyone. I left it all behind for a reason. We both did."

"I left because I thought _you_ were dead." Your voice turns angry.

Kylo turns and glares at you. "You still don't understand. I thought you were smarter than that. I did what I had to do and I don't regret it. I taught myself to let the past go. Kill it if I have to. Why can't you do the same?"

"If I forget the past, I forget the people. I forget _you_. You were my best friend, Kylo. It was you and me from day one. Surely you haven't forgotten what that was like."

"Of course I haven't." He snaps, turning back to face the city. "How could I forget that? I could never leave that part behind, no matter how hard I try to push it away. Did you have dreams? Visions? When I left."

"Every night." You reply softly. "It was always of your face and that night. The night we first..."

Kylo lets out a breathy laugh. "You were so nervous." He pauses. "I kept getting visions of the night the Temple burned down. You wouldn't remember, but I came into your hut that night. To kill you. I thought I would be able to go through with it. Snoke instructed me to. But I couldn't do it... I just... _couldn't_."

You pick at your nails. "Why do you think that is?" You wanted him to say it although you knew he couldn't.

"I don't know." He replies quietly. _Liar_. "There's... there's something you should know." Kylo reaches into his pocket and pulls out something shiny. He holds his hand out to you and you gasp, grabbing onto his wrist.

"My old necklace?" Your eyes light up. " _Kylo,_ I thought I lost it in the fire. _You_ took it?"

Kylo nods stiffly, staring down at the silver chain. His thumb slides over the little pendent. The butterfly pendent. He had gone home for a few weeks and when he returned to the Temple, that necklace was what he had brought back for you. After that day, you only took it off to sleep or shower. Even though Master Luke had always discouraged wearing jewelry while training, you always stuffed it into your robes to keep it hidden.

"Do you mind?" You turn away from him, moving your hair out of the way.

Kylo hesitates, but obliges. He manages to open the clasp and hang the necklace around your neck. When the clasp shuts, he releases it and it goes limp. The cold metal presses against your skin and you beam down at it. You beam up at Kylo and his lips part. He looked as though he wanted to say something. Instead, he turns away and pushes a hand through his thick black hair, seemingly frustrated.

"Goodnight." Kylo says gruffly, stalking back into your room.

Discouraged, you hurry after him and grab onto his shoulder, turning him back around. Kylo stares into your eyes, waiting for you to say something. You glance at the little radio and back at him, taking him by the wrist.

"Dance with me, Supreme Leader." You tease.

"I don't _dance_." Kylo snaps.

"You do now." You place one of his hands on your waist and take the other in your hand.

Kylo tenses up as you begin to move to the slow, romantic jazz music. Eventually, he starts to give in. It wasn't much, but it was enough for you. One step forward, to the side, back again, and once more to the side. All while slowly turning in a circle. You had to admit, it felt odd dancing with the Supreme Leader, but it made you think of the old times and you began to feel at home again. Kylo begins to relax, gripping your hand tighter as you rest your head on his broad chest. Your eyes sink shut, hearing his heart beating through his clothes. You hadn't felt this much joy in a long time. Everything felt right in the galaxy, even if it was just for a little while.

"What would people say if they saw the Supreme Leader slow-dancing?" You chuckle softly.

"They would think less of me." Kylo quietly pulls away and your face falls.

You reach for him. "Kylo, I-I was just-"

"But you're right." He backs away. "I can't do this. Goodnight, (Y/N). I'll see you in the morning." Kylo wordlessly leaves your room and the sound of jazz slowly fades away.

You stare blankly at the spot he had just occupied moments before. Slowly, you lift your hand and gingerly graze the cold necklace that was now back in your possession. It was the same necklace but it was given to you by a different person this time. Kylo Ren would never truly be happy, no matter how much of yourself you gave to him. There was only so much you could do before you started hurting yourself. Why couldn't he just admit things to you instead of bottling them up? He was hurting you more than he would ever know. There was only pain you felt every time you were with him. Something just always happened to go wrong.

You carefully crawl into bed, slipping in between the cool sheets. As you roll onto your side, you stare blankly into the darkness. Was this what you wanted? Was this what _he_ wanted? If you gave your heart to Kylo Ren, there was always a chance he would break it in half. That man couldn't love anyone. That's what it felt like, at least. He wasn't the same boy you knew at the Temple. Ben Solo was who you had fallen in love with and Kylo Ren was the person who didn't return your feelings. Why waste your tears? ' _Love is weird.'_ Do'lona was right. If you could call your feelings for Kylo love then why did it hurt so much? Surely love didn't hurt this much.

Love had brought you so much pain in the past. That fact hit you harder than a freighter. Your love for Ben was crushed when he faked his own death and left. The love you felt for Xian was shattered by his _real_ death. Any small pieces of love you had left, you gave to Kess because he offered you comfort. Then he betrayed you and threw it all away. How could ever trust again? How could you ever _love_ again? Especially someone like Kylo Ren. Surely this was going to end the exact same way. With you crying and with him not regretting a single thing he had done to you. What you wanted was closure and once that was given to you, you finally started to accept him again. And now what?

The soft jazz music lulls you to sleep and you begin to slip into darkness. The ghost of Kylo Ren's face still fresh in your mind.

  
  


  
  


  
  



	35. ~Vandor~

You are awoken rather rudely the next morning. Loud chatter and shuffling was coming from the main room in the penthouse. It sounded like dozens of people were hurrying around and packing. Just as you sit up groggily, your door slides open and Kylo storms inside, his black cloak fluttering at his ankles. You pull up your blanket and hug your knees to your chest, furrowing your brow as Stormtroopers scurry in and begin to shove your clothes back into your bags.

"What's going on?" You demand.

Kylo crosses his arms. "We're leaving."

"But we have another day here." You whine, gesturing to the city outside your windows. "Why can't we stay?"

"Because," he grabs your bra from the dresser and flings it at a rather flustered trooper. "The Resistance has been spotted on the planet Vandor. We've gotten word that they're targeting one of our weapons facilities. It requires our immediate departure. Apparently the scavenger is with them."

You rise from the bed in your nightgown. "I'm not packed for Vandor's climate. I'll freeze to death before we get a chance to fight."

"All taken care of." Kylo gestures to the troopers dragging in a bag. "Get changed and report down to the landing pad. And hurry up." He storms out of your room, followed closely by the Stormtroopers carrying your belongings.

You couldn't hide your disappointment. All you wanted to do today was explore Coruscant and now it was going to be replaced by a day of work. A part of you wondered if Kylo was doing this just to get back at you for last night, but that was just petty thinking. As you shed your nightgown and begin to change into the heavy black snow clothes, you silently complain about having to leave. You tug on gloves, snow boots, and pin a thick cloak around your shoulders as the finishing touches over your armor. A leather holster for your lightsaber is fastened around your hips and upper-thigh. It sits snugly against your pant leg.

As you start towards your door, you turn and look around the room one last time, staring specifically in the place that you and Kylo had slow-danced in. That might have been the last time he would do something like that with you. This could very well have been the last trip that wasn't for work. You sigh and turn on your heel, keeping your eyes down as you step into the elevator. The doors close, blocking your view into the emptied penthouse. When the elevator lets you out, you quickly approach the rumbling command shuttle in front of which Kylo was standing.

He places his hand on your lower back as you pass by, giving you an extra push onto the ship. The ramp retracts behind you and the door slides shut. You sit down in your seat and strap yourself in just in time for the shuttle to lift off and shoot forward at high speeds. All throughout the trip through the swirling mass of Hyperspace, Kylo doesn't look at you once. He was too busy staring off into nothingness or fiddling with his lightsaber. You could tell he was in deep concentration. You were curious as to what he was thinking about, but you also had a feeling he wasn't going to tell you anytime soon.

You bite your lip and close your eyes, focusing on reaching out towards him with the Force. Kylo had taught you a variation of a Jedi mind trick known as the mind probe. It was difficult at first, but having a Force bond with Kylo made it easier than normal. Hoping he didn't decide to turn to look at you, your fingers twitch as you extend your arm ever so slightly in his direction. It wasn't enough to be made obvious, but he would be able to figure it out if he saw you. Shivers run down your spine at sight of the visions filling your mind. Visions of Kylo storming through a snowy forest. A girl appearing in front of him with a glowing blue lightsaber in her hand. They had fought viciously, but Kylo hadn't been using all of his strength on her. He had been hurt badly by a Blaster wound to the side. Then another image came into your mind. An image of the girl standing far away from him, only victoriously. Kylo was crumpled in the snow with a horrible lightsaber burn across his face.

With a sudden swing, you are pushed out of the memory just as quickly as you had been brought into it. When your eyes snap open and you look up, Kylo was glaring daggers at you accusingly.

"Stay out of my head." He snaps.

You shift in your seat. "I understand that you want revenge, but you need to be cautious. Redirect your anger into your fighting... just like how you taught me."

Kylo stares at you before lowering his eyes and staring back down at his lightsaber hilt. He remains completely silent for the remainder of the trip. As soon as the command shuttle bursts out of Hyperspace, the swirling white and grey planet of Vandor comes into view. The mere _sight_ of the planet was enough to give you chills. The entire shuttle rumbles more than ever as it passes through the layer of dense clouds. Strong, icy winds batter it around and make it nearly impossible for the pilots to get good visuals. They rely solely on their sonar equipment to guide them safely to the base. Or at least, they would have if it weren't for the massive explosions guiding the way.

Kylo was on his feet before the shuttle even landed. Not wanting him to think you were unprepared--which you were--you unwillingly unfasten your restraints and rise shakily to your feet. The cabin lurches, nearly sending you onto the floor at Kylo's feet. His arm shoots towards you and he tightly grips you by the wrist, eyes glued on the view he was given through the cockpit.

"We're making our approach, Supreme Leader!" The co-pilot calls over his shoulder.

The shuttle shakily settles down on the ground and the door slides open, sending a chilling blast of strong wind barreling through. You immediately shiver, clutching onto your lightsaber as though the metal hilt would give you warmth. Kylo ducks out of the ship and snowflakes invade his wild black hair, latching onto his clothes and little bits of exposed skin. The cold weather flushes your cheeks and the tip of your nose, causing you to sniffle as you squint through the howling flurries of snow.

Vandor was a planet of pure snow and winter. It was home to rocky terrains, dead forests, glaciers, and bodies of water layered with thick ice. Unless one knew the planet well, traveling without a group would surely bring about death. The sun was hidden behind those thick grey clouds painting the sky. The deep snow crunches beneath your feet. It felt as though at any second, you would step in the wrong place and get buried in up to your waist. The clanking of Stormtrooper armor drowns out the noise of the wind, redirecting your attention to the severity of the situation.

Just over the ridge, dozens of Rebel soldiers were invading and raiding one of the First Order's weapons facilities. They were no doubt taking what they could and blowing up the rest. Up overhead, the new fleet of TIE Fighters were at battle with a large group of X-Wings, filling the sky with red and green streaks. Kylo's cloak whips behind him as he begins to trek up over the ridge, leading the army of Stormtroopers behind him. As you reach the top, the two of you stay in positions while your troopers charge into battle. It was hard to see them through the slurry of white.

"There." Kylo snarls, his angry eyes narrowed at a grey ship parked just a ways away from the crumbling base.

You recognized the ship almost instantly. The Millennium Falcon. That hunk-of-junk had been Han Solo's pride and joy. You had joined the Solo family for dinner only once and he couldn't seem to stop boasting about how the ship had made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Ben had always been so set about sweeping you up with that ship and traveling the galaxy in it. He had been so fond of it. Now the only thing in his eyes when he looked at it was anger, pain, and frustration. You didn't blame him for it. Suddenly, a blur of movement in a nearby treeline catches your eye.

"There-" you exclaim, pointing towards the edge of the dead forest.

A girl was trekking through the snow alongside another man. She wore dark grey robes and kept her hair out of her face in three distinctive buns. You recognized her immediately as the scavenger Kylo had taken aboard the Finalizer. You didn't, however, recognize the man she was with. He had darker skin and hair cut close to his head. Other than his brown and red leather jacket, he would have blended in with the other Resistance fighters. He seemed rather anxious; always glancing over his shoulder. You look to Kylo for his reaction upon seeing them. As his eyes land on the girl, you feel his rage intensifying tenfold. Without warning, he ignites his crackling saber and begins to storm towards her.

You take this as a signal to activate your own lightsaber. The red blade that sprung free was much more stabilized than Kylo's and you preferred it that way. Although it gave his a rather intimidating effect, it felt as though it was going to explode at any second when it was in your hands. You hurry after him, your breaths coming out in thin streams against the bitterly cold air.

"Cowards." Kylo spits, storming after them as they hurry into the forest.

You spy them coming across a massive clearing and slowing down their pace while they cross it. As you step into the clearing, you realize why. Half of it was being devoured by a lake being frozen over. The ice was incredibly thick, but enough pressure could break it. You carefully step forward, listening to it crunch and groan beneath your feet. Kylo leads the way across the deadly frozen path, although he was a little quicker than you were. The scavenger and the man she was with had stopped as well and they were facing you. Obviously they were through with running.

Kylo safely makes it across and you follow just behind him, sighing with relief with your feet hit the snow banks once more. Your gaze lifts and you lock eyes with the man.

"Finn." The girl turns to him. "Take this and run."

"Rey-" he argues as she forces a small metal object into his hands.

"Just _go_." She snaps.

Finn--as he is deemed--doesn't waste anymore time. He shoves the object into his pocket and turns on his heel, running back through the woods in the direction you had come from. You look to Kylo, awaiting your master's orders. He didn't seem to be concerned about what Finn was carrying. He only had his eyes on the girl. Your eyes flicker down to his hand, noticing how tight he was gripping the hilt of his weapon.

"Hand over that lightsaber." Kylo growls. "And the map to Luke Skywalker. You'll regret the day you crossed the First Order."

Rey ignites the saber and brings it up to her face, widening her stance. You nearly scoff at the sight. Her lack of training was obvious and laughable. Her dark, stormy eyes move momentarily over to you as you twirl your saber through your fingertips as a challenge, now gaining a boost of confidence.

"No." You blink up at Kylo in surprise. He doesn't take his eyes off of the scavenger girl. "This fight is between me and her."

"We can kill her easily if we-"

Kylo thrusts a gloved finger in your face angrily. "Stay _here_."

You glare at him and step back, watching closely as he approaches the girl. Rey's grip around the black and silver lightsaber tightens. With a yell, she brings it down towards Kylo. He deflects it almost lazily. If his ego wasn't pushing him to make a show of things, she would already be dead. If it was up to _you_ she'd have been dead a long, long time ago. She should have been executed the moment she refused to comply.

Kylo sends the hilt of his saber crashing into her side, causing her to wince and double over. She manages to drop to the ground and roll out of the way just in time to avoid his next swing. Rey's swing towards him sends her saber sawing through a tree. She grunts as she rips the blade free and the tree groans. It begins to tip over, slamming into the ground with a spray of snow. Kylo's saber collides with hers in a light-show of sparks.

"It's not too late!" He shouts over the sound of the blades grinding together.

" _Never!"_ She replies venomously.

Kylo pushes her blade aside and turns his back to her, readjusting his grip on his heavy weapon. He turns around when he hears her charging once more. As they go back and forth, you begin to grow antsy. You felt completely useless just standing and watching when you could very well be helping and ending this fight. _Fuck it,_ you activate your saber once more and start towards the fight, teeth grit with determination.

"( _Y/N)!"_ Kylo yells angrily as your saber comes down in between them. "Get back!"

You choose to ignore him, pushing away the glowing blue blade of the saber in Rey's clutches. She stumbles backwards, staring at you in horror. Clearly she hadn't been expecting you to join the fight as well. Rey raises her lightsaber but you could see her hands trembling now. Kylo takes a furious step towards you, but you are quicker. Twirling your saber, you start towards Rey. She winces as your blades connect. Each of your strokes were more powerful than the last. In terms of training, you had the upper-hand. Rey grunts as she pushes away your saber. She isn't, however, fast enough to block your next move. Your saber slides along the inside of her thigh, sending her onto the ground in pain.

"I told you to stay back! This isn't your fight!" Kylo roars, thrusting his hand towards you.

You gasp as you are flung from your feet and sent hurdling through the air. When you come back down, you slam painfully into the snow at the base of some rocks. Snow invades your mouth, nose, and clothing. Immediately your body begins to fight back, shutting down from the unbearable cold. With a wince of pain and your last bits of determination, you manage to prop yourself up on the rock to catch your breath.

"Poe!" Rey lifts her transmitter to her lips in panic. "Come in! NOW! I need-" she stumbles back to avoid Kylo's vicious swing "- _help_!"

You furrow your brow, eyes widening at the sight of a single X-Wing hurdling towards the fight. It breaks away from the battle at the base and directs its aim towards the forest. "KYLO!"

He looks up and the last thing you see before a shot slams into the ground is the fear in his eyes. Snow sprays up and the ground beneath your feet trembles. Rey is thrown away from him from the impact, but lands in the snow unscathed. You couldn't even see Kylo from where you were, but you knew you had to get to him. Unfortunately that put you right in Rey's path. The sight of her rising to her feet made cold anger spark within you. Your lightsaber flies to your palm and you charge towards her.

Rey gasps as a single powerful strike of your saber sends her tumbling back into the snow. You pin her down with ease, lightsaber poised above her chest readily. Then you hear it. The loud cracking of ice splintering and a short yell of fright. _Kylo_. If he had fallen into the water then he wouldn't last a minute.

"Choose-" Rey grunts from beneath you, her eyes trained on your lightsaber "-kill me or save him."

Time was ticking. You immediately rise and run towards the place you had heard him shouting from. To your horror, the hole through which he had fallen was already starting to freeze over again. The water would be horribly cold and without a way out, Kylo would either drown or freeze to death. You slide across the ice on your knees through a blur of desperate tears. With a loud cry, you slam the glowing blade of your saber into the ice. It hisses and sizzles from the contact. You grit your teeth, sawing through the thick layer. It was proving to be more difficult than you presumed and Kylo's time was running out.

You finally manage to cut a decent sized gash through the ice. With a breath and a wail of pain, you thrust your hand into the icy water, submerging your entire arm in what felt like pins and needles. A single brush of cloth against your numb hand was all you needed. You close your fist around it and rip it upwards, dragging Kylo along with it. He was unconscious.

"No-" you cry "-please!" You hook your arms under his in a weak attempt to lift him.

Through the cold, the weight of his body, and now his sopping clothes weighing him down, this was nearly impossible. You are forced to release him, closing your eyes and concentrating instead on the Force. His body sinks further and further away from the surface, fading away in the inky darkness of the watery grave. With your lips pressed together and your entire body now shaking violently, you extend your hand towards the lake. Even when you hear the rush of water, you don't let go. It was taking every ounce of your strength just to lift him and you couldn't lose even a second of concentration. Your eyes snap open when you hear his body landing in the snow with a loud crunch. You drag yourself over to him as hot tears pour down your freezing face.

Kylo's skin was paler than ever and his lips were tinged blue. Both his clothes were drenched in water. His dark hair was sopping and plastered to his face. You sob, blindly clawing at his cloak in a feeble attempt to remove it. You manage to get it off and fling it aside. Kylo's chest wasn't moving.

"Please-" you beg, pressing the base of your hands on his chest.

You push down as hard as you can over and over again. It was incredible that you were managing to do anything through your tears and cold, weakened muscles. With shaking fingers, you tip his head back and pinch his nose shut, pressing your lips against his to deliver oxygen to his filled lungs. You had been taught this before, but now your mind was fuzzy and your senses were heightened. You move back down to his chest, sitting on top of his hips in a straddle to give yourself even more leverage.

A sob of relief escapes your lips as Kylo gasps and begins to cough up the water in his lungs. His entire body was shaking so violently from the cold that it was unreal. Still on top of him, you lean down and wrap your arms tightly around his neck.

"I thought I lost you," you wail. "A-Again."

Your lips slam against his when you pull away, trembling hands cupping the sides of his face. His eyes take in your terrified expression. You quickly remove your heavy cloak and wrap it around him as much as you could, rubbing his arms to create warmth. You wrap your arms around him, bringing him up to your semi-warm body. Kylo's chapped, icy lips press together in order to stop his teeth from chattering as he rests his chin on your shoulder. Other than the shivering, he wasn't moving. It wasn't much warmth he was receiving with you on top of him, but anything helped. You pull away long enough to fish out your transmitter.

"W-We need an immediate evacuation. We're in a c-clearing. The Supreme Leader is injured. I-I can't carry him." Your hands were trembling so much that it might have even been worse than Kylo.

"Copy that." A voice replies.

"I'm sorry." Your voice comes out in a hushed whisper. "I-I couldn't save you from falling a-and I don't know-"

Kylo grabs you by the front of your robes, pulling you down and pressing his lips against yours. He doesn't pull away for an extended period of time. When he finally does, he presses his forehead to yours and wraps his arms around you. "For warmth."

You crack a weak smile. "For warmth."

  
  


  
  


  
  



	36. ~Palace of Gold~

" _Absolutely_ not!" You exclaim angrily.

You storm after Kylo in a pointless attempt to stop him as he stuffs both his and your clothes in bags. He blatantly ignores you, brushing you off lazily every time you grab onto his robes or his arm. In one last attempt, you park yourself in front of the closet, gripping tightly onto the door frame. Kylo stares at you in exasperation, crossing his arms over his chest. You stare back stubbornly, as if telling him you weren't going anywhere. With a heavy sigh, he reaches out and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you away with ease. He turns, sets you down, and continues digging through the closet.

"I won't let you." You huff, scooping up one of the bags and holding it out behind you.

Kylo reaches for it--his arms were much longer than yours--causing you to back up and twist out of his grasp. He sighs. "You don't have a choice. We're going and you're coming with me."

"But in your condition-" you protest "-it's not a good idea. You just _left_ the medical ward without even getting officially dispatched."

"I don't take orders from anyone. Not even doctors. Hand it over." He reaches for it once more and you squirm free, clutching the bag as tightly as possible.

About an hour ago, Kylo Ren was still laying in the hospital wing with a stunningly low body temperature. You two had just recently gotten back from Vandor and the doctors had left him alone to fetch some more heating pads. The moment they had left, General Hux and a team of officers stormed into the room to speak with him. Whatever they had discussed must have been motivational enough for Kylo to leave with them. He had burst into your quarters unannounced to begin packing. All that he had said was 'we're going to Sarka.'

"No! This is a horrible idea. What if you get sick? What if there's something wrong with you? The doctors wouldn't allow it and-"

Kylo stops trying to reach the bag to pause and snigger in amusement. "They have doctors on Sarka too. Is the commander of the First Order concerned?" He teases.

You brace your hand on his chest to stop him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He rolls his eyes and scoops you up, slinging you over his shoulder as though you weighed nothing. Kylo tosses you onto the bed and wrestles the bag from your hands, returning once more to that damned closet. You scramble to your feet in annoyance.

"Would you at least tell me why we're going there?" You jut out a hip and plant your hands on your hips.

Kylo brushes past you and opens the heavy door, tossing the bags into the hallway for the Stormtroopers to take care of. He turns around to face you with another sigh. "We have business with the queen. Sarka has been a rather prominent and valuable ally to the First Order. Snoke had a good amount of deals with her but once he was... _executed_ , the queen never got her end of the bargain. Now she's threatening to pull out of the alliance."

"Don't you usually just threaten to destroy their planets? That seems to work." You smile sarcastically.

He nudges your chin with his pointer finger. "You'll soon find that violence doesn't solve every problem we have."

"Neither does disregarding health." You retort calmly. "I'm not going."

"Is that supposed to be a threat?" Kylo cock a brow. You cross your arms in response and he shakes his head, chuckling. "I'll see you there."

Before you can react, Kylo extends his hand towards you. You feel the Force swarming your mind before everything goes to black and your limp body is swept up into his strong arms. When you finally come to, you are strapped to your chair aboard the command shuttle. Your head snaps up and you glare furiously at Kylo.

"Finding this amusing?" You seethe as he begins to chuckle again.

He smirks. "Extremely."

"We won't stay for long. Promise me." You cross your arms.

Kylo sighs. "I promise."

Kylo takes his seat as the ship rumbles to life. The ramp slides in as the door seals itself and the shuttle lifts off from the ground. It pitches as it shoots off into the star-studded depths of space. After only a few minutes of flying, it blasts into the swirling blue masses of Hyperpsace for yet another long flight.

  
  


After about five hours of flying through Hyperspace--which was considered short compared to some of the other flights you had taken--the shuttle finally exits and the stunning planet of Sarka comes into view. Even just the sight of it from outer space was enough to take your breath away. You had never seen a greener planet in your entire life. The surface was covered with abundant shades of emerald and faint specks of blue. Thin white clouds hang in the planet's upper-atmosphere, reducing to faint puffs as the shuttle pushes through them. There was hardly any wind resistance upon entry and once those clouds cleared, you were given a view unlike the rest.

Every inch was covered in rich, thick forests and jungles. Ethereal and oddly shaped mountains jutted out from the treetops. The grey stone was speckled with green and the dark outlines of caverns and cave systems. The sky was a crystal clear blue. Hardly any ships flew, allowing the existence of a variety of birds and butterflies. Thin blue streams and gushing rivers flowed in between the trees, giving way into lakes and dazzling waterfalls that climbed higher and higher, sending sprays down to form transparent rainbows. Glittering cities and towns were widely spread apart and each was cleaner than the one before it. Sarka's pride and joy seemed to lie with its wildlife and you could see why. You couldn't seem to close your mouth or stop gawking at it.

"I had the same reaction when I first saw it." Kylo admits, glancing up at you.

"You've been here before?" Your eyebrows raise in surprise.

He nods stiffly. "A couple of times..."

The command shuttle pulls around in a tight circle and slowly comes down, landing on a round landing zone. As the door opens, a gentle breeze blows into the cabin. You eagerly rise from your seat, Kylo close at your heels, and rush down the ramp to gaze around. Everything about this place seemed to be perfect. The temperature was warm, but not too warm to be uncomfortable and the breeze brought in crisp streams of air. Your black cloak flutters in the wind, moving in perfect harmony with the rest of the planet.

Stormtrooper armor clanks together as they follow behind you and Kylo. You couldn't stop staring at the wondrous sights that had been placed before you. The landing zones around the palace were branched out and came together in one big path lined with neatly trimmed hedges. They were in the center of stunning gardens that appeared to surround the entire palace. The palace itself was isolated in the center of the forest, but it was impossible to miss. It towers above you with glimmering bronze and golden curved walls. Swirling pillars and spires reached high in the clear, sapphire sky. The walls were made from bricks of cream colors, gold metals, and shining windows. Climbing ivy devoured some parts of the castle, but it was well-managed and perfectly trimmed. The tallest tower held a massive crystal that reflected the shine of the sun. Waterfalls pour down from the castles sides, creating a rushing river covered by an enchanting bridges.

The corners of Kylo's lips twitch when he sees your marveled expression. He moves closer to you and lowers his voice so that his troopers couldn't overhear. "I should warn you about this queen. Everything in this place is extravagant and she's the same. She's a little... friendly." When you give him a puzzled look he waves it aside. "Forget it. You'll see when you meet her."

You glance up and see gold-armored guards at the palace's mouth ready to greet the incoming party. Your hand subconsciously settles on your saber. "What's her name? The queen?"

"Queen Syala Haren of Sarka." Kylo replies dryly, silencing himself as a guard steps forward.

"Welcome Supreme Leader," he bows his head, "and you as well, Commander. Follow me." The guard turns on his heel, his armor clanking together as he guides you into the palace.

You force yourself to keep your mouth closed when the interior of the palace comes into view. The floors were made of slick white and gold marble tiles. Swirling pillars supported the grand arched ceilings. Arches on either side of the hallway lead off to different hallways and swirling staircases. You itched to explore.

There, at the end of the grand hall, sat a marvelous golden throne. And atop that very throne sat the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. Your gaze shifts immediately over to Kylo, who kept his eyes glued on the queen, a smirk tugging at his lips. Her beauty could only be described as ethereal; just like the rest of her planet. Queen Syala Haren had raven hair that tumbled to her waist in gentle curls. Her pale face was framed by her hair and her high cheekbones. Thick dark eyelashes complimented her green-blue eyes. Her dainty nose was small and lightly curved. She had a single beauty mark above the corner of her full lips. Atop her head sat an impressive crown of gold and clear jewels. As she rises to her feet, her dark blue gown spills from the throne, fanning around her in a long train. The dress had a diamond cutout in the neckline, showing off the prominent curve of her breasts. You instantly felt a spark of jealousy as your insecurities flare. She looked to be only a year or so older than Kylo himself.

"Kylo Ren," a smile spreads across her beautiful face. "It's been a long time."

Kylo bows his head. It was strange to see him so... _peaceful_. She glides towards him on her tall heels, opening her arms to greet him. Syala tightly grips his shoulders and leans in, planting a kiss on both of his cheeks. She takes a step back and beams at him. "Still as handsome as ever."

"It's good to see you. You're still as stunning as the last time I saw you." He nods. He seemed like an entirely different person.

You look at him expectantly, waiting for a proper introduction. Unfortunately he seemed too preoccupied exchanging gazes with the queen. Your blood begins to boil when you notice Kylo's eyes tracing her figure, lingering on the curve of her breasts for too long. You clear your throat. "Commander (L/N) of the First Order and Right Hand to the Supreme Leader."

Syala's eyes flicker up and down your body, lingering on the lightsaber at your hip. She plants a painfully fake smile on her face. " _Charmed_."

You grit your teeth as you bow your head. "A pleasure to meet you, Your Highness. If I might say so, you're beautiful."

She smirks. "As are you." Syala arches a brow at Kylo, glancing briefly back at you. "I was unaware that you were going to arrive with... company."

Kylo chuckles to push her comment aside. "Excuse my apprentice. We're purely here for business purposes."

_Fucking liar_ , you think. When Syala momentarily turns her back, Kylo sharply pinches your arm to scold you. The queen turns around once more and beams at Kylo. "What brings you here, old friend?"

"I'm sure you already know the answer to that, Syala." He lifts his eyebrows.

Syala sighs. "Unfortunately yes. Tell you what, we can settle this over dinner this evening? You _and_ your... Right Hand." She looks you up and down again. "My handmaidens can get you changed for this evening. Surely you don't expect to come to dinner wearing _that_."

You fight back the urge to strangle her, planting a smile on your face instead. "Of course not, Your Highness."

As if on cue, two handmaidens rush forward to accompany you elsewhere. You look to Kylo, but he wasn't looking at you. His glittering eyes were glued on Syala as she laughs. "We have a lot of catching up to do, old friend."

He nods. "We do."

"Let's take a walk. Much had changed since your last visit." She gestures toward the glass double doors beside her throne.

Kylo offers her his arm and she takes it, walking much too close by his side for your comfort. As the doors open for the two of them, you watch angrily as Kylo places his hand on her lower back, guiding her outside. Before you could get another eyeful, the handmaidens drag you away to your new room. They lead you up a spiral of marble steps, past curved hallways, down richly decorated halls, before finally coming to a halt in front of a pair of gold doors. The handmaidens bow their heads to you and quickly duck out of the room, shutting the door to give you your privacy.

You turn and your breath catches in your throat. It seemed that you becoming breathless at the sights was going to be a common occurrence. The white walls were trimmed with gold--which seemed to be the palace's color theme--and the white marble floor was decorated with a handsome rug. The white furniture was expensive and cleaned to perfection. Every decoration and item served a purpose and was placed expertly. A golden crystal chandelier filled the room with bright light. There were no windows in the room, but there were double doors covered with sheer white curtains that led out to a balcony.

Curious about what was behind one of the two doors in the room, you gently tug it open. Your jaw falls slack at the sight of the closet. It was filled to the brim with the most beautiful dresses you had seen in your life. Your own closet consisted of blacks and greys but this one held every single color imaginable. Each one was more grand than the last. You felt like you were living in a fairytale. Your hand skims over the light fabrics, flowers, and beads; overwhelmed by the all of the choices before you. Then you pause. _This one_. You knew it was petty but you wanted a dress so beautiful that it slammed Syala into next week. You were sure that the closet held better options, but this seemed like a good start. Now all you had to do was wait.

As the hours drag by, night falls and you begin to realize that nobody was coming for you. Not even Kylo had popped in. Your mind instantly goes to the worst possible thing. He and Syala seemed... close. What if they had gotten _too_ close? You try to push the thought away but now it was glued to your mind. With a shudder, you set your lightsaber down and remove your dark robes. You had already done some light makeup with cream colors and nude shades to match the dress and now your hair was neatly curled and swept up in a low knot. You quickly slip your feet into a pair of high heels and cautiously step into the dress pooled on the ground. Somehow you manage to zip yourself up once you have it on correctly.

The light layers of the dress swirl around your legs, brushing aside to reveal a high slit as you walk down the hallway. The long train drags on the steps behind you, giving you a childish feeling of giddiness. You ask one of the guards which way the dining room is and he points you down yet another hall, towards a tall pair of white doors. Your heart begins to beat faster with every step you take. As you reach the door, you slowly reach for the handle, hesitating when you do so. You take a deep breath and push the door open, giving way into a massive dining room.

A long table sat in the very center of the room. It was covered with a white tablecloth and dozens of golden dishes holding every kind of food imaginable. Polished candelabras hardly brought any light to the bright room, but they were beautiful. The mere sight of it made your mouth water. Three places were set very neatly for you, Kylo, and the queen. Dishes of china had been placed on embroidered cloth place-mats. There were only three chairs, but you knew the table had been stripped just before that so it could accommodate the three of you.

Upon hearing you enter, both Kylo and Syala look up. Your eyes first land on the queen to see what she was wearing. To your dismay, her gown was even more lavish and absolutely stunning. It was a deep red color covered with ruffled layers and a train that spilled several feet away from the table. Once again, her breasts were shown off by a low neckline that nearly reached her naval. Her lips were painted red and her black hair had been swept out of her face like yours. When did she change? Was Kylo with her when she did? You swallow dryly and shift your gaze over to Kylo. It was no surprise that he was still in his black robes. What if he hadn't been expecting you to actually change? His black hair had been combed neatly and it was clear he had washed up, but nothing else was different. His brown eyes were glued to you as he looks you up and down. You spy his adam's apple bobbing in his throat when he traces out your leg in the high slit of the dress.

"A good choice." Syala nods to you, but her words sounded forced.

"Thank you for the dresses, Your Majesty." You give her a bitter smile and take your seat at the table.

"Now that we're all here," Kylo rips his gaze from you and looks to the queen. "I think we should get down to business."

She sighs. "Why don't we eat first?"

He shakes his head. "No, Sy. _Now_."

Your head snaps up at once. _Sy?_ He had a nickname for her? What a dickhead. With your mouth now dry, you raise the golden goblet to your lips and take a long drink of wine. On the opposite end of the table, Syala gives in and nods in defeat. She clears her throat.

"I apologize for threatening to pull out of our alliance. If I'm being honest, I was furious when I heard of Snoke's downfall because I wasn't going to receive what was promised. _But_ , I decided to be patient because I trusted you, Kylo. When I never heard from you I figured you had completely disregarded our planet, its resources, and _me_." Syala lowers her eyes.

Kylo shifts. "I wouldn't have come here only for your planet. It's because _you_ control some of the surrounding planets with resources even more valuable than the gems you provide. I can't let that slide, Highness. You're lucky I decided not to send my armies here instead."

Syala chuckles. "You always were soft towards me. It's going to come down to this, Supreme Leader. I want what was promised to me and then I'll reconsider pulling away."

"No. You get what was promised to you and you _stay_. You're not going to reconsider anything because your end of the bargain will have been reached." He says flatly.

"There he is," she grins. "I'm only teasing, of course I'll remain an ally to the Order. However, I must insist you remain here for a few more days."

At this, your eyes lift and you stare at Kylo until he makes eye contact with you. " _Kylo_." You say in a warning tone, to remind him of his promise.

Kylo swallows and looks back to Syala. "I don't know, Sy, I-"

"If it's a problem, I can have someone escort you back on one of our shuttles." Syala raises her eyebrows at you.

"The Supreme Leader as well. I'm afraid he's rather unwell due to a recent incident." You nails dig into your palms.

"I see." She redirects her attention back to Kylo. "Well then I'll have my finest doctors look you over. How about it?"

"A few more days won't hurt." He nods stiffly.

You fight back the urge to rise and drag him out of the dining room by his collar. Instead, you remain seated with a stony expression on your face. Just as Syala is about to say something else, a few servants burst in and begin to shovel food onto everyone's plates. Soon your plate is completely filled with perfectly grilled meat, steamed vegetables, and a few things you had never even seen before--they must have been Sarkanian specialties. Syala takes a drink of her wine and looks expectantly to Kylo, who was chewing away on the meat on his plate. She chuckles and directs her attention onto you poking at the food with your fork, having lost your appetite.

"Well, Commander, tell me about yourself." She says. "Where are you from? How did you get acquainted with the First Order?"

At this, Kylo's eyes lift to you. You sit up straighter. "Well... I used to be a Jedi in training but I abandoned my studies when-" you pause uncertainly "-an incident happened. I spent some years on Canto Bight making a living when... I guess you could say the Order took me in. Ren so _graciously_ made me his apprentice and here we are." Your words were laced with venom. Syala nods and opens her mouth to say something else, but you weren't quite finished. "What about you? How do you know Ren?"

Syala's eyes glitter. "He came to me many years ago on a mission for Snoke. We became rather close and he returned frequently."

"Did you now?" You grip your fork tightly. "How interesting. Kylo never mentioned you before, but I do suppose everyone has their reasons."

The queen's gaze snaps over to Kylo, whose eyes were locked on the table to avoid eye contact. She clears her throat again. " _I see_. Yes, well it's refreshing knowing he turned out alright. These next few days should be fun while we get... _reacquainted_ after so long."

"Just for reference, where exactly will the Supreme Leader be staying?" You reach for the steak knife on the table and begin to cut into the meat, not taking your eyes off of Syala.

"Down the hall from my room." She replies bitter-sweetly. "The finer rooms are closer to mine and I would hate for him to sleep in anything less than luxury. Surely you understand, Commander?"

"Of course, Your Highness." You take a bite of the meat. "Your palace is absolutely wonderful. Doesn't it get lonely? I'm sure a woman of your status and beauty must have a significant other? A man? Woman?"

Syala presses her red lips together. "Unfortunately I do not. What about you? Anyone in the First Order that you're looking upon?"

"In fact I _do_." Your lips twitch.

"Do tell." Her eyes narrow.

You smile. "I'll give you a hint, Highness. You're probably going to fuck him tonight."

Kylo pushes his chair back with a loud screech as he rises at the same time as you do. You stab the steak knife into the table and turn on your heels, storming out of the dining hall with your gown billowing around you. The door slams shut with an almighty bang behind you, the sound reverberating through the palace. Kylo turns to face Syala, who looked shocked.

"I apologize for my apprentice, Your Majesty. Excuse me. I will return shortly." Kylo's hands curl into fists as he storms after you.

He barges into your room and slams the door shut behind him, sending you flying to your feet from your bed. Kylo storms towards you, face twisted with anger and eyes dripping with hate. He thrusts a gloved finger into your face angrily. "What the _hell_ are you doing? The point of this trip is to achieve good relations."

"Oh please," you scoff. "You and _'Sy'_ seem to be close enough. _Excuse me_ if I'm getting in the way of you flirting with the queen."

"You're insane. What made you even think that insulting the queen and stabbing her fucking table was going to get us anywhere?" He demands. "You need to think about your actions! Your jealousy is getting in the way again."

You throw your hands in the air. "Are you kidding me? You're not even going to explain yourself or apologize?"

"Apologize for what?"

"You're so stupid! Stars, Kylo, don't you see what you're doing? The flirting, the nicknames, the past that you failed to tell me about. Just admit it!" You shout angrily.

"Admit what?"

"That you fucked her, you pig!" You push him away with a sob.

"Alright! I fucked her!" He roars. "Is that what you want to hear? I fucked Syala so many times it would make even _your_ head spin!"

You take a step back, your face falling as tears collect in your eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why do you even care? We weren't together then!" Kylo scoffs.

"Because you could have said something about it! You acted like I didn't even exist when you were with her because you were too busy flirting. You could have denied or defended me over some of the things she said and you didn't! Clearly I don't even matter to you." You run a hand through your loose hair. "And it's not just today! It was on Coruscant when you just left me standing there. With Starkiller Base and with your fucking secretary! It was with the slaves and Kess and on Vandor. It's the broken promises. One day we're just fine and the next you act like I don't exist. Like I'm _nothing_." Tears blur your vision. "Just tell me that I'm nothing to you and then I can move on from this." Kylo could only stare at you blankly, his chest heaving. You sob, "dammit, Kylo, tell me!"

"You're not..." he says quietly.

"Then start acting like I'm not." You furiously wipe away your tears. "Get out. Go back to Syala and maybe you can treat her differently. Go fuck her too and see if you can love her."

Kylo blinks at you. "Is that what this is about? _Love?"_

Your lip quivers. "Get out, Kylo. _Please_."

He silently turn on his heel and exits your room, quietly closing the door behind you. You take a step but your legs give out beneath you, sending you onto the floor on your knees. You tightly grip onto the silk blanket of the bed, sobbing into them and staining them with your tears. From outside your door, you could hear Kylo's and Syala's voices in the hallway. She must have come up when she heard the yelling. You block out the sound of their conversation and bury your face in the bed, silently sobbing yourself closer to the darkness of sleep.

  
  



	37. ~Gardens~

The next morning, you are the first to wake. You didn't want to be cooped up in your room, that would only stress you out more, so you decide it was a good time to do some exploring. The palace and its grounds were massive and it would take up most of your time. Besides, it would be a good distraction. You open up the doors to the balcony, allowing the room to air out and let in the refreshing breeze. After digging through the closet for a little while, you settle on a gorgeous white ruffled gown embroidered with yellow roses and sheer, puffy sleeves. A silver glisten on your dresser catches your eye and you freeze in your tracks, your heart sinking at the sight of the butterfly necklace Kylo had returned to you on Coruscant.

You gingerly scoop it up, cradling it in the palm of your hand and running your thumb over the delicate pendent. Did you really want to make up with Kylo? You swallow the lump in your throat at the memory of what you had told him last night. Did you want to? Not yet, but you did want to make some things clear with him. You pick up the front of your dress and burst out of your room. Even if he wasn't awake yet, it was worth a try. Your heels click against the marble, echoing through the silence of the palace as you run towards his room. You stumble up the stairs and come to a screeching halt at the corner at the sound of the handmaidens' voices outside of his door.

"Did you deliver the Supreme Leader's breakfast?" One asks.

"He's not in there. When I looked inside, the bed wasn't even slept in. I don't think he slept in his room." The other replies and adds with a giggle. "You know him and Queen Syala. They probably slept together again."

Your heart drops and it felt as though you were frozen in place. The handmaidens shuffle down the hallway, giggling and gossiping and completely absent to your heartbreak. Your fist tightens around the necklace. You had told him to just fuck Syala. What if he had? He had done it before with his secretary. What was stopping him now? You storm up to his door through a blur of tears and fling the necklace on the floor, kicking it roughly under the door. You hear it skitter across the tiles as it slides into his room. With a choked-up sob, you cover your mouth and rush down the stairs, only wanting to get as far away from the palace as possible.

You had no clue where you were going or how this was going to end for you, but you didn't care. As you push past a pair of wooden and glass double doors, you find yourself at the edge of the sprawling castle gardens. It was a sea of green and colorful flowers all around that grew with set boundaries and were undisturbed by a single weed.

You wipe away your tears with the back of your hand and step onto the gravel, your gown just barely skimming over it and pushing the grey pebbles aside. Neatly trimmed, green hedges flank the paths as they branch off in dozens of directions. Thin streams ran in between colorful flower beds and those pathways, each running into a small pond. Stone benches line the edges of the water or sit beside bigger flower beds.

It was an endless abyss of mythical beauty that you didn't mind getting lost in. The sun was warm upon your head, but the gentle breeze brought cool streams that made it nearly perfect. Rays of light shine onto the ponds and streams, causing them to glitter and shine. The entire garden seemed to just glow around you. If this place wasn't now a semblance of hate for you, you would want to stay forever.

It made you forget about the First Order, your duties, and the ever-growing war around you. Why you couldn't pluck up the strength to leave it all behind was beyond you. Everything was so peaceful and surreal that it made your skin crawl at the thought of returning to the dark coldness of the Supremacy. You felt as though you were a princess in a beautifully told fairytale. But this was no fairy-tale and your life wasn't promising you happy, storybook endings.

As you round yet another corner of high green hedges, you come across a massive pond. It seemed to be the very center of the garden and all paths ran to it. It was surrounded by a brick-laid path and benches separated by potted plants. Low hedges backed the small yellow and white flowers carefully planted in each bed. You carefully shift your dress to sit down on one of the benches, staring out over the water.

It was tinted blue-green and shone brightly in the sun. The surface was flecked with lily-pads and small stepping stones in perfect lines. A tall statue of a former queen rose out of the water on a stone pedestal in the very center of it all, as if its very purpose was to be a guardian to this garden. On the base of the pedestal, a single word was engraved into the side.

_Escape._

Escape. That's what you wished you could do now. Your eyes sink shut and you take a deep breath, settling your hands in your satin-ruffled lap. With every breath you take, you try to focus more on the sounds around you. The gentle brushing and scratching of flowers rubbing together every time the breeze came around. Water from the pond lapping gentle against the base of the ornamental statue and the edges of the paths. Birds singing in the distant trees and the chirping of insects beneath the bushes to escape from the sun. Every inhale brought with it the sweet scent of flowers that was somehow not overbearing. When your eyes open, they strain for a second to readjust to the brilliant rays of sunlight.

You slowly rise to your feet, the gravel crunching underneath your heels as you carefully tread through more of the gardens to explore them. Every turn and path was more different and enchanting than the last. One would be lined with arched hedges and the next would be a covered trellis with creeping daisies and vines. One path even required you to remove your heels, bunch up your dress, and jump from stone to stone over a shallow pond. You wanted to explore all day and you would if nobody called you back.

Why _would_ anyone call you back? It was clear that you weren't important. You feel your throat swell and quickly try to dismiss the feelings of neglect and self-doubt. You were trying to escape that and all you could do was think about it. You swallow thickly, mind wandering to Kylo. Hopefully he was happy even if he was with Syala. If he didn't care, so be it. There was nothing you could do now.

All you wanted to do was sort through your feelings. There was a hurricane growing inside of you and it was wreaking havoc. Despite your pressing silence, your heart was screaming within the confines of your corset. It was screaming at you, at Syala, and especially at Kylo. Did you hate him? No. What he was doing to you _this_ time didn't qualify him for your hatred. But what about what he did in the future? The man you so dearly adored was highly unpredictable and unreadable. He needed to sort through his feelings just as much as you did. Perhaps what you needed was a break. At least until he plucked up the courage to tell you what he felt.

With a heavy sigh, you find yourself at the edge of the gardens. They were now getting overshadowed by the massive palace blocking out most of the light. You slowly walk along the edges, stooping down once in a while to admire some of the flowers you had never seen before. Even if the gardens were at an end, there was still more to explore for you. You just had to take your time now. Every time you managed to ignore your stirring feelings, you got lost in your own world, making you completely oblivious to the woman watching from above.

Syala leans against the thick railings of her balcony from her room in one of the towers. She crosses her arms, keeping the morning air from blowing through her robe. Her eyes roam over her beautiful gardens, her heart swelling at the sight of them. No matter how many times she saw them, she was still enchanted. Other than her gems and her palace, her planet was her next pride and joy. Sarka had been called the 'gem of the sky' before and it was for a good reason. Even the rain was said to have been made of gold. Everything was perfect and in its rightful place. There was only one thing different in her garden now; a girl wandering around at the edge in an eye-catching white dress.

"Isn't it just perfect?" Syala sighs softly, gazing out over the fountains and rows of flowers.

Kylo Ren approaches the balcony from behind her, leaning forward against the railings. Truthfully he never really stopped to appreciate the beauty of a planet. It was always focus, focus, focus. He was given no time off and even when he was, it usually got cut short. Just like on Coruscant. He wouldn't admit to it, but he felt guilty about pulling you away from a short trip that both of you had rightfully earned.

At first Kylo believed that a trip to Sarka was just what you both needed but now it was getting torn apart by another argument over something foolish. He didn't think _you_ were foolish, but everything about this situation was. Nothing ever seemed to go right between you two. He had been doubting himself and the relationship between the both of you for a long time now, but what you had said last night to him utterly shattered his hopes.

"Yes." Kylo replies stiffly. His eyes lower and finally rest on you, causing his breath to catch in his throat. He closely observes you as you bend down to pluck a flower free, your gown billowing in the breeze.

Syala follows his gaze and chuckles. "She really is something. She's the girl you told me about all those years ago, isn't she?" When Kylo nods, she smiles. "So I figured. It really is good to have you back, Kylo Ren." Syala reaches out and places her hand over his.

He looks up and straightens out, swallowing as his lips press together. "I suppose I've missed this place.... and you..."

She smiles again and steps forward, planting her hands on his chest. Syala gently leans in, her lips grazing his delicately. She quietly closes the space between them, kissing him for one moment only for him to pull away the next.

Kylo shakes his head, taking another step back. "I can't."

"I understand." Syala peers over the edge of the balcony, looking down at you. "It's her... isn't it? That's why you can't do this. That's why you... you two fought last night." She runs a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry for eavesdropping. I suppose I always knew about your feelings for her and I was jealous. I'll admit to that. You and I were so close but-"

"Close people grow apart sometimes." Kylo gestures towards you.

She scoffs softly. "No. You and her are still close. You know, she's right about you. You're a completely different person every second. The moment you leave this place, you're going to go back to being cold and distant. You put on a mask for everyone because you think they all expect you to be a certain way. Although you might have to do that for your people, _she's_ different. She's not 'your people.' She cares about you. All she wants is the truth."

"If she cared-" Kylo pulls the necklace from his pocket "-then why was this on my floor when I walked into my room the next morning?"

"Did you not sleep?" Syala furrows her brow. When he doesn't respond, she laughs lightly. "I guess you've got it worse than I thought."

Kylo frowns. "Got what?"

"Once again, you don't know what to feel. Go down there and tell her before I do it for you." Syala gestures towards you. " _Go."_

"She doesn't want me."

"There's only one way to find out." She gives him a small push. "Now go!"

Clutching tightly onto your necklace, Kylo hurries from Syala's quarters. He rushes down the stairs and through the main hall, running in the direction of the garden doors. When he bursts through them, his heart sinks. You weren't there. Kylo grits his teeth and starts down the path that led to the front of the palace. He comes to a halt, the gravel crunching and tumbling beneath his feet, as he rounds the corner to find you leaning against the railing and looking out over the waterfall. Your loosely curled hair gently blows in the breeze, moving harmoniously with the layers of your dress.

"Butterfly."

You flinch at the nickname, but don't turn around to face him. He slowly approaches the railing beside you. Kylo bites his lower lip and holds out the necklace. You scoff softly at it, gently pushing his gloved hand aside. "Keep it. Maybe you can give it to Syala."

"Queen Syala doesn't mean anything to me." He says flatly, pushing the necklace back in your direction. "That's why I'm here with you and not her."

"Oh? And is that why I looked up and saw you kissing on the balcony? Funny. For a second there you sounded like you were telling the truth." You push away from the railing and turn to leave.

Kylo catches you tightly by the wrist, careful not to grab your sleeve instead. "She kissed _me_. I told her I couldn't do that with her. I couldn't do that to _you."_

"Cut the shit. I know you didn't sleep in your room. Were you getting cozy with her instead?" You scoff.

"I didn't sleep last night." Kylo admits. "I was up pacing."

You close your eyes. "Kylo... even if you are telling the truth, how can I expect anything from you? All of what I said to you last night was true. I can't deal with this for the rest of my life. Every time something happens I'm left to figure it out and piece together your emotions. I'm not responsible for _your_ emotions because you can't figure them out yourself. You're two-faced and I can't.... I can't live like that."

"What are you saying?" He grip loosens.

"I'm saying I-" you take a shaky breath "-I'm thinking about leaving. Not just this planet and not just for a little while. I'm considering leaving the First Order and all of this behind."

"No." Kylo's chest begins to heave as you pull away. Anxiety and panic grips him, causing him to crumble before your eyes. "You can't do that. I-I won't let you. You can't just leave. We'll figure it out."

You shake your head sadly. "No, Kylo. _I'll_ figure it out and that's the problem. We were just playing games for a while but these aren't games anymore. These are real emotions. Leaving sounds like our best option... and that's all I can do for us. I'm solving one last problem for us both."

He tries to grab you, but you slip through his grasp. "Please. Don't leave me. I can't lose you again."

"I'm sorry."

Kylo sinks to his knees. "I'll do whatever you want me to. Look. I-I'll get on my knees for you again if that's what it takes. Fuck. It can't end like this. Just look at me. Please."

"It can. It's better for us both." You approach him and gently cup his face. "You'll find someone who you can give everything to. Your emotions."

He grips your wrist again, tears welling in his eyes. This was one of the first times you had seen Kylo Ren so vulnerable. So broken. It made your heart ache. "I've given everything I have to you. All I know. You can't leave me. Please. Don't leave me like everybody else did."

" _Kylo_ ," you shake your head.

He holds onto you even tighter. "Tell me what I need to do to make it better."

You press your lips together and swallow to prevent the tears from slipping down your face. "I want to know how you feel. Then I'll reconsider."

His lips part and he couldn't seem to form words. Your heart sinks at the sight of Kylo unable to say anything. It made you lose hope all over again. He was completely frozen up, his saddened eyes scanning your face helplessly. You give him a weak smile and run your thumbs over the backs of his hands. "Good luck, Kylo."

Kylo watches helplessly as you pull away. _Say it. Say it now or you lose her forever._ _Get over yourself and fucking say it._ His heart was pounding in his rib-cage and the words seemed lodged in his throat. Every second he was delaying, you were getting further and further away. _Say it!_ He rises to his feet. _Coward!_

You were slipping from his grasp. Every step you took made him weaker and weaker. No matter how hard he fought to tell you, the words he needed weren't spilling past his lips in the way they should have. And that told you all you needed to know. You felt as though he had stabbed you through the chest. Betrayal and sadness stung less than the realization that Kylo Ren would never give you all of him the way you had given him all of you. This emotional game needed to end, even if that required a short break.

  
  
Or a permanent one. Leaving the First Order was something that would restore your crumbling emotional and mental health. The amount of love you gave to Kylo would haunt you for the rest of your life, but if that meant both you _and_ him were able to find peace somewhere else--with someone else--then you were willing to make that sacrifice. He was your greatest strength and your greatest weakness at the same time. Your uprising and your downfall. Ren was going to be the death of you and you couldn't bear to stick around to witness it.

In order to get your piece of mind, you had to escape this. Escaping from Kylo Ren felt like breaking off a piece of your heart. It was like a fox chewing its own leg off to escape a metal trap. It wasn't easy, but escaping often required sacrifices to be made. Until Ren was healed, he was never going to be able to give you his heart. Knowing that was what hurt the most deep down. All you wanted was to hear his voice calling after you, but it was replaced by silence.

Tears slip down your face as your lower lip trembles. You clasp your hand over your mouth, fighting back a sob. As the palace doors shut behind you, you hear a yell of frustration and the vicious roar of Kylo's lightsaber activating. You couldn't stay here but he could. He could be with Syala if she was what it took to get him to open up. It pained you to say this, but you would rather he love someone else then not be able to show you.

Your heels click against the marble stairs as you ascend up the endless spiral. Upon finally reaching your room, you slip your feet out of the delicate white shoes. With a shudder, you unzip your dress and slip out of it, the beautiful fabric pooling at your feet. You didn't change back into your usual black robes. You _couldn't_. Those were attached to painful memories and a certain someone who had gifted them to you. Instead, you force yourself to search out the most simplistic item in the closet Syala had granted you. That turned out to be a pair of knee-high fabric boots, a short skirt, a thigh holster for a dagger, and a wrap long-sleeved top. All in black. You couldn't afford to stand out. The simplest cloak you could find was also black, but threaded with silver around the hem. It would have to do.

Rolling your lips together, you stuff your hair into the cloak and pull the hood over your head. A small dagger that you usually carried was all that remained of your previous life. If anyone looked at you, they would have no reason to assume you belonged to the Order. Your grip tighten around the hilt of your lightsaber as you climb back down the stairs. On your way through the main hall, you spy Syala heading your direction. You give her a curt nod and just as you brush past her, she grips onto your arm.

"I called in a favor. A ship is waiting to take you wherever you need to go." The queen swallows. "Good luck."

You could only nod at her again. Your lips didn't seem to have the strength for a smile. The golden doors swing open for you, giving you a straight view across the bridge and towards the landing zones. Syala had been true to her word. A Sarkan ship was waiting for you on one of the pads. A dark figure standing on the bridge catches your attention.

Kylo returns your stare. His eyes flicker over you once and he swallows, unable to find anything to say as you approach him. It was clear that he wanted one last thing from you before you left. What he didn't know was that you wanted to _do_ one last thing as well. Something that would break him all over again. Breaking him wasn't something you wanted to do intentionally. This wasn't a situation in which you wanted to bring harm or hatred onto Kylo. Your eyes peer up into his, but you don't bother removing your hood.

"When will you return?" He says slowly.

Disappointment slams into you all over again. It seemed he wasn't going to try to stop you. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? You push the thought aside and shake your head sadly. "I don't know, Kylo. It could be soon or... it could be never."

Kylo's leather fists curl into tight balls. He licks his lips dryly. "You can't leave. I'll beg you to stay if I have to. The Order is your home now. _You're_ my home now."

"Good luck... Supreme Leader." You say softly.

"(Y/N)." Kylo's words sharpen. "Don't."

You reach for his hand and pull it towards you, unfurling his palm so it was facing the sky. With your own hands trembling, you push the hilt of your lightsaber into his hand and close his fingers around it. Not wanting to cry in front of him, you brush past him silently, arms crossed over your chest as you make your way towards the waiting shuttle.

Kylo turns around, watching you walk away with a lump forming in his throat. His grip tightens around your lightsaber. His hands begin to shake violently at the sight of your necklace winding around the cold metal hilt. This couldn't be it. This couldn't be how it ended. Kylo fights back the urge to throw the saber into the river below him, as if getting rid of one last painful memory. One thing after another was getting ripped out of his clutch. First his happiness, then his parents, and now you. Everything Kylo touched seem to crumble. But he couldn't let this happen. One thing was for certain; he was always going to search for you.


	38. ~Mirrored~

"Apologies, Supreme Leader."

Kylo Ren's eyes snap open. His dark, stormy eyes land on the officer now standing at the mouth of his quarters, giving him the coldest look he could muster. The man shifts nervously, suddenly becoming very dry in the mouth and quiet. The longer he stands by the door, the more time Ren is given to observe him. Clearly the officer had never interacted with him before, judging by his behaviors.

Then again, Kylo did look particularly frightening. He had just returned from yet another planet as part of his passionate search. His rather gaunt skin was streaked with a mixture of dust and ash. The thick hair that normally fell so perfectly to frame his face was messy and soaked with sweat. Instead of opting to take a shower first, he had decided to meditate instead. It was the only thing keeping his temper in check since you had left.

The fits of rage Kylo had been experiencing were growing more and more frequent. The ice around his heart that you had managed to thaw was freezing over again. His eyes were glazed over; he was peering through a filter of red, hot hatred. The weapon attached to his belt was put to use multiple times a day. If he could not let out his aggression on a person or creature, he would let it out in the training room.

That crackling red blade had gone crimson from the blood it had spilled. It started that day on Sarka when you had left. Something inside of him had simply snapped. Perhaps that was why he cut Syala's head clean off her shoulders. Or plunged his blade through the chest of his secretary. Not wanting to blame himself, Kylo was targeting all those who had effected you negatively. Any officer or Stormtrooper that had ever had _one_ dirty thought about you was killed immediately. Nothing was stopping Kylo. _No one_ could contain him. And he was loving every second of it. The hatred was fueling him and it had come to a point where he was _craving_ the sound of his lightsaber sizzling through skin.

"Why have you disturbed me?" Kylo's deep voice rumbles within the depths of his throat, blanketing the room with terrifying coldness.

The officer swallows, placing his hands behind his back and straightening up to appear more presentable. "Your Board of Superiors is requesting your presence in conference room 2G. They say it's important."

"Can't they wait?" He snaps.

"N-No, sir." The man's shoulders sag.

Kylo grunts and rises to his feet, his cloak fluttering at his ankles. He fastens his lightsaber to the side of his leather utility belt and approaches the small pedestal beside his grandfather's helmet. Upon it rests his mask. It had been mended, but was now home to a few small dent and was riddled with glowing red cracks. Kylo lifts the mask up and settles it over his head, huffing within its confines. The officer flinches and recoils as Kylo storms out of the room.

The people trudging through the corridors scramble to get out of his path. They had been surprised when his old habits had resurfaced and now knew better than to get in the way. The officers that had once claimed you were useless were now regretting their choice in words. A lot of things suffered around the Supremacy, not to mention their Supreme Leader's sanity was slowly deteriorating. They press their backs against the walls, watching him go by with paled faces and sweaty brows. Fear in their work environment had spiked drastically.

As Kylo approaches the conference room door, his hands curl into tight fists, the seams of his gloves digging into his whitened hands. He grits his teeth and locks his jaw, silently complaining about this useless meeting. He believed that he was wasting valuable time. By now, he could be finishing another meditation round and heading to yet another planet to continue his search once more.

At the first sign of movement, the blaster doors slide open with a low hiss. Kylo storms into the conference room, giving the sleek black table a once over. The men (and women thanks to you) sitting in the uncomfortable seats tense up as he passes by. He was sure they could smell the musk of leather, embers, and _death_ clinging to his robes. Kylo turns and takes his place at the end of the table, not bothering to sit. He ignores the striking view of the glittering stars outside of the wide windows behind him. He leans forward, planting his palms on the surface of the shiny table.

In a voice as cold as Death's itself, he snarls, "what could _possibly_ be so important?"

The new Allegiant General Pryde is the first to speak. "There are some... matters we thought we needed to discuss with you."

"You have my time. I suggest you do not waste it." Kylo snaps.

Pryde sucks his cheeks in and takes a breath. "Many of our officers and Stormtroopers have agreed that your new _methods_ are too damaging to the Order."

"What do you mean?" He knew exactly what Pryde meant.

"He means, _Supreme Leader_ ," Hux says coldly, "that we are losing more men to your arrogance and temper tantrums than to the war itself."

Kylo clenches his jaw, his fingers twitching. He wanted nothing more than to slam Hux against the windows until his neck snapped or his head was cracked open. "I would suggest watching your tongue, _General._ Or have you forgotten who you are talking to?"

Hux shifts. He had seen first hand what Kylo Ren's rage was capable of doing. "Forgive me if I only believe that we should be focusing our efforts on the war. The destruction of our Dreadnoughts was unfortunate but if we can-"

"I don't believe _you_ should have an opinion on this." Pryde interjects snidely. "The new assembly of Finalizers and Star Destroyers will grant the First Order even more capabilities. Such a strength in firepower with correct the _error_ of Star Killer Base. _Your_ failed project."

"We will need more men and women to support these new ships. That means harvesting more of the galaxy's young and expanding our armies." One woman adds. "Forgive me, Supreme Leader, but I must agree with the rest of the Council. Our efforts need to be refocused on this war. Once the First Order becomes a true empire, we will crush the Resistance with ease. The commander isn't returning."

Kylo's eye twitches behind the plate of his mask. "You will not question my actions."

"The Resistance is crumbling and that scavenger is next! If we were to focus on-"

"YOU WILL NOT QUESTION ME!" Kylo roars suddenly, slamming both fists against the table. "Do I make myself clear?"

One man leaps from his seat, pointing an accusatory finger at Kylo. "Then you are dooming the First Order! The commander has not returned in seven months! You can't-"

With a burst of anger, Kylo thrusts his hand towards the man. The officer claws wildly at his throat, his eyes bulging and going bloodshot. With a loud crack, his body soars into the air, slamming against the ceiling. When he finally stops thrashing, his limp body goes crashing down against the table, causing everyone to jump. They all go dead silent.

"Anyone else?" Kylo's eyes narrow.

When nobody moves a muscle, he steps away from the table and storms back out of the conference room, his blood boiling from the accusation. How _dare_ that officer accuse him of sabotaging the Order? He had dedicated most of his life into building it into a glorious empire and now they were frustrated with his efforts of finding the commander.

You haunted his mind every single day. He couldn't do one thing in peace without your eyes or your happy smile intruding on his thoughts. At night when he went to sleep, you invaded his dreams. Your voice filled his ears, whispering sweet nothings to him. Kylo never thought he was going to be desperately craving someone else. He wanted to hold you. To touch you. He wanted to take your hand and see how minuscule it looked compared to his. Kylo craved your fingers dancing across his skin, tracing his beauty marks. The scent of your shampoo had been so prominent on his pillows, but now it was fading away. You drove him mad. You drove him to do things that made him feel disgusted with himself. Whether that be slaughtering someone or furiously touching himself at the thought of you.

Kylo's breathing goes ragged as he barges into his quarters, sealing the door behind himself. He rips the mask off and sets it down with a heavy thud. His legs carry him to and fro across his room; pacing was another nasty habit he had picked up. _Seven_ months. Where the hell _were_ you? He didn't know if or when you were coming back. What if you weren't? What if something had happened to you? You were extremely capable, but terrible things seemed to happen to the strongest of people. He needed answers desperately.

The exact number of planets Kylo had charged through in search of you was now blurry. His actions were blind and fueled by the fire that the thought of you had planted in his soul. It was as though you had completely disappeared from the galaxy. And that terrified Kylo Ren. With every passing day that went by, more dark thoughts clouded his mind. If you were truly dead, how long would it be before he stumbled upon your body? His skin crawled every time he pictured seeing you with lifeless eyes and twisted limbs. The scream of pain he would have let out would flatten mountains.

His full lips press together as he forces aside his feelings. The emotions within him were intertwined and he could no longer differentiate them. It was as though he had gone back to the start all over again. Back to the time when you weren't a part of his life. Kylo swallows thickly and gazes around the room, his eyes settling on his grandfather's helmet. He slowly approaches it and cautiously sits down before it, eyes trained on the molten metal. His eyes sink shut as his gloved fingertips touch the coldness of it.

"Show me, Grandfather." He whispers. "Show me the way to her."

Goosebumps explode over Kylo's skin as visions appear before his closed eyes. His teeth gnash together harshly. Hundreds of voices begin to whisper into his eyes, overwhelming his senses as everything flashes before him. A gush of blood spilling from your side as you wept, a peaceful sea turning stormy, a bright gold symbol, the clap of thunder, the bright flash of electricity. Voices scream in agony, crying out for help. Kylo's name was getting torn from your lungs as you screamed it over and over again.

Real tears begin to drip down his face and he could do nothing to stop them. Eyes lock with his and a familiar face appears before him. But it was not the face of the girl he longed for. _The scavenger_. She opens her mouth, but it wasn't her voice spilling from her lips. It was yours. Two words over and over again, 'help me.' Your voice screams for him and the scavenger disappears, replaced instead by his old master. _Skywalker._ A bright red saber slashes Skywalker aside. It flickers once, twice, and the blade turns blue. A single word. A name.

" _Ben."_

Kylo's eyes fly open and he flies out of the chair, toppling to the ground. He desperately scoots away from the helmet, his eyes shining with fear and hot tears. A sob escapes his lips. It was a sound he hadn't heard from himself in a while. Kylo clasps his hand over his mouth as he shakily rises to his feet. A wave of sickness rushes over him. It felt as though his legs couldn't support him anymore. Kylo staggers over his bed, sitting down hard at the edge. He buries his face in his hands and for the first time in what felt like forever, begins to cry. Cry wasn't the right word to describe it. He was weeping. _Wailing_. For you.

His entire body felt like it was getting torn apart. He was losing his grip on himself. The noises of suffering and sorrow that left him weren't human anymore. Kylo's frame trembles from the concentration he was putting into reaching out towards you. He couldn't sense you anymore. Your Force energy was just... _gone_. If he couldn't sense you that meant your bond was broken. It meant your heart was no longer beating. He runs his hands through his hair, his fingers digging into his scalp and yanking at the ends.

He finds himself in front of the closet you two had begun sharing. Kylo reaches blindly inside and rips one of your dresses down from the hangar. He sinks back down onto his bed, bundling the dress up and raising the fabric to his nose. With every inhale, he was drinking in the scent that he was being deprived of. It could be the last time. It _was_ the last time. All he had of you were your clothes, the lightsaber, and your necklace. If he never got to touch you again then this was really the end. He couldn't sense you. You were dead. Your heart was no longer beating with his. Kylo slowly lays back in his bed, his head falling into his pillows. His entire body begins to shake as he pulls the dress up closer and curls up on his side, eyes sinking shut to embrace sleep. He had known pain his entire life. He had been stabbed, hit, seared, shot, strangled, and tortured. This was worse. This was so much worse.

_Kylo Ren was floating._

_Well, not_ really _floating. This was a vision; a dream. He knew the moment he had opened his eyes to darkness. Wind rushes through his thick locks. It prickles his skin as he falls through the abyss of black. The temperature was terribly low, but it was still bearable. The air smelled... strange in a way. It was sweet and fresh, but not overpowering or fake. There was a faint scent of pine, but nothing else was recognizable._

_Kylo allows his eyes to sink shut. He was not anticipating the ground nor did he think it would hurt. He knew it wouldn't. Despite his pain and anxiety in the real world, there was no weight on his shoulders in this world. This was his world that the Force had pieced together just for him. Kylo takes a deep breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth, just like he had been taught to. When his eyes slowly flutter open, his feet are planted firmly on the ground._

_He gazes around in confusion, brow furrowing. This was not a place he had been before. Something about it seemed so painfully familiar. It was as though a memory was associated with it, but he couldn't place. It wasn't_ his _memory, but he had seen it before. Where, he had no idea. Kylo turns the corner of the empty street, his feet thudding against the rough cobblestone. It was nighttime wherever he was and the only light offered came from lampposts. For some inexplicable reason, Kylo finds himself walking down an alley. He was being beckoned by the Force, that much he did know. The further he walks through the alley, the less light is given._

_Suddenly, as though someone had flipped a switch, his world goes dark again. A soft curse escapes Kylo's lips. His hand settles on the hilt of his saber as an impulse. Or at least, he would have if there was a saber there. Kylo is forced to feel blindly through the darkness. He hisses in surprise when he steps down very suddenly. Water rises to his ankles and submerges his shoes, but it goes no further. It was dark, but not dark enough to where he couldn't see the water. Strangely it was the only thing he could really see._

_"Kylo."_

_He freezes. Kylo's heart begins to race as he turns around quickly. It was your voice, he was certain of it. You sounded so close, yet so distant. There was a soft reverb to your voice and it was throwing him off. Just as your name slips from his tongue, you speak again._

_"Kylo."_

_You sounded frightened. Kylo repeats your name and pauses, waiting for your response. He sloshes through the water that gently laps at his ankles._

_"Kylo... please..."_

_His heart sinks at this sound. Then the hair on the back of his neck stands straight up. Something wasn't right. In fact, something was horribly wrong. It didn't sound like you were pleading for him. No. It sounded like you were pleading_ with _him._

_"Don't."_

_You were so close. Kylo whirls around. His eyes widen at the sight of you curled up in the water with a fearful look on your face. You looked absolutely terrified. He had seen you scared before but this? There was so much fright that it made him sick. You were wearing the same dress that you had worn on the day you left. The only difference now was that the fabric was torn and the white was stained. You looked like you had been through hell and back._

_"Kylo," you whimper, tears now freely pouring down your face._

_He wanted to reply to you and reassure you that he was there. That was exactly what he would have done had you been addressing him. You were looking directly past Kylo. He follows your gaze and nearly gasps in fright at the sight of what you were gazing upon. It was... him. There was a look of raw anger in that Kylo's eyes. That Kylo was a stranger. Or was he?_

_The other version of him starts towards you slowly. Kylo grunts as he tries to step in front of you. He didn't have a clue as to what was happening, but he was determined to protect you nonetheless. Even if it was from himself. He tries to take a step, but finds his feet rooted to the watery ground._

_"No," he whispers, looking up in horror._

_The copy of him pulls his lightsaber free and ignites the crackling blade. This sound causes you to whimper and recoil, but you couldn't seem to move either. That Kylo stares at you with a gleam of hunger and malice. He slowly approaches you and stops just before your trembling body._

_"Stop." You cry. "Why are you doing this? Kylo... please don't. This isn't you."_

_"No!" Kylo reaches towards you. "Stop!"_

_There was nothing left he could do. The lightsaber is lifted in the air and comes flying down toward you. With a single powerful stroke, the blade is pushed through your chest. You gasp once, twice, before the life drains from your eyes and you slump into the water. Kylo is released from his invisible prison and falls to his knees. He couldn't bring himself to look up at your body. He shudders, but glances up when something glimmering catches his eye. His fingers dig into the cool water and fish out a necklace. Your necklace._

_Kylo rises to his feet at once. His head snaps up and he nearly yells out in fright. The other version of him was standing just an inch or so away. They were nearly nose to nose. It was looking into a mirror. Only this mirror showed two halves of the same person._

_"Why did you do it?" Kylo whispers._

_The other merely stares at him for a few seconds before finally answering. "She's holding you back."_

_"No."_

_"She's the reason you're not focused. You're not reaching your full potential because of that girl. I've set you free. Now it's time to do the rest." He replies coldly. He presses the hilt of the saber into Kylo's hand._

_"What do you mean?" Kylo's gaze softens. "She's alive?"_

_"Unfortunately." His eyes flash. "Find her. Finish the job and you'll be set free once and for all. You'll be the most powerful man in the galaxy. Isn't that what you want?"_

_"Yes..."_

_"Then why do you hesitate?"_

_"I don't know."_

_He sneers. "Kill her, coward."_

_Kylo's grip on the saber tightens. He slowly reaches toward the copy of himself. It comes as no surprise when the copy mirrors his action. Their fingers inch closer and closer. Leather fingers meet skin and everything disappears._

Kylo gasps for air as he sits up. He sits up quickly, wincing at the stinging pain in his temple. His shoulders heave. There was no possible way to comprehend what had just happened. The only thing Kylo knew now was that you were alive. _Kill her_. The words of his copy echo through his mind. He looks down at the dress still in his hands. The fabric was rumpled from how tightly he had been gripping it. His heart pounds against his ribs. Was this the way out? Was this going to guarantee his freedom? _Kill her._ What if this guaranteed _your_ freedom? You had said that you wanted a way out. This was a way out. Kylo rises from his bed, his eyes settling on his lightsaber. He knew what he needed to do.

_Kill her._

_Then why do you hesitate?_

  
  


  
  



	39. ~My Fault~

  
  


Kylo Ren rubs his temple in frustration. He was beginning to grow impatient with the scouts he had sent out earlier that day. They were set to return any minute and so far there was no news. He leans against the long table of the emptied conference room, staring out at the blinking stars in the inky galaxy. You were out there somewhere and he was so close to having you back in his grasp. _If_ you were even out there. For all he knew, that vision or dream from last night could be a total hoax. The Force worked in mysterious ways, but it wasn't right every time.

He never wanted to be right more than he did at this moment. Getting you back and making sure you were alright was his first and only priority. The raging war wasn't even a _part_ of his mind anymore. If people weren't reminding him all day and night, he would have surely forgotten about the galaxy's turmoil. The only turmoil he was acknowledging now was his own. The dangerous storm that was brewing inside of him was turning wild. Last night's little vision proved that to him.

Now he was itching to get to you. The lightsaber at his side felt heavy; he _needed_ to use it again. The darkness that had clouded his mind was like a storm. No. Like a _parasite._ It fed off of his anger and his sadness to grow stronger and spread through his entire body. It was taking him over and using him like a puppet. A puppet with an affinity for murder. The parasite drove him absolutely wild and turned him cold. He was shutting everything out to defend himself. If he found you, what would you do? What would you _say?_ Surely you would be ashamed or disgusted of what he had become.

Kylo's fists tense up. Would you be frightened of him? He needed to show you that he was to be trusted, even if it meant luring you in like a mouse to a trap. Still facing the wide windows, his eyes slowly sink shut. He takes a deep breath and extends his feelings out into the Force, reaching towards you as a final attempt to connect. Nothing. Kylo's eyes snap open and he whirls around, slamming his fist against the table in frustration.

"S-Sir?"

He glares up at the source of the voice, causing the officer to flinch. Only it wasn't one of his officers or Stormtroopers. It was one of the pilots he had sent out earlier. The pilot shifts nervously, clutching onto the helmet he had tucked under his right arm.

"What do you want?" Kylo's eyes drill into him.

The pilot swallows. "Well... we traced several flights near the border of the Outer Rim Territories. We've located the girl."

Kylo's heart nearly stops beating. He forces himself to remain composed. " _Well?_ Where is she?"

"Naboo, sir. We believe she's in the capital city of Theed."

He doesn't waste another second listening to the pilot's endless babbling. Kylo snatches his mask that was lying on the table and storms out of the conference room. His throat swells and his hands begin to shake from how tightly he was curling them. The leather from his gloves squeaks as the seams are yanked it. They felt as though they were going to burst from his hands. His heavy footfalls send officers scrambling out of his way. Clearly this was important.

Kylo bursts into the main hangar, barely glancing at the TIE Fighters and carriers lifting off all around him. He ignores the stares of confusion and curiosity coming from the troopers, pilots, and trainees lingering along the edges as he weaves through the crates ready to be loaded up and delivered. His eyes were glued on the TIE Silencer sitting just across the hangar. Its black, glistening wings appeared so deadly and intimidating compared to the shuttles surrounding it. As he approaches it, Kylo grips onto the ladder rungs and pulls himself up as quickly as possible.

With a grunt, he rips the hatch open and lowers himself inside feet first. Kylo lands on the leather seat and leans forward, his fingers flying across the control panel. The Silencer rumbles to life with a low roar. His grip around the controls tighten and his jaw locks with determination as it lifts into the air and shoots off into the vastness of space.

Perhaps it would have been wise to take the Knights of Ren along with him, but Kylo wasn't thinking about them or his people. The only thing on his mind right now was you. He wanted to see you walking around. It was silly but seeing you walking meant that he was seeing you alive. And that was all that truly mattered. He wanted you no matter what it took to get you back. If it meant forcibly taking you... then so be it. Kylo didn't know if he could actually go through with that idea when the time came, but right now he was maddened by the desperation. _Blinded_ by it. So blinded, in fact, that he doesn't even notice the small ship tailing him as his Silencer bursts into Hyperspace.

His dark, brooding eyes were glued onto the swirling mass before him. He stares through the red-pane windows of the cockpit, egging the shuttle forward and causing the engines to whine in protest. Questions begin to flood his mind with every passing minute. How much had you truly changed after so long? Were you even willing to see him? Something told him yes. You weren't furious with him when you had left; only hurt. There was so much pain in your eyes that day and it hurt Kylo even more knowing that _he_ was the cause of your pain. Perhaps that had played a larger roll in snapping him than the actual act of you leaving.

Other than his own lightsaber, Kylo was also carrying yours on his other hip. Yours was so light compared to his and so small in his massive hands. It suited you perfectly and seeing you using it drove him wild every time. It was a shame that you hadn't used it very often, although Kylo was hoping to change that after today. Seven months was a long time to be gone. For all he knew, you could be a completely different person. Furthermore, just because you were on Naboo didn't mean you were unharmed. Anything could have happened to you. Kylo tries to push those horrible thoughts aside, but they return to his mind every time.

The minutes drag by and fade into a few hours, before Kylo's ship finally breaks free from the endless tunnels of Hyperspace. It spits him out right above Naboo's atmosphere, giving him a view of the beautiful planet. Although he had never visited it before, he was familiar with it. His uncle had told him stories about his grandparents, but he never really went into great detail. Apparently Kylo's grandparents had been quite secretive about their little romance. Normally he would be itching to find out more on a visit like this, but now was not the time.

His TIE Silencer shudders as it breaks through the thin clouds and into the crystal blue skies. Naboo certainly was impressive. It wasn't quite as majestic as Sarka was, but it definitely came in close second. Emerald trees cover the rolling hills and shield the forest floor from onlookers. Trees fade into fields covered with flowers and crops. Glittering lakes reflect the thin white clouds in the beautiful sky, giving the planet an ethereal feeling to it. Small towns and cities were scattered here and there, but none were as beautiful as the capital city of Theed.

Theed was home to beautiful luxuries and exquisite (but strange) fashion. A marvelous palace sat on the ledge of a rocky cliff between several waterfalls. It overlooked streams and the sprawling forests around it. The palace, unlike Syala's, was built with more towers and domes. Although it wasn't very tall, it had a great width and was rather intimidating despite its beauty.

Kylo guides his ship toward one of the open space ports. Landing a First Order ship didn't exactly allow him to go unnoticed. He pulls on his mask to avoid the eyes of gazing strangers that were gawking at him on the sides of the port. Despite him technically being a customer, none of the workers walk up to him and demand credits. They were wise enough not to. His cloak billows and snaps at his ankles as he walks through the city with determination. He didn't know where he was going nor did he know where to start, but something pushed him in a certain direction.

Although Kylo was trying his best to keep his focus on his search, it was extremely difficult not to get swept up in the allure of Theed. The stone tiles and cobblestone streets of the city were swept up and kept in perfect condition. They were lined with plant-life, low stone walls, and store fronts that showed off various luxuries. The main streets branched off into smaller districts and neighborhoods that twisted and turned, but never seemed to grow boring. Buildings were made of well-kept stone and plaster that was crawling with ivy and flowers. Locals walked by and stared at him, but they never approached or whispered. They were all dressed in fabrics so fine, that royalty must have looked even more incredible. This place truly made Kylo feel as though he were in another world.

He comes to a screeching halt all of a sudden. Kylo stares at one of the lampposts beside an alleyway. This was familiar... too familiar. His heart begins to quicken as he starts down the alley, taking notice that he was getting further away from the noisy crowds and walking deeper into the suburbs. Realization struck him quicker than lightning. He had seen this place in that horrible vision. Kylo immediately picks up pace upon remembering what happened shortly after. The Force begins to stir deep within him. It bubbles as it awakens once more, leading him down different turns and corners.

It all became one big blur in front of him. His breathing was growing heavier inside of his mask and nothing seemed to make sense. Kylo stops just as suddenly as he had before upon finding himself in front of a wall. A dead end. _Great_. With a low growl of frustration, he turns around and takes a moment to compose himself. Although he desperately wanted to rip his lightsaber free and start shredding everything in sight, this was not the time nor the place to do it. What if this entire mission was just one big joke? Kylo starts back down the streets. What if this was a huge waste of time? What if you really _were_ dead? What if-

Kylo freezes. He nearly falls to his knees all over again. Seven months ago you had turned your back and walked away from him. Seven months ago you were heart broken and damaged and _scared_. Now you were standing with your back to him, bent over a small bush of flowers. His mouth goes dry. He didn't know what to say or do. _Kill her_. There was that voice again. As though you had heard him, you suddenly straighten up and slowly turn around, your face falling at the sight of him.

"(Y/N)." His modified voice made your eyes sadden. Had he disappointed you again? Kylo takes a step towards you, noticing how you retracted.

You stare at him breathlessly. "K-Kylo."

He takes a step. "I've been looking for you. We need to talk."

"Not here." You say softly, although Kylo could tell you were struggling to hold back your tears. "Come."

He doesn't hesitate to follow you. You guide him past an iron-wrought gate and through an archway that led into a small courtyard. As far as he could tell, there was only house in it. _Yours_. It was small, quaint, and suited you rather well. Potted plants sat on the brick windowsills and everything was very neat. A small fountain bubbles in the center of the courtyard, but Kylo pays no mind to it. His eyes were glued on you like you would disappear. He traces out the shape of your body within the flowing layers of your pretty dress. In his eyes, you were just as beautiful as the day you had left him.

You silently step through the door as it slides open for you. It closes behind Kylo and he follows you through the front of the house. He watches you set your basket on the small kitchen table and turn around to face him. The pain had returned to your eyes.

"I-"

You lift your hand, cutting him off. "Take that _thing_ off."

Kylo hesitates for just a moment, before lifting his hands up and slipping the mask from his head. He sets it down on the table and swallows as your eyes scan his face. He looked so familiar yet so different. You fight back the urge to grab his face and observe it closer. His full, pink lips twitch.

"Don't just stand there." You close your eyes. " _Please._ Just... say something."

"Have you been here all this time?" Kylo's voice was low and cold, but he didn't sound angry with you.

"No. I searched for answers for a long time, Kylo. The Force led me here, I suppose, and I thought that this place would help. It did. It helped me escape." You tuck your hair behind your ear and give him a weak smile. "What... what have you been up to?"

"Searching. Every day since you left."

"Oh." That was all you could really say. You desperately search for words. The silence was unsettling, especially coming from him. "You've changed."

"You haven't." Kylo replies flatly. "You're still... you're still beautiful."

You inhale sharply. "How's Syala? Treating you well?"

He shifts. "I wouldn't know. I killed her."

"If-"

"Why didn't you come back?" Kylo finally bursts. He couldn't stand this anymore. He needed answers and he needed them now.

You slowly sit down in one of the chairs at the table as you feared that you would fall over. Everything was rushing back to you. It made your throat tighten and caused your eyes to sting. "I-I couldn't. I did this for both of us, you know, not just me."

A scoff escapes his lips. "Do you know how hard the past seven months have been? Every day was wasted searching for you. I destroyed cities and towns looking for you. I had to fall asleep every night with the fear that you were gone. Really gone. You say you did this for both of us but you caused me more pain that you could ever imagine."

"Pain..." your eyes fill with anger and sadness. "I was the one that walked away, Kylo, because _you_ brought me so much pain. It started all those years ago at the Temple and it continued when you ripped me away from my home again. I understand that these few months have been hard on you but don't you _dare_ compare your pain to mine. I'm not here to compare battle scars."

"You wouldn't know the meaning of pain."

"That's not fair. Don't play the victim here." You snap.

Kylo's fists tense. "You _left_ me."

You stare at him in disbelief. "I didn't have a choice! I was so sick of wasting tears over you. What we had was unhealthy. It-It wasn't something I could live with. I thought you would be able to understand that. If you truly wanted me to be happy, then you would have stayed on the Supremacy."

"Fine by me. I'll just fly back and move on with the rest of my life. You seem to have adjusted perfectly _fine_ without me. I should have known you didn't care." He spits.

"Are you _kidding_? _You_ were the one that never managed to tell me how you felt." You were tightly gripping onto the fabric of your skirts, crumpling it beneath your hands. "Lying to me wasn't any better than silence."

"I know it's easier to run. Especially after everything I've done, but that only proves you were a coward." Kylo shoots back venomously.

You fly to your feet, sending the chair sliding across the floor with a loud screech. The tears welling in your eyes finally spill over. "Do you think I wanted this? I wanted you more than anything! I hated myself for loving you. I never wanted to be alone. I did this so we could both move on to better things."

"Don't you understand?" He yells. "I can't do this without you! That's why I'm here. That's why I spent seven fucking months flying around the galaxy in search of you. You could have come back! We could have started over and moved on from this mess! All you managed to do was cause _me_ more pain. But I can tell you're perfectly pleased with yourself-" he scoops up his mask "-so _excuse_ me for interrupting your happy little life. I'll be out of your hair in no time."

"Do you really think I'm _happy_ here? You're so self-absorbed and _twisted_ with your own selfishness! Did you even stop to think about how _I_ felt? Just because I left doesn't mean things got any easier for me. I still cry myself to sleep at night because for some twisted reason I miss you!"

Kylo runs a hand through his hair. "You'll never be happy. I gave you everything I had. When will you understand that I didn't know how to give you anything else? I _can't_ give you anything else."

"You can but you're afraid!" You retort accusingly. "I didn't care about the titles or those fucking dresses. I just wanted to hear you tell me how you felt. I wanted to hear three words and you couldn't even manage to say them! You've shut yourself out and now you can't get out of the hole _you_ dug. Instead of finding a way out, you expected _me_ to be the one to claw my way back up for the both of us."

"Why weren't you happy with what I gave you?" He demands.

Your words nearly come out in a pained scream. "Because all we did was fuck each other! We had little moments but they were _all_ ruined because you couldn't own up to your emotions. Just admit it. You didn't love me as much as I loved you. You _used_ me to get your anger out! You used me because you wanted to prove to _yourself_ that you weren't a monster. So you fucked me and made me believe that we had a chance because you thought that you were actually presenting yourself as a decent person! That wasn't even _love_! Those were just basic human qualities that you wore as a mask!"

"I'm not a monster!" Kylo snaps. "But what you're expecting isn't _me."_

"I didn't want you to be like Xian or even how Kess was _pretending_ to be. I wanted _you!_ I wanted Kylo fucking Ren and that's who I got. But I also got Ben Solo. You want to open up and you want to say these things, but you _can't._ That's why I'm here. If you can't give me your love then you can give it to someone who you actually care about."

"I care about you!" He roars. "You don't even see it! I could have anyone I wanted and I chose you because I saw you as more than someone I could use." Kylo slams his fist against the table and its contents jump. "Everything I did was for you. I destroyed what I could have had for you!"

"I never asked you to give everything up! You made those sacrifices on your own but you forced me to! You lied and cheated and now you're gas-lighting me for trying to escape what we had. We're not the same person, Kylo! I can't handle the First Order like you do. I joined for you because I believed that deep down you were the boy I fell in love with."

"Don't compare me to Ben Solo. That's in the past. You chose this life and now you've realized that it was too much. So you fled." Kylo scoffs.

"You're so blind! You're just a child with a lightsaber."

"And you're just being selfish!"

Kylo storms up to you, causing you to quickly back away in fear. He thrusts a finger in your face, tears burning in his eyes. "I care about you more than you know! If you want to know so desperately why I couldn't give myself to you? _Fine_. I'll tell you! Everybody in my life has been ripped away from me. Everyone that I've cared about! I'm so fucking scared of losing you that I'd rather be _dead_ than live in a galaxy where I know you're not in it. I thought I was protecting you but now I realize that I'm wrong. Everything is my fault. It's always been my fucking fault. I can't do anything right. They're dead because of me! All of them! And knowing me you're going to be next because of it. It's always-" his voice begins to waver "- _my fault."_

He turns away from you with both hands behind his head. Everything felt numb around you. You couldn't feel anything except for the painful realization of what was happening here. It was all too much. Your entire body was trembling and weak. With a painful wail, you sink down to your hands and knees, covering your mouth with your hand as you choke back heart-wrenching sobs. You wrap your arms around yourself, shuddering as tears drip down your face.

Kylo looks down at you miserably. He slowly sinks to the ground in front of you, reaching out and pulling you into his arms. Your arms are immediately flung around his neck. You cling onto his cloak and sob into his shoulders. His own tears drip down and seep through the thin fabric of your dress.

"I'm sorry." He whispers.

You pull away and wipe the tears from your face. "Me too. I-I think it's best if we forget about this a-and move on." You shakily rise to your feet. "Do you want something to drink? I-I can get you something."

"(Y/N)..." Kylo says softly as he stands up and watches you pull a glass from the cabinet.

You pour water into the glass, but your hands were shaking so violently that the water was spilling everywhere. With a sorrowful gasp, you set the glass down on the counter and lean against it, covering your mouth with the back of your hand.

"Enough." He comes up behind you and reaches around, gripping onto your hand as you reach for the glass again. "I'm sorry." He rests his chin on your shoulder. "I'm sorry."

He says those words over and over again, slowly calming you down. Your heart felt as though it was going to burst out of your chest. You didn't know how much more of this you could take. Not wanting to break down all over again, you pull away from Kylo's grasp and cross your arms, turning your back to him. Kylo stares at you, his mouth dry and his eyes aching from crying so many tears.

_Kill her._

_Then why do you hesitate?_

Why was he hesitating? His hand lowers to his lightsaber, his fingers grazing the cold hilt. This would be a release for you. You had been through so much pain already. What was one last sharp sting going to bring other than your freedom? _Kill her._ Killing you would give Kylo his freedom as well. It would grant him his place and allow him to focus on leading. _Then why do you hesitate?_ His hand closes around his lightsaber, thumb poised over the button. His eyes roam over you. Even though you weren't facing him, he wanted to take you in one last time. One stroke would end it all. Pain, torture, and heartache. All gone. Just one stroke. _Why do I hesitate?_

Kylo releases his saber when he realizes the answer to his own question was standing right in front of him.

"I love you."

  
  



	40. ~Water's Edge~

"I love you."

You stop dead in your tracks, tears already wet on your face. Slowly, you turn to face him. Were you imagining things? Had he really said it? This couldn't be real. You suck in your breath. "What did you just say?"

He shifts, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I love you. Stars, I'm sorry that I couldn't-"

Kylo is cut off by your arms wrapping around his neck and your lips crashing against his. His arms snake tightly around your waist, feeling you tremble in his grasp. He shudders and pulls away from the kiss, pressing his forehead against yours.

You sob. "You're so stupid, Kylo Ren."

You watch with a swelling heart as a genuine smile cracks across Kylo's face, revealing his deep dimples around the corners of his lips. With a weak laugh, you reach out to trail your thumbs over them. He pulls away and grips your hands tightly, looking you up and down to take a good, long look at you. Kylo bites his lip. "About Syala..."

"Forget Syala. I don't want to talk about her. Next time we go to a planet, you better tell me if you slept with the leader or not." You joke lightly to mask the pain in your voice. "And promise me you'll take into account what I said. About all of this."

Kylo chuckles. "I promise."

You could only hope he would keep it.

  
  


After Kylo's confession, the two of you had to sit down and have a long talk. It was uncharacteristic of him to be so open, but you knew that he figured it would be for the best. He was in no position to turn down anything that would help the relationship. You found out a lot of things during that conversation. More specifically, what Kylo had been up to for the past seven months. It had surprised and frightened you at first, but you could tell that he didn't intend to scare you. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

Many apologies were blubbered through curtains of tears and in the end, you managed to agree on a few things. There was something, however, that you weren't quite ready to share with Kylo yet. He was clearly expecting you to come back with him. Back to the First Order. You weren't sure if you could endure that yet. The Order was the main reason for your escape to Naboo. Being Kylo's apprentice gave you respect and you had to admit that it felt good, but that didn't mean there weren't any downsides. There a lot of pressure put on you. You had high expectations and big shoes to fill. At this point, you would say anything to steer the conversation away from the Order.

Your name falls from Kylo's lips, snapping you out of your gaze. You look up at him and he sheepishly reaches into his robes, pulling out a glimmering silver necklace. He pushes the necklace across the table towards you. You gingerly pick it up, a small smile tugging at your lips as you trail your thumb across the shining pendent. It clatters softly as you set it gently back down on the table, redirecting your focus onto the black and silver mask sitting across from you.

Kylo follows your gaze and swallows. "I know you're not very fond of it."

"You could say that," you lean forward, tracing the red cracks with your fingers. "Why did you have them mend it?"

He bites his lip and shrugs. That was the only answer you were going to get. Just because he had finally said those three words didn't mean he was going to open up to you about everything. At least, not just yet. The process was going to be slow, that much you could figure, but that wasn't going to stop you from trying.

You rise from the table and offer your hand to Kylo. "I have something to show you."

Kylo's eyebrows dart up in surprise, but he reaches out and takes your hand nonetheless. You lead him out of your quaint little house and through the peaceful streets of the city. You couldn't remember the last time he had ever held your hand. Had he ever even held it before? The heat of his palms were leaking through the leather of his gloves, warming your hand in a comforting grasp. Just the size of his hand compared to yours was enough to make you dizzy.

As you approach the glimmering lake tucked between the trees, you begin to grow excited. You squeeze Kylo's hand and begin to tug him toward the shoreline. He looks at you with curiosity and amusement. He looked almost proud of your giddiness. The amusement fades to pure confusion as his brows furrow at the sight of a beautiful lake house surrounded by dense greenery.

"Where are we?" Kylo questions.

"You'll see." Your eyes glimmer.

He follows you around the back of the house to where a small gate guarded the path onto the patio. It seemed that the entire home was locked down, but that wasn't stopping you. Kylo looks at you in surprise as you bunch up your skirts and climb over the gate.

"What?" You smirk. "Is the Supreme Leader scared to trespass?"

Kylo rolls his eyes and grips the gate tightly, swinging his leg over. He lands on the other side and straightens out, giving you a smug little look. You grab his hand once more and drag him along the side of the house. The narrow tile path finally gives way to a secluded little patio alongside the water. You release him and lean against the stone railing, looking happily out over the water.

He takes his place beside you but couldn't seem to get rid of his itching curiosity. "Why did you bring me here?"

You give him a small smile and gently push him aside to reveal a golden plaque on the railing. Words were engraved into the old metal in swirling letters and looping lines. It was obvious that it had been here for quite some time. Kylo leans down to better see the words. His heart nearly stops.

' _In loving memory of Senator Padmé Amidala and Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker'_

He stares at you. "How did you find this place?"

"I'm not sure. I was just walking along the lake and it felt as thought something drew me here." You trail your fingers over the lettering. "I thought you would like it..."

"I do." Kylo places his hand over yours reassuringly. "Thank you."

You nod and look back out over the water. It glistens underneath the sun, reflecting the clear blue sky in its crystal waters. The waves lap gently against the stone just beneath the patio railing. Even after only living here for seven months, you absolutely adored this place. Naboo made you feel at home. You couldn't imagine leaving to go back to the Supremacy.

"What's wrong?" Kylo's deep voice rumbles.

Sucking in your breath sharply, you look up at him and shake your head. "It's nothing. I swear." You quickly add, "don't worry."

Kylo's honey brown eyes scan your face. It made you realize how much you had missed those eyes of his. They were so captivating. So cold one minute and so soft the next. He takes a sudden step towards you, taking you by the jaw. He leans in and presses his lips to yours, his thumb trailing along your jawline. You brace your hands on his chest and smile against his lips. As difficult as this was going to be, it felt good to have him back.

  
  


~

  
  


You take a deep breath of refreshing night air as you lean against the railings of your shallow balcony. The moon bathes you in its mystical silver light as more and more stars appear in the inky blackness above. A cool, soft breeze blows gently through your silk robe and sways the sheer curtains in front of the balcony doorway. From your room, you had a perfect view of the garden and the shimmering waterfalls in the distance that seemed to glitter in the moonlight. You could smell the sweet scent of flowers wafting into your room every time the breeze came along. Naboo's beauty never failed to take your breath away.

From inside your room, you hear the soft squeak of the door swinging open and promptly shutting. The heavy footfalls tell you exactly who it was. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Kylo pushes past the sheer curtains and steps onto the balcony beside you. He follows your gaze towards the gardens and the full moon.

"We can go back now. Back home." He says quietly. "You know that, don't you? I think it would be best if we went back tomorrow."

You sigh softly and look down at your hands on the railing. " _Tomorrow?_ It's so soon, isn't it?" You were so hesitant to tell him the truth.

Kylo hums. "I know. But it's time to return to the Supremacy. We both have duties within the First Order. Important ones, at that. We're closing in on the Resistance. The scavenger is next. Once we get our hands on her-"

"Don't talk about that now." You interrupt him. "I just want to be here. In this moment." Anything to steer the conversation away from the First Order.

"I-"

"I don't want to talk about that, Kylo." You snap.

He pauses. "Why are you getting frustrated?" There was annoyance laced in his words. His fingers tighten around your wrist. " _Tell me."_

You swallow, huffing with mock-irritation. If you had to twist your truths then so be it. "It's that scavenger. You're obsessed."

Another pause from Kylo. He begins to chuckle and you throw him another look. Kylo tips your chin to the side. "You're _jealous_ of her. How precious, little pet. She's means absolutely nothing to me. Let me show you-" his thumb trails across your lips "-Let me _worship_ you."

He shifts and moves behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He leans down and rests his chin on your shoulder, pressing his lips against the softness of your robes. You grip onto his arms, smiling softly. Kylo's lips trail up from your shoulder, to your concealed collarbone, and finally to your neck. He kisses your neck gently, gradually getting rougher with every nip of your skin. You tilt your chin up as his lips attach to your jaw and trail back down to suck on your neck, leaving a red love bite. He was marking and claiming you; something he hadn't been able to do for so long.

"Kylo-" you bite your lip. "-you've just gotten back."

Kylo growls in response, hands moving to rest on top of yours. "It's been seven months. Let me touch you."

You melted in his hands.

He slowly pulls your hands away from your body and finds the sash keeping your robe together. His fingers tug on the knot, unfastening it and pulling the sash free. Kylo stops kissing you for just a moment to slip the robe from your body, leaving you completely exposed on the balcony. Chills roll up your naked body and your breath hitches as Kylo's hands slide up to your breasts. You turn around to face him, bracing your palms on his chest. His arms wrap around you as his lips press against yours, working slowly. His tongue pushes past your lips, sliding against yours in a passionate dance. Kylo begins to back into the room, pulling you along with him.

The curtains part for the two of you, brushing lightly against your chilled skin. Kylo backs up until he reaches the bed. He turns and gently pushes you on top of the blankets. He leans forward and parts your knees, falling on top of you to hungrily kiss you. His lips trail down your chain and in between your breasts, pulling a soft moan from your lips. Kylo's tongue skims over your soft skin as he trails down your stomach and past your naval. He leans back, pressing a kiss to the inside of your thigh.

You bite your lip and dig your fingers into the duvet with every kiss he brings closer and closer to your heat. Kylo looks up at you and you further spread your knees, giving him access. He licks his lips and grips your hips, pulling you closer to his face as he attaches his lips to your glistening cunt. You gasp and tilt your head back as Kylo licks a long strip, causing you to clench and buck your hips. He grips your hips tighter to hold them steady, swirling his tongue over your sensitive bud. His plump lips against your sex send jolts of electricity through your entire body. He was so _perfect_.

" _Kylo_ -" your eyes roll back.

"Louder." He growls. "I want everyone in this city to know who you belong to."

You obey without hesitation, giddy about this entire situation. " _Fuck!_ Kylo! Don't stop."

Kylo lips and tongue work magic, leaving you a squirming and desperate mess. Every flick gets you one step closer to your peak. You squeak as his hand slips down, his thumb grazing your clit while his tongue works methodically. He trails lazy circles around the sensitive nub with his thumb, pushing you over the edge. Unable to contain your neediness, you reach down and grip onto his hair. He lifts his head, smirking up at you. Kylo removes his hands from your hips and crawls over you, hands braced on either side of your head.

"Needy little thing." He leans down, wet lips hovering over yours. "You'll get what you want, but it's going to cost you your ability to walk tomorrow."

"Is that a promise?" You reply breathlessly.

Kylo's eye twitches as his pupils dilate lustfully. "It's a guarantee, _pet_."

You smirk as he tugs his shirt over his head with one hand and reaches down to pull his hardened length from his pants. He groans and dips his head down, slowly running his hand up and down his shaft. You reach up and tip his chin up, forcing him to look into your eyes as he jerks himself off. Kylo hisses, pulling his bottom lip through his teeth. You clench as he lowers his hips and trails the head of his cock over your wet folds. Without further warning, Kylo slides into you, sheathing himself in your cunt.

" _Fuck_ -" he grunts, finding a steady pace to thrust in and out of you. "Good girl."

You moan lewdly as he stretches out your walls with a painful sting. The pain fades into pleasure when Kylo adjusts himself. Your nails drag across his back, leaving long red welts behind. Kylo dips his head down to hungrily connect your lips, groaning into your mouth. He pulls away and grips tightly onto your jaw.

"Open your eyes when I'm fucking you." He snaps.

With a whine, you force your eyes back open and lock gazes with him. Kylo grits his teeth, his thrusts becoming more and more sloppy with every passing second. He had been deprived of rough sex for long enough. A wanton moan racks your body as your back arches. Kylo's thumb trails across your lips, before sliding past them. You suck obediently on his finger, swirling your tongue around it as moans get caught in your throat. The taste of your own juices covers your taste buds. He slides his thumb out with a soft _pop_ , focusing instead on the motion of his hips against yours.

"I can't hear you, _pet_." Kylo hisses through his teeth.

A high-pitched moan passes through your lips as you tilt your chin up and push your head back further into the wrinkled duvet. Your eyebrows furrow together. " _Stars_! Supreme Leader!"

His hand locks around your throat, causing you to choke on a moan. "Say it again."

"Supreme Leader."

"Louder!"

"FUCK! SUPREME LEADER!" You scream as the head of his cock slams into your cervix.

"Cum for me." Kylo releases your throat.

You wrap one leg around him to pull him deeper--if that was even possible--and moan loudly as your body is enveloped with pleasure. Your legs tremble and your muscles tighten. Kylo groans when your inner walls clench and you come around his cock. Your nails dig into his back, leaving behind deep red crescent shapes in his skin. You crush his hips in between your legs as colors swim before your eyes and you slowly let go of him.

"We're not done." He snaps, pulling himself momentarily out of you. You gasp as he flips you over with ease. "Hands and knees."

Your trembling legs manage to push up enough to get you into the position he wanted. Kylo's iron grip returns to your hips, pulling them backwards. A strangled scream breaks free when he slams into you, his own hips crashing against your ass with a loud snap. He thrusts in and out at a quicker pace, groaning a string of curses intermingled with your name on repeat. Kylo roughly pushes your shoulder blades down, forcing your back to arch and your chest to press down into the bed. You grip tightly onto the sheets, whining and moaning Kylo's name.

His palms skate up your spine and one slides up your neck. His fingers dig into your scalp, gripping onto your hair tightly. He sharply yanks it back, ripping your head up while his either hand presses your upper back further down into the bed. Your bodies begin to heat up, skin laced with sweat. It used to be so different. It used to be filled with lust and evolved around hate-fucking. What you felt now was something else entirely. The sensation was burning in your chest. _Love_. Passionate, red-hot love. It was making you wild. Making you _scream_.

"Shit." Kylo grunts. "You feel so good. Do you want me to fill you up with my cum, pet?"

"Yes, yes!" You gasp. "Please, Kylo."

He delivers a sharp tug on your hair. "That's my girl."

You whimper as his cock twitches inside of you. With one sloppy thrust, Kylo fills your cunt up with hot ropes of his cum. He continues thrusting throughout his orgasm before finally pulling out and watching the white fluids drip from your folds and leak down your thighs. Your breath hitches in your throat as Kylo leans down and grabs the back of your legs, pressing his lips against your exposed cunt. He laps up the mixture of yours and his cum combined, trailing his tongue down your thighs to replace a towel that would normally clean you up. Kylo steps back and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

He watches you with glimmering, lustful eyes as you turn and slowly rise from the bed, circling him watchfully. Kylo stares at you as you draw closer to him, now sandwiching him between you and the bed. "What are you doing?"

"Your turn." You push him backwards and his back hits the bed.

Kylo watches as you crawl onto the bed, straddling him and bracing your palms against his chest. He chuckles darkly. "That was a one time thing, pet. What makes you think I'll let you go through with it again?"

You trail your finger down his chest. "What makes _you_ think you're in charge here? I'm your commander, after all."

The word 'commander' tumbled from your lips before you could stop yourself. It made you silently wince and internally curse yourself. Still, if it meant pretending for Kylo then so be it.

He sucks in his breath as your palms skate over his torso, trailing across his well-defined stomach. Kylo bites his lip, hissing when you grab onto his length. You position yourself over him and whine as you sink down onto him. Your hips begin to grind against his, swirling in circles as you lift yourself up and down. Kylo grabs your hips, digging his fingers into your skin. He releases a low, throaty moan and slides his hands up your waist. You place your hands over his and guide his hands up to your chest, placing both of them on your breasts. Kylo kneads and squeezes them, eyes locked onto your face as it twists with pleasure.

You narrow your eyes at him and echo his previous words toward you. "I can't hear you, Ren."

" _Fuck!_ Commander." He groans.

"Louder, Ren." You tease.

"COMMANDER!" Kylo yelps as you sink down even further. " _Shit._ Faster. _Please_."

You begin to bounce on his cock, breasts jumping every time your hips collide. At this rate, you weren't going to last much longer. Kylo seemed to sense this. His hand shoots out and locks around your throat, yanking your face towards him. You grind your hips in slow circles as your lips reattach hungrily. His tongue clashes against yours, sliding along your lower lip and exploring every inch of your mouth. Kylo's hands glide along your back, touching every beauty mark and freckle that he had memorized. Nobody knew your body better than him and you his.

You knew every square inch. Every beauty mark on his arms, face, back, and legs. Every sensitive spot and even the places you knew he would squirm. Who knew the Supreme Leader could be _ticklish_? Kylo's hands settle on your ass, pushing you down as far as you could possibly go. A scream pushes up through your throat, but it is muffled by Kylo's finger sliding into your mouth once more. Your eyes snap open and lock with his as you suck on his finger, bobbing your head slowly and seductively. Kylo bites his lip at this sight. You open your mouth and drag your tongue across the underside of his finger.

He jolts when you pull away. You pull your lower lip through your teeth and hiss as your body begins to grow weak. Ever time you sunk down on him, he was getting you closer to your peak. Eventually you couldn't hold it back any longer. With a lewd moan, you come around his cock for the second time that evening. Your body tenses up and relaxes. Beads of sweat drip down your forehead. Perspiration shines on Kylo's broad, heaving chest. His honey filled eyes were nearly black with lust.

In your exhaustion, you couldn't seem to lift yourself off of him. With a sigh of defeat, you lean forward and lay your head on his chest, hearing his heart fluttering. Kylo wraps his strong arms around you.

"I love you," you breathe.

His lips twitch. "Say it again, pet."

You prop yourself up on your forearms and trace circles on his chest. " _I love you."_ Your breath gets caught in your throat when you feel Kylo's cock getting hard inside of you again.

"Get off." He grunts, wincing.

You scramble off of him, face flushing as he sits up, staring down at his erection. Kylo groans, running a hand through his hair. Neither of you had enough strength for another round. He looks up as you slide off the bed and slowly sink to your knees, looking up at him expectantly. Kylo rises to his feet and tips your chin up with his pointer finger. "You're _perfect_."

You smirk. "I know."

Kylo steps closer and you reach out, gripping him gently at the base of his length. You drag your tongue along the underside of his shaft, eliciting a sharp hiss from him. Your tongue slides over the slit of the head of his cock and it twitches in your grasp. He grips onto the back of your head as you take him in your mouth. You bob your head steadily back and forth, doing your best to hollow out your cheeks. His size was proving that to be difficult. Kylo grunts and pushes your head even further down onto him.

Tears sting your eyes as his cock hits the back of your throat, causing you to choke and gag. Kylo's face turns up towards the ceiling as his head falls back. Your nose presses into the trail of dark hair above his dick, drool spilling from your lips. Your face reddens with every thrust down your throat. He was filling you up and making it impossible to breathe. Your jaw pops as Kylo pulls himself free. He groans as hot strings of cum land on you, dripping down your bare chest.

The only sound that fills the silent room is the heavy breathing coming from both of you. Kylo stuffs his softening cock back into his pants and wipes his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand. He nudges your chin and looks down at you pridefully.

"Perfect little thing." Kylo offers you his hand and you take it.

He pulls you up onto your feet and chuckles as you topple into his arms, your legs shaking and giving out from beneath you. Kylo glances around the room, his eyes landing on the tray resting on your dresser. It held two crystal glasses and a bottle of Naboo's finest wine.

"Care for a drink?" Kylo makes sure you are steady on your feet before releasing you.

"Let me get cleaned up first." You gesture to the sticky cum coating your skin.

His eyes glitter. "What a shame. Come here."

You roll your eyes, but laugh lightly and practically waddle over to him. Kylo grips you tightly and leans down, his lips skimming over your collarbone. A soft gasp escapes your lips as his warm tongue glides across your skin. He works to lick up the globs of his own seed that was decorating your chest. When Kylo straightens up, his hand locks around your throat and he pulls you in, pressing his lips against yours. He smirks at your reddened face, pulling away. Kylo scoops your robe off the ground and tosses it into your arms. You slip back into the satin fabric, securing it around your waist, and join Kylo by the dresser. He pours the red wine into a glass and hands it to you. You raise it to your lips and take a sip as Kylo pours a glass for himself.

"To us." He tips the glass towards you. You beam at him, but your smile slowly fades away. Unfortunately for you, he notices. "What's wrong?"

You bite your lip. "We... need to talk about the Order."

Kylo swirls the dark red liquid around in his glass, eyes trained on you. "Go on."

"I don't think I can come back with y-" you stop talking abruptly, inhaling sharply.

Everything happens within the blink of an eye. Kylo's face falls as the glass falls from your hand. It shatters into dozens of crystal pieces on the cold marble ground, the red wine spilling over the white marble. Your face is drained of its color and you slowly look down. A dark crimson was blossoming over the cream-colored satin of your robe. The thin black hilt of a throwing knife was buried in your side. With a pained gasp, you stumble and fall into Kylo's arms. He stares down at you in horror, sinking to the floor with you as you clutch your bleeding side.

A rustle by the balcony catches his attention. Kylo's eyes narrow at the sight of a man dressed in black from head to toe. Realizing that he had been caught, the stranger makes a desperate attempt at fleeing. He swings over the railing, gripping tightly onto the thick ivy growing on the house's walls. Unfortunately for him, Kylo was quicker. He rips the man from the vines and throws him onto the ground like a rag-doll, stalking menacingly towards him. His hand extends towards the dresser, his lightsaber flying into his palm. The man's hand plunges into the depths of his cloak, pulling free a Blaster and pointing it at Kylo with trembling hands. Three rounds are fired but each are deflected by Kylo's crackling red blade.

Kylo rips the Blaster out of the man's hands and throws it across the room. "Who are you?" He demands, spit flying from his lips in his rage.

The man rips the cloth covering his nose and mouth down and puts his hands up in defeat. "A humble assassin from the Outer Rim. I-I can tell you what you need to know... for a _price."_

"How about I don't tear you apart limb from limb?" He snarls, grip around his saber tightening.

"Alright! Alright!" The man scrambles away, his back hitting the way. "I was hired to assassinate the girl."

"By _who_?" Kylo roars.

"Gido Corr!" He yelps. "He said the girl knew too much! That's all! I swear!"

"How did you find us?" He demands.

The man flinches. "I followed your ship out."

" _K-Kylo_." Your weak voice draws Kylo's attention back towards you.

He glances at the man, realizing he was now useless. With a mere twirl of his saber, Kylo plunges it through the assassin's chest and sinks to the ground beside you. He pulls you into his arms, flinching as you wince when he presses his hand to your wound. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be fine. Hold on."

Kylo scoops you up into his arms and rises to his feet. He tries his best to apply pressure to your wound, but that was proving difficult. With his breathing heavy, he rushes you out of your home and into the small street. Being completely unfamiliar with Naboo wasn't doing very well in Kylo's favor. He hurries down the street that he had remembered from your walk earlier, but there was no sign of anything or anyone that could help. As he rounds the corner, a surprised couple comes into view. They stare at you slowly slipping outing of consciousness in his arms.

"Don't just stand there!" Kylo yells angrily, holding you tighter. "Get help!" He looks back down to you and your blood-drained face. "Hold on... you're okay... just hold on for me...."

The last thing you hear before everything fades to black is Kylo whispering "don't take her too."

  
  


  
  



	41. ~Up In Flames~

  
  


Kylo Ren places his hands behind his back, pacing to and fro across the floor. He clenches his jaw repeatedly, gritting his teeth so harshly that it was a miracle they hadn't shattered. His dark cloak flutters and snaps at his ankles. It felt as though it was putting a heavy weight on his shoulders. He fights back the urge to rip it off and go on a rampage around the Supremacy's medical wing.

There had been no news about your health condition for quite some time now. The last time he saw you, you were passed out in his arms with blood drenching your robe. Kylo had scrubbed your blood from his hands with tears in his eyes and his heart in his throat. Deep wounds didn't usually make him sick, but the sight of blood pouring from _your_ body made his stomach churn. He had lingered around a trash can just in case but fortunately the contents of his stomach remained in place.

For the past two hours, the doctors had been slamming doors in his face and turning him away. No matter what he did or who he threatened, they didn't let him inside to see you. They were insisting that he just lie down and get his mind off of the incident. But how was he even supposed to just forget? He didn't know what he would do if you didn't pull through. You were strong and stubborn, but you weren't immortal either. It was difficult enough when you got snatched up by Kess, but this was an entirely different threat. Seeing you nearly dying in his arms made him more riled up than he thought it would. That only proved to him how deep into this relationship he had gotten himself.

Despite the horrible weight about to crush him, some of the stress _had_ gotten lifted earlier. Saying those three little words to you had given him a lot of relief, especially when you said them back. He couldn't bear to see you walking away. A part of him still doubted those words. For him, saying 'I love you' was a big step forward. He had been denied of affection for such a long time and when you returned to his life, it pushed him into an unknown world. Well, not quite _unknown._ He knew affection from when he was Ben, but he had completely pushed those memories aside. They still made their way into his brain, but now Kylo had you for comfort. What was he going to do if you were ripped away from him? _Again._

"Supreme Leader," a voice interrupts his train of thought.

Kylo whirls around, his heart pounding in his chest. " _What?"_

The doctor shifts. "She's a little worn out, but she's awake. I would recommend waiting until she's fully recovered before you just-"

He pushes past the doctor without further hesitation, tuning out the man's shouts of protest. Kylo wasn't going to wait one more minute to be with you. The nurses try to hold him back, but they were no match against him. He storms through the small medical ward, making a beeline for the room that you were being held in. Kylo bursts through the doors, his eyes falling on you.

You were laying down with your back slightly propped up by fluffy white pillows. A light blue hospital gown hid your body from his prying eyes. An IV-tube was running into your wrist, feeding you what you had been deprived of. Your face was still a little paler than normal and there were dark circles under your eyes. You looked absolutely miserable and weak. It was just like when Kylo had seen you return from the Black Sun.

Kylo slowly approaches your bed slowly, wearily watching you avoiding eye contact. He carefully sits down on the edge of the thick mattress, reaching out for your hand. His fingers tenderly touch the back of your wrist. "Are you alright?"

You press your lips together. "I am now."

He shifts. "Did you piece together what happened to you?"

"Who was that?" Your voice wavers.

Kylo chews on the inside of his cheek. He hated that he couldn't give you a straight answer. "I don't know. He said Gido Corr hired him... to target you."

Your brow furrows. "Why?"

He takes your hand in his. "I was hoping you would know. Did something happen when you were with the Black Sun?"

You shudder at the memory of it. Sometimes you swore you could still feel Gido's hands on your skin and his cold voice murmuring into your ear. "Dorno appointed me to be Gido's personal slave for one day. He brought up a lot during that meeting, but I didn't think it was enough for him to send an _assassin_ after me."

Kylo runs his hand through his hair. "We'll figure it out. Until then, you're staying here and I'll handle Gido."

"Why did you bring me here?" Your tone turns rather accusing.

"The doctors on Naboo did as much as they could, but the Order has some of the finest in the galaxy. I had more confidence in them." Kylo crosses his arms. "Is there a problem with that?"

Your grip tightens on the blanket draped lamely over your hips. How was Kylo going to take this? The First Order was the very thing you were trying to avoid and now he had brought you back. You would have never allowed it had you been awake. Merely looking around the medical wing was enough to make you sick. "I can't stay here, Kylo."

He swallows thickly, his brows furrowing in confusion. "What? Why not?"

"This isn't my home. I made a home for myself on Naboo." Shifting at the look on Kylo's face, you quickly add "you can come with me, if you want to. Choose some general to take over and move on from the Order. We can leave everything behind."

Kylo stares at you. "Are you being serious?"

You lick your lips dryly. It was always clear to you that he wasn't going to take this very well, but now you had a sinking feeling in your stomach. "I-I'm sorry."

He pulls his bottom lip through his teeth and nods stiffly, taking a step back. Kylo backs away and finally turns away from you. You quickly toss the blanket aside and swing your legs over the edge of your hospital bed, softly wincing at the tugging sensation from the fresh stitches in your side. Kylo's fists tense at his sides as he walks away but you couldn't just let him go.

"Kylo-" you fumble with the IV needle in your arm, ripping it free. "-wait."

One of the nurses notices your struggle from across the room. She hurries over to you and grabs onto your forearm, trying desperately to get you to sit back down. "I must insist that you stay in bed. Too much movement and you could tear right through your stitches. Commander, _please_ -"

You rip your arm free and give her an icy glare. "I'm not your commander anymore."

With her in momentary shock, you manage to get away. You must have looked like a fool running through the Supremacy in a hospital gown and with bare feet. The cold ground against your skin sends shivers up your spine. You furrow your brow, realizing that you had lost sight of Kylo. This ship was massive; you didn't exactly want to ask for help but you didn't have a choice. It wasn't your job to give orders anymore, but the officers and Stormtroopers didn't know that quite yet.

"You there-" you point intimidatingly at a Stormtrooper. He snaps to attention, but you could feel his judging stare. "Which way did the Supreme Leader go? I know he went this way."

The Stormtrooper nervously points down one of the corridors that branched off to the side. You give him a curt nod and push away from his armored chest, hurrying down the hall after Kylo. It was then that you realized which direction this corridor would lead you in. His quarters. He must have been fuming or pacing around again.

You scurry around the corner, ignoring the curious looks of passing officers and maintenance workers. Feeling uncomfortable as your gown begins to ride up, your fingers pull at the thin hem. The fabric scratches at your skin and crinkles with your every movement. You were lucky that the back had ties to keep you decent.

The closer you get to the quarters you had once begun sharing, the more your nerves begin to bubble up. How was Kylo going to take this? Would he even _let_ you go? Surely he wasn't foolish enough to start another argument over this. Especially not when he had just won you back over. It was upsetting that he had brought you back just because he didn't 'trust' the doctors on Naboo. You were sure that he knew Naboo's doctors were just as qualified as his own.

You couldn't really seem to wrap your head around this whole incident. Why would Gido go through the trouble of hiring an assassin as an attempt on your life? What you had heard during your time as a slave was troubling, but it didn't exactly qualify you for attempted murder. There was something else going on here and you knew you had to connect the dots. What was stopping Gido from trying again? Even if you went back to Naboo, it wasn't a guarantee on your safety. Kylo had said he was going to deal with the situation, but Crimson Dawn wasn't as simple as the Resistance. They had ties all over the galaxy, even in the most unexpected places.

As you come to a halt in front of the door to Kylo's quarters, you pause hesitantly for just a moment. The blaster doors slide open for you, giving you access inside of the room. The sight of it made your heart pang. You had so many memories inside of these quarters; both good and bad.

And there stood Kylo in the middle of it all. He was staring down at a shining object in his hands. You recognize that item to be your lightsaber. At the sound of the door sliding back shut, Kylo looks up at you and drops his hand back to his side. You shift your weight and swallow, picking at your nails uncertainly.

"I think we should talk about this." You finally say. When he doesn't respond, you take it as an invitation to continue. "I don't want to leave you. This isn't something I'm doing with ease. I just... can't stay with the First Order. Please tell me that you understand."

"I don't." Kylo says flatly. He was trying to sound angry, but it only came across as pained.

"The Order has caused me nothing but pain. It's not you that I'm leaving behind. That's why I want you to come with me. You don't need this role as Supreme Leader. I know that it's hurting you just as much as it's hurting me." You take a step closer to him.

He scoffs softly. "It's not that simple. If I abandoned them, they would see it as treason. Besides... this is where I belong. I left everything for the First Order. I'm not going to give up my sacrifices."

"Then you realize this is another goodbye." Your voice nearly cracks and betrays your emotions.

Kylo shakes his head. His voice comes out in a low whisper. "I just... got you back."

Tears form in your eyes. "I don't want this. Please understand that I don't want to leave. Especially not after this."

"Then stay. I can help you." He extends the hilt of your saber towards you. "You and I can rule side by side this time. You know what you need to do. You _know_."

"I left it behind me." You whisper, glancing between the saber in his shaking hand and him.

"It's just us now. You have that look in your eyes. I know you're tempted. The dark side has always been a temptation for you deep down. I first saw it in you at the Temple... just like how you saw it in me. Take it." Kylo shifts closer, pushing the saber further towards you. "There's so much pain in you. I'll help you get through it if you help me."

" _Kylo_."

"Butterfly."

Your breath becomes shaky as you slowly reach towards the saber, your fingers inching towards the hilt in Kylo's hand. His eyes glimmer with hope and fill with happiness. If only you had known seconds earlier that happiness didn't remain. It was a fleeting moment oftentimes overcast by dark clouds or brewing storms. Happiness could be replaced with a horrible feeling of dread. That was exactly what you felt the moment the doors to Kylo's quarters slid open a second time.

"Supreme Leader!" An officer comes to a screeching halt, bracing his hands on his knees to catch his breath. In the hallway behind him, Stormtroopers run back and forth, their armor clanking noisily together.

Kylo glares at the man, but you knew that he could sense something was horribly wrong. "What do you want?"

"The Resistance fleet has just made the jump to Hyperspace. They're rapidly approaching with their shuttles in attack formation." He pants. Judging by the look of pure terror in the man's eyes, this was no run-of-the-mill attack. This was serious.

Kylo doesn't waste any time. He pulls his own lightsaber into his hand and tosses your onto the bed before turning to you and tipping your chin up with his pointer finger. "Get changed and meet me on the command deck. And _hurry_."

You nod, furrowing your brow in worry as Kylo rushes out of the room. Your feet remain planted firmly to the ground as you scramble to get changed, as though you were expecting the entire ship to rock from the first attacks. The Supremacy was well-equipped with deflector shields but there was only so much time that they could be used. It took a long of energy and depending on the size of the Resistance fleet, could give out quickly.

Just as you finish fastening the leather holster to your waist, your eyes catch on the faint glisten of metal lying on your bed. You swallow and carefully approach the lightsaber as though it would jump at you. It had been seven months since you last held one. Was this really a good idea? If the Resistance got on board you would need to defend yourself and a Blaster would only help you for a short while. What if the scavenger was with them? If Kylo's ego wasn't getting in the way, you would be able to help him.

Taking a deep breath, you reach out and scoop up the cold hilt of the saber. You quickly hurry out of the room, elbowing your way through the groups of Stormtroopers running up and down the corridors. It was like swimming against the current. The saber now attached to your hip bumps against your upper thigh rhythmically. As much as it felt like a burden that you would like to be rid of, it felt so natural.

The closer you draw to the command deck, the more soldiers you were forced to push through. A few of them moved aside for you since they thought you were still their commander, but the rest seemed too focused on the task at hand. You flinch as a siren begins to wail and the lights lining the corridors change to a deep shade of red. It made your hands clammy and your heart pounds in your ears.

The elevator doors peel apart for you and you are nearly trampled by a group of officers with panicked expressions. From the nose of the ship, you could hear the faint explosions happening in the vacuum of space. You nervously step into the small metal box while chewing on your lower lip. You could only hope that this was a minimal threat. A pale hand suddenly shoots in between the doors as they close and Hux's unpleasant face pokes inside.

"Ah, _Commander_." He puts special emphasis on the word. "So good of you to join us. I can only apologize that our happy little reunion take place on such a day."

You give him a sideways glance. "Indeed, _General._ " Realizing this wasn't the time to start trouble with Hux, you fall silent for a moment. "How's it looking for us?"

Hux pauses uncertainly. "Why don't you see for yourself?"

Your eyes lift as the elevator comes to a halt and the doors open, giving way into the chaos that was the command deck. Kylo was standing in the middle of it all with his hands behind his back. His eyes were trained on the war outside of the massive windows. The star-speckled galaxy was a colorful display of red and green shots whizzing through ships. Small, muffled explosions rung left and right, painting the black with fiery streaks of orange.

TIE Fighters flip and loop between the now-stationary Resistance ships. Their fleet was a mixture of transports, fighters, and X-Wings. The X-Wings were engaged with the Order's Fighters, but everything was happening so fast that it was difficult to keep track of. The Supremacy rumbles beneath everyone's feet as a few rogue shots slam into the shields. Officers inside of the command deck were racing from station to station. They bark orders into their transmitters and wipe sweat from their furrowed brows.

"Kylo-" you hurry to his side, gazing out at the galaxy with parted lips. "-what's going on?"

Kylo shakes his head stiffly. He was clearly locked in concentration. His brain was working to figure out this whole situation. "This is unlike anything we've seen. They're using their X-Wings to attack, but it's not enough to disable the Supremacy. Why attack a ship of this magnitude with no hopes of winning? It doesn't make sense."

You lick your lips dryly. "What if this is a distraction?"

He freezes up for a moment. Kylo whirls around and thrusts his finger toward the officer sitting closest to him. "Divert more of our energy to the radar detectors."

"But sir, that's going to shorten the lifespan of our shields." The officer frowns, his fingers shaking as he hovers over the control panel.

" _Do it."_ Kylo snaps.

The shaking begins to intensify as some of the power towards the shields is lowered. More shots slam into the shields, sending low tremors through the entire ship. The situation would certainly take a turn for the worst when the ship ran out of power.

You glance over to Kylo, as if seeking some form of comfort. Unfortunately for you he looked just as tense as everyone else. His fists were curled at his sides and trembling from how tightly they were clenched. His eyes roam over the horrible scene unfolding before him, the lump in his throat bobbing as he swallows.

"Sir." A confused voice breaks his concentration. The two of you turn simultaneously, but Kylo doesn't give the man a response. The officer looks between you and furrows his brow. "Well... we've intercepted a Resistance pod."

"A pod." Kylo repeats in a low, deathly tone.

"Y-Yes." The man gasps as another shot slams into the shields. Kylo doesn't even blink. "There was only a single person on board. A _girl_. She's been placed in the throne room under the watch of the Knights of Ren."

At this, Kylo's eyes fill with fires of pure rage. You quickly reach out and grab him by the wrist. It would do little to calm him down, but it was worth a try. His eye twitches as he takes a ragged breath. "My apprentice and I will deal with this... _situation."_

"But sir, our fleets require your presence and your command-"

Kylo's hand locks around your wrist before the officer can finish protesting. He drags you through the panicking command deck, his teeth grit with determination. There was anger in his eyes now; he was practically seething at this point. The Supremacy rumbles as Kylo pulls you through the bustling corridors. At this point, all doors were open and ready for an emergency evacuation if necessary.

You felt like a rag doll in his tightened grasp, which he only releases you from once you step into the elevator. It shudders as it begins the climb up to the throne room. A thousand questions were running through your overwhelmed mind. Were you safe? What was the Resistance distracting you from? Why was the scavenger here? You scrunch your eyes shut and swallow as the ship shakes again.

Kylo takes a moment from his rage to glance over at you. He opens his mouth to say something, but he couldn't seem to get the words out. Instead, he reaches over and brushes your hand lightly with his, intertwining some of your fingers together. Your eyes open at his touch. You look longingly to him. Kylo nods sadly at you and redirects his hardening gaze back towards the doors as they slide open. His fists curl into fists at his sides as he storms into the throne room, his eyes locked on the scavenger.

She was standing surprisingly calm in the center of the circle that the watchful Knights had formed around her. Her eyes stay trained on Kylo as he stalks towards them. You follow close in his wake, your heart beating rapidly in your chest. Something about all of this wasn't sitting right with you.

"Sir-" Vicrul approaches Kylo and extends the silver lightsaber towards his master.

"You're dismissed." Kylo says flatly. "Go see to the command deck."

The Knights bow their heads and brush past you as they disappear from the room. Kylo stays in place for a little while, his head down as he stares at the lightsaber sitting in his hand. From how much you had learned in such a short while, you knew exactly whose lightsaber it was.

"I've been waiting a long time for this." Kylo's eyes don't lift from the saber. He turns it over in his hands observantly. "Look what you've done to it. It deserves to be preserved."

"It's not yours." Rey replies boldly.

Your hand rests instinctively on the lightsaber hanging at your hip and you take a step forward. Kylo lifts his free hand, stopping you in your tracks. You take a step back again and stay silent as he continues to observe the saber.

"You've lost." The girl snaps.

There was a hint of desperation and fear in her voice behind that false bravery she was wearing as a front. You take her in carefully from head to toe. In those seven months that you had strayed away from your training, how much had she been working? If it came down to a duel, would you be able to take her? It had been so long since you last handled a saber.

' _I'll protect you.'_

That was Kylo's voice echoing through your head. Your eyes snap back to him in surprise. He had clearly spoken to you through the Force, but he hadn't even moved a muscle. Kylo finally looks up and begins to circle the girl with his hands behind his back, the lightsaber still in his grasp.

"Have I?" Kylo says coldly. "Whatever you're up to, it won't work. The Resistance is done for. In a matter of minutes, your entire fleet will become nothing but scrap metal."

Rey swallows. "You don't know anything."

"I don't need to. You'll be dead next." Kylo turns his back to her and looks you in the eyes. "My apprentice and I will make quick work of that."

With a sudden move, the scavenger thrusts her hand toward Kylo. He releases an exasperated sigh as Anakin's lightsaber flies from his hand and into hers. A rushing sound fills the room as the blue blade springs free.

Kylo turns to face her and pulls his own weapon into his hand. "I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this. I have better things to do." The blade ignites with a vicious crackle as he takes a step towards her.

You take this as an invitation to take your saber up. It felt so foreign in your hand, as though your training was starting all over again. The Force was practically buzzing within your chest at this point. It was begging to be set free again.

Kylo starts towards the girl, lifting his saber to begin his first attack as he approaches. His blade rushes as he tears it viciously across his chest. It collides with hers in a shower of sparks. Rey digs her heels into the ground, leaning forward in an attempt to match his overwhelming strength. She manages to push him away and take a swing at his head. Kylo dodges it almost lazily. He flips his grip on his saber, turning his back on her.

He nods at you and your breath catches in your throat. You return it with your own stiff nod as your thumb finds the small button the side of your hilt. The furious red blade roars to life while Kylo's battle continues. You adjust your grip and begin your approach, circling them carefully to look for your own way in. As Rey sends him sliding back with the Force, you take your chance.

Your interference comes as a surprise to her once again. Her eyes widen in surprise when your saber collides with hers. The raw power in your swing causes you to readjust your own grip. It was like you had forgotten your own strength. Your lip curls into a snarl as Rey takes a swing towards your leg. You swing your blade downwards, blocking hers and sending it flying upwards. With her arm flung back and the rest of her exposed, you send a kick towards her stomach. Rey staggers backwards, nearly falling onto the ground.

As you approach her and she scrambles back onto her feet, Kylo's voice invades your mind once again. ' _I fucking love you.'_

A smile very nearly breaks out over your face. You are gifted a new burst of confidence from his praise. Rey's vicious cry rips you back into reality. Her saber slides past your upper-arm, drawing a hiss of pain from your throat as your skin sizzles. You grab onto her wrist and whirl around, slamming your elbow into the side of her head. Rey stumbles but catches her balance, launching herself back towards you. She forces all of her body weight onto you, slamming your back against the enormous window covered with thick red cloth.

You grit your teeth as your saber presses against hers. Unfortunately, she has the advantage over you and her blade inches closer and closer to your neck. The back of your head presses against the cloth as you lean away. With a loud screech, the blue blade digs into the spot just beside your head. The heat causes a rush of sparks to engulf the red cloth, immediately lighting it on fire.

A roar of determination followed by Kylo's heavy footsteps is the only thing that manages to save you last second. Rey is flung away from you, the lightsaber flying out of her hand as she slides across the ground. You leap away from the flaming cloth. It rains down as the entire window is swallowed. You bring your hand up to graze the spot on your neck that Rey had very nearly burned. It was tender and reddened.

By now, Rey had called the lightsaber back into her grasp. She was viciously countering Kylo's furious attacks. If he wasn't pissed off before, he certainly was now. Just as you push off from the ground to rejoin the fight, a dull thud beyond the window catches your attention. You slowly turn around and your breath catches in your throat as you clasp your hand over your mouth. The window offered the perfect view of the fight happening in the galaxy outside.

The inky darkness was being lit up with explosions and shots flying in all directions. Only now the explosions weren't coming from the Resistance's side. They were the First Order's ships. One by one they were getting shot down and exploding in a fury of flames. There were more fighters battling on the side of the Resistance, only they weren't Resistance ships.

"Kylo..." you trail off.

Kylo whirls around, having just thrown Rey across the room. His face falls as he stares at the sight before him. His shoulders were heaving and there was sweat dripping down his brow. Neither of you could seem to take your eyes off of the battle. Everything was falling apart before your very eyes. This wasn't just losing. This was knowing you had been beaten.

The only thing that takes you out of this horrifying daze is a yell of pain coming from Kylo. You whirl around in terror. At once, you take your lightsaber into your hand. He falls to the ground, tightly gripping his side. His robes were searing away, exposing the massive gash Rey had put into him. He wasn't getting back up.

Your blood begins to boil. This was the final straw for you. Muffled explosions from outside mixed with the crackling of fire fills your ears, but you could only focus on one thing. The girl that had wounded someone you loved. You fasten your grip around the hilt of your weapon, clenching your jaw.

"I told you. You've _lost_." Rey spits. "The First Order is finished."

With a pained cry, you launch yourself at her. Your saber becomes a blur of blood red in front of you. It slams against Rey's blade over and over again. Bright showers of sparks admit from the blades as they grind together viciously. Every swing made you lose a drop of your strength. If you kept this up, she would be able to beat you.

Knowing you had to take a moment, you step back to stall. "You've improved since the last time we fought."

"And you've grown worse." She shoots back angrily as you circle each other.

You scoff softly. "That's what happens when you leave for months at a time."

"So you're at a disadvantage." Rey says rather smugly.

"On the contrary. It's only going to make my victory so much greater."

You grunt as Rey leaps towards you. You twirl your saber through your fingertips, blocking her attack above your head. Her blade is flung off of yours, but she quickly re-positions for her next move. Rey's foot connects with your arm, knocking your saber hand backwards. She swings her lightsaber towards your face and you quickly thrust out your hand. Your eyebrows furrow with determination and concentration as you hold her weapon in place. It hums and shakes in her hands from the effort as the blade crackles.

A scream escapes your lungs and you swing your lightsaber downwards, twisting it ferociously. It tangles with her blade, ripping it out of her grasp. She cries in pain as her wrist twists from the effort of holding onto it. The lightsaber flies from her hand and skitters across the ground. You tackle Rey to the ground and pin her down with your knees, your lightsaber poised over her threateningly.

"What did you do?" You demand. "LOOK AT THEM!" You point furiously at the window.

Rey ignore your order. She didn't need to look to know what was going on. "I made-- _argh--_ an exchange with Crimson Dawn. Your life for their support."

"Do you know what you could have taken from me?" You sob.

"Do you love him?" She furrows her brow.

Your only reply was a twitch of anger. Every time she spoke, it filled you up with hatred and wrath. The need for revenge was overpowering you. Beneath you, Rey writhes in your tightening grasp. One push and she would be dead. Even if you could kill her, what was stopping this? At this rate the entire ship would explode. Your head snaps up towards the window when you feel the Supremacy trembling. The fleet had refocused their fire on the shield system. You didn't have long.

"So you do." Rey tries to grab onto your wrist as a last attempt, but nothing was working against your iron grip. "Monsters don't _love_."

This was it.

With a cry of anger, you flip your lightsaber over in your hand and raise it above your head to deliver the final blow. You could have never seen the ion missiles hurdling towards the ship until it was too late. With a planet-shattering slam, the entire ship is flung backwards. You are thrown into the air as the scent of fire fills your nostrils. Glass and metal sprays across the ground as a blinding white light takes hold of your vision. With a painful _thud_ , your body hits the ground.

Black spots form before your eyes as piercing rings fill your ears. You shift slightly on the ground, a drawn out groan of pain is pulled from your lungs. The air had been knocked out of you and you couldn't feel anything. Your senses slowly return and the pain hits you like a thousand knives. Glass crunches beneath you as you sluggishly roll over. Something warm drips down the side of your head. You manage to lift your hand and graze your skin with your tingling fingers. Through the blur, you make out the vibrant red color of blood on your fingertips. A dull pain in your side causes you to double over and lift the hem of your shirt with shaking fingers. Some of the stitches from your wound were loosened up.

You moan in pain and brace yourself up on your palms, hissing as glass pricks your skin. You lift your eyes and squint at your surroundings. Most of the throne room had been destroyed. The walls were bent out of place and the red cloth was hanging down as it burned. The throne itself had been entirely obliterated by the force at which the missiles had hit the Supremacy. Everything shudders and jolts around you, nearly knocking you off balance as you shakily rise to your feet.

"K-Kylo-" you manage to sputter.

Another wail of pain leaves your body as you try to take a step. A sharp stabbing sensation fills your leg, causing your vision to swim all over again. You grip your leg as you look down and sob at the sight of a piece of metal stuck in your thigh. With your face twisting in pain, you continue your search among the rubble.

Rey's body was laying several feet away from you. She wasn't moving and you couldn't see her chest rising and falling. Sickness grips you as you turn away from the sight. If that was her fate then what had happened to Kylo? A black lump laying on the floor catches your eye.

You cry out and drag yourself towards him, fighting back the urge to fall to the ground from the horrible pain in your leg. You limp closer and closer to him, tears blurring your vision. He wasn't moving either. As you sink to the ground beside him, you grunt and flip him onto his back, grabbing onto the front of his robes.

" _Kylo,"_ you whisper. "Kylo. Please get up. Come on, Kylo." Tears stream down your face as the ship trembles and you clutch tightly onto him. "Please, please, not like this." Your hands cup his cold face. "No. No, come _on._ We have to go. We have to leave now. Get up... please..." your voice comes out in a desperate whimper. " _Ben."_

You slump forward, your body shaking with sobs as you bury your face in his chest. Not like this. _Why_ this way? This couldn't be it for you. This couldn't be it for him. Your shaky breathing turns to chokes as you hold onto him even tighter. _Get up. Please._ You lift your head at the sound of something crackling on the ground nearby. Kylo's transmitter.

"Supreme Leader," the static-filled voice shouts on the other end. "Come in!"

With trembling hands, you fumble with the little device and raise it to your lips. "It's the commander. The Supreme Leader's been injured. I-I can't carry him."

"Where are you?"

"The throne room." _What's left of it, at least._

The long pause following your reply makes your blood run cold. Finally, the man's voice replies. "We can't get to you from here. The path to the throne room from us is completely blocked off. I'm sorry."

With that, the line goes dead. You scream in frustration and throw the transmitter across the room. In your defeat, you fall back onto Kylo and tightly clutch onto him as though he would disappear. Sobs rack through your body as it slowly shuts down and gives into defeat. There was no way you would be able to carry him out on your own with your injuries. You could barely carry your own weight. If this was it... you would at least be together.

" _(Y/N)."_

Your head shoots up, revealing your tear-streaked face. A sob of relief escapes your lips and you grab onto Kylo's face, leaning down to slam your lips against his. Kylo shifts and groans softly, causing you to pull away. You sit back on your heels, looking him up and down to check for any injuries. Other than a few cuts, bruises, and the gash in his side, he seemed to be in good shape.

"Come on-" you stagger to your feet, wincing from the stab of your thigh "-we need to go."

Kylo grunts as he rolls onto his stomach and pushes himself onto his hands and knees. He winces and rises shakily to his feet, stumbling as he grabs onto his side. You lean against him, offering him what little body weight you could offer now because of your leg. Kylo wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you upright to pull weight from your leg. He grits his teeth as you both limp forward. He glances at the body of the scavenger momentarily, his eyes lingering on his grandfather's lightsaber laying near her side.

He leaves it. Both of you gasp as the ship lurches and trembles. Everything was falling apart and soon, it would become nothing but hunks of metal floating through the coldness of space. It was a miracle that the elevator was still operational enough to take you down.

As it jolts to a stop, a powerful blast slams into the ship. You cry out and stumble, grabbing onto the wall for support. Kylo moves to catch you, but you breathlessly shake your head. He slams his fist against the button to open the doors, but nothing was working. The lights in the elevator begin to flicker as it groans. Kylo pushes the button once more, his desperation leaking through. His hopes are up for a moment when the doors begin to open, but fall the next when they jam.

"Stand back." He orders.

Kylo grips the doors and grunts, using the remainder of his strength to pry them apart. He presses his back against them to keep them open. You quickly duck under his arm. Kylo springs away as the doors snap back shut. He stumbles and you manage to catch him.

"Save your strength." Kylo hisses, pulling away from you to hold onto the mangled wall.

You nearly sob at the sight of the bodies strewn through the corridors. This area of the ship must have gotten hit _hard_. All of the lights were flickering and many of the electrical panels were flung open and sparking. The Supremacy shudders and jolts as shots repeatedly slam into it from the outside. It wasn't going to last much longer at the rate they were going.

"What is this? How did they get so many numbers?" Kylo grunts, pulling himself along the wall.

You grit your teeth, pushing past the pain as you limp. "They made a deal with Crimson Dawn. My life in exchange for their help."

You were expecting a threat to Gido's life from Kylo, but you were met with silence. It was as though he knew he had been defeated. Tears burn in your eyes as your chin quivers. The sniffles coming from you draw Kylo's attention. He stops walking to look at you as you look between the two paths the hallway was branching out in. You grunt as you start off to the left, but come to a stop when you don't hear Kylo following you.

"Where are you going?" You furrow your brow, gripping tightly onto the wall as the ship bucks. "The command deck is this way."

"They're all dead." Kylo swallows. "The escape pods on this end of the ship are _this_ way."

"But-"

"Forget them! They're dead!" He yells, sadness overtaking his eyes.

You flinch and he takes a breath, offering his hand to you. You reach out and take it hesitantly. Kylo pulls you along the hallway as fast as the two of you could go. From what you could see, there was no one left along among the bodies. The survivors must have fled on the shuttles and the rest of the pods.

Kylo stops once you finally reach the door to the launch bay. He shakily enters the pass-code, stepping back as the door slides open. He pulls you inside, glancing over the rows of empty pod spaces. A breath of relief passes through his lips when he spies one pod left at the end. Kylo looks up at your frightened expression as the Supremacy lurches. His fingers tremble as he opens up the door to the pod with the panel on the outside.

You duck through first, but your relief is short-lived when you see that there was only one chair. You groan in defeat. This wasn't looking good for either of you. "There's only one seat, Kylo. We have to find another one. Or-"

You are cut off by the sound of the door sealing behind you. Panic overtakes you as you whirl around, eyes widening. Kylo stares at you through the thick glass window on the door. You limp quickly back towards him, bracing your palms against the door.

"Kylo? What are you doing?" Your heart begins to beat faster.

"I'm sorry, Butterfly." Kylo breathes. He takes his lightsaber from his belt and slams the hilt against the panel.

A loud beeping begins to fill up the pod as an automated voice begins to speak; ' _door error. Automatic launch in one minute.'_

"Kylo. What are you doing? Kylo." You furrow your brow. "No. Open the door. Kylo!"

Tears slip down his face as he gives you a saddened smile. "I'll see you again. It's going to take you to the closest planet. I promise. Just wait for me. Can you do that for me?"

You shake your head as your throat swells and tears begin to flood your eyes. "N-No! I'm not leaving you. Please don't do this. Please. I can't lose you again. I already did before. Please, Kylo. Please. PLEASE!" You slam your fist against the door.

"Don't cry." He presses his hand to the glass. "I'm right here. It's okay. It's going to be okay."

"What are you doing?" You sob as his eyes search your face. "Kylo."

"I'm taking one last look at you." Kylo's lips curve as tears drip down his cheeks. "My little Butterfly."

"Stop-" you wail "-KYLO. PLEASE! NOT LIKE THIS!"

"I love you." He takes a step back from the door, his fingertips leaving the glass. "I'm sorry. For everything."

The escape pod hisses as the engines whine to life. The countdown draws down to a close. "NO!" You scream. "KYLO! PLEASE! _BEN!"_

His lips part. Kylo turns away from you and disappears down the rows of the pods. You slam your fist against the door over and over again, sobbing and screaming his name. Your shaking legs manage to carry you into the chair and you fling yourself down, strapping yourself in with trembling fingers. The pod launches itself off from the Supremacy.

Hot tears stream down your face, enveloping you in your pain. You couldn't stop for anyone or anything. The pod whizzes through the stars, carrying you further and further from the only person you had left in your life to love. The Supremacy grows smaller and smaller behind you. You could only watch it crumble to pieces and implode from the inside-out. You scrunch your eyes shut, your entire body trembling with silent sobs.

" _Promise me you'll always be with me. No matter what happens."_

_"I promise."_

You promised.

  
  



	42. ~The Wreckage~

**~One Year Later~  
  
  
  
  
** ****

You pull your cloak over your shoulders, taking a deep breath. Leaning over the control panel of your ship, your fingers fly across the rows of buttons. The soft rumble from the engines slowly dies away as the ship shuts down. With a soft hiss, the rear hatch falls open and allows you to step out.

The chill from the planet air kisses your skin, spreading goosebumps over your body beneath your thin robes. You shiver and pull the hood of your cloak over your head. Cold ocean water sprays into the air as the choppy waters slam into the jagged rocks peaking out of the waves. Grey clouds swirl around in the sky, hiding the timid sun. A storm was approaching, but it was nothing you couldn't manage.

As you climb over the rocks, you are careful of your footing and grip tightly onto any crevices that would aid your climb. It had been a year since that fatal day of the Supremacy's explosion. By now, it was likely that the remainders of the ship had crashed down on a planet. That was exactly what you had been doing since then. Searching. You had no idea if you were going to find it or what you were even going to do once you did, but you never gave up hope.

Perhaps all you really wanted was closure. Just seeing the ship that you had spent so long on would be enough to heal the wounds of the past that were beginning to close. Or so you hoped. The memory of the ship was still burned into your mind. Every night you would close your eyes and try to map out its halls, corridors, and rooms. If you were to find it, you wanted to know exactly what you were walking into.

You had so many memories from that cursed ship. Memories of the Knights of Ren and taking down Snoke. Of arguing and commanding or even just walking through the halls to enjoy it. As much as you thought you despised it back then, it was something you missed now. Those weren't the only memories burned into your mind. You also had memories of a certain someone.

Kylo.

His eyes were the first thing you thought of when you imagined him. Then came his nose, his lips, and his hair. The rest of him formed last, but you knew every inch of his body like it was the back of your hand. Every beauty mark and freckle was in its rightful place when you imagined him. Just like how it was supposed to be. The two of you had spent so many nights just memorizing and mapping out each others bodies. Whether that be after a long night of passion or just laying together. It was those little moments that stood out the most to you.

" _I'll see you again."_

_"Just wait for me."_

You had waited. You waited for months until you realized that he wasn't coming back. It was then that you stopped wasting time on tears and you lived. Although your days were filled with obsessively trying to track down the Supremacy and flying from planet to planet, it was something that you truly wanted to do. Even if all you found was small pieces of metal and ash, it was worth it.

With a sharp huff, you hoist yourself up onto the jagged rock. Your breath catches in your throat at the sight of it. Finally. After all this time. Tears fill your eyes, but you furiously blink them back. This wasn't a time for crying. This was a time of burying the past and allowing it to bloom. It was time for your old wounds to heal once and for all.

The Supremacy was in pieces, but it was still more put-together than you had expected. At least a quarter of it was laying in one giant piece. It was bent, twisted, and covered in holes, but there was no denying that _that_ was the ship. Some of it was submerged in the black waters, but the rest was jutted up on the pointed rocks. You crane your neck as you cautiously climb towards it. It was so big, that it cast an enormous shadow over you. You had never felt so small before.

Birds circled over the top and sat perched in its twisted limbs. Most of the metal was starting to rust and erode. It groans and creaks softly in the light breeze. That was unsettling, but you convinced yourself that it wasn't going to come down anytime soon. As you approach the molten metal, you slowly reach out.

Your fingertips graze the cold side, sending another round of chills up your spine. It made your heart beat faster and your palms go clammy. As you walk along the side, you search for an opening in the metal that you could squeeze through. It was so dark inside, but there were beams of light coming through the cracks. You brace your feet against the rocks and grab onto the twisted material, hoisting yourself inside with a soft grunt.

As your feet hit the ground, they come down with a dull _thunk._ The sound resonates through the empty ship. You move carefully, testing out the floor to make sure that it wouldn't give out beneath your feet. Exploring the inside was an experience unlike any other. Thin rays of light poke through the holes, casting shadows and throwing beams around carelessly. You lift your hand to shield your eyes as you gaze up. The entire ship was laying at an angle, which made it quite difficult to tell what was up and down. Moisture and rain water collecting on the top of the metal drips down and soaks your cloak with small spots. They hit the metal walls rhythmically, filling the silence with a soft _plinking_ sound.

You take a moment to pause and close your eyes as you try to remember what you had been memorizing for so long. When your eyes open, you lean against the wall and trace your hand along the cold metal, searching for any markings or indications of where you were. You come to a sudden halt when your fingertips connect with something. It was a small sign that read 3C. Your eyes light up with recognition. This hall was filled with conference rooms. Surely from here you could find your way around.

Climbing through the remains proved to be a more difficult task than you first assumed. Some parts were bent so awkwardly, that rooms were overturned or what was once floor was now ceiling. Some parts of the ship sat normally so you could only hope that what you were searching for was alright.

Your arms ache as you pull yourself up the twisted hallway by the jagged metal pieces of the crooked wall. With a heavy sigh, you flop onto your back when you reach the top. Your entire body was begging for a break, but you couldn't stop now. Not when you were so close. The floor creaks beneath your feet as you approach the next corridor. You grip tightly onto the wall as though the ground would give out at any second. As the familiar door comes into view, your heart nearly stops.

As you pass by the panel, your heart sinks at the sight of it shattered and bent out of place. You bite your lip and step closer to the door, slipping your fingers into the little crack. With a grunt, you try to pull it upwards. Just as you thought, you had no such luck. A deep frown crosses your face as you take a deep breath and extend your hand, concentrating on the door. With a loud _thunk_ , it unlocks and slides up. Pleased with yourself, you duck into the room.

Only to freeze up immediately. A sick feeling washes over you and you quickly turn away. A horrible thought had just crossed your mind. What if Kylo had come here to die? To lie in your shared bed one last time. If you came across his body, you wouldn't be able to bear it. Just the thought of it made you physically sick. You swallow as your throat swells and you slowly turn around, forcing yourself to go on. You lick your lips dryly, eyes roaming over the belongings that had been overturned and destroyed.

The mattress and sheets on the metal bed frame were burnt to a crisp. Ash covers the slick ground upon which you walk. The walls were badly dented and bent, but that was nothing compared to the rest of the ship. Your mouth dries up as you approach the small door that had led to your closet. The door itself had been ripped from its hinges and was lying on the ground. You step over it and peer inside, getting dizzy at the sight of your clothes. Some of them were destroyed and others appeared almost untouched.

Quickly turning away from the closet, you approach the desk Kylo never really let you go near. You had never seen him at it, but he was always so defensive about it. Even though he wasn't here, it still felt wrong to go through the contents. Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the sight of messy stacks of paper. _Calligraphy._ Dozens of sheets of writing all in Kylo's looping handwriting. Tears prick your eyes and your hands begin to shake as you go through them. They reminded you of Ben. He used to write so much that he always ran out of parchment. A lot of them had been ruined by flame or by water, but some had survived. You sniffle and fold them before neatly tucking them into the small bag you had brought along with you.

There was one last thing you wanted to see before you moved on from this room. You cross the messy quarters. The door you were keeping your eyes trained on was open which was an unusual sight to see. Before all of this, Kylo always kept that door closed. He didn't like anyone going inside. You went in on occasion but it was quick and you were never alone. You wince at the sight of the pedestal tipped over. Your heart sinks when you see the scattered pieces of Darth Vader's mask laying on the ground. It was disappointing to know that something that was so dear to Kylo was just shattered. Not wanting it to go to waste, you bend down and scoop a few pieces up. They join the papers in the confines of your bag.

One thing was for certain; you couldn't spend anymore time in here. It was time for one last thing before you left it all behind for good. For some reason, the walk to the throne room was so much eerier than the walk you had taken to Kylo's quarters. It was as though thousands of spirits were watching you make the journey. The hair on the back of your neck stands up and you shudder. You despised the feeling of being watched. The idea of someone being in the remains with you was enough to make you want to leave. But that was not an option. You were here now and you were committed to finish your task.

As you walk through the familiar but misshapen corridors, you swore that you could hear the clomping of Stormtrooper armor. The distant hum of conversation and even the smug voice of General Hux. Although you hated to admit it, you missed them all. It was a shame to see this place become deformed and crumpled.

You turn the corner that would take you up to the elevator shaft and suddenly come to a screeching halt. A gasp escapes your lips and you quickly grab onto the jagged wall.

" _No..."_ you sink down to your knees, peering over the edge and tightly gripping the cold floor.

The entire portion of the ship had broken off and was now laying nearly horizontally. The corridor had spit you out right on the edge. Your hopes were shattered now as you gaze out over the waves in the distance. There _had_ to be a way down there. It was the very last place you so desperately wanted to visit. You spy a broken beam leading down to the rocks. If you could climb down that there would be a way to cross the rocks and then climb back up on the other side.

You carefully lower yourself onto the beam, gripping the bent pieces tightly. It was slippery and if you fell, it wouldn't be too pretty. As your feet hit the rocks, you allow yourself to take a few breaths. You tug the hood of your cloak further down as the wind picks up a little. The cloak snaps at your ankles and billows around you as you climb back up the jagged pieces on the other side.

With a low huff, you pull yourself up and quickly grab onto the wall as the floor shifts. Technically speaking you were walking on the wall and the floor was what you were holding onto now. You scoot cautiously along the side, keeping your eyes locked on the black mound ahead of you. As you reach it, you extend your fingers and gently graze the armrest of the throne that had fallen.

You close your eyes to picture Kylo sitting on it in his dark robes. He would look at you so pridefully when you came to see him. You missed it. You missed _him._ The tears that had been gathering in your eyes finally break free as you let everything go. You fall to your knees and clasp your hand over your mouth, sobbing into your palm to muffle them. What was the point of bottling them up? These emotions were something that deserved to be freed.

As you lower your hand, a wail escapes your lips. Your stomach begins to ache from crying so hard. Hot tears stream down your face as you wrap your arms around yourself. It wasn't a cry one would normally see or hear. It wasn't pretty or quiet. It was ugly, raw, and full of untamed emotions. The sound of your screams and bawling ring out over the remains of the Supremacy. Kylo's name is torn from your lungs over and over again. You scream for help as though doing that would make him come running back to save you. The wild ocean that had been peaceful now batters against the sides of the metal but even that was drowned out by your wails. You weren't in pain but at the same time you were in pure _agony._

Through your blur of tears, you dig around in your bag until your fingers meet cold metal. With trembling hands, you pull your lightsaber free. It was time. You wipe at the tears on your face--although it was useless since the flow seemed to be endless--and rise to your feet. You manage to climb back out of the remains and make your way back up the rocks.

Standing at the edge, you look down at your lightsaber and reach up to lower your hood. In the wind, your hair whips around your face. Light ocean spray speckles your cheeks, adding on to the mixture of tears. Your fingers slowly lift up towards your neck, pushing past the cloak pinned around it. Your fingertips touch the cold metal of the necklace laying on your skin.

You swallow past the lump forming in your throat. All you wanted was Kylo. His arms wrapping around you and the comfort of his strong hold. There were so many things you wanted to do with him. So many things that you wanted to say. You never even got to finish that dance. And now he was gone. Erased from your life for good as though he never even existed in the first place. All you had now was his writings and his memory.

Oh how you longed to go back and change that fateful day. You wished you could pull him into the escape pod instead of letting him shut that door on you. It hurt you to think about the fact that it might have been his plan the whole time. That the defeated look on his face wasn't because he was losing, but because he was planning to die. He knew he wasn't going to make it.

As your hands tremble, you think back to everything that had happened over the past year. All those sleepless nights during which you had cried until you were dizzy and gasping for air. His death was something you couldn't accept for the longest time. Sometimes you could have sworn you felt his presence, but the moments were always fleeting. They came and left just as quickly.

The thought of having a child with him was never present in your mind back then. It just wasn't a possibility. Now you wished you could continue his legacy. Just to have at least _some_ form of him living. You would give anything just to kiss him one last time. To apologize and tell him that you missed him. You had read about Force ghosts and had been hopeful about it for a while, but nothing ever came to you. Kylo had simply vanished from your life. Perhaps it was also his doing. His own way of telling you to move on and live the rest of your life happily.

You wondered what would have happened if he had survived. Would you two be leading your lives out on Naboo? Or traveling the galaxy like he always wanted when he was younger? Even if Kylo had wanted to reassemble the First Order, you would have gone along with it. Wherever he was, you wanted to be there. Now you felt as though you had almost taken him for granted. Could you even continue on without him? He was the love of your life and it felt like you could never love another.

You shudder, your grasp around the saber tightening. As your eyes sink shut, you hear the sound of rocks tumbling behind you. The sound of the ocean crashing against the stone. The Force stirs within your chest, bubbling with life. You were sensing something so distant yet so close. It lights a fire within you. The sensation burns hotter than a thousand fires, but the only thing it was sparking inside of you was hope. You could sense a presence in the Force. A presence so close and so real. But it wasn't Kylo's...

"Butterfly?"

_Ben._   
  
  



	43. ~Sequel~

Hi everyone! If you're reading this on ao3 that means you're either re-reading or you've never read Bonded before.

If you haven't, then there currently IS a sequel. That sequel is up on my Wattpad under the same name as on here (supremexrenx)

I don't know if Wattpad is taking down the mature stories or not, but if it does, I will be moving the sequel to ao3 as well as my other stories.

Until then, both the prequel (which isn't really necessary to read before the sequel) and the sequel will be on Wattpad

<3


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